Baubles, Bangles, Beads & Excess

Fresh from the attic rejuvenation, the last thing I want to do is bring in more clutter, but it’s still fun to look. For now, I’m leaving the baubles and bangles in the flea markets, where they are better displayed en masse, and out of my house. Having material items in your possession doesn’t make them more beautiful. There are deeper things at work here.

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Cleaning Up My Act

My preferred mode of living would be to lounge on a fancy fainting couch, outfitted in some impossibly glamorous and impractical robe spilling generously around me, and concern myself only with the gentle wafting of a feathered fan at the trained hand of a happily subservient husband. Failing all of that, my reality is far more mundane and woefully rigorous. For some reason, this summer has been about cleaning up and clearing out. Perhaps I’d finally gotten sick of seeing clutter everywhere. Perhaps my Virgo nature finally had enough. Perhaps I was afraid we were one cat away from turning into a disturbingly-real ‘Grey Gardens’ scene. Joking aside, I actually think it was more meaningful and deep than that.

My tendency to nest and focus on the house rears its head when I’m afraid – and this summer has done more to stoke my fears than any other summer on record (with one possible exception). The atrocious attack on the Pulse nightclub in Orlando, the shootings in Dallas, the attack in France, and on a more personal level the unexpected death of a dear friend’s brother – all of them conspired to haunt the sunny season. In addition to that, the rise and rise of Donald Trump, the scariest thing to happen to this country in a long while, was and remains reason for serious consternation. Taken together, these events coalesced into a very dark stretch.

At such moments, I tend to turn inward. Though The Delusional Grandeur Tour continued in book and theory, my traveling largely diminished. The focus was on my home. It began in the side yard, with a massive one-man clearing effort. 37 lawn bags later, and several cuts and bruises whose scars still remain, we are once again able to see through to the neighbors’ fine yard (as well as to the recent carnage of a hawk, who had torn a squirrel inside out and left its insides as a meaty gift to a thousand flies).

Back inside, and rather foolishly during a run of extra-hot days, I focused on the attic. Half of it was decent, finished living space when we first bought the house. I had torn out the ugly (and smelly) carpeting (every square inch of which was glued to the floor with industrial strength crazy glue) and painted the floor and paneled walls a bright white. The space instantly opened up, and a collection of whitewashed accents lent the space a pleasingly shabby-chic style that went well with some floral curtains and an old-fashioned floral-bordered bed spread. I’d lie on the bed and read at night. It was quiet space – no television or stereo – and on rainy nights you could hear the drops pattering on the roof.

Over the years, however, that space became a repository of anything and everything. It started with clothing (which very much formed the bulk of items that towered toward the ceiling). There were two floor-length closets in the eaves, but as extensive as they were, they soon filled to the breaking point. After that, it was a free-for-all. Seasonal items like outside pillows and tablecloths, summer cups and holiday serving trays, the wide-ranging collection of curtains that I kept switching out like last season’s shoes – oh, and all those shoes – accumulated and piled up to the point that it was difficult to walk from one end to the other. It became a total hoarder’s room, and I finally got sick of it.

I got a big box of industrial strength 55 gallon garbage bags and filled them all. Hundreds of items of clothing were donated, and well over a decade’s worth of collected detritus and debris, the pretty wreckage of all things whimsical – feathers and hats and costumes and jewelry – the beads and sequins and fabrics of silk and velvet – were unceremoniously tossed. I was ruthless because I had to be, and there’s still a ton that needs to go, but for now it’s enough to be able to lie on the bed, listen to the rain, and escape into a book.

The attic is once again open for business.

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Nick Jonas: Wet Underwear

Give it up to sibling rivalry: this is how Nick Jonas tops his brother Joe, and it comes just a week or so after Joe declared that he had the biggest penis of all the Jonas Brothers. I think it’s a steamy slap-back, mostly because it showcases Nick’s finely-honed ass in wet Calvin Klein boxer briefs. And considering the sub-zero nonsense in which they were frolicking, the shrinkage is more than understandable. Leave it to Bear Grylls to get another Hunk into his shorts. (See Zac Efron.) Bonus points for the ripped underwear too.

