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Author Archives: Alan Ilagan

My Asian American-Pacific Islander Heritage

“Asian Americans inhabit a purgatorial status: neither white enough nor black enough, unmentioned in most conversations about racial identity. In the popular imagination, Asian Americans are all high-achieving professionals. But in reality, this is the most economically divided group in the country, a tenuous alliance of people with roots from South Asia to East Asia to the Pacific Islands, from tech millionaires to service industry laborers. How do we speak honestly about the Asian American condition—if such a thing exists?” – Cathy Park Hong

At a time when acts of anti-Asian racism are having a surge it is more important than ever to be visible and vigilant, and to celebrate Asian American – Pacific Islander (AAPI) Heritage Month. The U.S. Census Bureau defines Asians as those “having origins in any of the original peoples of the Far East, Southeast Asia, or the Indian subcontinent, including (but not limited to) China, Japan, Thailand, Malaysia, Korea, India, Cambodia, Vietnam or the Philippines.” Pacific Islanders are those whose “origins belong to Polynesia, Micronesia, and Melanesia. This classification includes (but is not limited to) Native Hawaiian, Samoan, Tahitian, Guamanian, Fijian and Papua New Guinean people.”

Taken together, these two groups include an extensive list of countries, whose histories and cultures vary magnificently, making any sort of blanket categorization risky at best, and part of the purpose of AAPI Heritage month is in learning these distinctions.

May was chosen as the honorary month based on the reported arrival of the first Japanese immigrants to the United States on May 7, 1843. That month also marked the anniversary of the completion of the transcontinental railroad, and the majority of workers who worked on laying those tracks were Chinese immigrants. Though reports differ slightly, the first documented Asians to actually arrive in the Americas were Filipinos in 1587, who arrived at what would become the California coast.

“Inevitably, though, there will always be a significant part of the past which can neither be burnt nor banished to the soothing limbo of forgetfulness – myself. I was and still am that same ship which carried me to the new shore, the same vessel containing all the memories and dreams of the child in the brick house with the toy tea set. I am the shore I left behind as well as the home I return to every evening. The voyage cannot proceed without me.” – Luisa A. Igloria

My Filipino heritage was neither hyped nor erased when my parents raised us. My Dad, who is from Batangas (located on Luzon, the largest island of the Philippines), largely adopted an American way of life before we were born, so it was my Mom who insisted on making our Filipino heritage a part of our upbringing. They both cooked Filipino dishes, and Dad would regale us with tales of his childhood (mostly as a comparison to how easy we had it in ours). When Dad’s family members would visit we would listen with rapt interest as he slipped into Tagalog, marveling at a side of him we rarely got to glimpse.

As biracial children, my brother and I had our feet firmly planted in American soil, but our roots stretched between the Philippines and Hoosick Falls, NY (where Mom was born). While I don’t recall experiencing many incidents of overtly racist behavior toward us, I sense now that part of that was the financial privilege we enjoyed from Dad’s work as an anesthesiologist and Mom’s work as a nursing professor. The middle-class comfort we enjoyed likely acted as a buffer against more obvious forms of racism. We were exceedingly lucky that way, and so we were largely able to embrace and celebrate our heritage in our dinners of pancit and bowls of asado. Because of that, our Filipino background never seemed to be a source of pride or of shame, and we rather easily assimilated into America, an act which carried its own sense of dissolving and dissolution. Only lately have I begun to see the importance of retaining our stories of origin, and sharing these with others.

When it comes to fanfare and self-celebration, I sort of feel like I get enough of that here on this blog, but perhaps I don’t focus on my ethnic background as much as I should. Part of it may be that I’ve taken the American celebration of the individual to heart. So when the agency at which I work, the Department of Environmental Conservation (DEC), began seeking out employees to be featured for AAPI Heritage Month, I didn’t even think of submitting my name. Instead, I sought out others to celebrate, but it wasn’t easy. My work on diversity and inclusion was challenging and exciting, yet could be frustrating as well. It was new to many of us, and finding our way with sensitivity was proving tough, as much as our little advances were rewarding.

