Category Archives: Music

My brother and I never shared a taste in music, though our musical preferences occasionally dovetailed. He was, in fact, the one who got Madonna’s ‘True Blue’ album first. I hadn’t come around to her completely just then, if you can imagine. Every once in a while I’d venture into his room when he was out and find some jewel of a song among the rap and hardcore bands he favored back in the late 80’s and early 90’s.

I was attracted to the colorful, psychedelic cover of ‘Lovegod’ by The Soup Dragons and its lead-off track ‘I’m Free’ – and when I delved a bit deeper I fell in love with the fourth track, ‘Softly’ – the requisite slow-burner on every rock band’s album. (Remember ‘More Than Words’?)

Figuratively, my brother had already left the nest, always a little bit ahead of me, a little braver in some ways. He went out all the time, to God knows where and with God knows whom, while my family pretended not to fret and worry, and maybe they really didn’t. I would wander into his room, where the afternoon sunlight was strongest, and sit on the floor, listening to the few good songs I could find there, watching the dust drift slowly through the air, and waiting for my moment to fly.

It was spring. The earth was about to crack open, spilling a winter that would finally melt away, melting a heart that would finally thaw from its frozen limbo.

ALL I WANTED TO
WAS TO BE WITH YOU
TO LIVE INSIDE YOUR HEAD
AND TO KILL YOU DEAD

EVERYTIME I SEE YOUR FACE
YOU KNOW I SOFTLY DIE
AND EVERYTIME I’M OUTER SPACE
YOU KNOW I SOFTLY DIE

Who could tell why I was so consumed by this song? I’m not so sure I could have put it into words myself, not then and probably not now. As it stands, I’m struggling just writing this post. There are days when the words don’t flow, when they don’t automatically assemble in a structure resembling sense or order.

It was the time of my life when I felt poised for something grand, when hormones were raging, and I wasn’t even sure where to direct my desire. I just knew that I felt something – a longing, a pull, a hesitancy, a thrill – and somehow in this simple set of chords I also realized that love might never come easily to me, that it might be the knife sheathed in something seductive and pretty, ready to draw blood, ready to draw venom.

WHEN I CUT MY HAND
AND I BREAK YOUR HEART
AND I MAKE YOUR LOVE
JUST FALL APART

EVERYTIME I SEE YOUR FACE
YOU KNOW I SOFTLY DIE
AND EVERYTIME I’M OUTER SPACE
YOU KNOW I SOFTLY DIE

Dorothy Parker once wrote a delicious poem about how breaking a heart is sometimes worse than having your own heart break. It would be lovely if that were true. I’m not so magnanimous to have ever felt that, however. Being on the receiving end of heartache would always prove more sorrowful. There is clearly more work to be done on my behalf. And while I wait, this song drones on in the background, reminding me of a different time, for better or worse…

