Category Archives: Madonna

{Note: The Madonna Timeline is an ongoing feature, where I put the iPod on shuffle and write a little anecdote on whatever was going on in my life when that Madonna song was released and/or came to prominence in my mind.}

I’m goin’ through it, yeah
I know you see the tragic in it
Just hold on to the little bit of magic in it
I can’t break down now
I can’t take that now
Died a thousand times
Managed to survive
I can’t break down now
I can’t take that (I can’t take that)

I rise, I rise
I rise up above it, up above it
I rise, I rise
I rise up above it all

For all of her strengths and triumphs, Madonna has been remarkably hit-or-miss when it comes to putting the closing song of an album together. For every ‘Vogue‘ there is a ‘Gone’, for every ‘Mer Girl‘ there is an ‘Act of Contrition‘. Mostly they are filler, albeit decent-enough filler – as in ‘Easy Ride‘ or ‘Like It Or Not‘, but only in that first example did she hit it out of the park. This Madonna Timeline entry, ‘I Rise’, from 2019’s ‘Madame X’ effort, is another decent-enough closer, but there’s not much more to say about it. That sort of dovetails with my thoughts on Madonna at the moment.

Of course I still love her, she simply hasn’t done anything in a long time that has sparked my fandom or stoked the fires of that love. This song would probably be her shrugging off such doubt in her, even from one of her lifelong fans. I’m absolutely certain she will rise again, and I can’t wait to see it. 

Freedom’s what you choose to do with what’s been done to you
No one can hurt you now unless you want them to (Unless you want)
No one can hurt you now unless you love ’em too (B.S.)
Unless you love ’em too

‘Cause I’m going through it
Yeah, I know you see the tragic in it
Just hold on to the little bit of magic in it (Magic in it)
I can’t break down now
I can’t take that (I can’t take that)

I rise, I rise
(Rise) I rise up above it, up above it
(I rise) I rise, I rise
(Rise) I rise up above it all

Yeah, we gonna rise up
Yeah, we gonna rise up
Yeah, we gonna get up
Yeah, we gonna get up
Yeah, we gonna get up
Yes, we can, we can get it together
We’ll rise up, we can get it together

Racing through the backroads of upstate New York on a rainy night, I can no longer tell the difference between my tears and the rain on the windshield. With visibility low even absent my crying, the salty water further muddles the obscured view I had. It feels only right since everything else in life feels so wrong. The car careens to the side of the road, rain still beating against the windshield, while the wipers do their best to stave off blindness. I do not mind in the least. Destruction is welcome here. 

I am on a self-appointed date with death, driving on one last journey before I’d return home to end my life, while the remnants of some hurricane wreak their weakened havoc on inland New York. In a couple of days Madonna will release her ‘Erotica’ album – the album that formed the culmination and central-crisis of a career that has always defied the odds. So it was that as my heroine was bringing me along on a sexual journey, I was on a path toward self-annihilation. Sex and death were instantly and irrevocably intertwined at that moment, as if entering adolescence under the specter of AIDS hadn’t fucked enough of us burgeoning gay boys up. Determined to be in sole control over how it all ended, and despondent for any number of closeted reasons, I’d made the determination to end my life… immediately after I heard the new Madonna album. 

The whole world knew it was coming. More than ‘Like A Virgin‘, more than its follow-up ‘True Blue‘ – even more than the ‘Like A Prayer‘ brouhaha – ‘Erotica’ was probably the most-hyped album of her career, coming as it did with the never-before-or-since-duplicated ‘Sex’ book. Madonna fans especially watched and waited with keen anticipation, and back then radio stations had early copies to play as they wished. The local station was playing it as I drove along on that rainy night – if I got to hear it all, there might not be anything left to wait for. 

Maple leaves fluttered messily down as the wind and rain ripped them from their perches. The air was filled with debris and it felt like the whole world was bearing down on the car as I slowed and pulled off the road. Sitting there, I listened as the song ‘Rain’ came on, its calming harmonies and steady ticking momentarily quelling my tears. 

Somehow, I survive the next week.

