Category Archives: Gratuitous Nudity

Will the Real Alan Ilagan Please Stand Up?

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“Somewhere, right at the bottom of one’s own being, one generally does know where one should go and what one should do. But there are times when the clown we call “I” behaves in such a distracting fashion that the inner voice cannot make its presence felt.”
― C.G. Jung

There’s nothing like an imposter to make you take a look at yourself and how ridiculous you might actually be. Such was the case when a fake Twitter Alan Ilagan cropped up on my feed the other day. At first, I was flattered and amused – the mark of any supposedly-vain soul – and more than a little curious. Who would dare try to be me? More importantly, who might want to?

The person behind the account certainly seemed to have a grasp on who I was, at least of the caricature I tend to portray when online. It got me to dwelling a bit on the online personae we create for ourselves. The internet entity that you know as Alan Ilagan – and that I’ve worked rather doggedly hard on crafting as Alan Ilagan – has little resemblance to the scared little boy that I hide in the deep protected fathoms of my heart. I don’t show that guy to the world because he can’t handle the evils of everything on the internet. The anonymous trolls that social media has brought forth from the darkest pools of hatred would have a field day if I didn’t protect myself with a coat of aloof armor, and an arsenal of sarcasm that puts most of any ignorant attackers to bed before they know they’ve been tucked in.

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” ― C.G. Jung

Yet as I read some of the tweets from the fake “Real Alan Ilagan” I was struck by how easily some of them might have slipped out of my mouth. How far had I strayed from the real me when engaging on FaceBook and Twitter, and, to a lesser extent as I’m a little more honest in this space, right here on this blog? As I examined my own ridiculousness I had to own up to a few things – the first of which was how often I am just that – utterly ridiculous. And I’m ok with that. Luckily, much of it is an exaggeration of myself, done mainly for entertainment – yours and mine.

An examination of our selfie-obsessed selves, James Franco-style, always runs the risk of producing accusations of vanity and hubris – yet that is precisely the result of today’s technology and the online world, where the ease of a camera-phone and the ability to share images with the entire planet can make us all “celebrities” in a certain respect. The likes and the views and the visitors, the easy access to instant love and mass adoration, like waves of applause washing over Eve Harrington – it all feels so seductive, and it’s easy to get photoshopped up into believing all of this is real. Which brings me back to internet impostors.

There’s always someone behind you. Sometimes they want to help, sometimes they want to hurt, sometimes they want to play, and sometimes that want to push. Sometimes it’s you, and sometimes it’s me, and sometimes it’s someone we’ve never even met.

You can pretend to be real, but do you even exist? There’s only one way to show yourself to the world, and you can’t do it by revealing yourself or your face or even by taking off all your clothes. You can only do it by revealing your heart.

“Be silent and listen: have you recognized your madness and do you admit it? Have you noticed that all your foundations are completely mired in madness? Do you not want to recognize your madness and welcome it in a friendly manner? You wanted to accept everything. So accept madness too. Let the light of your madness shine, and it will suddenly dawn on you. Madness is not to be despised and not to be feared, but instead you should give it life…If you want to find paths, you should also not spurn madness, since it makes up such a great part of your nature…Be glad that you can recognize it, for you will thus avoid becoming its victim. Madness is a special form of the spirit and clings to all teachings and philosophies, but even more to daily life, since life itself is full of craziness and at bottom utterly illogical. Man strives toward reason only so that he can make rules for himself. Life itself has no rules. That is its mystery and its unknown law. What you call knowledge is an attempt to impose something comprehensible on life.”
― C.G. Jung

 

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Hunk of the Day: Seth Fornea

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Ginger fans rejoice: the Hunk of the Day is Seth Fornea, and it doesn’t get much red-hotter than this. Mr. Fornea was featured here before in a Gratuitous Ginger post, egregiously unbilled, so this is his proper Hunk crowning and a long-deserved feature. He’s coming back to local club Rocks and is sure to spruce up the season with his ginger-hotness.

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Dan Osborne Gets Naked, W/ Supporting Bits by Tom Daley & Zac Efron

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The Great Gratuitous Sunday Morning Post. It’s a bit of a tradition here, when all you folks who can’t access this supposedly NSFW site from work have a moment to catch up on all the fun things you missed during the weekdays. This post should be no exception, featuring Dan Osborne in his preferred state of garb: naked, nude, and grabbing his junk. These latest photos were from a dare that he jump in the pool naked. Daring indeed. I would NEVER…

The rest of the post is filled out, and deliciously at that, by the shirtless and Speedo-clad likes of Zac Efron and Tom Daley. Mr. Efron likes to do a lot of things shirtless, and I don’t think Tom Daley does anything out of his Speedo – well, except for showering in the altogether.

