The DG Tour: Red Riding Wood ~ Part 2

The one who dons the red cape is wanderer and warrior at once.

Cloaked in a blood-hued hood, a gleaming sword ensconced in folds of vermillion fabric, he trails the color of passion in his wake.

Surrounded by leaves and wood and water, but shielded from sky and sun, the realm is somewhere in-between heaven and hell. A purgatorial plane of prettiness, deceptively gentle, with poisonous flowers and slithering snakes, slowly descends to the sound of running water.

You cannot see it yet, it only mumbles vaguely in the distance, muffled by leafy undergrowth and lofty branches. The forest can hide a multitude of sins. Whole rivers of watery thieves drift through it, unheard and unseen.

On this day, the scarlet stranger stalks the winding foot path. What he seeks not even he knows, but some journeys are better when made without destination or goal. If you’re not looking for anything, you will never be disappointed. Still, something impels him onward. The path is a pretty one, the dappled sunlight shimmering somewhere ahead. Ever ahead, always forward, and by the time you look back you’ve forgotten from where you came.

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The DG Tour: Red Riding Wood ~ Part 1

Where field meets forest is an interesting place.

Presented with a choice, a line drawn in the land where the grass ends and the trees begin, the explorer is momentarily caught between two worlds. It’s a precarious position, coming from what you’ve known and approaching something unknown. (We always come from somewhere.)

In this case, the rise of a mostly-deciduous forest in the late spring is the unknown. A small meadow is where we’ve been.

At first it feels like a comfort.

Relief and respite from the beating sun.

A cooling balm within the leafy cloak of quietude.

Stands of ostrich and lady ferns line a path that beckons one deeper.

Touch-me-nots rise in mounds of celery green and undersides of silver.

Moss runs up the decaying bark of trees fallen long ago.

Here, at the forest’s edge, it is still light.

There is no hint of the darkness within.

Looking back, the field appears blindingly bright. Where once was a varied landscape of small meadow blooms and the early formation of grass seed heads, now seems like a single veneer of pale green, harsh in the eyes of one already grown accustomed to the forest light.

The path ahead is soft and cool, a welcome contrast from the brittle and the dry, and it slopes gently downward. Everything is pulling you down this path.

The forest quietly closes its verdant door.

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The Red Cape Rides

The Delusional Grandeur Tour Book is about to reach its meaty midsection – the ‘Red Riding Wood’ portion that forms the centerpiece of the whole affair. This is the part from which the cover art was selected. It’s a twist on Little Red Riding Hood, setting the fairy tale on its head and lending it a darkness and menace that goes beyond the original storyboard idea.

This red cape hides a sword in its crimson folds, shrouding a warrior intent on burning the past and cutting a vicious swath through the brush of the future. But that’s still a bit ahead. For now, the cape is just a pretty accent, the sword a fanciful accessory. The most epic of journeys sometimes begin with the silliest of trifles.

A Look Back at Previous Tour Book Entries:

01)  Intro/Curtain – Part One, Part Two, Part Three

02)  Sunset Pool – Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five

03)  On The Road Hotel – Part One, Part Two, Part Three

04)  Rock Star Addict – Part One, Part Two, Part Three

05)  Animal Demons – Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five

06)  Steam Punk Birdcage – Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four

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Dusk Settling on New York

A Once and Future Tour Stop: alone for a brief spell at the Standard High Line, I step into the exposed shower set-up and wait for the water to get warm. Even with the sheer curtain drawn, a little bit of New York can peep in, but I have mustered the fortitude to remove the robe, and so I stand there in the tiny rivulets of liquid pouring forth from above. The Delusional Grandeur Tour has arrived in the city, and I’m preparing for an evening of dinner theater and debauchery with my pal Chris. A hot time in the brisk city, as I continue to battle a calamitous cough. The show must go on.

After a bout of hesitancy, I remember Judy Garland. Yes, that Judy. As I disrobe, I think of a story that has been relayed here and by others, of her waiting in the wings of the Palace Theatre in New York, just before she was set to go on. She would physically pump her arms, gearing herself up to face the sold-out crowd. Even though the thunderous applause was from adoration and love, she had trouble facing such a sold-out sea of people.

I face no such crowd, no such love, but sometimes it’s a struggle to face just a few. Strangers or acquaintances, family or friends, it’s not always easy, no matter who you are, no matter what you’ve pretended to be.