{Here I have to pause. That sentence contains more than you will ever know – more than I will truly remember – and leaving it there like that, or even less, is all I can muster.}

Somehow… I survive.

I don’t remember getting back on the road, or sneaking back into the house. I don’t even remember which Madonna song they ended on (they didn’t end up playing the whole album after all). I only know I made it back home, back into bed, back into the impossibly forlorn state that a teenage boy just barely 17 years old could uncomfortably inhabit. I couldn’t feel more out of place and alone – and somehow I understood that it was only the beginning. Maybe that’s why I wanted so badly to give up then and there. The totality of such a difficult journey presented itself in full. I didn’t know enough to take it one minute at a time, to focus on that present moment, to feel the joy, however hidden or obscure or absent. The only time I came close was when a Madonna song was playing. 

But something kept me from going through with the planned execution process I’d marked in the book ‘Final Exit’ that week, and it was enough to see me through the night. And the next day. And the next. And when at last Tuesday, October 20th arrived, my friend Ann and her Mom drove me to Rotterdam Square Mall to pick up the ‘Erotica’ album and the ‘Sex’ book. 

At that scary time in my life, my friends, and often their parents, indulged me in such nonsense. It was as if they could tell, sometimes more than I could tell at times, that I needed something to hang onto, to keep going, to not give it all up. If that came in the form of a new Madonna album, maybe it was enough to get me past the danger zone. The expanse of an entire life looming before a teenager is more daunting, taunting, and debilitating than most of us as adults ever seem to remember. But some do, and they held out a hand for me at key moments. By the time Ann and her Mom dropped me off at my house, half of the album had been played, and all of our laughter had helped. 

Back home, in the safety of our unfurnished basement, beneath two brightly clinical bulbs of fluorescent light, I open up the ‘Sex’ book while the ‘Erotica’ single played in the background. This was Madonna’s grand project – the ultimate union of music and visuals – and as I unzipped the book from its mythical mylar encasement like some enormous condom, feeling the cold metallic covers in my hand, I was grateful for being alive in that month of October in the year 1992. I knew I almost wasn’t. 

Linking sex with death isn’t the healthiest way of discovering your sexuality, but we don’t usually get to choose the way sex enters our lives, we just have to make the best of when it does. In this case, the detached artistic take on the subject was the safest way to get down and dirty in the age of AIDS, and exploring the topic with the vastly varying songs of the ‘Erotica’ album was a roller coaster that included life and death moments, such as on ‘In This Life’, a ballad dedicated to two friends Madonna had lost to AIDS. 

Those two gay men, long gone by the time Madonna released ‘Erotica’, had taught her the power and importance of art and beauty, and their memories had stayed with her. The majesty and might of making a piece of art was suddenly understood as a way of survival, even in the face of death. The rest of the ‘Erotica album was soaked in further brilliance ~ the whirling escapism of its greatest single ‘Deeper and Deeper‘ or the cinematic masterpiece of ‘Bad Girl’ or the psychedelic melodrama of ‘Secret Garden‘ – it was all waiting there for further exploration. That kept me going for the next few weeks and months. With each new video and performance, I sat mesmerized and enthralled by what this pop icon goddess would do next, watching and waiting and finally finding something on which to grasp to make it through the rest of the wilderness. 

Thirty years later, the scratch of a vinyl record still evokes that iconic opening of the ‘Erotica’ album, and then that insinuating bass-line brings it all crashing back – a baptism and rebirth and the very point ‘Where Life Begins’ – and the first furtive, fumbling motions to finding my own sexuality as I writhed through equal parts desire and destruction. Madonna led me down the rabbit’s hole, and I willingly followed, needing sexual fantasies to distract me from suicidal fantasies, and even if it was a profoundly fucked-up way of beating one set of demons, it worked and got me through that rough patch. To this day, I am grateful to Madonna for that, as silly as it sounds. You never know what little thing might serve such a pivotal role – in this case it was a woman breathily singing the word ‘erotic’. 

There would be other attempts at self-destruction to ensue, even as I understood the stupidity of what I was doing, even as Madonna survived her own reckoning in the fall-out of the ‘Sex’ book and ‘Erotica’ album. She would help save me then too. 