As we were struggling to find willing participants to represent the AAPI employees at DEC, I eventually realized I had to step up for this month and my own Filipino heritage, of which I’ve always been rather quietly proud, following in the example of my own father, and my mother’s insistence on us learning that indelible part of our origin. It also helped illuminate the representation for Southeast Asia, illustrating how AAPI Heritage Month included more than those with origins in China and Japan. (You may visit our agency’s public website and view my brief bio here, as well as read about some of my outstanding AAPI co-workers.)

While such heritage month celebrations usually rely on the lighter aspects of our culture – food and costume and artistic contributions – they resonate in deeper ways today. When the world encroaches with yet another incident of racial hatred, and acts of violence against Asian Americans grow in number and viciousness, I’m reminded that not everyone had the privileges I was and am afforded. I’m also reminded of the perils of racism, whether overt or latent or unintended, and I want us all to do better. To that end we celebrate May as Asian American – Pacific Islander Heritage Month.

“For Filipino Americans, it’s a battle for recognition, for identity in a culture where, for the mainstream, Asians tend to fade into a monochromatic racialized ‘other.'” – Jose Antonio Vargas

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The Happy Hibiscus

Circus peanut orange is a color I don’t particularly seek for my own garden, but every now and then, such as on a rainy, dim day, I love seeing it cheer a gloomy nook of a local greenhouse, as it does on this cheerful hibiscus. A ruby throat is a decadent addition – little slip of fire at the heart of creamsicle sweetness. 

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Dazzler of the Day: Colman Domingo

A man of so many talents and accomplishments seems sorely limited by such an honor as Dazzler of the Day, but it’s all I have to give, and no one embodies that dazzle better right now than Colman Domingo. In all honesty, it’s that ultra-hot-pink outfit he wore to the Academy Awards that cinched this title, but delve deeper into his website and the following bio, which merely hints at his considerable greatness, and you’ll discover all the plentiful brilliance with which he dazzles:

A 2021 Film Independent Spirit, NAACP, SAG and Critics Choice Award nominee for his work in Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom, Colman Domingo is a Tony, Olivier, Drama Desk, and Drama League Award nominated actor, director, writer and producer. Colman has recently received his Honorary Doctorate in Humane Letters from Ursinus College. He is a Juilliard School Creative Associate and on faculty of the Yale School of Drama. He has starred in some of the most profound films in recent years such as Barry Jenkins’ If Beale Street Could Talk, Steven Spielbergs’ Lincoln, Lee Daniel’s The Butler, Ava DuVernay’s Selma and Nate Parker’s Birth of a Nation. He stars in the upcoming films, Jordan Peele’s Candyman and Janicza Bravo’s Zola. He stars on AMC’s Fear the Walking Dead for seven seasons and guest stars on HBO’s Euphoria as Ali. He recurred on Steven Soderbergh’s series The Knick. As a writer, his plays and musicals include Dot (Samuel French), Wild with Happy (Dramatist Play Service) and A Boy and His Soul (Oberon Books), the Tony Award nominated Broadway musical Summer: The Donna Summer Musical and Geffen Playhouse’s groundbreaking musical Light’s Out: Nat King Cole. His plays have been produced by The Public Theater, Vineyard, La Jolla Playhouse, Humana Festival of New American Plays, New York Stage and Film, A.C.T, The Tricycle Theater in London, Brisbane Powerhouse in Australia, among others. He is the recipient of a Lucille Lortel, Obie, Audelco and GLAAD Award for his work. His production company, Edith Productions, has a first look deal with AMC Studios for which he is developing television, film, theater and animation projects. He is currently writing a new musical for The Young Vic in London/ Concord Music and hosting Season 3 of his series, Bottomless Brunch at Colman’s across AMC platforms.

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The Return of the Queen

Skip assembled the rest of the Old-Fashioned that I had begun right before he arrived – the first cocktail made in our home in well over a year. I poured a mocktail spritzer for myself, and we convened on the back patio, a pair of vaccinated bros reunited to plan an upcoming trip to Boston over a game of chess. Our little world resumed as if we’d never left off, all fabulousness and freshness, with a few new twists.

