Author Archives: Alan Ilagan

09
May
2020
Tags: Family
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A Mother’s Day on Broadway, Reimagined ~ Part 1

The calamity that is 2020 ended up canceling this year’s Mother’s Day Weekend on Broadway, making this pair of posts the closest we’ll be getting to the stage in quite some time. Originally we had tickets for both parts of ‘The Inheritance’, ‘Jagged Little Pill’, ‘The Minutes’ and ‘Six’. That’s quite a lot of dashed dreams, but such is the price of being safe so we’re not complaining. And while social distancing has kept Andy and I from properly seeing Mom and Dad since mid-March, I sent her a Mother’s Day gift box (fully sanitized of course) in the snail-mail which has already been delivered. With that, I wish her a very Happy Mother’s Day, and with this we’ll take a moment to look back at what we’ve done over the last few years.  

Since we have some time, here’s a detailed and link-filled revisiting of our previous Broadway jaunts, all of which are filled with happy memories and wonderful recollections. We’ve been doing this off and on since the 90’s (see the photo below, taken the first time we saw ‘Sunset Boulevard’ in its original Broadway run in 1995). Our Broadway tradition has taken hold as a Mother’s Day mainstay, one that we’ll miss this time around, but we’ll make it up in different fashion sometime in the future.

It was 2013 when we first resurrected our old tradition of seeing a Broadway show together. That year we saw ‘Kinky Boots‘ and ‘Pippin‘, and we had such a grand time it ushered in an annual celebration of Mom and Broadway. That first year, Suzie joined us for dinner, making things even more special. We skirted Times Square as best we could, ducking into this cozy space and escaping the madness for a moment.

In 2014, we found our footing and the tradition began to take root. This time we began with a stroll in Central Park, amid flowering trees and spring bulbs, along with some classic NYC sights. The show selection that year included a Terrence McNally play, ‘Mothers & Sons’, as well as Jason Robert Brown’s ‘The Bridges of Madison County‘ ~both of which were excellent. We also had amazing seats for Neil Patrick Harris and his run in ]Hedwig and the Angry Inch‘. Suzie joined us for dinner at Beautique and we closed out the weekend with a Mother’s Day brunch off of Central Park.

By 2016, we had honed the weekend into a streamlined affair, with just two shows to give us proper breathing room for leisure and shopping. ‘Fun Home‘ and ‘The Humans‘ may not have been the most uplifting shows to see back-to-back, but they were excellent enough to offset their dour themes. Also aiding in the cheer quotient was this amazing meal at La Grenouille, matched perhaps by this other amazing meal at Felidia. We closed out that weekend with tea at the Plaza which was about as perfect as it can get.

{More Mother’s Day adventures to come…}

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09
May
2020
Tags: Flowers
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Cherry Blossoms Now, Cherry Blossoms Then

My first brush with the Kwanzan cherry was a pair of ancient trees near the condo in Boston. I would walk beneath them, coming home on late spring evenings back when I worked in retail and had not a care in the world. I didn’t pay much attention to them, other than a passing glance, mostly because they carried no discernible fragrance. At the time, I wanted everything – beauty and fragrance and ease of cultivation, and anything that lacked one or any of the aforementioned traits got nary a notice. Yeah, I was that bastard. 

The beauty of the Kwanzan eluded me until my first spring with Andy at his old house in Guilderland. Off the wooden deck was a glorious cherry tree, alight with blooms on sunny spring days. It was a perfect posing spot, one that I used for work included in The Talented Trickster Tour: Reflections of a Floating World. That floating world was echoed in the falling petals of the Kwanzan cherry tree. The beauty was transient, making is all the more cherished. 

This year the Kwanzan in our backyard is putting on a spectacular show. Andy thinks it’s one of the best and I would agree. We posed under it for an anniversary photo (come back in a couple days for that post). One of the benefits of the cool spring weather lasting a little longer means that the floral show gets extended too. We’ve had years where our blooms have lasted only a couple of days, wilted beneath a brutal sun or ripped off in a windstorm. Expecting similar catastrophic results in this crazy year, I’ve been making the most of the show while it lasts, taking frequent breaks to walk outside beneath its beauty and soaking in the prettiness as much as possible. 