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That Ass Though…

I’m still not entirely convinced it’s 100% real, so we’re going to require some under-the-spandex investigatory photos to shed some light on the situation, but that is purportedly Tyler Hoechlin’s ample ass on super-duper display. As the latest Superman to grace the small screen, Mr. Hoechlin cements his previous status as Hunk of the Day and makes a play for a whole new feature: going for broke with a bodacious bulge.

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Virgin Attic Romp

This is the very first post written and created entirely within our attic guest room.

A grandfather clock ticks to my left, its pendulum swaying back in motion after years of rest.

Fringed lamps glow in all corners, brightening an otherwise dreary day.

The best part: the rain.

It falls heavily on the roof, but the sound is soothing, muffled. A gentle drone, perfect for sleep or contemplation. The ultimate din of background ambient noise to cure anyone’s insomnia.

Here, I sit on a newly-made bed and type out these words.

Even the bright glow of the lap-top is too harsh for these soft environs, and I lower the brightness until it reaches a pleasing level.

On rainy nights, and Tuesday mornings, that’s the best we can do.

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John Cena Nude

A brief midday treat for fans of John Cena, especially fans of John Cena nude. This little GIF is worth resurrecting. As is the butt naked John Cena pic that follows.

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Rainy Recap at the Start of August

Welcome August! A mostly fabulous month – our last full one of summer – and the one in which I entered this world forty-some decades ago. I know, no one believes I’m 40, but there you have it. This year I’ll be 41. Get your gift engines revving. That blessed event won’t take place until the 24th, so for now, a look back at the week that just passed on ALANILAGAN.com.

The self-proclaimed most-well-endowed Jonas Brother, Joe, released this shirtless photo as he aims to garner the gay following of his bro Nick.

A dark confession: I was raised a Republican. But since I learned to think for myself (and especially since the Republican party wrote hatred and gay conversion therapy into their actual platform) I am now a proud Democrat.

A pretty clematis.

A Boston beauty – 1.

A Boston beauty – 2.

A Boston beauty – 3.

Summer Memories: my baseball days… well, as close as I’ll get.

Rain roses.

Watch where you walk cause the sidewalks talk.

Pop it like it’s hot.

This may be my favorite musical, and this is a magnificent production.

Swimming out of July, in sadness and glory.

This is how you lip-sync for your life.

Traditional Hunks of the Day included the fine forms of Alexis Descalzo, Jesus Luz, Alex Bowen, Tyler Clinton and Brian Lewis.

And, from the scorching photo featured for this post, a Double Hunk of the Day: Rick Twombley & Griff King.

Happy August!!

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The British Are Coming… To Rio

In just a few short days, the summer Olympics will open in Rio, and the British gymnasts will be part of the show. More on them to follow, no doubt, but for now here’s a quick peek at the boys and the bodies en route to Brazil. (That other British visitor, Mr. Tom Daley, will be making his own kind of splash a little later.) Here hoping that our US Gymnastics team can hold its own.

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Swimming Out of July

Hot, torturous month of July.

Relentless sun, overbearing humidity.

The glory of summer – even this dark one – shines through.

Respite in a pool, or conditioned air.

My God, I will miss it.

Though the summer of ’16 has turned into a sad series of unfortunate events, it’s still summer, and it’s not over yet. Swim onward, sun-worshippers, swim on like our lives depend on it.

Pull yourselves through the water and kick your way to somewhere better, where the sun won’t go away in a few months, where there is an eternal summer, where the breeze is forever warm.

I’m trying to jumpstart my own psyche.

Summer must go on…

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How To Lip-Sync for Your Life

We’ve all done it (some of us more than others) and this clip gives me such immense joy that I wanted to share the link with you. It’s a guy named Griff doing his rendition of ‘Poor Unfortunate Souls’ while preparing dinner for his partner Rick. Amazing in so many ways (how did he not burn the vegetables – mine would be charred) THIS is how you lip-sync for your life. Below is one of their other clips, a song I know all too well – ‘Part of Your World.’

