Manscaping by Ben Cohen

I can think of no one more brilliant than Ben Cohen to come out with a few male grooming products. Mr. Cohen has been celebrated for his hirsute hotness, but even the hottest guys need a bit of manscaping from time to time. To that end, he’s offering a line of grooming products to help the hairier among us to keep things under control. (I’m all for a natural look, but there are limits to how much hair actually looks good. If you can braid it, it’s got to go.) Sadly, these grooming tools are not yet available on these shores, which is another reason to go to London. Perhaps I can persuade Mr. Cohen to send me a sample so I can test it out for the American market and do a proper write-up. It’s the least I can do.

Actually, scratch that – if I ever get in touch with Ben Cohen it will be to request a pair of his underwear. (Not his actual underwear, but a pair from his underwear line. Oh who am I kidding?)

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Dickhead of the Day: Daniel Murphy

I toyed with the term ‘Asshat of the Day‘ but I eventually opted for alliteration, as I almost always will. (Douchebag of the Day would work just as well. So would Just Plain Stupid.) This is Daniel Murphy, a Mets player who recently made a few ridiculously-off-putting comments when addressing the day the Mets spent with former baseball player, and openly gay athlete, Billy Bean:

“I disagree with his lifestyle… I do disagree with the fact that Billy is a homosexual. That doesn’t mean I can’t still invest in him and get to know him. I don’t think the fact that someone is a homosexual should completely shut the door on investing in them in a relational aspect. Getting to know him. That, I would say, you can still accept them but I do disagree with the lifestyle, 100 percent.

Maybe, as a Christian, that we haven’t been as articulate enough in describing what our actual stance is on homosexuality. We love the people. We disagree the lifestyle. That’s the way I would describe it for me. It’s the same way that there are aspects of my life that I’m trying to surrender to Christ in my own life. There’s a great deal of many things, like my pride. I just think that as a believer trying to articulate it in a way that says just because I disagree with the lifestyle doesn’t mean I’m just never going to speak to Billy Bean every time he walks through the door. That’s not love. That’s not love at all.”

Mr. Murphy, you have a lot to learn about love. Mets’ general manager Sandy Alderson had invited Mr. Bean to address the team in an effort to make the environment more inclusive for all people. Mr. Murphy proved that he needed the lesson most of all, and then failed to glean anything from it. That’s just stupid – and sad.

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An Ilagan Birthday

For my brother’s birthday we had dinner at my parents’ house in Amsterdam, NY, where the twins enjoyed an influx of Uncles. It’s always risky celebrating a birthday in the midst of February in upstate New York, but this year we escaped the usual winter storm that prevents us from joining in the festivities.

Emi and Noah are getting more and more interactive, and get to do pretty much what they want, so we were treated to some wild swings of singing and playing, running around and jumping, and just a little bit of actual eating of a birthday dinner. It’s much more fun to watch when you don’t have to worry about putting them to bed or raising them for the future. So we just watched and chuckled.

Here, Emi channels her inner Janis Joplin, even if there was little singing involved.

Noah played a monkey game with me and his Dad.

It’s all about the pose and the rock-star posture.

The birthday boy and father overseeing dinner and phone at the same time.

Doting Uncles.

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Tying Up My Meat

Despite the ease with which it seemed my pal Simon tied up a piece of pork many years ago, I’ve always steered clear of anything that requires tying, at least as far as the kitchen goes. It’s one of my peculiar and unfounded fears, like my trepidation of the pool drain or the Easter bunny. But when a recipe for a basic braciole showed up online, and the weekend turned snowy, I gave the classic Italian dish a try – and it turned out pretty well.

The trick here, at least according to many iterations, is a quick searing in oil then a long, slow cook in your best tomato sauce. Here’s the recipe I used:

INGREDIENTS:

1 1/2 lb flank steak (usually labeled braciole meat)

6 tbsp fresh parsley leaves (roughly chopped)

8 garlic cloves (minced)

4 tbsp of olive oil

Salt and pepper to season

4 tbsp grated Pecorino Romano cheese

METHOD:

1. Lay out the braciole on wax or parchment paper. Pound with a meat mallet.

2. Season both sides generously with sea salt and pepper. Sprinkle with olive oil.

3. Spread garlic on top of the braciole evenly across the entire piece. Scatter grated cheese on top of garlic.

4. Add a thick coating of parsley.

5. Roll it up tightly and tie securely with baker’s twine.

6. Heat dutch oven on stove top to medium-high heat and add olive oil. Place bracioles in carefully and turn to brown on all sides. Add water if necessary to keep the meat moist.

