Football Talk with My Brother


One of the more unlikely relationships to be strengthened by texting is that between me and my brother. He doesn’t do e-mail or FaceBook or Twitter (and he just stopped following me on Instagram because he’s a pussy) so until last year I didn’t get to correspond with him unless it was in person or on the phone. Now, we have daily interactions, such as this one regarding today’s football game. (I have amended his punctuation errors as best I can, but some things are irreparable and simply must stand as they are.) You’ll get the sentiment.

Alan: Tell me more about this Sunday’s match-up between our beloved Patriots and the Hark the Ravens Nevermore.

Paul: Pats have other weapons besides Gronk. Bill will come up with a game plan in reference to the last time they met earlier in the season. Pats’ win may not cover the spread but will def win… That spread is for people whose team isn’t playing to bet on. Take the points if you want to (gambling tip) but everyone knows the Pats favored by 9.5 won’t lose the game.

Alan: Do we know what color pants the teams will be wearing yet?

Paul: Pats – white or silver, and Ravens - probably black.

Alan: That’s tough – hard to beat black for a classy look. Do you have any concerns about the Pats’ defense?

Paul: Patriots made some adjustments during the season in their secondary and are looking much better as well as their running game which they never rely on any way. They appeared to be more balanced and even if their defense was the same as it was early in the season their offense is still a machine.

Alan: I haven’t been to Machine in ages. Will Gisele sass the reporters again? Love her! Will she be in a glass box?

Paul: Don’t know, don’t care.

Alan: Are you concerned about secondary getting torched by Tori Spelling?

Paul: Pats win guaranteed like Broadway Joe Ho.

Alan: I think I’ll wear my special Patriots hat for this game. Did you just call me a Ho?

Paul: No, Broadway Joe Ho… Joe Namath guaranteed a win way back in the Super Bowl when they were huge underdogs and won on the Jets…. Broadway Joe they called him.

Alan: They say the neon lights are bright are Broadway. They say there’s always magic in the air.

Paul: In the home town of Texas.

Alan: Remember the Alamo. The basement of the Alamo.

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