A cheeky Part 2 from the shirtless pool promise of Part 1, and the second-laziest post I’ve done in a while. The good thing is that new stuff is on the way, and the promotional push and hype is about to engulf all my outlets. You have been warned. Enjoy the next few days of relative quiet.
This is not technically a Hunk of the Day post, as we’ve already done that for today. Instead, it’s just a weekend-ender gratuitous entry honoring adult film star Ashton Harvey. (That’s the adult term for gay porn star, which is preferable to my ears, but Sunday night is traditionally for family fare so let’s keep it at least to the PG-13 level.) Mr. Harvey needs a tall stiff cocktail named after him, and I’m not talking Wallbanger. Anyway, Happy Sunday!
How such a thing as ‘World Naked Gardening Day‘ came into existence is baffling to me (dirt and thorns and ticks don’t seem like a natural match for nakedness) but given what I’ve done thus far on this website, how could I not participate? Before I get nude and start pushing around a wheelbarrow, however, I’d like to point out that gardening is a lifelong passion of mine that I take very seriously.
This week began my spring-time clean-up and garden prep. It’s an arduous process that takes several days, and it takes a lot of physical exertion (as my back will attest) and ruthless mental dedication, as it’s basically just hours of raking up debris and getting it into about 50 large lawn bags then hauling them out to the curb. After that, hundreds of pounds of manure need to be added to the soil around the plants who need a little boost. All of that then must be covered with healthy few inches of mulch. Then there’s the ruthless pruning of trees and shrubs, and the thinning out of overgrown patches of plants, or the replanting of those items that got lost in this wild winter. In other words, gardening is serious work. It’s peaceful work too, and a Zen-like calm settles on me every time I’m in that zone.
The results are more than worth it, and by results I don’t just mean the beauty of the garden, but the peace and contentment the whole process bestows upon those who appreciate it. Such peace may be found in the cultivation of an ostrich fern, or the maintenance of a sweet woodruff patch. Contentment can be culled from the premiere of the peony parade and the delicate shading of the celadon poppy. The subtle shifting hues of a hydrangea and the hot fiery blooms of a prickly pear contrast nicely, while some foliage is just as fine as a fancy butterfly-luring flower. Despite all of that, and my self-taught wealth of gardening knowledge, you probably just came to see some nude gardening, so in the name of World Naked Gardening Day, have at it (you twisted perverted fucks).
PS – How many double-entendres can you dig up in honor of the day? Plow this!
I must say I find it hard to understand how any man who values his self-respect would wish for long to avoid responsibility for his past deeds; it may not always be an easy thing, but there is certainly a satisfaction and dignity to be gained in coming to term with the mistakes one has made in the course of one’s life. In any case, there is surely no great shame in mistakes made in the best of faith. It is surely a thing far more shameful to be unable or unwilling to acknowledge them.” ~ Kazuo Ishiguro, An Artist of the Floating World
For indeed, a man who aspires to rise above the mediocre, to be something more than ordinary, surely deserves admiration, even if in the end he fails and loses a fortune on account of his ambitions… if one has failed only where others have not had the courage or will to try, there is a consolation – indeed, a deep satisfaction – to be gained from this observation when looking back over one’s life. ~ Kazuo Ishiguro, An Artist of the Floating World
I suspect the reason I couldn’t celebrate the floating world was that I couldn’t bring myself to believe in its worth. Young men are often guilt-ridden about pleasure, and I suppose I was no different. I suppose I thought that to pass away one’s time in such places, to spend one’s skills celebrating things so intangible and transient, I suppose I thought it was all rather wasteful, all rather decadent. It’s hard to appreciate the beauty of a world when one doubts its very validity…
But I’ve long since lost all such doubts… When I am an old man, when I look back over my life and see I have devoted it to the task of capturing the unique beauty of that world, I believe I will be well satisfied. And no man will make me believe I’ve wasted my time. ~ Kazuo Ishiguro, An Artist of the Floating World
I have learnt many things over these past years. I have learnt much in contemplating the world of pleasure, and recognizing its fragile beauty. But I now feel it is time for me to progress to other things… it is my belief that in such troubled times as these, artists must learn to value something more tangible than those pleasurable things that disappear with the morning light. It is not necessary that artists always occupy a decadent and enclosed world. My conscience… tells me that I cannot remain forever an artist of the floating world. ~ Kazuo Ishiguro, An Artist of the Floating World
Hailing from the Czech Republic, this male model is our Hunk of the Day. Jakub Stefano has worked with such photographic luminaries as Lewis Payton, Mark Lynch and Dylan Rosser. Those guys know how to capture beauty, and Mr. Stefano knows how to give good face. And good ass, as these pictures will attest.