On this night, however, I muster all the make-believe I can manage, for on this final tour it’s all that I have left. It’s all I’ve ever had, and on the wings of this misguided and misbegotten belief, I must soar. Just because you have to invent your own legend, doesn’t mean it won’t one day come true. Not quite there yet, I still pretend.

As I shut the water off, I notice that the evening has arrived. The bright blue of the sky has deepened into a bolder shade, becoming richer even as the city lights blink on. Below, shadows swiftly dodge cars, and tree branches sway in a burgeoning breeze. As the day goes to sleep, the city begins to stir.

The whisper of wanderlust

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Another Literary Wonderland

There’s a literary wonderland that is conjured whenever Gregory Maguire releases a new book, and that wonderland is a literal thing in his latest work ‘After Alice’ – his enchantingly twisted take on Alice’s own Wonderland. Rather than give away any juicy plot-points or spoil any secrets with a shaky synopsis, I’ll simply highlight my favorite passage, the one that spoke most deeply to me, and the one that echoes the sentiments of certain folks who love books and try valiantly to share that love with others.

Only, sometimes, in the text of a book here and there, we tap the page with a finger and say, “This is what my lost days were like. Something like this.” But even as we turn to the fellow in the bed beside us to say, “Yes, this passage here,” whatever it is we recognized has already disguised itself, changed in that split instant. There is no hope that our companion can see what we, just for a moment, saw anew and hailed with a startled, glad heart. Literary pleasure, and a sense of recognition and identification, real though they are, burn off like alcohol in the flame of the next heated moment.” ~ Gregory Maguire, ‘After Alice’

Many are the books I’ve read and tried to press into the minds of others, and many are the unread books that friends have routinely and quietly ignored when I’ve brought them to their attention. Far from making me feel less alone, most great books leave me feeling an acute sense of loneliness – in the unshared resonance or recognition of some carefully-crafted passage of remarkable beauty, or some thread of a theme that they have no interest in pursuing. In reading a book that speaks to me, I mostly find friends and family falling by the wayside, and my only companion along the way being the author, ever unknown to me. I remain even more unknown to her or him.

And so I sit here and ponder what, if any, point these words serve, and on a greater more philosophical bent, what any of this website means. If not for some spark of recognition, some tenuous connection in the dark web in which we are both currently bound, why do it at all? At times like this, I find it best to pause and let the question come up again in the light of day. Things seem less dramatic and do-or-die in the morning. When faced with the machinations of greeting the day – the relief of a steaming stream of urine, the river of a bedside glass of water chasing the throat-lodged frog away, the simple cracking of the arms as you wrap a robe around yourself to hold onto some last remnant of bedded warmth (and we haven’t even touched upon breakfast yet) – it is enough simply to get going again.
Such is a Wednesday morning… after Alice.
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A Semi-Faux Pho

One of my favorite dishes in winter is a steaming bowl of Vietnamese pho. It’s like a spicy hug from a pocket of paradise. Usually, I leave the making of it to the pros, but decent Vietnamese restaurants are not a dime a dozen in upstate New York (hence frequent trips to Boston – and yes, I have made at least one trip solely for the purpose of procuring pho).

During a quiet weekend, while feeling slightly under-the-weather, I decided to be brave and try my hand at the broth, though naysayers had warned it was a tricky one. I didn’t find it to be such – it’s more about the long simmer time (6 to 10 hours) that gives it a bad cooking name. I happen to love long simmer times, so this was perfect for a chilly weekend project. What follows is my modified recipe and method. Purists will likely scoff at the many shortcuts and anomalies, but fuck ’em, this shit was good.

INGREDIENTS:

  • 3 pounds beef soup bones
  • 1 onion, sliced
  • 5 slices fresh ginger
  • 3 pods star anise
  • Dash cinnamon
  • 2 1/2 tablespoons fish sauce
  • 4 quarts water
  • 2 cans beef stock
  • 1 (8 ounce) package dried rice noodles
  • 1 1/2 pounds beef top sirloin, thinly sliced (or pounded into very thin slices)
  • 1/2 cup chopped cilantro
  • 1 tablespoon chopped green onion
  • 1 1/2 cups bean sprouts
  • 1 bunch Thai basil
  • 1 lime, cut into 4 wedges
  • 1/4 cup hoisin sauce (optional)
  • 1/4 cup chili-garlic sauce (such as Sriracha) (optional)

METHOD:

Many recipes called for roasting the beef bones and onion beforehand, but I’m a one pot, Andy-clean-up kind of guy, so I didn’t want to rev up the oven and ruin a baking sheet. Instead, I gave up that smoky stuff for a more intense broth in other ways, starting with the addition of 2 cans of beef broth to the 4 quarts of water. I also sprinkled a dash of cinnamon into the mix (it goes so well with the star anise) to add one more note of flavor. This is supposed to be a pungent and spicy dish.