 

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Back to the Wood

Stephen Sondheim’s ‘Into the Woods’ may be one of the most meaningful musicals in my life, so when a new production trundles along, I’m always interested in how it will be executed. I first saw a touring production right after it debuted on Broadway in the late 80’s. I was not much more than a kid then; it spoke to me on a superficial level, but even at that young age I knew there were darker themes and deeper meanings to this traipse through the forest.

As a typically-tortured angst-ridden teenager, I wore the cassette tape of the Broadway recording down to nothing, playing it over and over and intoning the wit and wisdom of Sondheim, each lyric revealing something more with every listen. My family felt distant at the time, not knowing how to come to terms with a gay son, and I had my own difficulty coming to terms with who I was too. Those themes were felt in the musical. I longed for the sad comfort of ‘No One Is Alone’ and wept bitterly at the warning (then unheeded) of ‘Children Will Listen.’ One day, I thought, the world would hear my cries.

A couple of decades later, the Broadway revival with Vanessa Williams found me at a different place in life, and in a post 9/11 world the ‘Giants in the Sky’ were very real, and very scary. Suzie and I saw the show in New York (she had been along the first time I’d seen it in the 80’s too) and as we veered into middle-age it seemed to mean a little more, and a little less. Though the movie version was adequate enough, there’s some sort of magic that occurs in a Sondheim musical that can only be conveyed on stage. That magic is evident in the Mac-Haydn Theatre’s production of ‘Into the Woods’ running through August 7. Grab your basket (I’m not afraid to ask it) and rush to get tickets to this production – it’s that good. Adhering faithfully to the original version (with the additional Witch and Rapunzel duet from the 2002 revival) the remarkable direction and choreography of John Saunders makes the most of the theater-in-the-round set-up, immersing characters and audience in the midst of a forest that can go from enchanting to terrifying in a few cunningly chromatic notes.

Anchored by the narrator, the intertwining of fairy tales turned on their head was relatively novel when the musical premiered almost thirty years ago, but it remains a vital reimagining of the stories we thought we knew. More profound re the broader metaphors Sondheim aimed for – and reached – particularly in today’s world, where giants still go to battle, children are still alone and abandoned, and adults are as lost as ever.

Though this is an ensemble piece, each cast member gets to shine – not always the case in such extensively plotted and populated stories. Every character is fully fleshed out, and no one is purely good or evil. A girl in a red riding hood (Bridget Elise Yingling, in a sardonically perky and perfect turn) packs a basket of sweets, but ends up expertly wielding a very sharp knife. A carnally lascivious wolf (Gabe Belyeu, all howling menace and hilarity) wears his desire on the outside with a studded codpiece before his bloody comeuppance. A pair of epaulet-framed semi-clueless princes (Pat Moran in unwavering arrogant excellence and Conor Robert Fallon giving classically handsome Disney face) are as dashing as they are comically dim-witted. A waif of the cinders (Amy Laviolette, in gorgeous lilting voice whether in rags or riches) transforms into a princess but hangs onto her heart. A Baker and his Wife (Paul Wyatt and Libby Bruno in convincing and conflicted form) ground the goings-on with their heart wrenching quest for a child. A narrator ties it all together (Jamie Grayson, doing double duty as the mysterious old man, and indelibly marking his stamp on each) before getting unceremoniously tossed from the proceedings in dramatic Act Two fashion. Finally, a witch (Julia Mosby in commanding, scene-stealing beauty-and-the-beast-in-one-fabuous-diva mode) does more than witches usually do in a much maligned but mostly misunderstood journey of her own.

