Category Archives: Gratuitous Nudity

Birthday Boy, Birthday Suit

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When Madonna was putting out her ‘Sex’ book at the ripe old age of 36, someone asked her if she’d stop taking her clothes off for pictures when she was 40. True to form, Madonna balked then, and judging from the set of topless photos released this past spring when she was 56, I’d say she’s still balking now. However, much as I’d like to be, I’m not Madonna – and I don’t have the millions of dollars at hand to afford the trainers and chefs and time that would enable a honing of my body into such pristine form. For that reason, posing nude into my 40’s doesn’t seem like the best idea.

Besides, the idea of evolution, upon which this website was founded way back in 2003, forms the basis for everything I do here. Change is cause for celebration. New things are welcomed and embraced. If they work, they can stay, if they don’t we move on. But one thing I can’t abide is stagnation. Dullness. Repetition and more of the same. So when the notion of MORE nude photos of my already-overexposed naked ass reared its head, I began to wonder if we haven’t played that hand enough. How does one go on making male nudity interesting and fresh and new?

You’ve seen it all before,

You’ve seen it all before,

You’ve seen it all before

There’s also the well-intended advice and exasperated chatter of those who claim that at my age it may be time to tone things down, to mature with grace and dignity (and covered head-to-toe in fabric of some sort). If I’ve learned anything in 40 years, it’s that I shouldn’t be so quick to shut down ideas that at first glance appear different or oppositional to mine. To that end, I’ve given it some thought and put in some considerate deliberation, and I’ve come to a conclusion:

Here’s my naked ass.

My 40-year-old naked ass.

If you don’t like it, I probably didn’t invite you to this pool party.

Be gone before someone does a cannonball on you.

All bad punning aside, I’m 40 years old, and I can do what I want. For a spell of 90 degree days, I find a bit of skinny-dipping a refreshing way to end the afternoon. It’s still exciting. It’s still invigorating. And as long as I’m enjoying it, I’m going to share it.

BOOM.

BAM.

POW.

For your end, you are free to avoid this space if you don’t want to take the chance of encountering naked booty. Forewarned is fairwarned, and this place is not always safe for children or work. Since I abhor both, it’s not an issue for me.

And now, Mr. DeMille, I’m ready for my birthday spankings.

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What’s In A Bag?

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Clothes and sundries, accessories and toiletries.

Socks and underwear on the bottom, along with whatever pajamas or loungewear that feel appropriate for a visit.

Rolled pants and shirts (rolling will actually keep things less wrinkled in most instances).

Maybe a book if I’m carrying the bag with me.

Sometimes a gift or two, depending on the host.

The most important thing to pack though, and you don’t even need a fancy bag for this, is an open-minded readiness for anything, and a willingness to try everything. It is the essence of a good traveler.

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Classic Beefcake Pin-Ups

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This won’t go as far back as when those first beefcake pin-ups of muscle-bound men began appearing in service of ‘working out’ – those go back further than most of us realize. Instead, a round-up of more-recent beefcake posers, some classics and some should-be classics. Now and then an immaculate collection of a shirtless sort is needed. No time like the present… and speaking of presents

First up is the fabulously fit Phil Fusco. He inspires a lot of ‘F’ words, as evidenced here and in his very first featured post a while ago. He also fared finely in his first Hunk of the Day spot. In fact, he’s probably due for another…

Second, the ever-brilliant Ben Cohen, who is currently working on his autobiography, and his line of grooming products, is a must-see in these recent shirtless shots, exemplifying his hirsute fitness. (Rumors abound that he has an underwear photo shoot coming up.)

Third, the heroic Chris Evans, who is a timeless pin-up guy for any generation. He’s been in practically-naked GIFs here before, and completely nude as well. He also gets to represents some hot and heavy collections like these.

Finally, a gratuitous slice of ginger beefcake in the spectacular Seth Fornea. He too has played a stunning visual part on posts featuring male nudity and the like, or simply standing alone in his own glory.

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Cooking in the Nude: Hot Buns

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How does the Naked Chef do it? There are so many dangers, so many burn risks. And sometimes an apron just isn’t enough. But sometimes it is. Especially in the summer. This brief collection of gratuitous gourmet shots is an homage to all those cooks who trouble and toil in the kitchen, like Martha Stewart, Jamie Oliver, Lidia Matticchio Bastianich, Joanne Weir, and Dinah herself (strumming on the old banjo).

