Dear Noah & Emi ~
Happy Birthday! Now you are ten years old! That’s a double-digit milestone, and an important one. This is usually the age where you will start to remember things. I know you have memories of your younger childhood, but even those are fading by the day. There is so much happening now, and it’s all happening so quickly. Maybe it’s good that we have birthdays to give us pause, to mark a day and a moment, to make a memory that lasts.
I still remember your first birthday. It had rained all morning, but it was warm – a balmy spring day that was perfect for starting two new lives. Uncle Andy picked me up from work as usual and we drove to the hospital to find the two of you – so tiny and impossibly small – wrapped tightly in little blankets. You each fit in a single arm. I loved you instantly, and that’s rare for me.
In those early days, you didn’t do much. You slept, you cried, you fussed, you drank, you slept, you pooped, you cried, you slept, you peed, you cried. And gradually you grew. Little by little the tiny infants you were turned into babies – with more recognizable human attributes. A smile, a frown, a laugh, a coo, a shriek, a cough – and a growing recognition of the world around you. What did you see when you first recognized your Uncle Al? I’m afraid to ask.
By the time you were walking, I wanted to tell you to slow down, to stop growing, to stop moving toward the future, even when that’s exactly what you should be doing. You may need to remind me of that, because there are going to be times when your Uncle is wrong. (It won’t always or often happen, but it will on occasion.)
There was a day when we were in the backyard and I saw in your eyes a bit of my own Uncle. It was a strange and wonderful moment, as if he were somehow there in you and in me, and you promptly did something you weren’t supposed to do. It felt like karmic retribution for all the pranks we pulled on him when we were kids. This is a long shot, indeed. We would have our own ‘turning turtle’ moments as well – the kind of private joke that only Uncles get to share.
The years flew by and there were glimmers of the people you were about to become. How slow the days must have felt to you, how long a single week stretched out in your young minds. Your impatience was a mark of childhood – you didn’t want to wait for anything and I only wanted you to wait a little longer and stay as young as possible for as long as possible. Most of us, if we’re lucky, miss our childhoods.
We saw you mostly on holidays and birthdays, marking each event with a family gathering and watching you grow from a distance. I tried to take as many photos as possible, to capture each year and gauge your progress. It seemed like each time we saw you you had grown up a little bit more. The birthdays ticked by, the days and years flowing faster and faster.
Our first family vacation with you was in Cape Cod, where your Dad and I spent so many vacations as kids. Lolo and Lola joined Uncle Andy and I, and we had the best time watching you play on the beach, burying your Dad in the sand up to his head, and walking to dinner as the sun went down on each perfect day. Still, time moved forward, as much as we may have wanted to pause in the summer sun.
When you were old enough, you began to stay over for longer periods of time. As unaccustomed to babysitting as I was, we managed to get along rather swimmingly. Your Uncle can be as much of a kid as the two of you, if not more childish on occasion. We knew how to have fun together. You reminded me of that, and your own wisdom taught me things I had both forgotten and never known. We could learn from each other.
We could also be silly and completely ridiculous, something I’d always wanted to be but never quite allowed myself. You brought that back into my life, and I will always love you for that. Who knows what you thought of your crazy Uncle Al for mirroring your silliness, but you never seemed to mind. Don’t ever change that.
Every year brought new changes and growth. Everyone was getting older. That carried its own sadness and weight, and maybe you noticed or maybe you didn’t. Growing up is tricky and different for everyone in their own way. Luckily, we still got on quite well. It’s incredibly easy to get along with each other when your sole intent is to enjoy the time together and have fun. Another lesson you taught me over the years.
We watched you play with Suzie’s kids, Oona and Milo – the next generation of an Ilagan-Ko alliance bravely marching forth into a new world. It tickled all of us, extending the idea of my world into our world, broadening my typically-self-centered existence into something more. You expanded and enriched our lives. Whenever you doubt yourself, think back to those days, and what I’m writing to you now, and realize that even at a young age, you were bringing happiness, and perhaps some necessary chaos, into the world.
You have my promise that I will always do my best to be a better person when I’m with you, and hopefully that will go beyond. You know me pretty well, so you know I won’t sugarcoat anything, but I will put some sparkle and pizzazz on things. I will try to bring some magic and enchantment to your world, a little dose of crazy creativity and artistic sensibility to the doldrums of school and rules and proper behavior. Above all else, I hope to remind you that it’s ok to be different – and even better than that, being different is sometimes the best thing to be. It marks you as special. It’s not always easy to step apart from the pack and do the right thing, it’s not a simple move to be good instead of popular, but these are the things that will make you into someone marvelous and magnificent. I know you have it in you. I’ve already seen it in action.
Emi and Noah – you give me hope. I know the world sometimes feels scary, and there may come a time when you wonder how things turned so dark just when you were coming into your own, but that’s good. It will be up to you to make things better, and if you keep your hearts and your sense of kindness and fairness and goodness, you will help lead the rest of us into that better place.
Have a wonderful 10th birthday. For the past decade you have lit up our lives. I can’t wait to see where the next decade takes us. And always remember, your Uncle Al loves you.
