For his first 2017 post Tom Daley shall be seen in his underwear, which is really the only way he should be seen anywhere. He gave his best at the 2016 Olympics, and he continues training for his diving career. Preferably in his chosen outfit, the Speedo.
Though the first post of the year is traditionally a quiet one, this one goes big on bombast. When the world never seems to be living up to your dreams, that’s when you’ve got to be more yourself than ever before. And that I can do. I’m pulling on my big-boy sequin boots and shining for all the world to see. My delusions remain grand, my vision remains forward, and I’m inviting you to come along for this joyride through 2017. No matter what may happen, we’re in this together.
The first big news of the year: The Delusional Grandeur Tour has been extended! Originally I planned to end the thing in the fall of 2016, but there always seemed to be somewhere new to go. Then the news came that ‘Sunset Boulevard’ was returning to Broadway, and since that informed this recent tour it was only right that seeing the revival, with the original star who started it all, was part of it.
There are also some exciting new locations on the agenda – including my first jaunt to the Southwest, as well as Detroit (Rock City!) to see some newly-relocated friends. It will culminate with our annual Broadway visit, including the aforementioned ‘Sunset Boulevard’ stop and the dynamic-diva-duel between Patti LuPone and Christine Ebersole that is ‘War Paint’.
Merrily we roll along…
I’m a sucker for panda videos. I don’t know why I haven’t posted more of them. It all started with that sneeze surprise, and I’ve been hooked ever since. How can you fight such cuteness? You can’t. You let it wash over you and make everything a little bit better.
In the aftermath of the holiday season and all of its accompanying madness and mayhem, I resort to quieter practices and habits. There is no better way to do that than to indulge in a binge of ‘Downtown Abbey’ DVDs, courtesy of a fancy Collector’s Edition of the entire series, a Christmas gift from Andy. We’ve made it through the first two seasons already, and despite the World War that runs through its timeframe, it’s still so much more peaceful than whats on the news today. There is a meditative quality to the period aspect of the production, with its tranquil soundtrack and focus on manners and tradition over coarse realism.
Everyone has their favorite ‘Abbey’ character, and it should come as no surprise that the Dowager Countess, cunningly portrayed by Dame Maggie Smith, is mine. That said, I find myself relating more to Lady Mary, for other obvious reasons. As the oldest child of the Crawley family, she has a love-hate relationship with herself that is mirrored in all her interactions. Some love her unreservedly (Carson and Anna) – others think she is the devil incarnate (Edith and Mrs. Hughes). The truth is she’s a little of both. We all are.
With the drama of FaceBook and the Trump Trolls of Twitter, my interest and allegiance is slowly but deliberately shifting to Instagram for a social media fix. It’s a relatively drama-free space, and I’ve kept it as such by limiting those I follow to the ones who bring me joy and happiness in what they post. (If I wasn’t me, I’d probably not be following my account because I’m annoying as fuck. But, sigh, I am me and there’s no way out of it now.) As you can see from the “Best Nine” compilations from the last two years, my most popular posts are when I turn around and expose my naked ass. Hey, give ’em what they want. And then in between my ass I sneak in food and flower shots. (Well, not literally as that would get too messy, butt I digress…)
I don’t make New Year’s resolutions for the most part, and certainly nothing very concrete, but I do hope to spend less time on FaceBook and Twitter, and more on Instagram in 2017. You should too. It’s just more fun, and we need more fun this year.
@alanilagan ~ Instagram
It seems like lately the only thing we’ve done around here is recap the end of the world. Part One, Part Two, Part Three, and Part Four to be exact. Putting 2016 to bed was like getting my nephew to go to bed before 11 PM, but it’s finally been done, and we are free to move on… just as soon as we look back at the last week of the year. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
A union suit to stave off the chill.
Everything’s as if we never said good-bye.
We begin in stillness and silence.
The only thing I remember about a summer Statistics course that Suzie and I took at the local community college was the night I wore underwear to class (a tank top and boxers) and the time she kicked over a can of soda. I giggled because of the first, and nearly got kicked out of class for laughing so hard over the second. These are a different sort of stats – the traffic of my little website.
