What’s even better than a perfect game? A game in which the pitcher is so strikingly perfect that every batter up ends up striking out. Hope Trautwein accomplished such an amazing feat, and for that she earns her first turn as Dazzler of the Day. I can’t imagine throwing a single pitch that makes it over the center of home plate – or reaches home plate for that matter – so this sort of excellence is especially impressive.
Oh Gronk, how envious we were of you, and how envious we still are.
Rob Gronkowski of the New England Patriots officially announced his retirement today. Don’t bother doing the math on how old he is, because the math just makes me mad. I mean, so happy for him and everything… blah, blah, blah. (No word yet on how Tom Brady is taking this news.) The Gronk has been very popular on this website, thanks to his penchant for removing his shirt at no provocation whatsoever. We appreciate such things, so let’s take a quick look back at everyone’s favorite footballer.
This post was one of the first that proved a naked Rob Gronkowski was a big draw.
A Speedo and crack of ass proved the Gronk was just as popular in skimpy attire as he was out of it.
His ESPN Body Issue shoot.
More Rob Gronkowski nude pics…
He also did his part to show off the sexiness that was the Super Bowl this year.
It’s up to Julian Edelman to take over the naked show-off spot next season. (He’s already proved his nude aptitude.)
Anyway, congrats Gronk. Do not go quietly into that good night.
My idea of the Super Bowl is the Academy Awards, so this is but a pre-show practice for that main event. There have been years when I’ve been more excited than others (ok, just the one year, when Madonna ran the halftime show) and quite frankly the blush is off the Patriots rose for me, but any opportunity for socially-acceptable gorging on Buffalo chicken dip is reason enough to celebrate in these parts. I’ll add some celery to go with my healthier living of late.
Looking back in the blog, something that is more often irksome than not, I see that there have been a surprising number of football-related posts. Not only for the obvious jockstrap features, but in the Hunk of the Day series and other miscellaneous entries. These are a few (ok, a lot of) examples of how the pigskin runs deep here:
{The screen lights up on this exchange between Skip and Alan…}
ALAN: Did Tom Brady fuck a goat? What are all the goat references about? Or is GOAT like EGOT but for football?
SKIP: Greatest Of All Time.
ALAN: OMG. Well thank God he didn’t fuck it. Wait, was the goat named Sylvia?
Just before taking off for summer break, we lucked out on the timing of this post, which allows me to post several photos from Adam Rippon’s ESPN Naked Body Issue, a very happy time for the world, when athletes doff their uniforms in favor of their God-given suits and strut their stuff in fully nude form. That always gets a big celebratory post here, as we’ve seen here and here and here, particularly among such favored luminaries as Julian Edelman, Rob Gronkowski, and Michael Phelps. Now we can add Adam Rippon to that esteemed list. Mr. Rippon was featured here a number of times, notably in this post and that one. (Ok, this one too.)
This marks the premiere of our ‘Super Bowl Spotlight‘ feature (the first and last one until next year, because researching sports shit is just not my scene). I did, however, put forth some effort to secure this one, because while gingers may rule the red roost here, a bald man is just as much appreciated. No hair on the chest is one (disappointing) thing, but no hair on the head is quite another, and in these parts we celebrate the chrome-domed among us as the hot and sultry guys they are. Case in point is Rex Bulkhead, a running back for the New England Patriots (previously of the Cincinnati Bengals). I know several people who would gleefully trade in the carefully-coifed tops of Tom Brady and Rob Gronkowski for the sleek and chic smoothness of Mr. Burkhead’s head. Here’s wishing him luck today in the really big game.
Behold, it is Super Bowl Sunday!! This is the one day in the entire year where I make Buffalo chicken dip (a.k.a. chicken crack dip according to the internet). I’ll fancy it up with some fresh green onions as a garnish, and whole wheat pita bread for dipping, because I can convince myself that anything is healthy when whole wheat is involved. Mind fucking is a glorious thing in your 40’s.