I don’t get to cook as much as I’d like, and I’m actually pretty decent at it. (I’m less gifted at the cleaning-up aspect, as Andy will attest.) But the creation and the preparation? Absolutely. It satisfies some of my creative drive, and recipes appeal to my love of scientific order and transformation.

Some favorite dishes that I’ve succeeded in executing over the years include the following:

Tom Yummy.

Tied-up meat.

Chicken and olives and oranges, oh my!

Kickin’ it with the quinoa.

A Great Crepe Caper.

Guacamole!

Kimchi fried rice and the all-important fried egg.

Beet it.

Pasta and vodka.

Super scallops.

A meal fit for a prostitute.

For (and from) the family.

Everybody’s favorite brownies.

And don’t forget the cocktails.

Rest assured, if I can handle them, you can. I prefer the simple, tried and true rather than the exotic and elaborate, so these are easy-peasy lemon-squeezy. Get your apron ready.

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The Nude Justin Bieber Photo

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Not really sure what to say about the recent photo that Justin Bieber put up on Instragram… My ass certainly wouldn’t fly if I put this on Instagram, but maybe he’s taken it down already. He was kinda naked already on this blog, and was definitely in nothing but his underwear. As for the fully naked shot below, have at it. I’m neither impressed nor unimpressed.

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Pool Party of One ~ Part 2

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A cheeky Part 2 from the shirtless pool promise of Part 1, and the second-laziest post I’ve done in a while. The good thing is that new stuff is on the way, and the promotional push and hype is about to engulf all my outlets. You have been warned. Enjoy the next few days of relative quiet.

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Porn This Way

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This is not technically a Hunk of the Day post, as we’ve already done that for today. Instead, it’s just a weekend-ender gratuitous entry honoring adult film star Ashton Harvey. (That’s the adult term for gay porn star, which is preferable to my ears, but Sunday night is traditionally for family fare so let’s keep it at least to the PG-13 level.) Mr. Harvey needs a tall stiff cocktail named after him, and I’m not talking Wallbanger. Anyway, Happy Sunday!

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World Naked Gardening Day

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How such a thing as ‘World Naked Gardening Day‘ came into existence is baffling to me (dirt and thorns and ticks don’t seem like a natural match for nakedness) but given what I’ve done thus far on this website, how could I not participate? Before I get nude and start pushing around a wheelbarrow, however, I’d like to point out that gardening is a lifelong passion of mine that I take very seriously.

This week began my spring-time clean-up and garden prep. It’s an arduous process that takes several days, and it takes a lot of physical exertion (as my back will attest) and ruthless mental dedication, as it’s basically just hours of raking up debris and getting it into about 50 large lawn bags then hauling them out to the curb. After that, hundreds of pounds of manure need to be added to the soil around the plants who need a little boost. All of that then must be covered with healthy few inches of mulch. Then there’s the ruthless pruning of trees and shrubs, and the thinning out of overgrown patches of plants, or the replanting of those items that got lost in this wild winter. In other words, gardening is serious work. It’s peaceful work too, and a Zen-like calm settles on me every time I’m in that zone.

The results are more than worth it, and by results I don’t just mean the beauty of the garden, but the peace and contentment the whole process bestows upon those who appreciate it. Such peace may be found in the cultivation of an ostrich fern, or the maintenance of a sweet woodruff patch. Contentment can be culled from the premiere of the peony parade and the delicate shading of the celadon poppy. The subtle shifting hues of a hydrangea and the hot fiery blooms of a prickly pear contrast nicely, while some foliage is just as fine as a fancy butterfly-luring flower. Despite all of that, and my self-taught wealth of gardening knowledge, you probably just came to see some nude gardening, so in the name of World Naked Gardening Day, have at it (you twisted perverted fucks).

PS – How many double-entendres can you dig up in honor of the day? Plow this!