At that time, however, the only way to make it through some nights was by putting on a song like ‘Rain’, imagining what a future might look like, and letting Madonna lead me away from the sadness and loneliness I felt. Thirty years later, she still casts that spell. 

The wait for a rather simple remix album seems worthy of the wait for a proper original studio album, and maybe that’s because we haven’t had a new Madonna release since 2019’s ‘Madame X’. We are definitely due for more, and this is hardly enough. A collection of Madonna’s 50 #1 Dance Chart hits (a record-breaker for any artist in any single category), ‘Finally Enough Love’ encompasses everything from ‘Holiday’ to ‘I Don’t Search I Find’, a lyric from the latter giving title to this opus (which could also be considered as GHV4?) It comes out, in its full incarnation, tomorrow. While I put this on my Amazon Wish List, the days of me eagerly waiting for and instantly going out to purchase a physical format of the latest Madonna release are long gone. That said, there’s always a bit of magic in the air when Madonna does anything, even if it’s a re-issue of songs that every true fan already owns. Here’s looking forward to the next musical chapter, and may it come sooner rather than later.

The track listing of the entry compilation is as follows, and for those we have already chronicled in the Madonna Timeline, click on the title for the link:

1.    “Holiday” (7” Version) 
2.    “Like A Virgin” (7” Version)
3.    “Material Girl” (7” Version)
4.    “Into The Groove” (You Can Dance Remix Edit)
5.    “Open Your Heart” (Video Version) 
6.    “Physical Attraction” (You Can Dance Remix Edit)
7.    “Everybody” (You Can Dance Remix Edit) 
8.    “Like A Prayer” (Remix/Edit)
9.    “Express Yourself” (Remix/Edit)
10.    “Keep It Together” (Alternate Single Remix) 
11.    “Vogue” (Single Version) 
12.    “Justify My Love” (Orbit Edit)
13.    “Erotica” (Underground Club Mix)
14.    “Deeper And Deeper” (David’s Radio Edit) 
15.    “Fever” (Radio Edit) 
16.    “Secret” (Junior’s Luscious Single Mix)
17.    “Bedtime Story” (Junior’s Single Mix)
18.    “Don’t Cry For Me Argentina” (Miami Mix Edit)
19.    “Frozen” (Extended Club Mix Edit)
20.    “Ray Of Light” (Sasha Ultra Violet Mix Edit) 
21.    “Nothing Really Matters” (Club 69 Radio Mix) 
22.    “Beautiful Stranger” (Calderone Radio Mix)
23.    “American Pie” (Richard ‘Humpty’ Vission Radio Mix) 
24.    “Music” (Deep Dish Dot Com Radio Edit)
25.    “Don’t Tell Me” (Thunderpuss Video Remix) 
26.    “What It Feels Like For A Girl” (Above And Beyond Club Radio Edit)
27.    “Impressive Instant” (Peter Rauhofer’s Universal Radio Mixshow Mix) 
28.    “Die Another Day” (Deepsky Radio Edit) 
29.    “American Life” (Felix Da Housecat’s Devin Dazzle Edit) 
30.    “Hollywood” (Calderone & Quayle Edit) 
31.    “Me Against The Music” (Peter Rauhofer Radio Mix)  – Britney Spears feat. Madonna
32.    “Nothing Fails” (Tracy Young’s Underground Radio Edit) 
33.    “Love Profusion” (Ralphi Rosario House Vocal Edit) 
34.    “Hung Up” (SDP Extended Vocal Edit)
35.    “Sorry” (PSB Maxi Mix Edit) 
36.    “Get Together” (Jacques Lu Cont Vocal Edit) 
37.    “Jump” (Axwell Remix Edit)
38.    “4 Minutes” (Bob Sinclar Space Funk Edit)  – feat. Justin Timberlake & Timbaland
39.    “Give It 2 Me” (Eddie Amador Club 5 Edit) 
40.    “Celebration” (Benny Benassi Remix Edit)
41.    “Give Me All Your Luvin’” (Party Rock Remix) – feat. LMFAO & Nicki Minaj
42.    “Girl Gone Wild” (Avicii’s UMF Mix)
43.    “Turn Up The Radio” (Offer Nissim Remix Edit) 
44.    “Living For Love” (Offer Nissim Promo Mix) 
45.    “Ghosttown” (Dirty Pop Intro Remix)
46.    “Bitch I’m Madonna” (Sander Kleinenberg Video Edit)  – feat. Nicki Minaj
47.    “Medellín” (Offer Nissim Madame X In The Sphinx Mix) – Madonna and Maluma
48.    “I Rise” (Tracy Young’s Pride Intro Radio Remix)
49.    “Crave” (Tracy Young Dangerous Remix) – feat. Swae Lee
50.    “I Don’t Search I Find” (Honey Dijon Radio Mix)

