Author Archives: Alan Ilagan

“When kids are different, you just know. You can tell ~ adults can tell. And the quiet kids were never, well, you know, they just don’t fit in. And if you don’t fit in at the beginning, you never really fit in, ever, do you?”

Belonging.

It’s such a lovely word. A lovely sentiment.

Some of us spend our lifetimes searching for where we might belong.

Some of us never find it.

Still, we search.

Still, we seek.

Still, we yearn to belong…

I find him in his reading chair
When he looks up and sees I’m there
He stands in wonder
He chokes up as he says my name
Explaining why he never came to me
I hug him

I tell him I’ve been busy too
So everything’s okay
He’s proud to see how strong I am
And then at last I hear him say

Spring enters its final weeks, and it’s already, and finally, feeling like summer. The seasons don’t always seem to know where they belong either. How could humans possibly find their place? Perhaps belonging has less to do with a place, and more to do with a feeling. Maybe the placement of belonging is a space we create in our minds – a land of shared sentiments, a world of deeper connection, a universe of love – all in our heads.

And when other joys have passed away
You will still be here to guide me
Tomorrow, just as true as yesterday
You will be here, you will stay
Always here beside me…

Tired of the push and pull that has been this spring – never deciding whether it wants to snow or burn up – I sink to the floor, lean back against the bed, and silently wait for the summer. A shirt of lilac lace holds my hand – the jeweled necklace my leash. The window air-conditioning unit rumbles and moans – on its last legs, but I’ll try to get one or two more summer seasons out of it. This attic room reminds me of summer. The desk needs to be cleaned off and de-cluttered. I should probably vacuum too, instead of just waiting for the next set of guests to force the matter.

The fiftieth spring of a man’s life should be something special.

I find every spring a little special.

Rain makes for a damn good song.

We finally got some badly-needed wet stuff the other night – even with this questionable spring, we are somehow already dry as a bone. The rain arrived at night, which is best for everyone and everything. Good sleeping weather, good rejuvenating moment for the garden and lawn, good way of getting the precipitation out of the way in the hopes of a sunnier day.

When I woke the next morning, the garden felt refreshed. Drops still stuck to some of the plants, though they would burn off quickly enough. The sedum seen here (my new favorite foliage plant with its gray leaves with hints of burgundy) held onto its wet carriage. Rain storms don’t always stick around, even when you need the rain. Here are a few rain songs to help us make our peace with the gray days as they come.

• Rain
• I’ll Take the Rain
• Rainy Days and Mondays
• Lilacs in the Rain
• Blame It On the Rain

ME: Turn out my car needs four new brakes. How many brakes does a car even have?

SKIP: Uhh, four.

ME: Oh my God, then that’s all of them!

Last year marked the tenth anniversary of our BroSox Adventures, so Skip and I went all out with an extra-long weekend documented here and here. This year we are getting back to basics – no extravagant theme or agenda, no months of planning – just me and my good friend taking in a Red Sox game (no matter how badly they might suck right now – the Fenway franks are still the best anywhere).

Today we are headed back to Boston for our 11th year of this cherished tradition. Check out the links below to see how far we’ve come.

The BroSox Adventures

BroSox Adventure 2015: Part One, Part Two and Part Three.

BroSox Adventure 2016: Preamble, Part One and Part Two.

BroSox Adventure 2017: Part One and Part Two.

BroSox Adventure 2018

BroSox Adventure 2019: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.

BroSox Adventure 2020: Canceled, like everything that year, due to COVID.

BroSox Adventure 2021: Part One and Part Two.

BroSox Adventure 2022

BroSox Adventures 2023

BroSox Adventures 2024: Part One and Part Two.

BroSox Adventures 2025: Part One and Part Two.

Some plants whisper.

Some plants shout.

And some plants scream and stomp and smash the senses until they gain notice.

This plant is one of the latter, thanks to its flaming florals and fiery foliage.

It’s a powerful combination, proving the old adage that more is so much more.

Whenever I shrink away from doing something that scares me, or wearing something I think might be too much, I think of a plant like this, and I feel empowered, and remember that adage.