First up was the chess game. I hadn’t played in about three decades, and I’m not sure why I waited so long. It brings back some wonderful memories – my best friend in grade school first taught me how to play the game. Billy was the smartest kid in the class, and the best one to teach me the game. I picked it up quickly and soon we were trading off wins and losses at a pretty even keel. When my Uncle Roberto came to visit a few months later, he asked if I wanted to play chess, and that’s when the real lessons began.

Pleasantly surprised at my Uncle’s prowess with the game, I was immediately beaten time after time after time, but I was learning and watching and formulating a shift in strategy. He led with his Queen. I played with my silly pawns and rooks, cowering in defensive mode while my Uncle ruthlessly ransacked the game. It was a lesson in chess, and a lesson in life. Soon, I evolved my game. The Queen would lead my board from that moment forward – and eventually that board would lead my life. Better to be bold and storm your lot in life than sit timidly back, hiding behind a row of petty pawns and the limited diagonal power of the bishops.

It all came flooding back as Skip made the first move and we began plotting out a trip to Boston, which we were both eagerly anticipating. Unleashing my Queen upon his formidable fortress, I won the first game, and then the second. It was the first time I beat Skip at anything since possibly ever. He has busted my ass at Connect Four, trivia, cards, more trivia, Rubik’s cubes, and just about any and every other game ever made. With such a history between us, I figured he would whip me at chess too, since he’s always been a thinker and puzzler, but perhaps chess is the one thing I can win. We’ll pick it up again in Boston to see if these wins were just flukes.  

Maybe it was the game, maybe it was being back with an old friend, and maybe it was the power of the Queen returning, but I felt happily emboldened by the end of the evening. It had passed quickly – too quickly – and catching up in person on what we missed over the last year will take some time. As spring unfurls, and we move from April into May, time feels like it’s back on our side. A momentary reprieve, and a rather happy one that I’m tentatively embracing. Hope has been missing for too long.  

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Vaccination Celebration

This afternoon marked two weeks since my second Pfizer COVID vaccine, and the veil of worry and stress and doubt that has hovered over all our heads for over a year lifts just slightly. The emotional weight is slower to fall away – I’ve been on guard for too long to let it all down now, and I’m still intending to take precautions and retain a number of healthier habits developed over the past year. Distance from strangers, for example. Regular and thorough hand-washing. And a mask in public is the new accessory that I intend to keep for a bit, especially in the winter months. (This past year marked the first in which I didn’t come down with a flu or terrible cold at some point. That’s no coincidence.)

As for the new sense of freedom that comes with being fully vaccinated, I’m taking my time before going carefree and crazy. Just knowing that I can travel, and hug my parents, and spend weekends in Boston again is enough. I don’t need to indulge in all of it at once. The sense of hope, and possibility, is enough. 

These are new beginnings. 

 

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Dazzler of the Day: Jen Psaki

Bringing truth and integrity back to the White House Press Secretary position (after four years of liars) is no easy feat, but the studied intelligence and straight-forwardness of Jen Psaki is precisely the healing truth bomb/balm that our country so desperately needed. She is a masterful conveyor of information, while handling often-ignorant (and sometimes downright stupid) questions from the press corps with grace and aplomb. She can expertly deliver a zinger of truth in the politest manner while wielding her words with the precision and practice of a master surgeon. For those reasons, Psaki is our Dazzler of the Day.

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Pesky Pink Moon

The Pink Moon – in full, flagrant, fuck-it-all form – wreaked its typical havoc as it rose and fell this week. Sometimes its power and pull can’t be completely understood or divined until after the fact, when hindsight and somber analytical contemplation put things into focus at last. Life is like that – when it feels unbearably confusing, and all you can do is stumble rather confusedly forward, I shall keep going, sure of its eventual revelation, certain that whatever path I’m on will resolve itself into the right one. 

And so I channel and harvest the power of this Pink Moon, its mighty magnificence, its troublesome toil, and I pull that energy into my own journey. We are such different people than we were but one year ago, and in my own case I’m rather proud of where I’ve ended up. Even when the moon momentarily seems to muck things up, I remain unswerved.

Best of all, the moon no longer frightens me. 

I am not afraid. 

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Grape Globules

‘Tis the season of the grape hyacinth, that enchanting spring bulb that bridges the blooms of daffodils and tulips, accompanying both in charming fashion. Its bluish-violet coloration complements the fiery reds and pinks of the tulips as well as it does the yellows and creams of the daffodils. It also works well as a patch of sky at ground level when the real thing refuses to turn blue, lost in a slate of grays and cloudy whites.