7. When fully browned, cover with tomato sauce and reduce to medium-low heat and let cook slowly for 2- 2 1/2 hours. Serve bracoile and sauce over pasta.

The rolling and tying was the messiest part, but with practice I can see it becoming less unwieldy. I made a tomato sauce from scratch as well (hello kitchen ambition) and cooked it slowly for about three hours, at the end of which the meat was super tender. A variation that you may want to try is the addition of pine nuts in the braciole, for an extra Italian twist.

It seems that certain things do much better when they’re tied up. The kitchen likes it kinky.

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Zephyr in the Sky At Night, I Wonder

On this date way back in 1998 Madonna released what remains her best album to date: ‘Ray of Light.’ It’s my personal favorite as well, thanks to the time in my life when it came out, in addition to its own musical merit. ‘Light’ remade Madonna into the critically-acclaimed artist she has remained through this present day (continuing with next week’s release of ‘Rebel Heart.’)

Whenever winter starts to crumble, when spring is in the night air, I’ll play this album start to finish, and go on the emotional roller-coaster that was 1998 all over again. It’s Madonna’s most fully-realized album, a soundscape held together by William Orbit’s production, grounded in the warmth and resonance of Madonna’s voice, and lifted by the higher concerns of our place in the universe. It’s also a marker of my youth, of a time when I was searching for love, stumbling through my 20’s, and wondering whether I’d always be alone. When music comes out at such personal cross-roads, it becomes part of your soul. That’s what ‘Ray of Light’ is for me, and if you ever want to get closer to me, listen to that work and we’ll talk.

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The First Recap on the 2nd of March

The snow-covered tundra of upstate New York greets this crazy month with, what else, some more snow. Poo-poo to that frou-frou. I’m still recovering from the tornado that was having my niece and nephew stay over on Saturday night. Yes, it takes that long. Remind me never to serve French toast or anything that requires syrup again as the entire house was sticky for the whole next day. But enough about that, onto the recap…

The first surprise was the unhyped and unheralded return of the Madonna Timeline with this hush-hush song that instantly brings to mind the first guy I ever kissed.

The last week of February marked my brother’s birthday.

Madonna was dragged down but did what she does best: got back up and rose like the phoenix. You can’t keep a good woman down.

The great crepe caper.

For the first time ever, there was a three-time Hunk of the Day ~ Ronnie Kroell – as voted on by you. (And me.)

Flowers can lift the darkest days, and that’s a very good thing at this time of the year.

Fashion can do that too, and when in an emotional pinch I head to the closet and find something like this to cheer me up.

Mark MacKillop is still promoting (and perfecting) his latest book, Rm. XIV.

The Special Guest Blog is still going strong, with this entry by one of my besties, Ann Agresta. (Applications for your own Guest Blog are currently being accepted – just do it!)

The month of March is still wild.

And Tom Daley is still in a Speedo.

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The Lion Comes In

March. Month of miraculous transformation. How we have waited for you to turn the page on winter. Oh yes, I realize with much chagrin that there are still a few weeks to go – and likely the most difficult ones. Every winter snowstorm that arrives after this becomes more and more trying, testing the patience and endurance of the most jaded Northeastern denizen. I’m thoroughly sick of this shit, and have been for some time, but I’ll hold on because we’re accustomed to it. We can manage.

To commemorate this first day of the month in which spring finally pokes through the snow, a look back at March moments from the past. Let’s begin with the most recent of them, such as this two-parter when I was Boston. Part One simply must happen again, and Part Two most definitely will. I miss Boston immensely in this winter of frozen dreams and snow-bound streets.

The Ass Menagerie.

I Love Bois.

March is a good month for gingers. (Like every month, really.)