Russian male model Stepan Pereverzev is one hunky glass of vodka. Looking like he packs more wallop than a Moscow Mule, Pereverzev offers and edgier glimpse of the naughty moments that happen off the runway. I don’t know what it’s like to have a body with that much muscle on it, and I never will. Instead, I’m just going to admire the handiwork of a guy who puts the work and the effort into physical perfection.
Good sportsmen in Europe get naked far more freely than their American counterparts. This conservative country could use such unfettered matter-of-fact dealings with nudity. The Warwick Rowers are famous for their naked calendar, originally created in an effort to raise money for their club, but then it turned into something with far greater meaning, as they joined the brigade against homophobia as Sport Allies. This is the future, and a powerful testament to where the world has been headed for some time.
One of the standouts on the team, at least from the photos, is Laurence Hulse, who is now being honored as Hunk of the Day. Mr. Hulse has gone on to do several photo shoots since then. A naked calendar can do wonders for expanding one’s career outlook. No doubt he has a few team-mates who will soon join him in such a vaunted category – we’re always on the lookout for fresh hunks.
Maybe it doesn’t quite add up to fifty, but there are at least five nude male celebrities in this post, and that’s to count for something. Kicking it off is Channing Tatum, who will be appearing in the sexy sequel to ‘Magic Mike’ as discussed here. That’s fairly safe fare for summer, but Mr. Tatum provides some badly-needed heat for winter fun right now, particularly in the trio of GIFs below. Scroll down… (and keep your eyes peeled for Matt Bomer in the background.)
Another favorite who’s appeared on this blog many times over is Dan Osborne. From his cute diving stint with Tom Daley to his steady flow of underwear pictorials, Mr. Osborne provides regular fodder for eager eyes. Here’s a shot from his latest Attitude photo shoot.
One more across-the-pond hottie comes in the form of Harry Judd from the band McFly. Clearly the most fit of that group of lads, Mr. Judd also likes to engage in some naked horseplay. Can’t fault the man for that.
Last but most certainly not least is Jamie Dornan, Mr. Fifty Shades himself. He got naked before that movie (as can be seen in the last shot here) and he got naked in it (as can be seen in the next to last shot). There are some full-frontal nudes of Mr. Dornan floating around elsewhere, but you won’t find them here. (Unless they slipped by me in the Archives, but you’ll have to dig deep. Very deep.)
“Somewhere, right at the bottom of one’s own being, one generally does know where one should go and what one should do. But there are times when the clown we call “I” behaves in such a distracting fashion that the inner voice cannot make its presence felt.”
― C.G. Jung
There’s nothing like an imposter to make you take a look at yourself and how ridiculous you might actually be. Such was the case when a fake Twitter Alan Ilagan cropped up on my feed the other day. At first, I was flattered and amused – the mark of any supposedly-vain soul – and more than a little curious. Who would dare try to be me? More importantly, who might want to?
The person behind the account certainly seemed to have a grasp on who I was, at least of the caricature I tend to portray when online. It got me to dwelling a bit on the online personae we create for ourselves. The internet entity that you know as Alan Ilagan – and that I’ve worked rather doggedly hard on crafting as Alan Ilagan – has little resemblance to the scared little boy that I hide in the deep protected fathoms of my heart. I don’t show that guy to the world because he can’t handle the evils of everything on the internet. The anonymous trolls that social media has brought forth from the darkest pools of hatred would have a field day if I didn’t protect myself with a coat of aloof armor, and an arsenal of sarcasm that puts most of any ignorant attackers to bed before they know they’ve been tucked in.
“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” ― C.G. Jung
Yet as I read some of the tweets from the fake “Real Alan Ilagan” I was struck by how easily some of them might have slipped out of my mouth. How far had I strayed from the real me when engaging on FaceBook and Twitter, and, to a lesser extent as I’m a little more honest in this space, right here on this blog? As I examined my own ridiculousness I had to own up to a few things – the first of which was how often I am just that – utterly ridiculous. And I’m ok with that. Luckily, much of it is an exaggeration of myself, done mainly for entertainment – yours and mine.
An examination of our selfie-obsessed selves, James Franco-style, always runs the risk of producing accusations of vanity and hubris – yet that is precisely the result of today’s technology and the online world, where the ease of a camera-phone and the ability to share images with the entire planet can make us all “celebrities” in a certain respect. The likes and the views and the visitors, the easy access to instant love and mass adoration, like waves of applause washing over Eve Harrington – it all feels so seductive, and it’s easy to get photoshopped up into believing all of this is real. Which brings me back to internet impostors.
