Author Archives: Alan Ilagan

Every now and then it feels like things get too dense around here. At those times I will inject a bit of levity, some whimsical flower or feather to give a little breathing room, just so we don’t all suffocate from all the preciousness on display.

Doing its part for that purpose, this Lenten rose brings us a dose of beauty and simplicity. A freshness to shake off the dusty wings that winter has refused to let fly. All I ask is that you pause for a moment in your day – not now if this is an inconvenient time – but at some point pause and take in the beauty of this simple bloom. Take the moment for yourself, take it as the briefest form of meditation in a day that may be otherwise rushed or hushed or embattled with worldly concerns. But do take it. You deserve that much. And having taken it, you will be better able to be of service to others. Whether it’s getting a meal together for your family, or taking out the dog or trash, or simply being a little kinder to the person with whom you spend your life.

These little things matter.

The littlest blooms count.

Boys and girls, young and old, step right up and prepare the way for Uncle Al’s Homeschooling Hoopla! The following schedule is a super-serious take on how I might conduct a day of homeschooling activities for kids of all ages and religious denominations. We’ll begin at 8 sharp! {Feel free to use all or any of this if you need help composing a day of activities for your children. I am here for you. Pluck the knowledge from my child-caring plumage!}

8:00- 8:30 AM ~ Rise & Wine Breakfast: And by ‘8 AM’ that means I don’t want to see you before 8:15. What kind of beast shows up for a party on time? Now, if it’s 8:15 we shall begin with a little light wine. Oh shit, you can’t do alcohol, can you? Well, what about a mimosa? Still no? Ok, avocado toast and a perfectly poached egg. Why are you looking at me like that? Breakfast is the most important meal of the day!

8:30 – 8:58 AM ~ Primping & Poetry: To the words of Mary Oliver or Dorothy Parker (depending on what sort of mood the rug-rats put me in) we will lounge languorously, mirrors in hand, primping and perfecting our hair for the long day ahead. Appearance is tantamount to talent in today’s world. Better you learn that here before some cruel child teaches you the hard way!

8:58 – 10 AM ~ Silent Reading: I said silent, mofos! Or, as the kids text me these days, STFU! #shhh

10:00 – 11:00 AM ~ Yoga for Beginners: when done correctly, yoga is more than gentle breathing, it can be a veritable work out. This will stretch their little bodies while hinting at a spirituality and calm that will likely mean nothing to them, and that they will likely never achieve. Downward, you dogs.

11:00 – 11:17 AM ~ The Music of Madonna: a daily dose of Madonna does wonders for a child’s mind. We’ll begin with ‘Erotica‘, move through ‘Medellin‘, and finish off with ‘Secret Garden.’ There’s a certain satisfaction in a little bit of pain. #WWMD

11:17 – 11:29 AM ~ Snack/Crack Break: maybe something with peanut butter? Allergies, you say? Take half a Zyrtec and calm the fuck down. I’ll put it in the peanut butter like we do for dogs. Eat it on a Ritz. We got Cheez Whiz too.

11:29 AM – 12:00 PM ~ Lunch Break: yes, we just had a snack. What are you gonna do? Call Child Rejection Services? Good luck, I already tried! And tell them to bring food because all that’s left is olives.

12:00 – 1:51 PM ~ Creative Crafting & Messy Shit That You Better Clean Up Or This Will Never Happen Again: beading, painting, drawing, coloring, diorama-making, pom-pom-making, advanced beading, crocheting, needlework, hyper-advanced beading, scarf-tying, sand-in-the-bottle bullshit, and all the like. Let your creative juices flow! And if you get any on the rug I’ll beat you with whatever nonsense you just made.

1:51 – 2:14 PM ~ Princess walking: how to walk like a Princess. (If time allows we will delve into how to wave like one too.)

2:14 – 2:30 PM ~ Snatching crowns: this quick lesson concerns learning the oft-forgotten art of taking the glory that would otherwise go to someone else.  Snatch the crown of another, even if you didn’t earn it! One step beyond self-defense, this is about going on the attack before anyone gets a chance to attack you. I didn’t make the world we live in, I’m just trying to prepare you for it. I don’t want to alarm anyone either; ignore these life-lessons at your own future-peril.

2:30 – 3 PM ~ Millinery: the lost artisan skill of hat-making deserves to flourish again. I believe the children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way. Extra points for extra feathers, and a veil wins the day.

3:00 – 3:33PM ~ Mindful meditation: at least, we intend to begin with some mindful meditation. I’m certain that a thimble of nighttime cough syrup will aid in the desired state of restful sleep that will actually slide this half-hour into at least 47 minutes.

3:33 well, 3:47 – 4:00 PM ~ Sugar Send-Off: right before it’s time to send the wee ones packing and back to their parents, I shall fill them up with Pop Rocks, Sweet Tarts, chocolate chip cookies, cathedral windows, ice cream, soda, maybe a dusting of crack, and some CBD to calm them all down. Bye kids! And parents, please leave with the one you brought and not that magnificent silk wrap you’ve been eyeing. I see you.