It was also the month that found the release of ‘Like A Prayer’ by Madonna.

More importantly, it’s the month of change.

Going back two years, March moments included the Magic of Mann, the wonder of ‘Ray of Light‘, the magnificence of Scott Herman, the amazing Alex Minsky, and this erotic erection collection. March also rang with music, and the music of spring always touches a deeper part of the heart.

March also means Easter bunny mayhem. (Still recovering…)

One final March post is from 2012 when we were in the throes of MDNA madness. We’re almost there again, thanks to Rebel Heart. Hold tight…

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Voodoo, Taboo, Sex & Juji: Special Guest Blog

{There are a few people in this world who have literally saved my life. Back in my high school days, that was Ann Agresta. When I was on the verge of suicidal madness, and my own family didn’t know what to do with me, I found solace and refuge in my friendship with Ann. She too was an outsider, she too felt like she didn’t belong, and when people like that are lucky enough to find one another at their lowest moments, the attraction and the need is instant and gratifying. Her Mom became a surrogate Mom to me (as so many did for reasons I’m still fathoming) and her friendship became a lifeline for some of the roughest years to follow. Whenever I’m feeling upset or overwhelmed by the world, I think of Ann. I think of our craziest and silliest times and it always manages to lift me out of the funk. When I asked her to write something for this blog, I expected something funny, but I didn’t exact to be so deeply moved too. Here is her entry, and an incriminating photo of the time I wore handcuffs and ladies lingerie. Some things never change – and I hope they never do.}

SPECIAL GUEST BLOG

By Ann Agresta

What can I say about a man I have been friends with for over 25 years? So many memories flood back to me when I think of all the years we have known each other. The bond between true friends never breaks, and I consider Alan to be a true friend. We can go years without contact, but the minute we see, email, text, Facebook or Instagram each other, it is like no time has passed at all. And that is when you know you have a true friendship. I just mentioned all the forms of social media one may use to keep in touch with friends, but my favorite is still old fashioned physical MAIL! And I like to think that Alan instilled that love of mail inside of me! The packages that I received from Alan while attending RIT caused quite a stir and I loved every minute of it. There was glitter, questionable pictures, some things I may have even blocked out of my memory. But while I was away at college and still very homesick, getting mail from Alan would cheer up any bad day I may have been having.

The closeness that I had with Alan started in high school. Missy and Alan were my best friends. We were the three musketeers, we always did everything together. High school in general wasn’t my favorite social place; I was not part of the popular groups, I was very overweight, constantly made fun of for that, never had a boyfriend and never attended a prom or senior ball. But the one thing I did have was a few true friends that never judged me. We had a bond that wasn’t based on looks or popularity. There are things that I have told Alan that no one else in the world knows about me and I would trust him with my life.

When we all went our separate ways to college, I knew we would still remain close. And Alan’s love for traveling kept our friendship alive. One of my first memories of college was Alan telling me he was gay. Now, he did date Missy in high school which is a story for a different day! But when Alan told me the news I didn’t blink an eye. It wasn’t news to me because sexuality doesn’t define anything in my eyes. It didn’t change how I felt about him. The one thing it did do was make me feel proud that he trusted me enough to tell me. I remember a lot of dark emails from Alan in our early years in college. I think we all went through dark times but Alan’s talented writing skills made his emails seem so mysterious and made the dark times seem even darker. I did worry about my friend, sometimes he seemed so alone at Brandeis. The only thing I could do for him was offer an ear when he needed to talk and have a blast with him when he visited me in Rochester. And oh boy, did we have some good times. A few highlights include: scaring children at Ponderosa because of the outfit Alan had on, me walking Alan on a leash in a grocery store in Potsdam, NY while he was wearing a pink bra as a belt, us rushing onto the dance floor at a drag show when ‘Be My Lover’ by La Bouche came on over the speaker, us cracking up together at the most inappropriate times. With just one look, Alan could make me laugh until it hurt! I do recall Alan ran over a curb in a parking lot while visiting me in Rochester and almost tore off the entire bottom of his car, but I had no part in that incident.

