The Madonna Timeline’s Greatest Hits


In honor of her Madgesty’s return to New York, this is an Immaculate Collection of what I feel are some of the stronger Madonna Timeline entries. (Please disregard some of the formatting of the older ones – I haven’t yet had the opportunity to revamp absolutely everything on the site, but it will happen, I promise…) We’ll go in rough chronological order of their appearance on this site, so it will be as random as the timeline itself.

The Madonna Timeline #14: ‘Frozen’ ~ Winter 1998: In which our protagonist falls for a chef in the cruel winter of Rochester, NY, and our heroine implores him to open his heart. The lesson learned here? Never fall for a one-night-stand (and never lead one on…)

The Madonna Timeline #40: ‘You Must Love Me’ ~ Fall 1996: I’m taking this one out of order already, because it’s sort of the first of a two-parter, so to avoid further confusion, here it is. In which our heroine shows a softer side, and our protagonist goes ape-shit bonkers over a boy in his Comparative Literature class, and embarrasses himself over and over and over again.

The Madonna Timeline #17: ‘Don’t Cry For Me Argentina’ ~ Nov./Dec. 1996: In which the continuation and emotionally-bloody aftermath of a doomed relationship that never was comes to a sad (some might say pathetic) conclusion.

The Madonna Timeline #26: ‘Music’ ~ September 2000: A happier entry in which our protagonist meets his future husband and Madonna goes old-shool by way of the future. Hey, Mr. DJ.

 The Madonna Timeline #39: ‘Erotica’ ~ October 1992: In which our heroine teaches our protagonist a few things about art, and paves the way for The Projects. Oh, and takes her knickers off to piss off the collective universe. Brilliance all around.

The Madonna Timeline #48: ‘You’ll See’ ~ Fall 1995: In which Brandeis and Boston form the backdrop to a spectacularly dismal first attempt at love. The lesson learned here may be not to fall in love with a realtor. It’s their job to sell, and they’ll do it well.

The Madonna Timeline #55: ‘Drowned World/Substitute for Love’ ~ March 1998: In which our heroine stages her greatest comeback (and releases her greatest album) and our protagonist tumbles once again into the messy world of love, coming to some sort of acceptance of that glorious, infuriating, life-altering force.

The Madonna Timeline #75: ‘Oh Father’ ~ Fall 1991: In which we confront the hurt and the hope of childhood, the failings and forgiveness required in growing up, and the ache and regret that comes of letting it all go. It’s never easy being a child, and it may be even harder to be a parent.

The Madonna Timeline #79: ‘Give Me All Your Luvin” ~ November 2011: Because it’s about one year since this all happened, and I’m back in New York City about to see Madonna in the MDNA Tour, and this song is one of the highlights. No more, no less.

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