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08
May
2020
Tags: Tiny Threads
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Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series

That terrifying moment when you get up in the middle of the night to pee, and it’s dark but you’re pretty sure you know where to aim because you’ve been doing this for well over four decades, and you let loose but don’t hear the sound of urine hitting water – there is just silence, so you’re pretty sure you’re still somewhere in the ceramic basin and you adjust a bit hoping to hear that reassuring sound of liquid pouring into liquid, but it still doesn’t come, so you readjust again, only to more silence. Then you shake it off, flush the toilet, and hope for the best in the morning.

#TinyThreads

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08
May
2020
Tags: Flowers, Music
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Violets for Winter & Spring

Though they are the bane of our lawn’s existence these days, the little violets seen here are a happy memory-inducing plant from my childhood. Back then, I’d explore the woodland behind our backyard and these flowers shone in wide swaths and groups, mostly in their white and purple form. There’s something more peaceful and lovely about the simple violet hue you see here. I would hunt these out among the more plentiful white ones. Maybe I valued them more for their scarcity. At my current home, the pure violet ones outnumber the multi-colored version.

Nowadays they are wreaking havoc with the uniform green carpet of our lawn, and so we must eradicate them. I’m not bothered by it – they will never be entirely gone. There are too many, their realm is too vast, and there are always more to be found if ever we make a complete eviction. For now, I’m enjoying their little blooms as they pop up, reconciled to their bothersome invasive tendencies, content with being granted the memory they evoke.

(If I pick all the flowers, there will be no seed to spread, so bouquets like this provide beauty and purpose, the best of all possible worlds.)

Shirley Horn sang this song about violets on her ‘Violets for Your Furs’ live album. I never gave it much thought until this day. Memory is strange that way. Ms. Horn gives it her trademark slow-burn treatment. The full set of lyrics yearn with romance and longing, and though it’s marked by snow and winter references, there are peeks into a coming spring. Besides, the best songs can be heard year-round and still maintain their resonance.

IT WAS WINTER IN MANHATTAN
FALLING SNOWFLAKES FILLED THE AIR
THE STREETS WERE COVERED WITH A FILM OF ICE
BUT A LITTLE SIMPLE MAGIC THAT I’D HEARD ABOUT SOMEWHERE
CHANGED THE WEATHER ALL AROUND, JUST WITHIN A TRICE
YOU BOUGHT ME VIOLETS FOR MY FURS
AND IT WAS SPRING FOR A WHILE, REMEMBER?
YOU BOUGHT ME VIOLETS FOR MY FURS
AND THERE WAS APRIL IN THAT DECEMBER
THE SNOW DRIFTED ON THE FLOWERS AND MELTED WHERE IT LAY
THE SNOW LOOKED LIKE DEW ON THE BLOSSOMS
AS ON A SUMMER DAY
YOU BOUGHT ME VIOLETS FOR MY FURS
AND THERE WAS BLUE IN THE WINTRY SKY
YOU PINNED THE VIOLETS TO MY FURS
AND GAVE A LIFT TO THE CROWDS PASSING BY
YOU SMILED AT ME SO SWEETLY
SINCE THEN ONE THOUGHT OCCURS
THAT WE FELL IN LOVE COMPLETELY
THE DAY YOU BOUGHT ME VIOLETS FOR MY FURS

If lyrics aren’t your preferred way of listening tonight, give the John Coltrane Quartet’s version a spin. It’s the perfect accompaniment to a breezy spring evening that doesn’t yet feel like spring.

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07
May
2020
Tags: Andy
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Our Wedding Anniversaries… Thus Far

Every year at around this time, Andy and I have made our way back to where we got married to celebrate our anniversary in Boston. This year we are unable to do that just yet, so we will put a rain-date on the calendar for a 10th anniversary celebration in the (hopefully near) future. In the meantime, here’s a link-filled journey down memory lane, in which we recount the wedding day, and some of the anniversaries that followed. A few things remained constant (that chocolate cake at the Four Seasons was a decadent mainstay) while other things evolved and turned into brand new fun. I don’t typically like to look back, unless it’s about things like this. Indulge us for the day.