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Returning to the Floating World

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I must say I find it hard to understand how any man who values his self-respect would wish for long to avoid responsibility for his past deeds; it may not always be an easy thing, but there is certainly a satisfaction and dignity to be gained in coming to term with the mistakes one has made in the course of one’s life. In any case, there is surely no great shame in mistakes made in the best of faith. It is surely a thing far more shameful to be unable or unwilling to acknowledge them.” ~ Kazuo Ishiguro, An Artist of the Floating World

For indeed, a man who aspires to rise above the mediocre, to be something more than ordinary, surely deserves admiration, even if in the end he fails and loses a fortune on account of his ambitions… if one has failed only where others have not had the courage or will to try, there is a consolation – indeed, a deep satisfaction – to be gained from this observation when looking back over one’s life. ~ Kazuo Ishiguro, An Artist of the Floating World

I suspect the reason I couldn’t celebrate the floating world was that I couldn’t bring myself to believe in its worth. Young men are often guilt-ridden about pleasure, and I suppose I was no different. I suppose I thought that to pass away one’s time in such places, to spend one’s skills celebrating things so intangible and transient, I suppose I thought it was all rather wasteful, all rather decadent. It’s hard to appreciate the beauty of a world when one doubts its very validity

But I’ve long since lost all such doubts… When I am an old man, when I look back over my life and see I have devoted it to the task of capturing the unique beauty of that world, I believe I will be well satisfied. And no man will make me believe I’ve wasted my time. ~ Kazuo Ishiguro, An Artist of the Floating World

I have learnt many things over these past years. I have learnt much in contemplating the world of pleasure, and recognizing its fragile beauty. But I now feel it is time for me to progress to other things… it is my belief that in such troubled times as these, artists must learn to value something more tangible than those pleasurable things that disappear with the morning light. It is not necessary that artists always occupy a decadent and enclosed world. My conscience… tells me that I cannot remain forever an artist of the floating world. ~ Kazuo Ishiguro, An Artist of the Floating World

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Hunk of the Day: Jakub Stefano

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Hailing from the Czech Republic, this male model is our Hunk of the Day. Jakub Stefano has worked with such photographic luminaries as Lewis Payton, Mark Lynch and Dylan Rosser. Those guys know how to capture beauty, and Mr. Stefano knows how to give good face. And good ass, as these pictures will attest.

This post continues a string of male model Hunks, starting with this guy, and most recently this guy. Who do you want to see next? Requests are always entertained.

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Austin Armacost in Attitude (& 1 Hot Ass)

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While Austin Armacost has never needed all that much nudging when it comes to showing off his ample assets, leave it to Attitude magazine to make it even sexier. Here are a few shots from his latest spread.

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Hunk of the Day: Stepan Pereverzev

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Russian male model Stepan Pereverzev is one hunky glass of vodka. Looking like he packs more wallop than a Moscow Mule, Pereverzev offers and edgier glimpse of the naughty moments that happen off the runway. I don’t know what it’s like to have a body with that much muscle on it, and I never will. Instead, I’m just going to admire the handiwork of a guy who puts the work and the effort into physical perfection.

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Hunk of the Day: Laurence Hulse

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Good sportsmen in Europe get naked far more freely than their American counterparts. This conservative country could use such unfettered matter-of-fact dealings with nudity. The Warwick Rowers are famous for their naked calendar, originally created in an effort to raise money for their club, but then it turned into something with far greater meaning, as they joined the brigade against homophobia as Sport Allies. This is the future, and a powerful testament to where the world has been headed for some time.

One of the standouts on the team, at least from the photos, is Laurence Hulse, who is now being honored as Hunk of the Day. Mr. Hulse has gone on to do several photo shoots since then. A naked calendar can do wonders for expanding one’s career outlook. No doubt he has a few team-mates who will soon join him in such a vaunted category – we’re always on the lookout for fresh hunks.

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50 Shades of Male Nudity

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Maybe it doesn’t quite add up to fifty, but there are at least five nude male celebrities in this post, and that’s to count for something. Kicking it off is Channing Tatum, who will be appearing in the sexy sequel to ‘Magic Mike’ as discussed here. That’s fairly safe fare for summer, but Mr. Tatum provides some badly-needed heat for winter fun right now, particularly in the trio of GIFs below. Scroll down… (and keep your eyes peeled for Matt Bomer in the background.)

Another favorite who’s appeared on this blog many times over is Dan Osborne. From his cute diving stint with Tom Daley to his steady flow of underwear pictorials, Mr. Osborne provides regular fodder for eager eyes. Here’s a shot from his latest Attitude photo shoot.