One of my most cherished parts of my friendship with Alan is his friendship with my mom. Because we spent so much time together, my mom loved Alan so much. She would do anything for him and with him. Case in point, she bought him the Madonna ‘Sex’ book when it came out because we were not old enough to get it! She posed for countless pictures and photo shoots with Alan. We have the pictures to prove it. I just found one the other night from the 1990’s where Alan is in a cape and my mom was taking pictures of him outside at night. And that all seems perfectly normal to me. No matter what kind of picture Alan asked any of us to pose for, we did it. I am not sure why, but it was just sort of an unsaid thing – Alan wanted pics, we did it! I posed in front of a ‘Sunset Boulevard’ poster in NYC and mimicked the pose of the character on the poster because Alan asked. Seemed perfectly normal to me. And again, that is what a good friendship is – doing things that your friend asked, no questions asked! Well, there were some more questionable moments that I probably should have not went along with, but we won’t get  into that here!

When my mom had brain surgery, Alan stopped by the house to visit while she was still recovering and her face lit up. Moments like that are never forgotten. That was a very stressful time for me, but just one look from Alan, one private joke, and we reverted back to giggling children.

I could write for days about all the memories I have with Alan. The bottom line is we will be friends forever, through good and bad, and I know that if I needed Alan at 2 AM he would be there for me and vice versa. I can hardly believe we will both be 40 years old this August. At times when I am reminiscing with Alan, I feel like I am 16 years old again. The memories bring me back to the days when life seemed simple, when the biggest decision we had to make was what color feather boa we were going to use in our photo shoot. As I type that, I am laughing because life may be more complicated now, but Alan is still deciding what color feather boa to wear in the next photo shoot!!! And that is just one of many reasons why I love him so!

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When In Doubt, Do A Daley

Tom Daley, that is. He hasn’t been here in a bit, but whenever a few new Speedo shots come out, he’s worth another post. After all, he’s one of the few select gentlemen (and woman) who constitutes his own Category. [See also David Beckham, Ben Cohen, Tom Ford, Andy and Madonna.]

Former Tom Daley posts include this one of him in a Speedo, this one of him in a Speedo, this one of him in a Speedo, this one of him in a Speedo, this one of him OUT of a Speedo, this one of him in a Speedo, this one of him in a Speedo, and this one of him in a Speedo.

Oh yeah, and this one of him in a Speedo.

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Mark MacKillop: The Solitary Masterpiece

“You do not need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Do not even listen, simply wait, be quiet still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked, it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet.” ~ Franz Kafka

The empty room.

The sound of solitude.

The languorous shifting of light.

The art of being alone has produced works of staggering beauty. Only when faced with ourselves can we get to understand what we are really like. You have to be all right with being alone before you can be good company for anyone else. There’s a gorgeous irony in that, and it’s explored pictorially in Mark MacKillop’s coffee-table book ‘Room XIV.’ Released a few months ago, Mr. MacKillop has been making the book tour rounds and putting in appearances at bookstores to spread the pretty word. Reaction has been supportive and enthusiastic.

“I’ve been most surprised by people’s love of the book, MacKillop explains. “It was a really fun project that when I started it had no real intention for it to become a book or continue like this. I love that people are interested in seeing my life touring with a musical depicted in hotel rooms. I don’t think anything really bothered me about this process because that’s all part of the learning curve of trying something new you haven’t done before, like publishing a book. It’s all been a really cool learning experience.”

“You can get help from teachers, but you are going to have to learn a lot by yourself, sitting alone in a room.” ~ Dr. Seuss

The book itself is a beautiful study on the human form, but also the human condition of solitude. There is a loneliness at work, but a contentment in that loneliness. There is also a sense of connection, or trying to make some connection. He reaches out with his gaze, seeking to impress with a pose, and the end result is a complex examination of the human condition, veiled in the gauze of beauty. According to MacKillop, it was an invitation: “Very rarely do people get a glimpse into the life of a touring actor’s day-to-day life.  I wanted to be able to share that with my friends who were across the Atlantic and any new friends that I met on the road. It was my way of being creative and letting people into my world.”