“He was simply someone who floated through our lives and didn’t seem to care how flatly he perceived everyone or that he’d shared our secret failures with the world, showcasing the youthful indifference, the gleaming nihilism, glamorizing the horror of it all.” ~ Bret Easton Ellis

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We hereby banish winter for (almost) the rest of the year! 

That doesn’t mean the darkness has been completely eradicated.

Our world is in sorry shape. 

There is much work to be done. 

The damage of a winter, no matter how benign, takes some time to correct. 

But spring does it every time. 

This year, I think we just need to help it out a bit. And it will feel good to help. 

Spring gives us a renewed sense of drive and purpose. I’ve been feeling that little spark in the past couple of weeks. While everything seemed to go to shit, my heart sailed through on the crest of some radical belief system I didn’t even realize I had. Maybe you’ve realized the shift that’s been happening since last fall. It feels so far away now, and only when looking back do I see the distance that’s been traversed. Perhaps that’s why I don’t like to look back that often. It’s exhausting to think of what we’ve done and been through. 

Instead, we look ahead. 

To the return of warmth.

To the return of glamour. 

To the return of spring. 

“Our insignificance is often the cause of our safety.” ~ Aesop

It’s not always easy to be inconspicuous, especially if you love color and drama and frills that the majority of the populace simply doesn’t celebrate on a daily basis. My own personal hell is that as much as I love over-the-top style, I simultaneously abhor the attention. While I’m much better at accepting compliments graciously at this point in life, there’s a bigger part of me that would rather not be bothered. I have never dressed to impress anyone other than myself. A lot of people don’t seem to understand that, which is fine. Those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter, or however Dr. Seuss put it.

As for being insignificant, Aesop uses the term in the opening sentence not in a negative way, but as an indicator of going unnoticed. Flying under the radar. Blending in with the masses. And it’s not a bad thing. Herding and pack behavior has saved many an animal from death at the jaws of a predator. The appropriately convincing camouflage has hidden many a potential victim from attack. And donning sweat-pants, t-shirt and baseball cap has allowed me to traverse the grocery store without drawing stares and looks at any sort of fabulous ensemble in which I might have otherwise outfitted myself. Most days I like it best to be left alone, Greta-Garbo-fashion, lost behind a pair of oversized sunglasses, hidden in a sea of workout wear, disguised in plain, mainstream sight. That notion simply doesn’t jive with my style, and so I’m left with the conundrum. First world problems for a first world denizen.

Having canceled every single one of the amazing events that were scheduled for New York this past weekend, I found myself oddly at peace with the whole turn of events. Normally, I’d be emotionally scarred and mentally bruised (I still have stress when I think of a Miami trip that was doomed due to a winter snowstorm over seventeen years ago).  This time around, maybe it’s because I’m older, maybe it’s because I’ve reprioritized things, or maybe all the meditation I’ve been practicing has kept my resting-state freak-out mechanism from being triggered. Whatever the reason, I’m glad such calm has become a part of my life.

The candle pictured is from my friend Marline, who gave it to me just before this most recent bout of Mercury in retrograde began. I’ve been lighting it before I do my meditation each evening, and it has brought me much light and peace. To that end, may this be a post of peace and calm as well, in times as troubled as any I can remember. (And I lived through the last great stock market crash of 1987 ~ I was dancing to ‘Who’s That Girl’ at the time, I believe, or the ‘You Can Dance’ remix compilation.)

It sounds like there may be a lot of people home for the next couple of weeks, and while this has never been the place where kids congregate, as a rule, everyone is welcome to visit and pass the time looking through the archives and searching out anything of interest in that little earth box at the bottom left when you scroll down. Type in anything! I’ve written about all sorts of nonsense about which I know little to nothing, and it’s always fun to see what idiocy and lunacy came out on this blog just a few short months ago. 

As for how to get through social distancing and being alone, I have some tricks for that too. Well, not so much tricks as practices I’ve perfected from a lifetime of unconscious social distancing. It pays to be an introvert at times like this. The first and most important lesson is to learn how to be ok being alone. Much easier said than done, it involves liking your own company. So many of us simply don’t like ourselves. Oh we pretend we do, and in such obvious ways we metaphorically scream how much we love ourselves, but rarely in a genuine, healthy way. Selfies don’t count. Neither does pride in appearance. If you can’t sit quietly in a room by yourself, you might not really like the company of yourself. And I would begin these next few days by asking yourself why that might be. That’s the place to start. 

Shall we commence?

More than a trend, social distancing may be the lifesaving move that keeps millions safe, provided we all practice it. I don’t have much faith that America can do that. But if I can forego a fabulous weekend in New York, then you can stop going out for a couple of weeks. I’m not here to preach – I’m here to entertain and work out my own creative outlet in the process. It also turns out that this little corner of the internet is a space where some have found comfort along with entertainment and exasperation. We will get through this together. So pull up a chair, grab your tea or coffee, take a deep breath – no, really, stop and take a deep breath – slowly in and slowly out – drop your hunched shoulders a bit, and relax for this recap of things that were supposed to happen this week, things that did happen, and things that didn’t. It was all meant to unfold exactly as it did. 