AND EVERYTIME I SEE YOUR FACE
YOU KNOW I SOFTLY DIE
AND EVERYTIME I’M OUTER SPACE
YOU KNOW I SOFTLY DIE

AND EVERYTIME I SEE YOUR FACE
YOU KNOW I SOFTLY DIE
AND EVERYTIME I’M OUTER SPACE
YOU KNOW I SOFTLY DIE…

ON A BLUSTERY WINTER DAY
ON A CROWDED UNDERGROUND TRAIN
WE HAD THE NUMBERS

HOLDING THE CARDS CLOSER THAN EVER
YOU COULD AVOID THOSE EYES FOREVER
IF YOU JUST TRY IT

LOST TO THE CITY
WILL I EVER SEE YOUR FACE AGAIN?
LOST TO THE PARTY
IT’S A WONDERLAND WE’RE LIVIN IN

AND I’M NOT SAYIN’ I’M WAITING FOR A STAR SIGN
BUT YOU ARE ON YOUR WAY TO BEING LEFT BEHIND… LEFT BEHIND… LEFT BEHIND

Not because it’s Valentine’s Day, not because of any trite or silly romantic notion of the emotion, and not for any contrived message of mucky emotional import, but only because every day is a day worthy of celebrating love, in all its forms. And I happen to love this song. It’s a lovely reminder that sometimes going through life is much better when shared along the way. It doesn’t have to be about extreme passion or die-hard loyalty or the perfectly idealized soul-mate. It’s about going through life with the person who may or may not be the man or woman or non-binary person of your dreams but who might be compatible and caring and kind. We may never understand how the world works, but everything is easier when there’s someone to hold your hand during the difficult times, or simply sit beside you. Especially in the winter.

FEBRUARY RAIN IS WASHING ALL OUR DAYS AWAY AND YOU FEEL TIRED
AND THE PUDDLES AT YOUR FEET SHINE THE TRAFFIC LIGHT
WISHES THAT YOU KEEP AND YOU FEEL LUCKY

WE COULD BE LIONS AND I’D PROTECT YOU IN OUR DEN
WE COULD BE POLAR BEARS AND I WOULD HUNT YOU ‘TIL THE END

AND I’M NOT SAYIN’ I’M WAITING FOR A STAR SIGN
BUT YOU ARE ON YOUR WAY TO BEING LEFT BEHIND… LEFT BEHIND… LEFT BEHIND

FEEL LIKE THE WORLD IS ENDING AND I’M WITH YOU AND I DON’T CARE…

DON’T WANT IT BAUDELAIRE, JUST GLITTER LUST…

It seems incredulous based on history and previous traditions, but this site is in need of some sparkle and pizzazz. I’ve tended to traffic in such enchantments to an extent that when a period of serious posts and contemplative quietude occurs it gives off the notion that the blush is off the rose, that fun is off the table, and glamour is gone for good. Not so, not so, not so.

I can still shine.

I can still sparkle.

I can still put on the showiest of shows.

We may be battered and bruised, we may be downtrodden and blue, but the heart of a chameleon remains pure. A trickster has survival instincts that run deep. Those instincts are instrumental in making a new way for oneself when the old avenues are closed down and not navigable. A proper trickster will always find a way, in our mercurial magic and transformative nature. There’s nothing wrong with dressing up our journey with fancy finery in the process, or thrilling our companions with bejeweled glory. To catch the eye is an art form. It takes a certain kind of sorcery. Those who make the attempt to marvel do so at great risk. The rest of the world loves to see a misstep or a fall. There are those who will always revel in the misery of others. I don’t care to figure out why.

Let us instead do our best to shine.

Let us brush off our imaginations and return to the land of unabashed play, where fantasy and make-believe and magic prance like pink ponies, and flowers and feathers fall from branches cradling drops of sunshine. Where the sky is always blue, when it’s not eavesdropping and cloaked in black to better see the dancing moonbeams.

The best way I find to conjure such enchantment is in getting all gussied up and decoratively decked out. At its best, it’s life-affirming, at its worst it’s frivolous, and whether best or worst it’s entirely harmless and far better than any number of vices. From your head down to your toes, from your fascinator to your velvet shoes, and every shade of Tom Ford in between, you still have the power to enthrall.

The possession to fascinate.

The wherewithal to survive.

The frivolity to enchant.

The charm to sparkle.

Here, now, is a song to help you channel your own fabulousness. It’s like ooh la la la la…

I WANNA LOVE SOME MORE

I’LL NEVER BE THE SAME

A BROKEN HEEL LIKE A HEART

I’LL NEVER WALK AGAIN…

Certain songs are like elegies, for those moments when there’s nothing left to say. We listen to their sadness and try to make sense of the sorrow, but there is no answer or solution to loss and grief, only bottomless depths of more. Perhaps there is comfort in company; quite often there is not. That doesn’t mean the effort is in vain.

When the loss is not by death or force, when the loss of someone from your life is by choice, sometimes that’s even harder to take. And when you’re the one to go, sometimes another’s heart is harder to break.