There, that about sums up the Sunday morning nude male post. Let’s see what the afternoon brings…

 

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Hunk of the Day: Michael Hoffman

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Much ado has been made over this gentleman’s recent ‘leaking’ (literally) of several racy videos. Apparently he’s a popular Instagram bodybuilder who up until now had only teased at nudity. Of course, I only heard about him when his videos hit the web and the nudity embargo was broken, so here is Hunk of the Day Michael Hoffman. Whether or not the leaking was intentional (a properly-timed sex tape can do wonders for the career) or accidental, there’s nothing much to be ashamed about with a figure like that of Mr. Hoffman. Though I won’t show you all the bits and explosions that are already out there, this should give you a indication of why he’s been so popular.

In our selfie-obsessed day and age, where exhibitionism is rampant, you can’t fault Mr. Hoffman for putting it all out there. For every exhibitionist willing to be brave, there are a hundred trolls hidden behind anonymous names and no-faces waiting to rip us to shreds. So I say to Mr. Hoffman, rock on, and rock out…

UPDATE: Michael Hoffman wants the world to know he is not gay, despite what those videos show. As is often the case, it’s so much better when they don’t speak. See below…

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Orlando Bloom Gets Naked

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While he has yet to be named an official Hunk of the Day, Orlando Bloom gets his first nude feature in this post. (Perhaps we’re doing a six-degrees-of-sexiness curve, as Mr. Bloom co-starred with today’s Hunk Brad Pitt in ‘Troy.’) While I didn’t quite get the attraction during Bloom’s elvish (elfin?) stint in ‘The Lord of the Rings’ (long blond hair and pointy ears?) I came around in his ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ turn. Sometimes I prefer brunettes to blondes. Here are some stills and GIFs from his new movie, in which he appears to take on a home invader dressed in nothing but his tattoos. Regardless of hair color, the best Orlando Bloom is a nude Orlando Bloom.

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Steve Grand Gets Nude, Jumps in Lake

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For his twist on the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, Steve Grand gets naked and jumps into the nearest lake. Here’s his Instagram pic of the gratuitous goings-on. Leave it to Mr. Grand to trump us all with nothing but that itsy-bitsy towel. Don’t forget to check out his Hunk of the Day post… and seek out some hidden gems in the archives if you are so delighted.

 

UPDATE: Here is the video.

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A Birthday Suit Twist

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I’ve gotten into my birthday suit so many times here already (search the archives if you don’t believe me) that I’m taking this day off and letting someone else do it. A few someones, in fact, whose bodies are better than mine will ever be.  At this age I’ve given up on the six-pack of my twenties. (I’d happily settle for a three pack.) And speaking of three, let’s get down to business with this trio of pics featuring Harry Judd, who has been cheeky enough to be featured here numerous times.

Thanks to the gratuitous male nudity clause inherent in every Attitude cover shoot, Mr. Judd has displayed his wares in fetchingly-fine fashion over the years. Here is further cause for rejoicing, times three:

Let’s continue with Hugh Jackman, whose portrayal of Wolverine in the X-Men series has resulted in a few naked sequences, as seen here in a grainy GIF.

James Franco, who recently did his ALS Ice Bucket Challenge without a pair of pants, has already flashed his flesh here, but it’s always worth another look-see.

Matthew Camp looks cool while keeping it hot. He smells good to boot, which is just as important.

Finally, bringing up the rear is Zac Efron, who has been no stranger to showing off his body in these electronic pages, and here he is again giving a glimpse of those hot buns.

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Sunlit Skinny Dipping

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Why wet a suit when no one can see? Continuing this weekend’s gratuitous grab for summer hits, here are a few more naked shots, taken right in my own backyard. While I’ve never been one to sit around and bake in the sun, there are days when it feels right and good to do so, especially with a decent book in hand.

There have been a couple of summer reads so far – ‘Mr. Owita’s Guide to Gardening’ by Carol Wall, and a non-fictional recounting of the Boston Marathon bombing – and I’m already entranced by Marcus Zusak’s latest ‘I Am the Messenger.’ Mr. Zusak wrote one of my favorite reads, ‘The Book Thief,’ so when I saw his latest in the bookstore, I giddily grabbed it. Just ten pages in and I was instantly hooked.

It looks to be a quick read, so if you have any ideas on a few more books, I’m always ready to receive.

In the meantime, a few nude pics for those who prefer watching to reading. You know who you are, and why you’re here. (And I couldn’t be more thankful.)

