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Author Archives: Alan Ilagan

Last Call of the Angel’s Trumpet

An unexpected reprieve from fall’s cold cadence, Andy heated the pool for two extra 80 degree days in mid-October, and I dove into both of them with the honor and reverence due. One doesn’t take such balmy weather for granted this late in the game. As I floated there, feeling the luxurious release from gravity on my ever-aging body, I smelled the lemon-like perfume of the angel’s trumpet. This year it has grown into tree-like glory, rising up and over the canopy frame that long ago shed its summer canvass. Thanks to a benign fall, the plant is still in full bloom, even if most of its leaves have fallen. I will cut it severely back at the first frost, and try to overwinter it again. Some things are worth a little winter pampering, and this fine specimen has provided a summer of beauty and perfume. It’s the least I can do.

As for the rest of the backyard patio, we’ve long ago let it go to proverbial seed. The straggly sweet potato vines have alternately floundered and flourished in these warm fall days. An especially vigorous stalk has trailed itself over two lounge chairs, giving the first indication of a ‘Grey Gardens’ deterioration. We seem always on the cusp of crumbling. There is beauty in such decay, though – I know this to be true.

I’ll make a game attempt at overwintering our banana tree too. That did exceptionally well and deserves a chance to come back next spring. A bit of extra work and care now may return an investment: a jump on next year’s growing season. It’s never too early to plan ahead.

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Sunny Shades of Iris

One of these necklaces is a treasure found at an antique store in Ogunquit, Maine – the other is a cheap token of the Burlington Coat Factory. I’ll leave it to you to make the distinction, and if you have to wonder then the work is already done. This is one of those frivolous posts that I promised you back when we returned earlier in the fall. A space of superficial fun and extravagant fancy, may it lend itself to the escapism so many of us so badly need. I live in such space, and likely will for the foreseeable future.

The sunny shade of yellow seen here may be a subconscious effort at forcing cheer, as one might force a pot of Paperwhite narcissus in the depths of winter. It’s almost time for that cheerful tradition, and I’ll see if I can stagger the potting so we have waves of them when the days and nights grow dim and frigid. See, sunny thoughts yield more sunny thoughts, and this is how we will get through the fall and winter.

As for the accessories accenting this post, they reminded me of Iris Apfel and her fabulous excess of style. Sometimes more is more. More fabulous, more fun, more fancy… more of this beautiful life where nothing is ever promised but we never stop hoping…

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Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series

The only thing worse than a party guest who arrives extremely late is a party guest who arrives in any way early. 

#TinyThreads

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Scarlet Berries

Capturing the fiery brilliance of the fall season, these little berries were putting on a show the last time I visited Boston. Even in the heart of that fair city, there are mini-forests like this lending their mystery and enchantment, if you only pause to look. In the perfectly manicured garden squares in front of long rows of brownstones, or the hidden plots of green scattered throughout the South End, scenes of the season await such discovery.

Shuffling along such shaded corridors and crackling through leaves that have already dried and fallen is a rite of passage at this time of the year. We pull our coats closer, hustle a little faster, and turn to face the cold head-on. The pay-off for such a turn is in the beauty of these berries. Plants go to seed to save themselves from the winter. Even the ones that come back make their fruit in the biological ritual of reproduction. Maybe some bird will pluck one of the scarlet berries, swallow it down and shit it out into a pocket of soil – instantly fertilized and given a fair shot at life, if any such thing can be considered fair.

Or perhaps they’re poisonous, and the birds and squirrels know instinctively to stay away. Maybe scarlet means danger, and the plant only wants to be left alone, Garbo-like and secretive. I can appreciate that too.

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Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series

This space is intentionally left blank because I don’t give a fuck.

#TinyThreads

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A Gratuitous VPL Post of Pietro Boselli

Everyone’s favorite math-teacher-turned-male-model is back with a pair of scintillating pics that reveal the very definition of a VPL. I’m not talking the typical ‘Visible Panty Line’ that the acronym typically represents – this is a much happier ‘Visible Penis Line‘ for which the gay guys and straight ladies often salivate. Sometimes the hint, or the slightest outline, of the body is sexier than the naked body itself, as Mr. Boselli proves in this post. But sometimes nothing but a nude male shot will do, to which he attests in this naked post. Boselli is certainly no strangers to these pages, so stop by this one and this one and this one if you want to see more. 

You’re welcome. 

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Amsterdam: The Best & Worst of Times

Last Saturday I was in Amsterdam at a wedding celebration/birthday bash for family friends I’ve known since birth. It was the happiest of days, and a much-needed reminder of all the good that is still in the world. At the same time, twenty innocent lives were lost a few miles away. At moments like this, when life shows you its best and worst sides, it is difficult to find comfort. There are no words.