What’s on the agenda? Perhaps some live-tweeting of the big game, or at least the commercials leading up to the half-time show with Justin Timberlake. (He was rumored to be using a hologram of Prince in this one, which would, in my estimation, be rather cataclysmic, but I’ll reserve judgment for how it turns out in the end.) Mr. Timberlake will be back here in a few hours with a shameless promo-plug of his naked ass. We live to give.
Tom Brady’s mug adorns this post, as he will anchor the Patriots, who are going for their sixth (?) Super Bowl Ring. (Cue Ring of Fire.) In honor of that, a few links to past Super Bowl glories:
And a bonus shot of a naked Julian Edelman. You didn’t really come here for legit football stats, did you?
Somehow I missed that Michael Phelps had done an underwear ad for Under Armour. I’m not terribly upset missing this one, given that I abhor Under Armour, but Mr. Phelps has been an anchor of this site thanks to his Olympic greatness, so for that we offer this belated celebration of his basket and bulge. He’s had his stuff on display before, in posts like this, and some naked shots here and here. These should only add to his legacy. The Summer Olympics may be over for now, but the Winter Olympics are about to begin again. Stay tuned…
A few more shots from the ESPN Body Issue, this time of the ever-naked Julian Edelman. A nude Edelman is something that must be seen to be believed, so here he is in the altogether again.
Julian Edelman naked is one thing.
Julian Edelman naked and in motion is another.
Here are a few more GIFs from Edelman’s nude shoot with ESPN magazine.
(In case the nude cover wasn’t enough.)
It’s once again time for the only thing ESPN has ever been good for: the Body Issue, in which various athletes disrobe and pose for pics in the buff. This year’s crop may bring the hottest of them all, in the form of Julian Edelman, from the New England Patriots. The mere notion of a naked Julian Edelman sends shivers down the spine. Here he is in a few teasers of the nude Edelman photo shoot.
Out and proud Olympic athlete Gus Kenworthy has graced these pages before, in his first Hunk of the Day post as well as this gratuitous entry where he bares his well-toned butt. Here he is in some fun and funky underwear, and the shots are practically wholesome (especially when compared to some of the smut we peddle here). There’s something to be said for restraint. And shirtless athletes in their polka-dotted underwear. How refreshing to see that they aren’t mutually exclusive.
It’s Super Bowl Sunday! I’ll be too busy hosting a brunch for family and friends this morning, so I’m not going to be getting up into any jockstrap antics – we’ll leave that to these gentlemen. This is the one day in the entire year when I make that Buffalo chicken dip and drink a beer. (And, to be fair, that only happens when I’m excited about the half-time show, which really only occurred once before: the epic 2012 Madonna episode.) This year I’ll watch to see Lady Gaga’s performance, because she knows how to put on a good show as well.
Even though the Patriots are in this one, I’ve not paid any attention to this year’s festivities and the games leading up to them. Is there a naked Rob Gronkowski? I’ve gone a bit sour on Tom Brady, but he’ll be there. Anyway, if it’s your thing, you probably aren’t reading this now, and if you’re just waiting for Lady Gaga, like me, let’s regroup tomorrow and have a kiki.
Until then, here’s a revisiting of some jockstrap posts.
Maybe I’ll get into one for baseball season.
But more than likely I’ll leave it up to guys like this.
And when the jockstraps come off, there’s only this left.
This post is in no way meant to imply or inspire an acceptance of Uggs, which I find to be one of the more egregious fashion blights to take over the nation. It will never reach the proportion or offensive stature of, say, Crocs – but it’s bad enough. That said, here’s some free advertising because we are about to dive end-zone-first into football season.
Here we have Tom Brady and Julian Edelman in a tongue-in-cheek take on what is likely a rather accurate rendering of their relationship. I just want to know two things: who designed that gorgeous room? And may I join in the fun? I’ll be quiet, I promise. (Wonder if Mr. Brady gets as naked as this if the fire gets too hot…) PS – One more question: where is THE GRONK?
Check out the fun below:
Despite what we might feel about invasion of privacy, here is Tom Brady doing some naked sunbathing. If this is how Mr. Brady prepares for a new season (even if he is on a little break), I should have been born a football player. Anyway, we are headed into the pigskin season, and based on this peek at a naked Tom Brady, I say Go Pats!