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The Skinny-Dipping Shake

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There are those who would argue, and not wholly without merit, that absolutely everything here is an exercise in exhibitionism, but there are other things at work. Well, maybe not today, as this post is nothing but a gratuitous grab at lazy weekend viewers. As promised, I’m taking it easy this summer, as attention turns outside, to a real life at which these photos only hint. Tip of the iceberg

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One More Naked Michael Phelps Photo

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As if getting naked here a few days ago wasn’t enough, here is one more gratuitous shot of Michael Phelps nude. It’s a lazy summer Sunday, so take a look-see at when Mr. Phelps went bulge-to-bulge with Ryan Lochte, or took a shower in his Speedo, or just removed his clothes and got naked altogether. God save the Olympian.

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Michael Phelps Nude for ESPN’s Naked Issue

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(Ok, they call it the Body Issue, but it’s really the Naked Issue.) It would seem that there’s not much of a difference between donning a Speedo and donning a birthday suit, but Michael Phelps and his tan lines prove otherwise. The difference is profound, and sexy, and folks looking to see Mr. Phelps in all his glory need only pick up the latest ‘Naked Issue’ of ESPN Magazine. Said source has been supplying images of nude athletes for several years now, including Evan LysacekOguchi Onyewu, Matt Harvey, Giancarlo StantonTomáš Berdych, and the infamous Rob Gronkowski (more than once).

Mr. Phelps is no stranger to baring his body, having appeared on this site several times, notably in the shower and in his Speedo. Never before, however, have we seen Michael Phelps naked – until now. Was it worth the wait? You tell me. I will say this much: tan lines are back.

UPDATE: A better look at Michael Phelps nude.

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Hunk of the Day: Tomáš Berdych

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Hailing from the Czech Republic, Tomáš Berdych is the Hunk of the Day. He’s a tennis player being featured in the latest ESPN Magazine Naked Issue (the only issue worth browsing, really). See also Rob Gronkowski. In Berdych’s naked ass case, a tan line is suddenly this summer’s must-have accessory. I’ll work on mine

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Hunk of the Day: Ken Bek

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Also known as Kenneth Korsgaard Bek, this Danish gentlemen puts Denmark on the male model map with striking streaks of ginger, and even more striking streaks of streaking for this Hunk of the Day selection. I love an edgy photo shoot like the one depicted here, where the dirty factor creeps into the blurred line of sexiness and desire. Add a mirror and a urinal to the mix and you’ve got a winningly artistic combination. Not for everyone’s taste perhaps, but surely to someone’s.

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A Straight Man’s Bone (And a Lesbian’s Fantasy): Scarlett Johansson Nude

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This site is I’d like to think, open and welcoming to all. To that end, here’s a bone for all the straight guys and gay ladies who find Scarlett Johansson one of the hottest women on earth. I was talking to a friend who appreciates the ladies in such a manner, and he was saying she is one of those women who… actually, I can’t remember exactly what he said. I zoned out because I think I was fixated on Chris Evans who was sharing screen-time with her at the moment, guns blazing in a tight T-shirt… What were we talking about? Oh yes, ScarJo ~ for those who might appreciate her, these photos are for you.

She does seem to enjoy the lying-about pose quite a bit, no?

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The Butt Report

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Since we just featured The Bulge Report, it seems only fair to give a shake to the other end of the action. Here’s a collection of the backsides that have brought such joy to some of you over the years. While there’s a bit of a full-frontal male nudity embargo on this site, the butt has always been all access, all the time. Rear entry has never been denied in these parts…

The posterior of aptly-named Stuart Reardon may be one of the hottest to burn up this site’s stats, so get clicking.

Male model David Gandy provided ample eye candy when he turned around to bump and grind it.

It’s a tossed-salad-toss-up as to which side of Benjamin Godfre is better – the back or the front – so you can decide for yourself by feasting your eyes upon both here.

Todd Sanfield may have a stunning underwear line, but he’s better when baring his backside sans underwear altogether.

Dan Savage’s better half, Terry Miller, may try keeping his booty in a Speedo, but it just barely fits.

The amazing ass of Scott Herman is quite a sight to behold (and lest anyone think Mr. Herman is nothing more than a banging butt, check out his Straight Ally profile.)

Dan Osborne’s been featured here for his bulge, but he’s got an equally-admirable booty, as seen here.

And last but most certainly not least, Harry Judd proved his butt has remained in perfect shape since he first bared it a few years ago.

PS – Who’s going to start a campaign to get David Beckham to show his tush?

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