IN EVERY HEART THERE IS A ROOM 
A SANCTUARY SAFE AND STRONG
TO HEAL THE WOUNDS FROM LOVERS PAST
UNTIL A NEW ONE COMES ALONG

I SPOKE TO YOU IN CAUTIOUS TONES
YOU ANSWERED ME WITH NO PRETENSE 
AND STILL I FEEL I SAID TOO MUCH 
MY SILENCE IS MY SELF DEFENSE

AND EVERY TIME I’VE HELD A ROSE
IT SEEMS I ONLY FELT THE THORNS
AND SO IT GOES, AND SO IT GOES
AND SO WILL YOU SOON I SUPPOSE

Once there was a girl who loved me very much. She loved me more than I could ever love her, maybe more than I could ever love anyone. Being loved like that is a luxury we should all be lucky enough to feel at one point. It scares most people, but we are better for it. Later on in life I would be the one to do the loving, or so I thought, though never quite as purely and unreservedly, never in such undiluted and untainted form.

Oh I thought I did. It felt like I loved more fiercely and carelessly than anyone could have ever loved someone, even those I barely knew, but it was fallacy and fabrication. To be loved by someone who knows you, and who has known you since you were a child, is how we complete our souls. Not all of us are lucky enough to have that.

BUT IF MY SILENCE MADE YOU LEAVE
THEN THAT WOULD BE MY WORST MISTAKE
SO I WILL SHARE THIS ROOM WITH YOU
AND YOU CAN HAVE THIS HEART TO BREAK

AND THIS IS WHY MY EYES ARE CLOSED
IT’S JUST AS WELL FOR ALL I’VE SEEN
AND SO IT GOES, AND SO IT GOES
AND YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS

SO I WOULD CHOOSE TO BE WITH YOU
THAT’S IF THE CHOICE WERE MINE TO MAKE
BUT YOU CAN MAKE DECISIONS TOO
AND YOU CAN HAVE THIS HEART TO BREAK

I probably didn’t deserve such a beautiful song. I’m not sure if I deserve it now, but maybe I’m a little closer. We approach grace in different ways. It takes a little longer for some, and most of us fall down along the way. We just need to find those who will help us get back up, who will sit with us in silence or just be there without fanfare or expectation.

AND SO IT GOES, AND SO IT GOES
AND YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS.

I’ll never complain about there not being a bunch of snow in January, but if you’re going to replace it with rain, part of me would prefer the white stuff. These January thaws have typically ravaged my emotional state, and at this point there’s not much more to ravage than tatters and tears. Better to greet the day with the jolt of frozen winter to which we are accustomed. This should be a time for contemplation. For quiet, snow-bound ruminations coupled with a cup of tea and a candle.

How weird to long for winter while in the very midst of it. How strange to even weakly wish for snow. Yet there it is. The heart knows what it needs and what it wants. It puts me in mind of Norwegian composer Ola Gjeilo’s ‘Winter Songs’ as heard here:

This is gorgeous music, and tranquil, like the winter can, at its kindest, be. Hints of its tumultuous power sprinkle the edges, bits of snow fluttering in crystalline form, catching the light like floating diamond dust, but a stark calm is the main take-away I get from these selections. The early days of January carry their own majesty and wonder. Winter is still fresh enough and new to be somewhat welcome. There is serenity in the snow, serenity in this music, and a sense of peace to this moment. Let it stay for a while. Let us rest for a bit. Let us weather the winter together.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wodq70Z8Kf8

He sits alone in a bar, his beard strewn with gray, his temples ravaged by time and consternation.

His voice, raspy and rough and gnarled by years of overuse, is salve and fire.

His body has begun to break down, a state of deterioration seen less in the mirror and more in the eyes of friends.

And the eyes of the one who loves him.

She can’t save him.

Maybe he doesn’t want to be saved.

Maybe he’s beyond that.

