Category Archives: General

Union Suit, Unbuttoned

The way the cold seeps into the smallest crevice is the most insidious part of winter. An unsealed window, the drafty door, a crack in the wall – all access points for a frigid block of air that seems to want only to take up warmer space. Even though the Boston condo is buffered between two floors – a blessing for the most part – it still has windows at the fore and aft, all of which allow the winter to creep inside. On windy nights, if you sit near the windows in the bedroom, you can feel the cold coming in. In my first winter there, I’d light a sea of tea lights, hoping the small bit of heat they emitted would help things.

Long underwear and union suits helped too, and every year I’d stockpile an additional piece that I’d keep in the closet to amend whatever pajamas I neglected to bring on winter weekends. What had always seemed a rather silly uniform for vintage photo shoots or other nonsense turned out to be quite useful and effective. On one bitterly cold January day, I’d come into town with the sole purpose of visiting the courtyard of the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum. The Saturday dawned in freezing fashion, and the only way I was going to make the trek to the museum was to pull on a pair of thermal underwear beneath a loose pair of jeans.

On that day, a thermal weave trapped a warm layer of air closest to my skin and I walked in relative warmth to the museum. Once there, the courtyard and its verdant scenery warmed in visual and visceral manner. Ferns and palm trees softened the surrounding stone, while Gardner’s magnificent art collection beckoned along the staircases, drawing me into deeper coves of beauty.

After warming my body and my heart, I ventured back into the winter, hurrying along to the condo. A pot of tea, a book, and a bed rife with blankets awaited my arrival. This was the way through the winter, through the darkest months of the year.

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The Christmas Recap Aftermath

Another Christmas has come and gone, and with it George Michael. Another great musician is taken by 2016. Please watch over Madonna because that will just be too much. On with the recap, because I want this year to be over and done ASAP.

Mercury is in retrograde until after the New Year. Good luck to us all.

Zac Efron took his shirt off, so some things are still sacred.

Shades of gray.

Florida recall.

A glorious pair.

Flashing my booty in a red union suit.

River.

Kids are stupid.

Holiday hunks: Simon & Jake.

The Madonna Holiday Effect.

The 2nd Annual Children’s Holiday Hour in Boston.

Get merry.

Cute.

All anyone saw was my bulge.

And my ball. (Perverts.)

Now let’s shoot this awful year out of the water.

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Festive Aftermath

As much as I enjoy the anticipation and build-up to Christmas, I find an equal sense of enjoyment from the peace and let-down that follows. Much as I was in my childhood, I’d rather be left alone to play with my toys. Part of it is due to my social anxiety – the holidays are one party or gathering after another, and that can get extremely draining for those of us who, in our heart of hearts, shy away from such interactions. There’s still New Year’s Eve and Day ahead, but once you’ve run the gauntlet of Thanksgiving to Christmas, the hardest parts are done.

Now it’s time to relax, to refocus and get back to basics. One more week to the wretchedness of 2016. We will ride into 2017 on the wings of Mercury in retrograde, but rather than allow it to wreak havoc, I will work to harness its energy and use it to glide higher. Are you with me?

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The Day of as the Day After

It invariably happens that our Christmas wad gets blown way too soon, and everything from this point on, rather than being the start of something miraculous, is just the let-down at the end of it all. Seems at odds with what Jesus reportedly did with His life in the years after he was actually born.

For the rest of us mere mortals, we snuggle into our robes and long underwear, we hunker down and enjoy a day or two off from work, but mostly we just exist in a sort of holding pattern until life begins again, until work or school resumes, until we can pretend we’re not alive by doing all the things that deaden us to what really matters.

That got a bit too dark a bit too quickly.

But so do the nights at this time of the year.

Still, they are getting shorter. Hang on my friends, hang on.

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Anachronistic Escape

A little over a year ago, I was basking in the Florida sun, on the Gulf Coast, scampering along the shore and marveling at the wildlife present and past. The birds especially, so exotic to me but commonplace to those who lived there, enthralled my steps. I could pause and watch them for hours. Empty carcasses of sea creatures were strewn about among strands of seaweed, and shells of all sorts undulated their curvaceous path along the incoming surf. It may seem at odds with the fanciful visage some associate with me, but nowhere am I happier than ambling along a beach, discovering wildlife that is new and foreign to me.

{On this first day of winter, we now return to our regularly-scheduled polar vortex.}

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Hazy Shades of Gray

It will become clearer at a later time, I think. Like the first groggy glimpse of the day, sometimes things slip out of focus for a second or two, demanding a second look when better rested. In that gray area between light and dark, when the day seems unsure whether it’s beginning or ending, I stand poised but indeterminate. Back and forth I waver, debating which way to go. This is a new thing. All my life I’ve been extremely good at being decisive, sometimes viciously so. Lately though, I find myself weighing options more than before, hesitating and second-guessing. There are times when such thoughtfulness has proven beneficial. It’s a sign of growing up.

There is nothing major on my mind. No life decisions that will impact anyone else around me. This is merely an internal debate over the plan for the day, or the next day if I happen to have awakened in the middle of the night. It’s so tricky to tell in the dark early hours of winter.

The question is how to start. What, and where, to eat? Sweet or savory? The eternal breakfast conundrum. How best to get there? By foot or mass transit? Boston is small enough for either when the weather is fair. On this morning it is anything but. And there’s that wavering again. Commit and execute. I used to be so good at it.

I decide on a plan and finally look at a working clock. There is an hour or so before I need to leave. A few more moments in a cozy bed, while the snow falls outside. With a basic itinerary in mind, I can relax at last.