Holiday, celebration, come together in every nation!

Our Queen Pop Icon Goddess Madonna celebrates her birthday today, and so we celebrate her legacy and body of work, just as she is about to release another greatest hits collection – this of her 50 #1 dance songs (yes, she’s had 50 #1 songs on the dance chart, far and away more than anyone else in the world, living or dead, and the most any single artist has amassed on any single chart). She’s celebrating in Italy this year, and though it’s been a bit of a rocky go of it over the past year (she’s had a break-up, been attacked by fans and non-fans alike for her plastic surgery and looks, and made a few questionable moves on social media) she seems to be plotting the next main Madonna event. Her appearance at Gay Pride back in June was epic and reminded everyone who the fuck she was, and always has been. 

My favorite Madonna songs shift and undulate, like the charts she once ruled. Depending on the season or the mood, certain songs come back into focus, while others fade more obscurely into the past. My top three, however, have remained static and in place for the better part of two decades. I’ll post the links here, in honor of the day:

3. ‘Vogue‘ ~ She gave good face.

2. ‘Like A Prayer‘ ~ She wanted to take us there.

1. ‘Drowned World: Substitute for Love‘ ~ She showed us her religion. 

All right America – do you believe in love?

For some of a certain age, the summer of 1989 was defined by Madonna’s ‘Express Yourself’ – and for those too young to remember that, it’s now a year-round anthem for whenever I feel like we need to kick some ass. And there is no time like the present for kicking some ass…

Whether you have to fight for the integrity of our great country, or have your eye on something smaller like simply making it through the workday, ‘Express Yourself’ is a ball-busting exercise in maintaining a belief in yourself, a striking reminder to say what you mean and mean what you say. Who better to deliver such a message than Madonna? 

“WITHOUT THE HEART, THERE CAN BE NO UNDERSTANDING BETWEEN THE HAND AND THE MIND.”

Recaptured brilliantly by Madonna expert Matthew Rettenmund on ‘Boyculture’ here, Madonna’s return to her throne for Pride 2022 was a smashing success, and a tell-tale signpost of why we need her more than ever. Even with the snippets and clips alone, she proves she is still one of the most thrilling entertainers of any generation. She performed various versions of several career-spanning songs – ‘Material Girl‘, ‘Hung Up‘ and ‘Celebration‘ – all of them seductive, playful, exuberant and as fresh as when they each came out for the very first time. It was a pleasant, and badly-needed, recollection of what made, and makes, her so damn great. Personally, I just needed the celebratory revelry of dance, pride, and gay fabulousness that is the hallmark of her wondrous career. 

[See also ‘Vogue‘, ‘Where’s the Party?‘, ‘Cherish‘, ‘Music‘, ‘I Don’t Search, I Find‘, ‘Rebel Heart‘, and ‘Gimme All Your Luvin’‘.}

At the time of this posting the first format of Madonna’s dance hit collection – ‘Finally Enough Love‘ – will have been released, the perfect soundtrack to the summer that’s ahead. The full 50-song set drops later in August, and Madonna has been back in the promotional spotlight, performing at a Gay Pride event tonight to get us all pumped for the new release. While I’d prefer new music, Madonna’s classic dance vibes will easily do for the summer. ‘Vogue‘, ‘Turn Up the Radio‘, ‘Celebration‘, ‘Music‘, ‘Ray of Light‘ and ‘Express Yourself’ have all formed the backbones of summer sounds over the last three decades. Get up on the dance floor!