“When you get into a hotel room, you lock the door, and you know there is a secrecy, there is a luxury, there is fantasy. There is comfort. There is reassurance.” ~ Diane von Furstenberg

In a world of social media overload and online-only interactions, a physical book feels old-school and quaint. It lends a warmth and sturdiness to the experience, something that will never quite be matched by the cold glare of a computer screen. A photograph on paper somehow resonates more than an image on screen. It demands a bit more.

“I love the physical appeal of a heavy book,” MacKillop admits, offering insight into the technicalities of the creative process. “There’s something awesome about physically turning pages, feeling the texture of the paper. That was an important factor when I was choosing what textures went into my book. I chose a paper that had some weight and feeling to it. I didn’t want a high gloss page I wanted the book to feel like it was from a different time, the pages really soak up the ink of the image. That being said as much as I love traditional books the Internet has made it so incredibly easy to share new images instantly so there’s an appeal for both, my love for the physical and the instant.”

That juxtaposition has made the marketing for the book an interesting amalgamation of teasing shots, evocative video, and traditional in-person bookstore signings.

“I used to live in a room full of mirrors; all I could see was me. I take my spirit and I crash my mirrors, now the whole world is here for me to see.” ~ Jimi Hendrix

When confronted with the question of whether he is happier alone or surrounded by people, MacKillop straddles both states. “Everything in moderation,” he says. “Sometimes I crave the interaction and conversation of others. Although sometimes after a long day nothing is more nice than being alone. They say you can’t truly be happy with others till you are happy and content by yourself.”

“All men’s miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone.” ~ Blaise Pascal

Which brings us back to that room, where a man stands by himself, gazing out at the world, at the mirror, at the camera lens. It is a moment of reflection, of solitude, of seeking out some understanding of his place here. It is his way of connecting, through the portal of a look, a photograph, a book.

“Being alone was the premise of the project. The year on tour with ‘West Side Story’ was a demanding year both physically and emotionally. It was a big year of personal and artistic growth. I spent a lot of time alone thinking. People always comment, ‘Oh you look deep in thought in the photos.’ That’s what I wanted to capture, that moment.”

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I’m Having a Fashion Moment

Picked up my crown, put it back on my head

Some days you just have to get into a silly get-up and strut your own fabulousness ~ even, and especially, if no one else is around. Such was the case with this quick photographic moment. I’m supposed to be working on a new project, but I’m a little rusty, so I took this jacket out for a spin in front of a black backdrop.

As always, the best part came when I got to take the tie off. That’s usually the best part of any day.

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An Antidote for the Bleakness

Having previously pooh-poohed the notion of flowers on Valentine’s Day (cologne will always be the wiser choice) I had forgotten how much a bouquet of bright flowers can lift the darkest spirit in these bleakest of winter days. When we recently had a few people over for dinner, I went out and bought these flowers, and they’ve made a noticeable difference in the house. For such a simple thing, the rewards have proven to be substantial. Maybe I’m just so starved for greenery and flowers anything would have made this magnificent difference. Whatever the cause, I’m enjoying the little burst of spring and boost of spirits.

It’s amazing the power that a flower can hold over the countenance and the mental state of those of us starting to feel the winter blues. I spent a while just staring at each of the blooms here, studying the veins of each petal, the curves of the stems, the texture of the leaves.

It was the color that inspired me the most. Rich, vibrant, bold and beautiful – the perfect remedy for a gray and white landscape. Sensory overload in the best possible way. A moment of visual giddiness.

This is why we need a garden room. So many ills could be instantly cured by a few hours in such surroundings. Beauty is a balm for the most restless of hearts.

Until that day, a bouquet will have to suffice… and, somehow, it does.

 Flowers really do intoxicate me. ~Vita Sackville-West

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The Great Crepe Caper

(Try saying that three times in quick succession.)