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Mercury & Madness

As hinted at in the previous post, we are due for some choppy seas ahead. Namely, the return of Mercury to Retrograde motion, which is due to last from December 19 all the way through the 31st – a nifty little end-of-the-year roller-coaster for which none of us can fully prepare. Usually the moon messes with my emotions, but Mercury isn’t much better. We can, however, harness this crazy energy and ride it out if we so desire, and I intend to do just that. The trick is in being flexible, open to change, and available for last-minute adjustments. It’s the challenging stuff for a Virgo, but this is the time to just go with the flow.

You

know

you

can do it.

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A Recap Portending the Tumultuous

Stay tuned for the midday post which will explain why it’s going to be a bumpy ride through the end of the year, and none of it my doing. We will be in this together. But before we move through this rocky, poorly-timed patch, let’s have our usual Monday morning look-back.

Milo Ventimiglia earned his second crowning as Hunk of the Day, and is gunning for a rare three-time win with just one more naked booty scene.

Walking in a winter wonderland.

A Thanksgiving recap.

Manhattan time.

Battle of Brotherhood: Nick Jonas vs. Joe Jonas.

The peace beyond a party.

I gave birth to this year’s Holiday Card, and it was a bloody mess.

A review of Tom Ford’s latest masterpiece ‘Nocturnal Animals’.

All of us just want to carpool with James Corden.

One of the greatest speeches Madonna has ever made.

Rocking around the Christmas tree.

Carp in the cold.

Those Goddamn Christmas carolers.

Do you see what I see?

Doing their best to keep things warm and toasty, these Hunks disrobed for our viewing pleasure: Charles-Laurent Marchand, Kupono Aweau, Daniel Peyer & Tyler Seguin.

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Unseasonal Shells

Procured from the sea halfway across the world, they stand assembled and stuck in floral form. Both the flower and the seashell aspect feel far from such a cold almost-winter day, but they’re all we have as the wind and snow rages. Winter is the time for inhabiting the imagination.

In the whorls of these designs, I see swirling snow.

In the waves and ripples of this architecture, I see a spinning sea.

Do you see what I see?

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Where the Carp Huddle in the Cold

They swarm the spot where warmer water splashes into their little pond, huddling together as a December snow falls. Their moves minimal, they manage to expertly float in the tumultuous patch of water. Ice encroaches from the still corners where the water is colder. They are telling us, in their own way, that the world is about to slow down for the winter.

I feel sad to see them like that, even if they are unbothered by the change. Sad to see the winter so close, sad to see innocent animals at the mercy of the weather and the world. Sad at the simple beauty of a snowfall.

Over it all, the Buddha watches.

Stoic, calm, at peace.

The Buddha has seen it all before.

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All We Want For Christmas…

… is to be in the Carpool Karaoke car with James Corden.

Don’t deny it.

(PS – Kudos to Mr. Corden for the foresight needed to pull this amazing feat off.)

(PPS – And you know that Madonna just said no to all of it.)

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The Holiday Card 2016: Trigger Warning!

“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given;

and the government shall be upon his shoulder, 

and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”

The conception was anything but immaculate…

The birth was bloody…

But in the end, peace reigned supreme.

Some holiday cards don’t require fanfare or hype because they stand alone and will garner their own messy splash. Such is the case this year, when the image will likely be misconstrued and misunderstood, with people bringing their own sensitivity and hang-ups into the equation. This has already been the most controversial card in many years: for the first time ever, a printer refused to print it, canceling my order of 200 cards (and then having the gall to continue sending catalogs to my house). I’ve also judiciously trimmed my recipient list (yes, there are usually way more than 200 cards sent out) so if anyone gets offended here it’s by their own free will for visiting. I never promised you a rose garden. Without further ado, here we go. Spread ’em:

This was my homage to the Virgin Mary, and a twist on her famous birth-giving. Originally, I thought I might swaddle myself in some rags and construct a make-shift manger, throw some hay around, find a trio of wise-ass men and call it a day. But the logistics of constructing a manger that would support my size and weight, as well as the impossibility of renting farm animals for a couple of hours, proved too unwieldy. So I settled for this Walmart baby, some fake blood, and a hospital gown. Hey – I wanted ‘Mary Christmas!!!’

May God grant mercy on my soul for this card… and add it to the list.

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Mid-December Recap of Wonder

Truth be told: there’s nothing all that wondrous about this recap. I’m just suspicious that I’ve used the ‘Mid-December Recap’ posting title before, and I needed something to differentiate this one. You can never do the same thing twice, no matter how fierce. That said, let’s re-tread some familiar waters before we start another week of holiday madness.

A naked Adam Levine provided happy memories of December 5.

A happy holiday commercial. And one more for good measure.

Sticky and sweet.

Elliott Wright had all the right (and shirtless) moves.

A pampered weekend at the spa.

Once I touched the gold.

Garrett Clayton starred in ‘Hairspray’ live, but also had his first official turn as Hunk of the Day.

There is magic in Boston, by way of Japan.

Madonna gave one of the best Carpool Karaoke episodes ever.

The Rebel Heart Tour premiered on Showtime, just in time for holiday inspiration.

In the giving spirit of the season, I took my shoes off.

And then I took it all off (except for a pair of Tom Ford sunglasses).

We are rich in Christmas wonder.

There’s always room for jello.

 

 

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As the Disco Ball Turns

Dazzling, the disco ball spins its seductive spell over the dance floor.

Sparkling, it shatters spotlights and faces into a thousand visions.

They roam from floor to ceiling, wall to wall.

A throbbing, moving mass of sultry bodies sings hallelujah to the disco gods.

For some, this is the closest they will get to a religious experience.

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