The Wedding ~ 2010

Part 1: The Arrival & Accommodations

Part 2: The Rehearsal Dinner

Part 3: The Last Call of a Bachelor

Part 4: The Dawn of the Wedding Day

Part 5: The Ceremony

Part 6: The Perfect Day in the Park

Part 7: The Wedding Lunch

Part 8: The Wedding Dinner

Bonus Post: The Residual Glow of Marriage

Our 2013 anniversary came on the sad heels of the Boston Marathon bombing, but we made the most of it. The Public Garden was also in full fragrant bloom, lending to our celebratory vision. For the first few years I didn’t do many blog posts about our anniversary adventures because it was enough simply being in Boston and re-treading our happy tracks. We made it a point to get our wedding rings washed at the place where we got them, which became a ritual, as did a burger or some sort of mid-day event at the Bristol Lounge where we had our wedding lunch (thank you Aunt Elaine!) And always we found a way back to the Public Garden for a brief stroll through the place where we were married. 

It wasn’t until 2017 that I started documenting our new anniversary expeditions in detail. Like, major detail. I’m talking nine-part detail. Observe:

Boston Wedding Anniversary #7: 2017

 

The following year, 2018, we returned to a sunnier situation (and I edited it down to just seven parts, so you’re welcome).

Boston Wedding Anniversary #8: 2018

 

Last year we reverted to a rainy start, but even a bit of dampness couldn’t dampen our spirits. In fact, it reminds us of our early days vacationing in Ogunquit, when for a good five-year stretch we had nothing but rain almost every day we visited. I’m told that rain is auspicious for wedding days, so I’ll take it without complaint. 

Boston Wedding Anniversary #9: 2019

 

All these happy memories beg the question of how we will celebrate our tenth anniversary. As with many hyped-up events super-hoopla days, I think we will swerve into the unexpected lane by keeping things quiet and simple for now. When the world around us shifts to shaky, uncertain ground, it’s enough just being together in our backyard, underneath a cherry tree in beautiful bloom. We’ll take a rain check and return to Boston with a chance to start a whole new adventure…

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07
May
2020
Tags: Andy, Gay Blog
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Our 10th Wedding Anniversary

Ten years ago Andy and I were married in the Boston Public Garden.

How do you encapsulate a decade of marriage in a single sitting?

Moreover, how do you contain two decades of sharing your life with another person?

Overall, the tapestry we have created is a beautiful one. Like any marriage, ours has had its share of peaks and troughs, and these are woven like mistakes into the fabric of our history together. At this point we can appreciate them for helping us make things better. They add texture and nuance and contrast to life. You appreciate happiness and contentment a little more when you’ve had some share of sadness and hurt.

So much of what I am and do and love is due to Andy. So much of our life together has enabled us to weather the difficult times ~ lost loved ones, disappointments, and even the current crazy state of the universe. Whenever the world has gone dark and run amok in terror and strife, we have had the good fortune to close the door and turn to each other, finding comfort and solace in love and companionship. Andy has been that safe haven and home for me. I’m fairly certain he would say the same.

Today we celebrate and honor ten years of married life, and I remember with love and deep fondness the day it all happened…

Awakening first, I pad quietly out of the bedroom into the sitting room of our suite overlooking the Public Garden. The sunlight is streaming into the room. Remnants of an impromptu gathering before the rehearsal dinner stand on a side table as I make my way to the window that looks onto the Garden. Grateful and relived for the sunlight, I breathe in deeply and find myself unexpectedly ensconced in the moment, making an indelible memory and smiling at the luxury of realizing it as it happens.

Andy and I had already been together for ten years, so in some ways marriage seemed like a mere formality, yet on this day, at this moment, there is something sacred in the atmosphere, some shift to something more resonant and powerful. A touchstone moment of commitment and love and promise. It is, I realize, an important day.

Soon, our little wedding party arrives, and we meet up with them in the Public Garden, walking to our chosen spot near several flowering cherry trees. Andy and I are dressed casually in jeans and polo shirts. When all was said and done, it never really mattered to Andy what I wore, and he was just as happily comfortable in jeans as a suit and tie. We would get fancier for dinner. For our wedding ceremony, all I needed was Andy and a bouquet of peonies. (I wasn’t just wearing any pair of jeans either ~ they were the same pair I’d worn when I met him ten years earlier.)