I don’t get a huge number of visits or hits like some major sites, but I like my visitors a little better. (Yes, I’m talking to you.) Anyway, in the age of transparency, I offer this glimpse behind the scenes of ALANILAGAN.com – and I thank you for being part of this motley crew.
| Month | Unique visitors | Number of visits | Pages | Hits | Bandwidth |
| Jan 2016 | 79,734 | 121,188 | 269,249 | 13,427,648 | 1662.33 GB |
| Feb 2016 | 73,900 | 109,973 | 239,616 | 11,646,515 | 1536.81 GB |
| Mar 2016 | 62,785 | 100,810 | 207,366 | 10,164,024 | 1330.82 GB |
| Apr 2016 | 64,658 | 100,553 | 209,539 | 10,758,572 | 1516.65 GB |
| May 2016 | 80,939 | 125,536 | 293,235 | 14,586,699 | 1953.64 GB |
| Jun 2016 | 66,515 | 107,304 | 236,236 | 10,528,300 | 1448.46 GB |
| Jul 2016 | 68,949 | 110,017 | 262,416 | 11,898,633 | 1569.17 GB |
| Aug 2016 | 114,090 | 167,470 | 378,849 | 20,057,107 | 2622.64 GB |
| Sep 2016 | 66,257 | 109,808 | 235,201 | 10,397,777 | 1236.38 GB |
| Oct 2016 | 63,083 | 107,103 | 268,167 | 10,356,586 | 1337.73 GB |
| Nov 2016 | 69,410 | 116,710 | 262,954 | 11,346,817 | 1512.54 GB |
| Dec 2016 | 73,762 | 122,425 | 270,562 | 10,473,178 | 1403.05 GB |
| Total | 884,082 | 1,398,897 | 3,133,390 | 145,641,856 | 19130.21 GB |
We begin again in a moment of peace.
A candle sends its flickering light over the dim early morning of a brand new calendar year.
It moves in silence, now and then bending and emitting a little plume of dark smoke.
The house wakes slowly, in shades of gray and black.
Gradually, colors begin to discern themselves, starting with the plants by the window – the unwieldy straps of paperwhite narcissus, the delicate fronds of a squirrel’s foot fern, and bulbous stalks of an oncidium orchid – each carrying a different shade of green.
The difference between two calendar years is but a day.
There is no reason to believe that 2017 will be any less dark than 2016, and in some ways it begins in much dimmer fashion. To counter that, and to bring my own peace of mind and creative contentment about, I will attempt to keep this a place of tranquility and beauty, an oasis of calm in a world of discontent. It won’t be easy, and there will surely be fiery posts and angry diatribes to accent it all, but I’m hopeful this will remain a cozy nook of the internet untouched by fake news and silly trolls.
We have finally reached the very end of the Year that was 2016. It took David Bowie. It took Prince. It took Alan Fucking Thicke. More disturbingly, it put Donald Fucking Trump in charge. How much more can we take? Let’s look back, for the last time, and see what was have seen. If I rush a bit and make this one a little leaner, you’ll understand why. And if you want more, check out Part One, Part Two and Part Three. There’s more than enough 2016 in there.
October 2016:
The Delusional Grandeur Tour was almost done, when circumstances and excitement beyond my control stepped in and extended it for a few more months. That didn’t stop the final section of the Tour Book from being revealed: Flower Bomb Balm ~ Part One and Part Two.
November 2016:
What can be said of November? The less the better. Ever one of the more wretched maths of the year, when the last of the leaves are torn from their branches, the earth is left brown and gray, and no good ever came of such a month.
December 2016:
We have arrived at last – the last month of this annus horribilis – and let’s just throw the baby out with the bath water and be done with it.
So… who wants to go back to 2015? Let’s do it! Part One, Part Two and Part Three.
Summer bloomed, and the sunny, steamy stretch of months that stretched out allowed for some tranquility and peace: the relaxed hazy state of heat and poolside fun. This summer was a state of suspended emotion, some good and some bad, all of it portending the fall that would inevitably follow. We embraced the sunshine as much as we could.
July 2016:
The Samsara Healing Water portion of The Delusional Grandeur Tour Book continued with Part Three, Part Four and Part Five.
Summer has always meant family gatherings by the pool, and the Ilagan twins continued that time-honored tradition.
The Delusional Grandeur Tour headed into its final (or so we thought) stretch, with the posting of the Spring Thaw Salvation segment ~ Part One and Part Two.
August 2016:
By far the biggest month this little website has ever had, August brought us an Olympic-sized bump (thanks to the Summer Olympic Games) resulting in 20 million hits for that month alone. This sort of thing only happens once every four years (but we’ll try to cut it down to two with the Winter Olympics). At any rate, there were a ton of shirtless and naked Olympians on display, so enjoy.
The Delusional Grandeur Tour continued the Spring Thaw Salvation ~ Part Three, Part Four and Part Five.
In honor of the Summer Olympics, the Olympic Spotlight was a new feature, showing off the talents of Adam Peaty, Race Imboden, Marcel Nguyen, Marcelo Chierighini, Chad Le Clos, Ryan Held, Zac Efron look-alike Michael Hixon, Brinn Bevan, Amini Fonua, Matt Anderson, Joseph Schooling, Christoph Harding, Anthony Ervin, Diego Hypolito, Eleftherios Petrounias, Kristian Ipsen, Marc Minguell, Kevin Mayer, Philippe Gagne,
September 2016:
The month that summer officially retired, September carried its own beauty, as vestiges of the heat and sun remained. Too many people throw away this month away too soon, forgetting that there is more than back-to-school specials going on. There are pool days, beach days, sunny days, and summer days still to be had. We had them, and then some.
