Sometimes I Feel Shy

There was a great article in the New York Times this past Sunday on shyness. In it, the author discovers a number of outwardly outgoing people (Chris Rock included) who have been crippled with debilitating bouts of shyness. I read it and found myself saying ‘Yes! Yes! Yes!’ throughout the whole thing. (I don’t usually respond to inert newsprint, so this was big.)

Given what I put up here, most people assume I’m a show-off and an extrovert. When I go out I try my best to live up to that, but going out takes a great deal of energy and preparation – more than anyone will ever know. I was reminded of Judy Garland, and what she used to do to prepare for a show. In one of her biographies it was reported that before she took to the stage, she would pump her fists, physically and mentally gearing herself up for the task at hand. It’s not easy to seduce the public. For some of us, it takes quite a lot.

The article delves into the interesting rise of the internet and the shy exhibitionist. How can someone so seemingly comfortable revealing everything – literally and figuratively – be all that shy in person? I can only speak for myself, and in my case it’s a simple matter of living my life, and having a creative outlet, with or without an audience. It may be difficult for some to believe, but I would do all that I do without any onlookers, and I’ve been doing it since 1993 to back that up.

Consider this: I started doing “projects”, taking photos and writing way back in 1993. The internet as we know it today, with all its personal blogging websites and social networks, did not become what it would until the late 90’s. I started all this insanity in the era of 35 mm film, Word Processors, and stamps that cost 29 cents. I didn’t start my website until 2003 – so for six years I did all that you see here on my own, with just a few friends that were subjected to the “wind of banners that passes through my life.”

I never had to do it for an audience, and I never had to do it in public – and if I had, I wouldn’t have had the ability. I can see where the reality would not meet up to the perception of the person some might glean from the ramblings and the photos posted here. But that doesn’t mean I’m not shy.
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