The process was relatively simply: boil the bones in the water and stock for about three hours. Add the onion, ginger, star anise, cinnamon, and fish sauce and simmer for about six hours more. Obviously this can be adjusted for reality, but this is the best time-frame from which to elicit the most flavor (of course you can go longer if desired – you may have to add more water along the way so it doesn’t boil down too much).

Separately, soak the rice noodles in lukewarm water for about an hour. They should be malleable, yet somewhat firm (they will feel underdone even after an hour, but don’t worry because the boiling broth will finish the process beautifully).

As you near the end of the simmer period, add the green onion and cilantro to the broth (I also reserved a small bunch of cilantro for additional garnish later on). Traditionally, and if you have an excellent and reliable butcher, you would put the thin meat slices into the bowl and let the broth do the cooking. Failing such a supply, I dropped the meat into the broth on the stove and let it boil for a bit. (I’ll sacrifice some tenderness for safety when Price Chopper is involved.)

To plate up, drop a decent helping of the noodles into a large bowl. Spoon in the simmering broth until it covers them well, along with several pieces of beef. This will finish cooking the noodles nicely, and then it will be time for the real magic to begin.

As if after my own heart, it’s the accessories that really make this dish special – and if there’s one thing you can’t forego when having pho it’s this collection of fresh ingredients. In a restaurant, you’ll usually be served the dish of amendments first, piled high with bean sprouts, Thai basil, lime wedges and little bowls of hoisin and Sriracha. These accoutrements are vital for such a richly-flavored broth, lending a vivid contrast to the flavor at hand.

I simply tear the basil apart with my hands and drop it into the broth, along with a handful of sprouts. A few squeezes of lime is enough to spruce up the surface, then I stir in some hoisin and Sriracha. For my home-grown version, I tore up the additional cilantro since I love it so much. The end result was decent enough – and an almost-authentic approximation of the pho I’d only had at restaurants.

I’m not always great in the kitchen, but sometimes I’m pretty good. This was one of those happy times, and this is a dish I’ll make again.

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A Recap of Hope

The last full month of winter begins today, which is why the title of this post references hope. Even though February is a Pandora’s box of weather frights and frigid nights, there are usually a few moments of spring carrying on the wind, some small wisp of hope that manages to seep in among the frozen layers of ice and snow. In the midst of it all is the Hallmark holiday of love, Valentine’s Day. No word yet on whether I’m doing a Valentine’s Card. It certainly won’t be in print, but it may be online. Or it may be an Instagram post. No matter what, it probably won’t be spectacular, so move on if you want scandal. Now, about the previous week…

It marked the end of Mercury in retrograde, for the moment, though ramifications are still being felt.

Zac Efron stripped to his naked ass and shook it for the world to see.

A necklace of cherries.

The majesty of Edward Marler.

A single candle against the lot of winter.

A show of flowers, even if they’re false.

Tom Daley, back in his Speedo, where he belongs.

A bangin’ brunch at Boston Chops.

Season of citrus, scent of mandarin.

Davide Zongoli, Stephen James, Jarrod Scott, Oriol Elcacho & Ryan Rose made shirtless appearances as Hunks of the Day.

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The Season of Citrus, and Accompanying Fragrance

Presenting the amber mandarin glow of a recent Hermes fragrance acquisition: this is Eau de mandarine ambre, a fitting number for the height of citrus season. It’s a deeper take on the mandarin orange, thanks to its amber aspect, and one that works better in the winter than the lighter and more fleeting orange scents that make-up much of my summer cologne arsenal. The fact remains, however, that a true citrus fragrance is not meant to last. Their very nature indicates a delicate, and quick to fade, timeline. Anything that goes beyond that carries a chemical taint that should only be found in cleaning products and urinals. Certainly nothing that belongs in the rarefied air of Hermes.