As we were driving up Market Street, I saw the same old dilapidated building I’d seen since my childhood. It was a tall brick-sided thing that seemed to jut startlingly out of the earth, tottering and yet somehow solid on its random corner. At a red light, Andy slowed to a stop and I snapped a photo of it on our way to get ready for the wedding. Part of it was covered with a vine whose leaves were in the process of turning red.

In the design that the vine made, this splotchy blot of red on worn brick, winding with various ventricles across the crumbling facade, I saw the heart of Amsterdam. Filled with happiness and joy, love and compassion, sadness and sorrow, anger and strife, it beat with all the tender might of our human experience. We will never make sense of it all, I thought, but together, like all those red leaves, maybe we can fill in our own hearts. With tears, with laughter, with memory, with love…

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Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series

Piece of advice: I can be just as amusing when I’m not agitated.

#TinyThreads

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Try These Potatoes

If I were a straight guy, Nigella Lawson would be my dream date. The accent, the eyes, and the talent with making some scrumptious stuff in the kitchen. She’s always struck me as one of the pretty people who was graced with an extra bounty of gifts with her talent for cooking. She definitely knew how to make a name and a brand for herself, and the rest of us took our inspiration from that in whatever way we could. 

For me, it works best in something simple, like this dish of potatoes I recently saw her make. According to her, she had them in Australia, as one does, and brought her own twists to them. I did the same, as I made them mostly from memory, and mine is getting more faulty with each passing day. 

Heres what I did. 

Pre-heat oven to 425 degrees. Cut up six or seven yellow potatoes into uniform 1 inch pieces, leaving the skin on (that’s where all the nutrients are!) Douse in olive oil and cover with a few cloves of garlic, minced. Sprinkle some dried oregano over this, along with salt and pepper, toss together, and spread out on a baking tray. Bake for 25 to 35 minutes, turning once. 

Now for the good part. After pulling the potatoes from the oven, put them into a serving dish while hot and sprinkle with a healthy dose of crumbled feta cheese. Add some fresh oregano if you have it, and dig in. 

This shit is super easy, and super good. 

In the worlds of Nigella, ‘That’s me, done.’ 

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Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series

It’s never too soon to start planning your holiday outfits.

Damn I wish I did that Christmas club thing with my checks back in January…

#TinyThreads

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Autumn Mist

When I was a kid I had visions of unicorns and rainbows and swimming with the manta rays.

When I dreamed it was of pencil sets in a thousand different colors, of feathered gowns and sequined capes and festooned headdresses.

When I walked through my days it was largely in imagination and make-believe. I held out hope that I might stumble into a hole in the forest floor and uncover a secret world of magic and monsters, tempered by beauty and fields of flowers and nearby rolling streams, all with a castle in the distance that would be warmed by fireplaces at night. When the ocean lapped at my feet on family vacations, I pictured myself holding onto the dorsal fin of a dolphin and flying through their salty environs, or barely caressing the soft slime coating the ribbon of a moray eel. These were the images I entertained in a childhood marked by wild imaginings. I much preferred the fantastical lands I could conjure in my mind than the mundane sidewalks of Amsterdam, New York.

I also had a wish to walk through a cloud before I knew what they were, thinking the thick smoke was almost solid, in which I could play hide-and-seek with friends. Then I got in a plane and flew through the clouds and they parted and dissipated and vanished into thin air.

Every once in a while, however, I’ll catch a glimpse of fog in a little valley ahead of me, and it calls to the imagination of my childhood, where anything was possible, and spells and enchantments could be cast and caught, and a pool of morning mist beckoned with the notion of what-if…

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Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series

After scouring the whole Price Chopper for a pack of plain mini-marshmallows for some hot chocolate for Noah and Emi, I finally settled for the bag of pastel-colored beauties seen here. At the check-out, the cashier was waxing rhapsodic about the pretty marshmallows. 

Me: “It’s only because you don’t have any plain white ones.”

Cashier: “Aww, you’re man enough to be comfortable eating pastel marshmallows.”

At times like this I wish I could hand out a card that would instantly convey my history so she could see what a foolish thing that is to say. But how could she ever know? How could anyone ever know…

#TinyThreads

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Blood & Roses

On winter snow, they bleed their precious life out.

Dry, desiccated petals and leaves, preserved at the height of their beauty.

Frozen within and without, still they bleed.

Abstract scarlet notions and memories of murderous rage.

Staining the snow with their fury,

their history of violence.