I was going to wear this bejeweled coat beneath the bright lights of Broadway this weekend – it was something I’d been working on for the past three months – and perhaps the lesson and enjoyment was in the work getting there rather than any ostentatious show. 

When the music didn’t play.

Daniel Craig went shirtless while his Bond movie got delayed.

Ricky Martin and Enrique Iglesias may be making some beautiful music together. 

Wash your hands like you were washing these naked male celebrities. 

Dinner with an old friend. 

Paperwhites on parade.

Plans change, plots fizzle, but friendship remains. 

Hidden hints of spring. 

Citrus dreaming. 

New Boston bedding.

Boston blues. 

Bare naked solitude.

Hunks of the Day included Sergio Guadarrama, Carl Radke, Will Taylor and Cody Fern. 

After several seasons of using this Marimekko bed collection, I decided that this spring the Boston condo needed a breath of new life. Nothing updates a small space better than new bedding, so I found this subdued chartreuse duvet cover with a hint of chinoiserie. The entwined tendrils of tropical vines and birds of exotic plumage lend it the perfect look to see us through the rest of summer too. While the brightness of the Marimekko was a boon to the warmer months, this one has a richness and depth that I like, and temperature-wise it’s just as cool. As we are all getting older it’s time to appreciate such a shift; the light, flighty, flimsy trappings of spring and youth will not last, and it’s important to recognize that. It need not be something that we mourn – we were all young once – and the important thing is to keep your heart and mind youthful while embracing the advance of age and, ideally, wisdom.

To contrast the golden aspect of this particular shade of green, I found a touch of deep aquamarine in a couple of textured pillows. I love the way these colors play off each other, a variation of certain wedding invitations and decorations.

It’s precisely the jolt the bedroom needed at this time of the year, when all is bright and hopeful, and the grays and browns of this early stage need a little extra push of color. Come May and June the outside will have caught up to the inside, but for now this is what will have to do. Enchantment is often conjured by mind over matter.

As for spring, it is but a week away, and I can’t wait. A promise kept is reassurance that the world is occasionally kind, and spring is a more reliable covenant than a rainbow.

A lifelong dream: to have the ideal conditions and climate to grow citrus trees, whether indoors or outside, a garden room or a warmer latitude. The idea of such a garden room has been haunting me for decades, especially when we limp into the final stretch of winter. Lemon trees and lime trees, despite their tart fruit, have the sweetest blossoms. Oranges too. To have access to that perfume at this time of year has proved an elusive goal. Even the greenhouses up here seem to have a tough time with their citrus, or maybe they just sell so quickly I don’t notice them enough.

There is nothing more soul-satisfying than taking in a deep breath of a lemon flower on a bitter winter morning, a moment that recalls scenes of tropical splendor even if you’ve never been to paradise. I’ve created my own connotation, using the sweet fragrance of the orange blossom to indicate a summer day – no matter how hot it might get (what luxury to complain of the heat!) the perfume instantly conjures refreshment and a cooling calm. It has rescued many a heat-wave-beleaguered visit to Boston and New York. It’s also accompanied me poolside on those lazy days when all you need is a book and a glass of iced tea.

Alas, until we get notified about winning the HGTV Dream House in South Carolina or the latest Powerball drawing, such things as a garden room with a grove of citrus trees will have to occupy dreams of the day and night. We will make other arrangements, perhaps an orange blossom soap, or a neroli cologne, to conjure the enchantment of the citrus bloom.

In the micro-climate behind our grill, a daffodil has already poked the first straps of its green leaves through the ground, along with a flower bud. I hadn’t been looking for such signs of life because it’s much earlier than they usually appear, but it caught my attention as I made one of the first surveys of the yard. It gave me a thrill of hope, not so much for the global warming as for the return of spring. Even if this was a tease and a great big snowstorm comes to take it all away, we’re nearing the best time of the year. It put me in the mind of summer days and pool gatherings…

We have a minor revamping of our pool in the works for this year – a new liner and stairs if all goes according to plan – and such thoughts are happy and plausible goals to have. To get there, though, requires some forethought, and that’s what I do best. I’ve been making an earnest attempt to live in the moment, but the Virgo in me adores a plan of action, however loose or subject to change it may be. With a basic structure in place, all the adornments can be made, and adornments are the best part of life.

Since we moved in to our home almost two decades ago, we’ve both been chagrined by having to use a ladder to get in and out of the pool. A set of steps would be easier on Andy’s back, more aesthetically pleasing, and afford additional lounging opportunities for visitors to the pool. (And I don’t mean the squirrels.)

There have been a lot of changes to our yard in the last few years. A pair of cherry trees bloomed reliably early every spring, but eventually grew too big for their allotted space and had to be excised. A small patch of lilies of the valley took over the edge of the yard and now pokes up through the lawn, but they’re so pretty I’ve left them alone for now. The thin row of Thuja ‘Green Giant’ plants have grown into a living wall that threatens to overtake the narrow walkway along which it grows. We lost two prime specimens of Fargesia nitida – the fountain bamboo – part of the mass-flowering and subsequent die-off that only occurs once a century; I will look to find a couple to replace them now that that batch has finished its die-off. Such is the promise of the garden – no matter what has happened, there’s always a chance to grow again.