It took me a while to come around to this one. Initial try-outs left me unimpressed, precisely because I was expecting that pop of a freshly-peeled orange. This isn’t that kind of sun-kissed fizz. It burns slowly, it doesn’t explode. It smolders, never rages. It is a surprisingly potent charm against winter, one that I’d almost forgotten about, having relegated it to fall fragrance status a few months ago and not thinking to revisit until we received a crate of Florida oranges from Aunt Elaine. There’s just something about citrus in winter that makes one’s outlook a little brighter, whether you eat it, wear it, or peel it in your deliciously sticky hands.

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A Banging Brunch at Boston Chops

Boston Chops is one of my favorite restaurants in that fine city, but until a few weekends ago, I’d never tried them for brunch. Having passed it on Sunday mornings many times, I always filed it away as something I’d get around to doing, but never did. I finally broke such an egregious habit and came away with a new favorite brunch spot.

The fun and funky music in the background (everything from current radio fare to 90’s classics) had a few servers discreetly shaking their groove thangs, and whenever I see employees having fun at their jobs it makes the dining experience ten times better. The seriously competent and seriously fun staff make this brunch experience a memorably enjoyable one, from the greeting host to the team of servers who never let the glasses of water dip below half-full. But who needs water with all the Bloody Mary selections on the menu? The biggest dilemma of the morning was trying to whittle down the choices to one, but I decided on the Pickled Mary – with pickled asparagus, green beans, frog balls and cornichons – with a promise to myself to return to try the others another day. (The Prime Raw Bloody and its oyster and jumbo cocktail shrimp sounded especially tantalizing.)

A sweet surprise arrived in the form of this insanely good dish of sweet rolls, which would be reason alone to come back every Sunday, and brave any sort of snowstorm to do so. These are, I imagine, what crack must be life – addictive, mind-blowing, and impossible to refuse. We are them in furiously quick and rude fashion and didn’t even care what we looked like. That’s what brunch is about.

The Croque Monsieur, served with a thrillingly ample portion of their famous frites and a small arugula salad, was heaven-sent for a less-than-sunny Sunday, taking the chill off with grilled perfection and ridiculously rich goodness. Next time I’ll try their Kale Omelet if I’m feeling extra good, the Eggs Benedict if I’m feeling like myself, or the Fried Chicken if I’m feeling especially sinful.

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Tom Daley’s Speedo at Bursting Point

It’s been a while since Mr. Daley has graced these pages with his Speedo-clad package, so let us rectify that immediately.  Here he is in training for this summer’s upcoming Olympics, a celebration in Rio of all things tunga. The summer Olympics are always filled with more flesh than their winter counterpart, for obvious reasons, and this year looks to be overflowing with skin-baring suits and men and women at their physical prime. Tom Daley certainly fits that fitter-than-fit bill.

While the figure skaters are having their winter’s day, upcoming Hunks will include members of the US Gymnastics Team in preparation for this summer’s big events. There will be swimmers and divers too, and Michael Phelps might even squeeze himself into a onesie again. All good things to those who wait.

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Flower Show Dreams

Right around this time of the year, my heart starts stirring for something green and colorful, while my nose searches for the perfume that only a flower in full bloom can produce. Supermarket finds of daffodils and hyacinths appease the restless yearning, but they are temporary and fleeting fixes, and the forced nature of their blooming results in an inferior product. Nothing can match the simple majesty of a bulb blossom culled in natural time from the ground up, fed by melting snow and the first warm spring breeze. Still, they are better than nothing, and will have to do until the flower shows start opening in a month or two.

For this featured photo, I present a wall hanging found on a holiday jaunt through Saratoga. In the back of some gift shop, it caught the light and drew all eyes towards its colorful composition in multi-dimensional form. If you can put the dirty snow and smell of cold exhaust from your mind, if you can push away the scent of wet wool and rubber soles drying over radiators, you can picture the fields of flowers that may have inspired this piece.

The beauty of art – even in its simplest and most raw form – is that it can take you out of the depths of winter. On the day before the last day of January, I can’t think of anything more powerful than that.

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Candlelit Stormwatch

The sky is that sickening shade of gray, portending something ferocious and massive. It rolls in slowly, setting up for the long haul, and there is surely something to be said for the calm before the storm. It’s a strange calm, though, one riddled with tension and excitement: impending doom and impending thrill all at once.

