Category Archives: Gay

Following-up on recent Hunk of the Day Damien Rodgers, this post illuminates that behind the fierce body is a compelling bit of motivation and purpose. As previously mentioned, Damien Rodgers is representing the United States in a bid for Mr. Gay World. (And I thought Best Dressed Man of the Capital Region was a lofty goal.) Mr. Rodgers has grander notions than simply looking fine and fit; he is out to change the world with such aspirations as fighting for human rights in all regions of the world.

Rather than put my words into his mouth, however, here’s an excerpt from the press release delineating his hopes:

By seeking the Mr. Gay World title, Mr. Rodgers wants to become a global ambassador for LGBT rights. Already an active voice for the LGBT community and HIV awareness here in the United States, the 2014 Mr. Gay USA winner hopes to join the previous world title holders from Ireland, South Africa, and New Zealand as role models for young gay men everywhere. “My ultimate goal is to add LGBT+ history and information into the educational system for the advancement and understanding of the community as a whole,” says Mr. Rodgers. “I want to match available resources with the needs in the global community, and make sure that my LGBT brothers and sisters don’t have to hide in the shadows and fear for their lives just to be who they are.”

If you’d like to lend your support for Damien, and our fine country, please visit this site and scroll down to vote for the U.S.A. (You can vote once every 24 hours until August 30.)

On the verge of turning 39, I am not quite one of the over-40 men trolling the gay bars that Dalton Heinrich so viciously vilifies in this ridiculous post he wrote for GayGuys.com. In the article, Heinrich laments all those “sad, thirsty” men over the age of 40 who still go out to bars and clubs. He wants to know when they’ll grow up and start families. He wants them to get out of their “Peter Pan” syndromes and act their age. He wants them to be proper role models. Above all else, he wants to sound like he’s making a valid point. Unfortunately, he ends up sounding like a number of homophobic people who have a problem with the “gay lifestyle.”

Rather than offering a critical or even half-thoughtful reading of the differences between generations, Heinrich sticks to broad and sweeping generalizations, claiming that at a certain age we need to start acting a certain way, settling down and having families. It might have been charmingly nostalgic if it wasn’t so ass-backwards and close-minded.

It must be noted that by writing such a post Heinrich perpetuates the very stereotypes he so deeply criticizes. He attempts to shade it with the shaming of such gentlemen as not providing a good set of role models for him. I’d like to remind Heinrich that some of those “over-40” gentlemen fought for him to have a voice and to spew such stereotypical nonsense, and they’ve earned the right to have a night out if and when they please.

There are two quotes in the post that particularly wrought my ire:

“I think most of the gay men I associated with had never mentally passed the age of 25.”

“Why are there so few gay men in my life that look at the next generation as someone to mentor and coach rather than a new addition to their dating pool?”

The common thread here, Mr. Heinrich, is not the gay men you lump so carelessly together, but yourself. You chose the people in your life. The gay men in your circle of friends likely did not force themselves upon you, but found their way into your world by invitation or your own machinations. You get to decide who your role models will be. If you don’t like them, then you’re the one to blame.

I wonder how Heinrich would feel about such stunningly-stupid generalizations like ‘Young gay guys are stupid’ or ‘Twinks are pretty but vacuous.’ I could list a staggering number of examples of each, but I don’t do that because as a thinking person I know how such stereotypes can be damaging and dangerous.

If Heinrich took the time to talk to some of the over-40 guys he finds unfit to be role models, he might change his mind. I know a number of gentlemen who regularly go out to bars for the social aspect, the shows, the dancing, and the friendship. They’re just as good at being role models as a gay father who stays home tending to his family.

Mr. Heinrich, I would ask that you consider that there’s enough room in the world for everyone, and enough room at the 18-and-over bars for those, well, over 18. In your post you asked, “When my generation of gays gets older are we going to think that is the normal thing to do with our nights?” If it is, it will be entirely a matter of your own making.

Growing up, I had even fewer visible gay role models than you do. Rather than limiting myself to those few brave souls, I sought out anyone  who impressed me, who made me want to be a better person. That included older gay men and women, and – just as importantly – straight men and women. It included people who enjoyed hanging out in gay bars, as well as those who preferred to stay home and read. The one thing I never did as a younger gay guy was to go around judging others based on their age or what I thought they should be doing with their lives. Perhaps you’d do better by broadening your own mind, rather than criticizing the rest of the world for being as limited in their views as you have proven to be.

Yes, it’s true that certain men do have a problem growing up. Thank you for revealing another one, Dalton Heinrich.

At first, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I know what it’s like to struggle with a devotion to the faith and religion in which you were raised when you are a gay person whose religion condemns homosexuality. Even today, I find it difficult to reconcile the safe, life-affirming comfort of the church in which I grew up and served as an altar boy with the Bible-quoting God-fearing zealots who would have me stoned for loving my husband. That’s not an easy thing to go through, but I did it because I knew that what I was doing was not sinful. There is no sin in loving another person, even if he happens to be the same sex as me. And there is no sin in expressing that love. But before I start eviscerating what you may not have seen, take a few minutes to hear Grady Smith, a self-proclaimed gay Christian, explain his choices:

My first feeling upon listening to you, Grady Smith, was one of profound sadness and pity. How lonely to give up your desires, to give up your love, to give up and give in to the antiquated and archaic rules of a civilization long-ago ruined. How pathetic to even entertain the notion of entering into a marriage with a woman to raise children knowing full-well you are a gay man who will never feel the same excitement or attraction to a woman. (That’s sort of how being gay works, Mr. Smith.) Above all, how terrifying and joyless to live in constant suppression of what was admittedly a natural, God-given desire for the same sex.

After a few moments, however, my feelings turned to anger. This is the same exact theory that drives the notion of “Love the sinner, Hate the sin” – a sentiment that you so easily dismiss, only to stand behind in action. The problem isn’t with Christianity, or your belief system, but in the limited interpretation of the Bible that, if you are going to read and follow so strictly, should also have you drastically revising your view of shellfish, slavery, and stonings. The rigid thinking you want so badly to decry is the very thinking you are espousing for yourself.

Mr. Smith, that “huge suffocating culture of shame that covers anything that even touches the word gay” which you reference and rightfully condemn comes from Christians like yourself, who choose to perpetuate the shame by proposing and living out a life that is forced, unnatural, and goes against the very grain of how they were born. The guy who’s gay but not acting on it… that is a definite conundrum, and there’s not much room for true happiness there. You may not want my pity, but you have it.

After gritting my teeth and almost talking back to the computer screen (something I never, ever do), my anger subsided, and the freedom to do what Grady Smith is doing – to talk about his conflict – is something I will always defend. Here’s a guy who is going to put his life and his journey out there, not unlike the certain someone typing away here, and although I still cannot bring myself to respect Mr. Smith, I can honor the process. And in so doing, I can also say that Mr. Smith is full of shit.

If you really want to change the culture of this whole beast, Mr. Smith, then start by thinking of that one young gay boy who sits alone and terrified that his nature should never be acted on, that he should never kiss the man of his dreams, that he should never become what it was his destiny to become. Think of that lonely gay kid who feels, based on your example, that he should never be who he was born to be, and that he should never find love or, worse, act on it. Think of the many horrific ways in which that might warp a young gay person into the very perversion you are trying so desperately to excise. That’s the real abomination at work here.

Grady, I hope that one day you are able to stop fighting who you are. God did make you in His own image. Why would you want to suppress all that it encompasses?