{One more post to come, and it’s one that closes out the year in dim winter fashion. Fall most definitely fell, and winter was not far behind. Summer always went too soon…}
If you’ve waded through Part One of this wretched exercise in looking back, bless your patient heart. Here we have Part Two of the Year in Review, when things turn to spring and ripen into summer. This was probably the best part of the year, as we all know how dark things got soon-after. In other words, enjoy this section while it lasts.
April 2016:
It begins, as tradition decrees, with full-frontal male nudity. Soon, we segue into The Delusional Grandeur Tour with the return of the warrior. Specifically, the Warrior Retribution section ~ Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six, Part Seven and Part Eight.
Audra McDonald as Billie Holiday.
The gay-sex-obsessed Benham brothers.
May 2016:
It is probably my favorite month of the year for many reasons, some of which will be seen here. The Delusional Grandeur Tour made a final twist into a prettier moment, which should see us through the end. It started with the Cologne Glamour Fashion segment, Part One, Part Two and Part Three.
DC in pink, yellow & chartreuse.
June 2016:
Summer arrived with a happy flourish, as the remnants of May shone in all their pretty form. There were also some of my most beloved traditions that lined up for the glorious beginning of the month, including this Boston treat and my Broadway trip with Mom, documented in Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3. The Delusional Grandeur Tour got gussied up and continued on its merry way with the spiritual awakening of the Samsara Healing Water section ~ Part One and Part Two.
{The biggest month ALANILAGAN.com had ever seen was still to come… To Be Continued…}
Without fanfare or hype, without further ado or anticipation, let’s get this fucking year over. Mercury is still in retrograde, and we’ll enter the New Year with the same insanity with which we are leaving this one. I want to fast-forward, but first we have to put this ugly baby to bed. The annual look-back begins now…
January 2016:
It began with the purity and innocence of the paper white narcissus.
The Delusional Grandeur Tour continued, with the Steampunk Birdcage section: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, and this bonus hat post.
A very sexy Sunday. And again.
The whole year seemed to be Mercury in retrograde.
February 2016:
The month of V-Day madness began with this delicious, relatively easy (not counting cooking time) version of Vietnamese pho. Such is the stuff of winter recipes and brewing soups.
My favorite section of The Delusional Grandeur Tour Book was posted: Red Riding Wood ~ Part One, Part Two, & Part Three.
March 2016:
It traditionally comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb, but climate change has fucked that up so it’s nothing but a crap-shoot now. The Delusional Grandeur Tour continued its Red Riding Wood segment, with Part Four and Part Five.
This first segment of the year in review closes with The Delusional Grandeur Tour‘s snowy section: Winter Top Hat ~ Part One and Part Two.
Stay tuned for Part Two… of freaking four!
Tomorrow, and for the remainder of the year, we’ll be looking back at all that happened here in 2016. Personally, most of the people I know are quite ready to be done with the damn thing, and I’m in complete agreement. So many other years have been so much better, for so many reasons. Let’s look back over the last few year-end reviews that I’ve managed to recap previously, and see if you agree:
Sneaking in one final bit of male nudity before the year is over, Christ Pratt delivers two butt-baring scenes in his new movie ‘Passengers’. It’s been a good year for naked male celebrities, and this one is a very happy addition. (Some others, not so much.) At any rate, check out Mr. Pratt’s first Hunk of the Day post, and prepare for his second as soon as the GIFs of these scenes arrive.
‘Sunset Boulevard’ is returning to Broadway this spring, with the same magnificent woman who originated the role of Norma Desmond in its American inception: Glenn Close. Twenty years ago, my Mom and I sat in the last row of the Minskoff Theatre and watched Ms. Close bring the mansion down in splendid fashion, and now we are set to return to the house on Sunset in the next year. (I’ve been holding off on posting anything, as the tickets were a surprise Christmas gift. We shall pair them with ‘War Paint’ on our annual Broadway trip in the spring.)
It is a fitting moment for a ‘Sunset’ post, as I usually put up a ‘Perfect Year’ homage for New Year’s Eve. That scene remains my favorite in the musical version, for reasons already explained here. Yes, it’s the scene that keeps on giving, and I’ll always be touched by it. Even as my cynicism grows, and fewer and fewer people seem to get it, my heart still believes in that moment, in the moment of hopeful, wistful love. My head now knows better, but my heart still doesn’t. And I will never be sorry for that folly.