These are easy-to-keep bulbs, provided you allow the foliage to die back naturally and nourish the bulb for next year’s flowering show. They will happily multiply and expand their clumps, and they make whimsical little bouquets if you can find a smaller vase to show off their architectural features.

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Dazzler of the Day: Kyle Griffin

Senior Producer of ‘The Last Word with Lawrence O’Donnell’ – the intelligent and erudite follow-up to Rachel Maddow’s brilliance on MSNBC – Kyle Griffin earns his first Dazzler of the Day thanks to his vital Twitter feed and rightful indignation at inequality and hypocrisy. With a keen political eye, and an equally-entertaining Instagram feed, Griffin dazzles behind and in front of the lens.

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No Rest for the Weary

Over the past few weeks I’ve noticed that I’ve been beating myself up a bit for not achieving everything I wanted to achieve – just basic things like cleaning up the attic and the gardens – and for not dealing with other issues in as kind and generous a way as I’d like to have done, and so I’m playing this song as a reminder that we should all take it a little easier on ourselves. We’ve been through a lot this past year, and it’s ok to feel a little worn and weary at this point. 

Now I, I may be, I may be sentimental
But I wanna say that I’ve had my griefs
Oh, and I’ve had my cares
And just a good word soft and gentle
Makes it, makes it easier
Easier to bear
When we are gentler with ourselves, it’s easier to be gentler with others. The world very much much feels like it’s in a fragile state still. Much has happened, and the only way we might get through it is to stay close, to stay kind, to stay vigilant and safe. To take care of ourselves, and to take care of each other. If that means trying a little tenderness instead of something else, I’m willing to switch things up and try such a happy notion. And if I need a little reminder and nudge now and then, kindly send one my way. 
Now, I might forget it
Oh, but don’t let me forget it
Love’s all my whole, whole happiness
And it’s so, so easy
Try a little
Oh, try a little tenderness
Tender, tender, tenderness

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Upside Down You Turn Me

This spring has been a roller-coaster of a weather ride, continuing the utter insanity that we all wanted so badly to leave behind in 2020. The world apparently doesn’t go by our calendar or schedule, as there is still cray-cray everywhere you look. After last year’s pool debacle, I’m not counting on it being open anytime soon – it’s easier to deal with disappointment when plans aren’t made. And so we peer into the reflections afforded by the pool cover’s dark magic, when spring appears in the sky and reflects its muted glory in the dim waters. 

A change in perspective is good for shaking shit up. 

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Dazzler of the Day: Chloé Zhao

As the first woman of color to win the Oscar for Best Director, Chloé Zhao earns her first Dazzler of the Day honor, an admittedly paltry gift given all the other awards she has earned this past year for her film ‘Nomadland’. She gave a wonderful acceptance speech in which she said she has always followed a Chinese saying she learned as a child: “People at birth are inherently good.” I like that message. I wish I believed it as much as Ms. Zhao, and I’m grateful she gives me that bit of hope.

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Old Friends Gold

NEW FRIENDS SILVER
OLD FRIENDS GOLD
WE’RE LIKE DIAMONDS
TRUTH BE TOLD
PEOPLE COME AND PEOPLE GO
WE KEEP SHINING SOUL TO SOUL

For our first few BroSox Adventures, the theme song was ‘Something New’ – it felt like a good embodiment of my friendship with Skip, but after our epic 2019 excursion we were planning on shaking things up a bit, since it was no longer so new. The world took care of that for us in 2020, shutting down all travel entirely, and forcing a change-up upon us even if it wasn’t entirely welcome. As we plan our return to Boston this year, it seems like the right moment for a new song to pair with the moment. As Skip is the newly-obsessed fan who brought me back to RuPaul’s Drag Race earlier this year, it’s fitting to make this one of the theme songs for our next journey.

