For the past twenty years, I’ve been exposing myself literally and figuratively on my personal website, ALANILAGAN.com, spilling the proverbial tea for all the world to see. When I started off, I was a twenty-something gay, half-Filipino guy who loved cocktails, Madonna, and posing naked – now I’m a forty-something guncle and godfather who stopped drinking, started meditating, and married the retired police officer I’d been dating for decades. Throughout it all, I’ve been documenting every step of the way on this blog.
I grew up in a world where I couldn’t see myself or anyone like me anywhere in my little/large world. There were no other bi-racial kids in my classes at McNulty Elementary School. There were no gay couples in the books I read or the television shows we were allowed to watch. There were no other boys who loved gardening and Madonna and ‘The Facts of Life‘. Having grown up in the 80’s and 90’s, I didn’t have the internet as news source or creative outlet. Two decades ago the world looked and felt like a very different place. It was a time before FaceBook or Instagram or Twitter or social media as we now know it.
This website became a daily diary, framed by the confines and freedom of being in a public all-access format. It became a place to bare the body and the soul – both equally terrifying and thrilling, and both in the service of attempting to find some greater meaning at work. As the years progressed, it became less about me and more about the process of finding oneself, and what had been working in my life. I went from cocktails to mocktails, from naked and nude to a contemplative mood, and from loathing kids to doting on my niece and nephew and godson. My friends and family, along with the people who were going along for the online ride, became this little community of characters which in turn became part of the story of ALANILAGAN.com.
Twenty years later, I’m still finding joy and fulfillment in telling our stories.