There’s always someone behind you. Sometimes they want to help, sometimes they want to hurt, sometimes they want to play, and sometimes that want to push. Sometimes it’s you, and sometimes it’s me, and sometimes it’s someone we’ve never even met.
You can pretend to be real, but do you even exist? There’s only one way to show yourself to the world, and you can’t do it by revealing yourself or your face or even by taking off all your clothes. You can only do it by revealing your heart.
“Be silent and listen: have you recognized your madness and do you admit it? Have you noticed that all your foundations are completely mired in madness? Do you not want to recognize your madness and welcome it in a friendly manner? You wanted to accept everything. So accept madness too. Let the light of your madness shine, and it will suddenly dawn on you. Madness is not to be despised and not to be feared, but instead you should give it life…If you want to find paths, you should also not spurn madness, since it makes up such a great part of your nature…Be glad that you can recognize it, for you will thus avoid becoming its victim. Madness is a special form of the spirit and clings to all teachings and philosophies, but even more to daily life, since life itself is full of craziness and at bottom utterly illogical. Man strives toward reason only so that he can make rules for himself. Life itself has no rules. That is its mystery and its unknown law. What you call knowledge is an attempt to impose something comprehensible on life.”
― C.G. Jung
Ginger fans rejoice: the Hunk of the Day is Seth Fornea, and it doesn’t get much red-hotter than this. Mr. Fornea was featured here before in a Gratuitous Ginger post, egregiously unbilled, so this is his proper Hunk crowning and a long-deserved feature. He’s coming back to local club Rocks and is sure to spruce up the season with his ginger-hotness.
The Great Gratuitous Sunday Morning Post. It’s a bit of a tradition here, when all you folks who can’t access this supposedly NSFW site from work have a moment to catch up on all the fun things you missed during the weekdays. This post should be no exception, featuring Dan Osborne in his preferred state of garb: naked, nude, and grabbing his junk. These latest photos were from a dare that he jump in the pool naked. Daring indeed. I would NEVER…
The rest of the post is filled out, and deliciously at that, by the shirtless and Speedo-clad likes of Zac Efron and Tom Daley. Mr. Efron likes to do a lot of things shirtless, and I don’t think Tom Daley does anything out of his Speedo – well, except for showering in the altogether.
There, that about sums up the Sunday morning nude male post. Let’s see what the afternoon brings…
Much ado has been made over this gentleman’s recent ‘leaking’ (literally) of several racy videos. Apparently he’s a popular Instagram bodybuilder who up until now had only teased at nudity. Of course, I only heard about him when his videos hit the web and the nudity embargo was broken, so here is Hunk of the Day Michael Hoffman. Whether or not the leaking was intentional (a properly-timed sex tape can do wonders for the career) or accidental, there’s nothing much to be ashamed about with a figure like that of Mr. Hoffman. Though I won’t show you all the bits and explosions that are already out there, this should give you a indication of why he’s been so popular.
In our selfie-obsessed day and age, where exhibitionism is rampant, you can’t fault Mr. Hoffman for putting it all out there. For every exhibitionist willing to be brave, there are a hundred trolls hidden behind anonymous names and no-faces waiting to rip us to shreds. So I say to Mr. Hoffman, rock on, and rock out…
UPDATE: Michael Hoffman wants the world to know he is not gay, despite what those videos show. As is often the case, it’s so much better when they don’t speak.
While he has yet to be named an official Hunk of the Day, Orlando Bloom gets his first nude feature in this post. (Perhaps we’re doing a six-degrees-of-sexiness curve, as Mr. Bloom co-starred with today’s Hunk Brad Pitt in ‘Troy.’) While I didn’t quite get the attraction during Bloom’s elvish (elfin?) stint in ‘The Lord of the Rings’ (long blond hair and pointy ears?) I came around in his ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ turn. Sometimes I prefer brunettes to blondes. Here are some stills and GIFs from his new movie, in which he appears to take on a home invader dressed in nothing but his tattoos. Regardless of hair color, the best Orlando Bloom is a nude Orlando Bloom.
For his twist on the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, Steve Grand gets naked and jumps into the nearest lake. Here’s his Instagram pic of the gratuitous goings-on. Leave it to Mr. Grand to trump us all with nothing but that itsy-bitsy towel. Don’t forget to check out his Hunk of the Day post… and seek out some hidden gems in the archives if you are so delighted.
UPDATE: Here is the video.