Our friend Chris performed a lovely ceremony ~ simple and sweet and surprisingly moving. After ten years together, you don’t think you’ll be moved, but then it arrives and it’s a little overwhelming in the best possible way, so you let those tears well up a little, and you hug your new husband tightly after the kiss because you’re just so happy to be there with him, to have made it through all those years together, to have such a partner in life and not have to go through it alone.

In the ten years after those first ten years, life has brought what life usually brings – more love, more loss, more tears, more laughter, more happiness, more difficulty, more comfort, more work, more gratitude – more of life, and like all humans, we want more of that. Even the sadness and sorrow, even when we miss the people we’ve lost, even when we occasionally lose ourselves. 

In the end we always came back to the life we created together. It’s a life we work on every day, and it’s a life of shared dreams and desires. It’s a home in which we can find refuge when the world turns dark, a place that offers comfort and warmth when the winter rages, and a space where the promise of spring will always be followed by the sun of summer.  

And so we add to our tapestry, weaving new rows in different colors and textures, enriching and fortifying what we have while adding nuances and grace and the rich resonance that comes with knowing someone so well, and still being able to learn more about them. I love that we are still growing together, and I love that Andy is the person who has shared his life with me. 

Happy Anniversary, Drew. I love you. 

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06
May
2020
Tags: Andy
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The Night Before Our Wedding ~ 10 Years Ago

Our suite at the Taj Hotel was perched ideally over the Boston Public Garden. Looking out the window, I spotted my parents, Andy’s Dad and Andy’s sister making their way along Arlington and then across Newbury Street. Suzie, Chris and Elaine would soon join us for a quick gathering in the suite for photos, and then a brief cocktail hour at the downstairs bar before the rehearsal dinner.

For some reason, the song I remember playing in the background was this portion of a Wizard of Oz suite:

Not entirely unfitting for the end of our wicked single lives, especially as threads of ‘Over the Rainbow’ ran whimsically through it. It was music for the preparatory excitement of a night before. Is there a happier moment than the night before? When all is promise and hope and anticipatory delight? Back then I lived in the night before, and the night before our wedding was especially lovely.

Tomorrow marks our 10th wedding anniversary and I have two posts slated to celebrate the occasion. Given the state of the world, it will be a different anniversary than all our other ones, and that gives us a chance to start again, with new traditions and new adventures. Even if they take place in our own home. 

“If I ever go looking for my heart’s desire again, I won’t look any further than my own backyard. Because if it isn’t there, I never really lost it to begin with.” ~ Noel Langley
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06
May
2020
Tags: Gardening
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Resilience Leads to Loveliness

When the Lenten rose first emerges, sometimes before the winter is even done, it is often ragged and half-rotten, its leaves torn, any early blooms tattered and battered by snow and ice and wind. The first showing is deceptive. No one, well, no one I know, and most certainly not the man in the mirror, looks good first thing in the morning. We require some time to pep up, to re-hydrate our skin and wrinkles, to smooth out the sleep lines and fatigue. In much the same way, the Lenten rose needs a few weeks of recuperative conditions to fully become the beauty you see before you in this post. 

And like every year, it’s more than worth the wait. 

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06
May
2020
Tags: Madonna
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Justice for American Bedtime

Through some quirk of the internet and iTunes sales, Madonna’s ‘edtime Stories’ album from 1994 just shot to #1 on their chart, with ‘American Life’ gaining in chart action as of this writing. The #JusticeForBedtimeStories and #JusticeForAmericanLife tags were in full effect on the Madonna fan pages, contributing to their successful drive to bring her under-rated and under-appreciated works into the spotlight again. (Personally, I think a #1 for ‘Ray of Light’ is the more obvious choice, but that was widely regarded as a super-success/comeback so perhaps that’s why no one remembers it only ever made it to #2. If it wasn’t the damn Bodyguard soundtrack, it was the damn Titanic soundtrack blocking her perch on the top limb.)

As for these two albums, fans have always appreciated them, for the most part. It feels like ‘Bedtime Stories’ is the more favored of the two, though die-hard ‘American Life’ devotees will argue with that assessment. Such arguments used to be fun and engaging – now they’re simply tiresome, so we won’t get into it any more here. For now, let’s look back at the songs from the albums that have been examined in the Madonna Timeline and celebrate the legacy that such interesting pieces of her oeuvre has ensured.

