The Holiday Card 2016: Trigger Warning!

“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given;

and the government shall be upon his shoulder, 

and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”

The conception was anything but immaculate…

The birth was bloody…

But in the end, peace reigned supreme.

Some holiday cards don’t require fanfare or hype because they stand alone and will garner their own messy splash. Such is the case this year, when the image will likely be misconstrued and misunderstood, with people bringing their own sensitivity and hang-ups into the equation. This has already been the most controversial card in many years: for the first time ever, a printer refused to print it, canceling my order of 200 cards (and then having the gall to continue sending catalogs to my house). I’ve also judiciously trimmed my recipient list (yes, there are usually way more than 200 cards sent out) so if anyone gets offended here it’s by their own free will for visiting. I never promised you a rose garden. Without further ado, here we go. Spread ‘em:

This was my homage to the Virgin Mary, and a twist on her famous birth-giving. Originally, I thought I might swaddle myself in some rags and construct a make-shift manger, throw some hay around, find a trio of wise-ass men and call it a day. But the logistics of constructing a manger that would support my size and weight, as well as the impossibility of renting farm animals for a couple of hours, proved too unwieldy. So I settled for this Walmart baby, some fake blood, and a hospital gown. Hey – I wanted a “Mary Christmas!!!”

May God grant mercy on my soul for this card… and add it to the list.

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