Suffering Madonna fatigue isn’t something to which I’m all that accustomed. For decades she has done little to no wrongs, but these last few years I’ve had issues with some of her choices, and, worse, I’ve found myself not even caring what she does. The world has indeed gone topsy-turvy in the midst of a pandemic, and all bets are off. Seismic shifts are now the norm, and things I once held as forever stable have melted away like the flimsiest of sandcastles. 

Maybe I’ve just aged beyond the time when music makes the same strong impression it made in my youth. I’ve heard others describe similar circumstances, this loss of passion over a certain song and melody, the kind of obsession that once allowed me to play a song on repeat for hours and days and weeks on end. Very little stirs me that strongly these days, and part of me mourns that. 

The latest upcoming release form Madonna – ‘Finally Enough Love‘ – 50 of her #1 dance hits remixed and compiled in a sprawling collection – doesn’t kickstart that passion either. Partly because it’s a rehashing of whats been done before – sounds like these are mixes most of her fans have already heard. Hoping for some new twist, but not expecting it. Her recent remixes of ‘Frozen‘ on Tik Tok have also left me largely unimpressed. Once upon a time Madonna operated in the mode of not bothering with something if wasn’t going to be epic. Those days are done. 

And I’m oddly at peace with it. 

Today marks the anniversary of Madonna’s epic ‘Like A Prayer’ album. For those of us old enough to remember the spring of 1989, this will always harken to that heady time of burning crosses on MTV, and a darker, more somber and serious Madonna than we’d ever encountered before. It remains a masterpiece that holds up – a timeless classic rooted in solid songs and musical brilliance – and it has endured because of its universal themes. Let’s revisit its track-list, link by exuberant link:

1. Like A Prayer
2. Express Yourself
3. Love Song
4. ‘Til Death Do Us Part
5. Promise To Try
6. Cherish
7. Dear Jessie
8. Oh Father
9. Keep It Together
10. Spanish Eyes
11. Act of Contrition

There was something raw and tender about the winter of 1998. Living in Boston at the time, and following the bloody trail of my bruised but not yet broken heart, I longed for love as I got lost in the muck of desire and decadent depravity. It wasn’t a sexual awakening I was seeking, or even a blooming of the soul, it was the acceptance of not knowing where I was meant to be, and greater than that an acceptance of realizing I might never know. It was the journey of almost every early-twenty-something – both lost and found, both elated and despondent – and I embraced it as much as I pushed it away. 

That March, Madonna released her best album to date, ‘Ray of Light’, the album that changed her career, solidified her status as an artistic force (when she so desired), and gave her lifelong fans cause for celebration and reflection at once. The music was especially moving for me – one of those moments of youth where music collides with the magical time of the early twenties – and in each song I found something in which to marvel, to ponder, to wonder. 

The witching hour of the midnight release at Tower Records on Newbury Street arrived and the new Madonna music poured forth from the sound system. After rushing back with album in hand, I hastily put it on the stereo and laid down on the cold wooden floor. My silly retail job – the very first job I procured on my own, and one that I loved so dearly because I was so good at it – would begin in just a few hours. It didn’t matter. Madonna’s voice – the one that guided me throughout my childhood, the one that had shaped me into the young man I was – sounded throughout the empty rooms. Born out of night and darkness, born out of the depths of winter which echoed with frozen memories, it was music to soothe the soul. Looking back, I realize it was music of meditation, even if I was decades from meditating. 

Today marks the 24th anniversary of the American release of ‘Ray of Light’, and with the day comes the remembrance of the night I flew through Copley Square and the front yard of Trinity Church on roller blades, my black coat fluttering wildly behind me as I screamed loudly into the night air. It recalls the fall I said hello to a new love and the following winter in which I said goodbye. It brings back the loss of innocence, torn from the firmament of my youth like a little falling star. More than that, it shines a sliver of light on a past that feels both dimmer and brighter than it probably ever really was, cracking open the heart like a frozen drop of water cracks open a rock.