SUN WENT DOWN IN OUR HOMETOWN
THEY ALL GOT MARRIED, I DIDN’T STICK AROUND
I SET MY SIGHTS ON HOLLYWOOD, OH, OH
I NEVER WENT HOME AGAIN, WENT HOME AGAIN
MOST THINGS CHANGE, BUT SOME THINGS DON’T
CAUGHT IN A CYCLE LIKE THE TWILIGHT ZONE
THEY WOUND UP IN THE LOST AND FOUND, OH, OH
NEVER HEARD FROM AGAIN, HEARD FROM AGAIN

The break of 2020 was a good delineation between those first chapters and what is to come. In many ways, we are starting a new story, a new journey, as we are both in very different places than we were when we last took Boston by gleeful storm. A couple of years into those early adventures, I remember sitting in Fenway Park remarking that I hoped we would still be doing this when we were 80 years old. To sustain it, we change and evolve as the years pass, and the world crumbles and rebuilds itself around us. Throughout it all, we maintained and sustained a modern-day friendship – by texting and social media interaction and the occasional socially-distant meet-up for shopping at Trader Joes or a shared coffee in the Starbucks parking lot, shouting from our cars as a late-winter snow shower began spitting from the sky. 

NEW FRIENDS SILVER
OLD FRIENDS GOLD
WE’RE LIKE DIAMONDS
TRUTH BE TOLD
PEOPLE COME AND PEOPLE GO
WE KEEP SHINING SOUL TO SOUL

It takes quite a bit to break through into my true friendship circle, but once that happens, when my armor is breached, I tend to be quite loyal. Skip’s loyal in the same way, and I always feel a badly-needed sense of safety when I’m with him (and his amazing wife Sherri for that matter). During this past year, most of us have come to realize the importance of friends and family, and the way the simplest interaction and contact is vital to our well-being. 

As we begin planning for our return to Boston, we know how much the world has changed. Will it go back to what it was before? I don’t know. Certainly not yet, and certainly not by June. But what has remained blessedly stable is the friendship we share, and the excitement we feel whenever the thought of a Red Sox game rears its head at this time of the year. 

KINDA LOST TOUCH, BUT WE NEVER FELL OUT
FROM HAPPY TO HEARTBREAK, TURNING UPSIDE-DOWN
AND EVEN WHEN THE CHIPS WERE DOWN, OH, OH
I ALWAYS KNEW I HAD A FRIEND, I HAVE A FRIEND
NEW FRIENDS SILVER
OLD FRIENDS GOLD
WE’RE LIKE DIAMONDS
TRUTH BE TOLD
PEOPLE COME AND
PEOPLE GO
WE KEEP SHINING
SOUL TO SOUL

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Dazzler of the Day: Regina King

Her Louis Vuitton dress was my favorite at this year’s Academy Awards, but Regina King has earned this Dazzler of the Day for her decades-long entertainment career, over which she is currently reigning as actor and director. I remember watching her on ‘227’ on NBC when I was a kid, and she was one of my favorite characters thanks to her studious and sharp delivery. The spark she delivered even at that early stage has carried through the long trajectory of her artistic journey, and whenever she’s on stage or screen (or shining behind it) she mesmerizes. 

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A Vivaciously Bold & Vivaciously Bitter Recap

The full moon rises tomorrow and I’m completely over it. Hopefully that is the reason for all my irritation and agitation of late, because I am sick of the cold and the wind and the things that have gone wrong even at this early stage of spring. We earned something better than this, which is why I went into the cologne cabinet the other morning and spritzed some of Diana Vreeland’s ‘Vivaciously Bold’ on then put the photo up on Instagram (among other things). My senses reinvigorated immediately, so don’t let anyone ever tell you cologne isn’t worth it. On with the recap (and perhaps the only post of the day because I was locked out of my website during the time I normally would have populated some crap better than this). Happy Monday!!

Let’s begin with the murder that almost happened at Walmart, because that’s the vibe I’m feeling right now, and it’s not pretty. 

These pink-cupped Narcissus were much prettier.

When the bark is the bite.

This week my jury memories were jogged, and jogging isn’t always good.

The Korean Victorian Holiday House

Color design by Narcissus.

Recalled to Boston life.

Grin and pear it.

Hearts of tulips.

Dazzlers of the Day included the luminous likes of John Cena, Snoop Dogg, Mel Odom, Victoria Beckham, Lourdes Leon, and Rosé.

 

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