One more across-the-pond hottie comes in the form of Harry Judd from the band McFly. Clearly the most fit of that group of lads, Mr. Judd also likes to engage in some naked horseplay. Can’t fault the man for that.

Speaking of naked horseplay, here is Jake Gyllenhaal in his nude glory. Well, almost nude, as his hand protects what little modesty is left.

Last but most certainly not least is Jamie Dornan, Mr. Fifty Shades himself. He got naked before that movie (as can be seen in the last shot here) and he got naked in it (as can be seen in the next to last shot). There are some full-frontal nudes of Mr. Dornan floating around elsewhere, but you won’t find them here. (Unless they slipped by me in the Archives, but you’ll have to dig deep. Very deep.)

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Will the Real Alan Ilagan Please Stand Up?

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“Somewhere, right at the bottom of one’s own being, one generally does know where one should go and what one should do. But there are times when the clown we call “I” behaves in such a distracting fashion that the inner voice cannot make its presence felt.”
― C.G. Jung

There’s nothing like an imposter to make you take a look at yourself and how ridiculous you might actually be. Such was the case when a fake Twitter Alan Ilagan cropped up on my feed the other day. At first, I was flattered and amused – the mark of any supposedly-vain soul – and more than a little curious. Who would dare try to be me? More importantly, who might want to?

The person behind the account certainly seemed to have a grasp on who I was, at least of the caricature I tend to portray when online. It got me to dwelling a bit on the online personae we create for ourselves. The internet entity that you know as Alan Ilagan – and that I’ve worked rather doggedly hard on crafting as Alan Ilagan – has little resemblance to the scared little boy that I hide in the deep protected fathoms of my heart. I don’t show that guy to the world because he can’t handle the evils of everything on the internet. The anonymous trolls that social media has brought forth from the darkest pools of hatred would have a field day if I didn’t protect myself with a coat of aloof armor, and an arsenal of sarcasm that puts most of any ignorant attackers to bed before they know they’ve been tucked in.

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” ― C.G. Jung

Yet as I read some of the tweets from the fake “Real Alan Ilagan” I was struck by how easily some of them might have slipped out of my mouth. How far had I strayed from the real me when engaging on FaceBook and Twitter, and, to a lesser extent as I’m a little more honest in this space, right here on this blog? As I examined my own ridiculousness I had to own up to a few things – the first of which was how often I am just that – utterly ridiculous. And I’m ok with that. Luckily, much of it is an exaggeration of myself, done mainly for entertainment – yours and mine.

An examination of our selfie-obsessed selves, James Franco-style, always runs the risk of producing accusations of vanity and hubris – yet that is precisely the result of today’s technology and the online world, where the ease of a camera-phone and the ability to share images with the entire planet can make us all “celebrities” in a certain respect. The likes and the views and the visitors, the easy access to instant love and mass adoration, like waves of applause washing over Eve Harrington – it all feels so seductive, and it’s easy to get photoshopped up into believing all of this is real. Which brings me back to internet impostors.

There’s always someone behind you. Sometimes they want to help, sometimes they want to hurt, sometimes they want to play, and sometimes that want to push. Sometimes it’s you, and sometimes it’s me, and sometimes it’s someone we’ve never even met.

You can pretend to be real, but do you even exist? There’s only one way to show yourself to the world, and you can’t do it by revealing yourself or your face or even by taking off all your clothes. You can only do it by revealing your heart.

“Be silent and listen: have you recognized your madness and do you admit it? Have you noticed that all your foundations are completely mired in madness? Do you not want to recognize your madness and welcome it in a friendly manner? You wanted to accept everything. So accept madness too. Let the light of your madness shine, and it will suddenly dawn on you. Madness is not to be despised and not to be feared, but instead you should give it life…If you want to find paths, you should also not spurn madness, since it makes up such a great part of your nature…Be glad that you can recognize it, for you will thus avoid becoming its victim. Madness is a special form of the spirit and clings to all teachings and philosophies, but even more to daily life, since life itself is full of craziness and at bottom utterly illogical. Man strives toward reason only so that he can make rules for himself. Life itself has no rules. That is its mystery and its unknown law. What you call knowledge is an attempt to impose something comprehensible on life.”
― C.G. Jung

 

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