This is neither a disaster nor a striking success story – it falls somewhere between the two and involves my first attempt at crafting a crepe. I’ve never really been a fan of the fancy pancake – my mind has never quite gotten itself around where it’s meant to fall on the sweet versus savory spectrum (I love a good spectrum). I know there are both, but I like something a little less malleable in my food options. At any rate, I found a quick and easy (and quite basic) recipe in a recent New York Times magazine, and it went like this:

UNMEASURED CREPES

Very adapted from ‘Ratio’ by Michael Ruhlman

1 vessel whole raw eggs

1 vessel all-purpose flour

1 3/4 vessel whole milk

1/4 vessel sweet butter

Dash to pinch of salt

1. Beat eggs. Add ingredients and whisk. Add salt and taste.

2. Heat nonstick pan or lightly oiled one on medium heat. Add ladleful of batter, just enough to thinly coat bottom of pan. Cook until edges begin to brown, maybe 30 seconds. Flip, with conviction, and cook ten more seconds.

3. Cook as many as desired, stacking on plate and covering with cloth towel until ready to serve.

4. Savory variation: chop up fresh herbs – parsley, mint, and/or dill – and add to batter before cooking. (As much as you like.)

I gave it a whirl and it didn’t turn out badly. I love a simple recipe with a simple preparation. This time around the trickiest part was flipping the damn things, but even that went better than expected. Only two didn’t quite work out, and that’s because of early hesitation on my part. You have to commit to the flip. It has to be certain and definite, and a little bold. Any fear or hesitancy will not go over well. After a few tries, I found that the higher the crepe went in the air, the better chance I had of landing it perfectly. At first I was trying to keep it low and close to the pan. Go for the gusto and you’ll be fine.

As for the end result, I was pleased but not blown away. The first attempt was too thick – I’d used too much batter – and the crepe was a bit rubbery. After that, I cut down on the batter, keeping it very thin and spreading it around, at which point the traditional light and fluffy crepe consistency was achieved. My only complaint was that with such a quick cooking time, I still tasted a bit of raw flour. I wouldn’t have minded this so much with a sweet version, but in a savory style (I’d opted to add the fresh parsley) it was mildly annoying. (I know nothing about crepes – eating or making them – so I’m sure there are mistakes I made that contributed to the general ho-hum aspect of the whole process.) Perhaps FUSSYlittleBLOG or Carl can help a novice out with some tips…

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Lifted Me Up & Watched Me Stumble

It looked bad. Very bad. At the top of a tier of stairs, she leaned back and some hapless dancer pulled her cape before it was completely untied. She stumbled backward, down a few steps and fell hard onto the floor. For anyone else, it would have proven disastrous, if not a reason to stop the show. But Madonna’s never been anyone. She is Someone. She is The One – the one who carried on. She caught her breath, got back up, and kept going.

I defy anyone who dares to mock her after that to do the same. You know you wouldn’t. You know you couldn’t. She’s Madonna, and you’re not. (I’m not either, and if I took a spill like that I’d still be lying where I landed.)

As for the aftermath, it feels eerily like the fall-out of similar “disasters” ~ the Playboy photos, the ‘Like A Virgin‘ MTV Awards performance, the ‘Like A Prayer‘ controversy, the ‘Justify My Love‘ brouhaha, the ‘Sex‘ book, the adoptions, the younger boyfriends, and the audacity to continuing to do what she wants to do ~ so think for a moment about how those things turned out. In the end, Madonna’s latest song ‘Living For Love’ (her, ahem, 44th Number One Dance single) is the final word on the matter.

I let down my guard, I fell into your arms
Forgot who I was, I didn’t hear the alarms
Now I’m down on my knees, alone in the dark
I was blind to your game
You fired a shot in my heart

Took me to heaven and let me fall down
Now that it’s over I’m gonna carry on
Lifted me up, and watched me stumble
After the heartache I’m gonna carry on

Living for love
Living for love
I’m not giving up
I’m gonna carry on
Living for love
I’m living for love
Not gonna stop
Love’s gonna lift me up

I could get caught up in bitterness

But I’m not dwelling on this crazy mess
I found freedom in the ugly truth
I deserve the best and it’s not you

You’ve broken my heart, but you can’t bring it down
I’ve fallen apart, I was lost, now I’m found
I picked up my crown, put it back on my head
I can forgive, but I will never forget…

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The Madness of Men

While the doors of ‘Downton Abbey‘ are nearing their close for the season, the window to ‘Mad Men’ is about to open. This trailer for the final episodes is riveting, playful, and just the slightest bit sexy – a perfect encapsulation of the series as a whole. The party is not quite over… 

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