If you’re lucky, you have somewhere safe to see it through, some mostly impenetrable fortress where the strongest gusts of wind may only rattle and moan, but the cold and the damp stays at bay until it passes. I’m lucky.  Our place in Boston – at the end of a line of brownstones – is such a refuge, and it’s seen me through a number of storms. The heavy brick walls, and the ideal second floor location – raised from the ground, but still buffered by another floor above – lend it a cozy feel. During times of inclement weather, it is a safe haven.

In the window, a candle flickers, undulating with the subtle shifting of air. No matter how hard the wind blows from outside, it will not go out. No matter how much snow falls from above, it will keep a steady light. In our relatively small condo, it also provides a source of heat. Do not underestimate the power of this.

In my first winter there, before there were any curtains or stockpile of heavy blankets, I filled the bedroom with a multitude of tea-lights, and was pleasantly surprised by the heat they gave off. In addition to the soft, glowing light, they soon filled the space with their gentle heat. It is one of my warmest memories, in a sea of such warmth, and I think of that every time I light a candle now.

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A New Fashion Muse: Edward Marler

Step aside, Andre Leon Talley and Hamish Bowles – there’s a new style arbiter in town, and he’s looking fine. His name is Edward Marler and he is my new inspiration. I worship and adore the guy. At a moment when the winter doldrums have just begun to drag us all down, he is a bright bit of sparkle in the gray season, a daringly dashing fashion designer who serves to lift everything a bit more.

As evidenced by my many questionable ensembles over the years, I have more respect for those who march to their own markers of fashion and style, the ones who take the risk to break the rules and try something new. I appreciate someone willing to execute an effect rather than the perfectly-made suit or standard-issue trouser. The ones who defy the traditional and the tried, who go beyond the expected and above the standard.

It’s a dangerous place to be, particularly if you venture there on the regular. Too often the failures are disastrously epic, because when you shoot that high and off the mark, the odds of catastrophe are perpetually in your favor. You must court such ridicule, however, to reach something extraordinary. Sometimes merely making the effort tugs at my heart, as is the case with the enchanting Marler.

His style won’t be to everyone’s taste, and as much as I adore it there are those who will roll their eyes and cry criminal. That kind of close-minded judgement has no place on this blog, so we will be nothing but celebratory about Mr. Marler and his extravagantly-woven yarns. With a penchant for crowns, a mishmash of decadent debris pieced together in uncanny yet elegant style, the total effect is much more than the sum of its parts. On the gender-bending cusp of the future, Marler uses his designs to make his own mark on the world.

“I just like the fact that the way you dress completely changes people’s opinion of you. It can make you fit in or it can make you different from everyone else. I’m not clever academically or really good-looking so I use clothes instead.” ~ Edward Marler

Fun, irreverent, funky and whimsical, his hodge-podge manner of combining pieces seemingly at odds with each other lends a tension to his creations, but through his own sheer genius and brilliance they come together in unexpectedly gorgeous alchemy. He also shares a similar obsession with the delusional grandeur that those of us who play dress up often employ. His crowns hint at pomp and stateliness, while the shabby mis-matched pairings underline the street-urchin scrappiness that gives his work a worldly edge. Those juxtapositions thrill me, and I’m clearly not the only one, as much of the fashion world is falling at his jewel-encrusted feet.

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Cherry Necklace, Bygone Heart

A string of cherries worn around the neck.

A vague attempt at recapturing some age of innocence.

Some cheap costume notion, made of plastic but no less shiny or statement-inducing.

Reminiscent of a time that’s probably only more innocent in our minds.

People were bad in the 1950’s too, they just didn’t talk about it as much. It was shuffled away in a billowing skirt and a wrist of colorful baubles. Drowned in Manhattans and martinis – smaller in size, perhaps, but more plentiful in number. It only feels different. The numbness goes back centuries.

If there wasn’t purity in those cherries, there was some small bit of power. The power of prettiness. The currency of being cute. The exchanges we barter for beauty.

Oh, this silly thing? Why, thank you. I found it at a vintage shop. It was a palm of pennies! How could I refuse? It makes me happy, if only for a moment. What else is there? But for those moments…

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Zac Efron’s Naked Ass in Motion

Sometimes when you get home early from work you stumble upon something as golden as these GIFs of Zac Efron and his naked butt. A nude Zac Efron is a sight to behold, especially when he’s shaking his naked booty for all the world to see. Apparently these are from his new movie with Robert DeNiro. No word on whether the latter joins in the nude fun. These scenes were apparently filmed at the same time these almost-nude photos of Mr. Efron were taken.

More Zac Efron naughty bits here.

 

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