Sacred untouched snow, defiled by this bloody blight,

All the life of the world squeezed

Tight in this vicious vice –

A death embrace.

Portending and foreboding

All icy tension and terrifying anticipation

Waiting for the fall

Waiting for the madness

Waiting for the inevitable destruction.

A threat

and the chill of the world’s winter.

It sets a tone.

It paints a mood.

It bleeds warning and danger.

PVRTD: The New Project

Coming November 2018

In The Projects Page

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PVRTD

PVRTD: The New Project

Like you’ve never seen him before.

~ Coming in November 2018 ~

Premiering on The Projects page

Previous projects:

*Sex ~ October 1993 *Depression ~November 1993

*Love ~ February 1994 *Family ~ March 1994 *Fun ~ April 1994

*Darkness ~ September 1994 *Apology ~ October 1994

*Whimsy ~ January 1995 *Preference ~ February 1995

*Chameleon in Motion: The Friendship Tour ~ March 1995

*Joy ~ April 1995 *The Attic’s Secret ~ May 1995 *disenchantment ~ Fall 1995

*Loss ~ February 1996 * The Magical Mystery Tour: Master of Manipulation ~ March 1996

*Happy ~ April 1996 * The Royal Rainbow World Tour: Alan Is King ~ 1997

*Spin Control ~ March 1998 *The Agony and the Ecstasy of Apathy ~ August 1998

*Of Heart & Home ~ August 1999 *A Man of Mode ~ September 2000

*Man-Boy ~ August 2001 *Words of a Gardener ~ February 2002

*The Talented Trickster Tour: Reflections of a Floating World ~ 2003

*Shades of Gray ~2004

*The Revelation ~ 2006

*StoneLight ~ 2007

*The Circus Project ~ 2008

*A Night at the Hotel Chelsea ~ 2009

*A 21stCentury Renaissance: The Resurrection Tour ~ 2010

*Bardo: The Dream Surreal ~ 2012

*The Delusional Grandeur Tour: Last Stand of a Rock Star ~ 2015

*PVRTD ~ 2018 

In a lifetime of controversial projects,

this may be the most provocative of them all.

PVRTD: November 2018

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Getting My Ghapama On

An Armenian specialty, Ghapama is a cozy fall rice dish baked and served in a pumpkin. Perfect for an October meal when pumpkins are in season, this incorporates dried fruit, cinnamon and honey into the rice, lending a sweet and tart tension to a hearty side dish. In all honesty, the flavors weren’t as tantalizing to me as the presentation, and there are a few things I’d do differently the next time I make this. First, the recipe:

Ingredients:

1 sweet (or cooking) pumpkin, hollowed out with the top saved (about 3 lbs)

1 cup rice

1 ½ to 2 cups water

4 Tbsp. butter (½ stick)

¼ cup each of dried apricots, plums, cherries – all chopped

¼ cup raisins

1 tsp. ground cinnamon

Dash of salt

2 Tbsp honey

½ cup chopped nuts (almonds, walnuts or pecans) – optional

¼ cup hot water

Method:

Bring the water to a boil, then add rice. Turn to low and cover for 8-10 minutes.

In a small pan, melt butter and cook fruits, raisins and nuts for 5-10 minutes. Add cinnamon and salt. When rice is half-way done and water is mostly absorbed, add the fruit mixture and mix. Line the interior of the pumpkin with honey then add rice mixture. Leave a little space at the top (it will expand) and replace the top of the pumpkin. Bake at 325 degrees for 1 ½ to 2 hours (until a toothpick slides easily into the side of the pumpkin indicating that it’s cooked).

How I would do it differently:

First, I’m not a fan of raisins and dried fruit, so perhaps this isn’t the best dish for me. Next time I try it I’ll decrease the amount of all of that and allow the rice to be the main element. Some recipes call for sugar in lieu of honey; I like the honey, but I may add some brown sugar to tip it just this side of sweet (and balance the tartness of the raisins and fruit). I’d also up the cinnamon a bit and maybe add some freshly ground nutmeg; this recipe is very forgiving, and the few I viewed online had several variations. Unhealthy as it may be, I’d also look into adding a little more butter to everything.

Those minor issues aside, this was a grand dish, especially in the presentation and serving. You cut out slices of pumpkin and allow the rice to spill over onto each, then serve the piece to your guest. If cut all at once, it fans out like some pungent fall flower. Even though I wasn’t an initial fan of the fruit, once I wrapped my head around what it should taste like, I began to enjoy it.

This is such a popular dish in Armenia that there’s a song written about it. For the benefit of all on hand, I did not try to sing it, but it certainly sounds fun.

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