Bedtime Stories

American Life

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05
May
2020
Tags: Food
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Dressed Up By Leaves of Coriander

A winter squash and mushroom curry stew is made into something spectacular with a dressing of fresh coriander leaves. (If you call it coriander you can spoil many a cilantro-hater’s dining experience, as I am wont to do.) This recipe felt more like fall and winter to me, but we had a string of rainy and dreary days last week, and it was easy to find some butternut squash and mushrooms, so here we have it. The coriander makes it much more spring-like, especially when kept intact and not chopped. 

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05
May
2020
Tags: Flowers
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2020 Cherry Blossom Vision

A super sunny weekend was just what our Kwanzan cherry tree needed to begin its annual show. These happy blooms coincided with the turn of the season – emotionally and weather-wise – even if we are due for rain in a few more days. The roller-coaster of spring rushes onward – up and down and round and round. The buds snuck up on me this year. Our downtrodden state of affairs had given me no reason to raise my head skyward, and on rainy days when I ventured outside, I was mostly hunched over, seeking signs of life on the ground, not in the air.

Thus my surprise was pleasant and immense as the buds swelled seemingly overnight and the first pink blossom unfurled its pretty tutu, dancing and twirling in the wind. Some years the pool has already been opened by this time. Not so this time around, as everything is running a bit behind. We are also due for a new pool liner, which will delay things even more. The only good thing about that is that when the flower petals fall, they won’t be clogging the filter, though I will miss the pretty way they float on the water.

Depending on their stage of development and bloom, cherry blossoms are each distinctive and unique. it is practically impossible to find two twins on the tree, which adds to their allure. Like people, even and sometimes especially twins, every one is an individual, to be compared only to themselves, or maybe the blue of the sky and the abstract notion of beauty. 

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04
May
2020
Tags: General
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Words of Wisdom from the Webmaster

My friend and webmaster Skip has been admired by many for his way with words, as well as his way with wisdom. I didn’t need to be reminded of it because it’s one of the things I value about his friendship, but it’s always nice to see something like this recent FaceBook post he wrote because then I know others are getting to witness his genius. He manages to cut through the current political situation with a sports parable that is powerful and insightful. It speaks for itself, and it speaks volumes:

Say what you will about hating the Yankees, and boy do I hate the Yankees. But I can’t say that I’m not sad about what happened to Mo Rivera. He’s a class act and I respect him as a player. I hope it’s not the end for him. The greatest closer the game has ever seen deserves a better exit than that…

This post from 8 years ago got me thinking. I have been a Red Sox fan for as long as I can remember. But I have never shied away from giving proper respect where it’s due. As was the case with Mo. He deserved respect because of the way that they played the game. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t ‘rooting’ for him. But I admired him nonetheless and wished him the best and the respect that they earned. I can reconcile this and still dislike the Yankees and all that they stand for. At the same time I can say, as a Red Sox fan, that Jonathan Papolbon was a gigantic douchebag and wasn’t worth respect from a Red Sox or Yankee fan alike. Sure he had a couple of wins but that didn’t change the fact that he carried himself like a tool and disrespected the game and the fans.

So why can’t people be like this politically? Let’s be honest here … Most of you are just rooting for “your team.” That’s the god’s honest truth. You can oppose someone and be civil to someone who has earned respect. And you can also realize that you can still love your team and realize that a player on it hasn’t done anything to earn your respect and supporting them because they are on your “team” makes you blind to the fact that they don’t give a shit about you regardless of whether or not you are a fan. ~ Skip Montross

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04
May
2020
Tags: General
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A Proper Spring Recap at Last

[Insert May the Fourth Be With You stupidity here.]

This week marks our 10th anniversary, and Andy and I will have to find a way to celebrate differently this year given that we won’t be making it back to Boston just yet. Love has faced greater hardships – we will simply do a proper Boston celebration later. As for recapping the past few days, get ready for the roller coaster. The last week knocked me down and helped me back up in hair-pin turn fashion. It began in rainy mode and stayed there more often than not, before ending in a gloriously sunny weekend that completely restored my spirit. We’ll get into that happy ending this week, so come back for sunnier entries. In the meantime, we shouldn’t forget the rainy days, because there will always be more of those too. On with the recap, and then the new week.