When this disparate group comes together in song and story, and the fairy tale forest reveals itself to be as dark and scary as the real world, the musical soars in brilliant Sondheim fashion. Wishes are granted, only to turn on their wisher in ways both unexpected and devastating. Children and parents alike are challenged and lost. Love is celebrated, betrayed, mended, and dissolved. It’s an evening fraught with enchantment and tension, fairy tale freedom and very human bonds, and brought to thrilling life with that unmistakable Mac-Haydn magic.

{‘Into the Woods’ is playing at the Mac-Haydn Theatre through August 7, 2016.)

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Powerful Pop of Color

Bold things sometimes come in small packages.

Take this Lychnis bloom, for instance.

It’s tiny – much more-so than these macro-blow-up would reveal.

Yet it can be seen from across the yard because its color is so vividly striking and pronounced.

Its leaves are a downy silver-gray, muted so as not to detract from the show above.

Together, they form a spectacular pair.

Foils are an essential part of the gardening experience.

Contrast and texture, architecture and design – these are the elements

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Love, Scrawled on a Sidewalk

Signs of healing scratched into the sidewalk,

colored chalk ground into concrete;

this is where the ephemeral and the stalwart meet.

Signs of love screaming

Trample upon me,

Tread upon me,

Steal upon me

In the night.

Somehow we survive the morning.

Not all days are washed away by rain.

A little love remains,

faded

but it’s there.

I want to cry, and laugh, and hug, and love.

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Rain Roses

With its long line of designer chic boutiques, Newbury Street doesn’t always make it easy for simple things to be noticed, but beauty will always rear its head above all, and that’s why these roses – fresh from a summer shower – were such a refreshing, and prominent, sight.

They fought for notice outside the colorfully-filled windows of Anthropologie and Ted Baker, and against the odds they won.

Despite the softness of their shades, their rich texture and stunning form – augmented by the beads of rain that still clung to select petals – was enough to warrant pause in my shopping expedition.

It takes a lot to stop that train.

I was grateful for the brakes.

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Summer Memories: No Hitter, Can’t Hit [Clap-Clap]

The chant in the field was infectious, and I couldn’t help but join in: “No hitter, can’t hit” – CLAP-CLAP – “No hitter, can’t hit” – CLAP-CLAP. If I could have been a baseball cheerleader, I would have been in my pom-pom glory, but since I couldn’t (and since there weren’t any) I had to find other ways of amusing myself at my brother’s Pee-Wee baseball games. I was reminded of this when we attended my nephew’s last game of the season. As we sat in the setting sun of a rather beautiful summer day, my mind returned to the games of my brother’s youth. At such times it wasn’t my youth ~ I was on the outside, aloof on the periphery while the real action swirled somewhere in the middle. I liked that vantage point.  I went unnoticed, blending into the background, which made my disappearance unremarkable.

Behind almost every field at which his team played (Bacon School, Veteran’s Field, Isabel’s) there was a path that led to a stream or creek. Some of these were barely running in the heat of summer, but some were almost rivers. I’d slowly soften my chant and sneak away, out of the sight or sound of the game, and into a secret world hidden behind leaves and trees and the winding half-hearted paths that led to the water.

Not unlike today, I was drawn to the water back then. The sound of it trickling or moving along, the way the light danced on its rippling surface, and the creatures that made its wet environs their home ~ all of it entranced me. Being landlocked in upstate New York instilled a longing that found expression in my fascination with all sorts of water bodies and tributaries.

On those summer afternoons, as the light slowly began to drain from the sky, I’d walk along the water’s edge. The muffled shouts from the game faded as I listened to the gurgling brook, or the unexpected splash of some hidden animal. In the cool surroundings of the leafy forest, summer felt secret and solitude felt safe.

I’d rejoin the dusty dry game as it neared its final stretch, returning to the noise and the tumult, but quieter in my heart. Nature could tame my emotional wilderness better than any other form of exertion. Like running around bases and hitting balls.

I remembered those games as I watched my nephew make his way to first base, and my niece meander around the perimeter of the field. We are each lost in our own world, but if we’re lucky we meet up again at the end of the game.

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