Escape to a Floating World, at a time when escapism is survival.

This is how I Zoom.

The easiest, quickest, and most dangerous recipe for shortbread ever.

I’m wearing black underwear (bats eyes). 

Our Awakening to Awareness series nears its last entry. 

A new song by Rufus Wainwright is always a happy thing. 

A grapefruit spritzer: simplicity and refreshment incarnate.

The post I wrote when everything finally hit me.

It’s ok to be an ass.

And it’s ok to show your ass, especially when it’s World Naked Gardening Day.

Ladies and gentlemen, step right up! Revisiting The Circus Project from 2008. 

An assortment of shirtless male celebrities. 

A parting ass shot, for good measure.

Hunks of the Day included Irving Peña, Tommy Dorfman, Evan James Betts, Dennis Rodman, James Rees, and Tarek El Moussa.

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03
May
2020
Tags: Mindfulness
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Awakening to Awareness ~ Part Five

“When we start off in life, we look at reality with wonder, but it isn’t the intelligent wonder of the mystics; it’s the formless wonder of the child. Then wonder dies and is replaced by boredom, as we develop language and words and concepts. Then hopefully, if we’re lucky, we’ll return to wonder again.” ~ Anthony de Mello

The world whipped my butt this week (stop asking for photos of that) and so I’m taking this time and doing my best to turn it into a learning experience. I had a tremendous therapy session which helped a great deal, because once in a great while the universe saves you when you least expect it but need it the most.

This week’s awareness quote from Anthony de Mello is the aspirational motivation I need to keep going in these uncharted times. It may help to turn what might first be perceived as difficult and different into something challenging and wondrous – an adventure that one can learn from and embrace, a trial that might make us all better in the long run. That’s always hard to see in the first moments of hardship and confusion, and our initial instincts may be to lash out or hide the pain within. Neither is very conducive to growth or improvement

At a time in our history when we are being forced to slow down and consider our actions more than any other in my lifetime, perhaps the universe is reminding us to reconnect with the basic tenets of what makes us human. To find the wonder and exuberant innocence of a child, to step back and away from the language and concepts and social constricts we have artificially created to distract and entertain ourselves from the natural beauty of the world.

This site leans toward that beauty. I strive to find the pulchritude of a flower, a leaf, a bird, a cloud, a plate of food, a drink garnished with verbena, a colorful scarf, a sparkling bauble, or a photograph outlining the gorgeous contours of the human body. The beauty of a song, the memory evoked by a certain melody, a fragrance that recalls the first day of summer after a whole year of school that ran all the way through June.

In beauty there is wonder. There is all that we don’t and never could understand. It is a strange thing to reach for that kind of wonder. Strange and beautiful and, well, wonderful.

{See also Awakening to Awareness: Part One, Part Two and Part Three and Part Four.}

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03
May
2020
Tags: General
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There is Darkness Every Night…

… and every morning it goes away. 

I’ve had to remind myself of that this past week, when rainy days matched difficult circumstances, as work and Andy’s health issues came to a head and kicked my emotional ass. I did my best, and I faltered a few times. The state of the world is bearing down on us all. It can be, and has been, a bit overwhelming. For the most part, I thought I was doing all right – and I still think I am – but this has been a tough few days. The rain didn’t help matters, even if it did help the garden. And so I take the good with the bad, remembering that it’s all right to fall down now and then, as long as we can pick ourselves up again. It’s a cliche, and normally I’d cringe at using such a phrase, but when you’ve never felt that way before it means a little bit more. 

In the past, every little failure was a life-stalling disaster. Every flow or foible along the way was reason to dip into a stultifying state of immobility. Aloofness, shyness, sadness ~ name the ‘ness unless it started with happy and I’d embrace the chance to revel in the awfulness of it all. Each setback was compounded with a resulting mind-trap, and while the world generally, and genuinely, did not care what missteps I made, I took each and every mistake to heart, and I took everything personally. It took forty years to realize the grave error of such small ways. Hence this post. 

It’s ok to trip up and stumble. No one is perfect. The new trick, for me, is learning to embrace these setbacks as opportunities to learn and challenge myself, to grow and become better, because I very much believe it will lead to happiness. We shall see…

 

 

 

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