A beautiful, heartbreaking song.

A man and a guitar.

A woman and her power.

And maybe she needs some saving too. Maybe he’s not the only one.

MAYBE IT’S TIME TO LET THE OLD WAYS DIE
MAYBE IT’S TIME TO LET THE OLD WAYS DIE
IT TAKES A LOT TO CHANGE A MAN
HELL, IT TAKES A LOT TO TRY
MAYBE IT’S TIME TO LET THE OLD WAYS DIE

NOBODY KNOWS WHAT AWAITS FOR THE DEAD
NOBODY KNOWS WHAT AWAITS FOR THE DEAD
SOME FOLKS JUST BELIEVE IN THE THINGS THEY’VE HEARD
AND THE THINGS THEY READ
NOBODY KNOWS WHAT AWAITS FOR THE DEAD

Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga give career-defining performances in the re-re-remake of ‘A Star is Born’ and this is one for a new generation. While ‘Shallow’ got all the chart glory, and an incandescent performance on the Oscar ceremony, it is this song which moves me the most. It stands sublimely on its own too, a plaintive elegy of sorts, a prayer to someone somewhere, hoping to find something, somehow.

I’M GLAD I CAN’T GO BACK TO WHERE I CAME FROM
I’M GLAD THOSE DAYS ARE GONE, GONE FOR GOOD
BUT IF I COULD TAKE SPIRITS FROM MY PAST AND BRING’ ‘EM HERE
YOU KNOW I WOULD, YOU KNOW I WOULD

NOBODY SPEAKS TO GOD THESE DAYS
NOBODY SPEAKS TO GOD THESE DAYS
I’D LIKE TO THINK HE’S LOOKING DOWN AND LAUGHING AT OUR WAYS
NOBODY SPEAKS TO GOD THESE DAYS

There are a number of powerful and upsetting scenes in the film, and if you haven’t yet seen it but intend to, please read no further. Hopefully enough time has lapsed that a spoiler alert isn’t necessary, but just in case you’re as behind as I am, there you go.

The most heartbreaking part, for me, was the dog.

While he waits outside the garage, his owner will slip into a noose and leave this world.

That damn dog is what killed me when I saw the movie. The moment he’s waiting for him is devastating. His master, his companion, and his friend won’t be coming back. The dog doesn’t know that yet. In that window of time, before he realizes his loved one is gone, everything is still ok. Everything might still be all right.

Maybe not knowing is the only way to get through this life.

WHEN I WAS A CHILD THEY TRIED TO FOOL ME
SAID THE WORLDLY MAN WAS LOST AND THAT THE HELL WAS REAL
WELL, I’VE SEEN HELL IN RENO
AND THIS WORLD’S ONE BIG OL’ CATHERINE WHEEL
SPINNIN’ STILL

MAYBE IT’S TIME TO LET THE OLD WAYS DIE
MAYBE IT’S TIME TO LET THE OLD WAYS DIE
IT TAKES A LOT TO CHANGE YOUR PLANS
HELLA DRAIN TO CHANGE YOUR MIND
MAYBE IT’S TIME TO LET THE OLD WAYS DIE
OH, MAYBE IT’S TIME TO LET THE OLD WAYS DIE

It takes me a lot longer to get into music these days. Seeking something new, something inspiring, but something slightly nostalgic too, I recently landed on this Taylor Swift song, which I’d first heard a few months ago with its whimsically sweet video. The beginning is just the slightest bit reminiscent of a fuzzy Mazzy Star song, and a rather sweet nugget for the holidays. Hey, if ‘Diamonds & Pearls’ can be in my holiday canon, then so can this.

WE COULD LEAVE THE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS UP ‘TIL JANUARY
AND THIS IS OUR PLACE, WE MAKE THE RULES
AND THERE’S A DAZZLING HAZE, A MYSTERIOUS WAY ABOUT YOU, DEAR
HAVE I KNOWN YOU 20 SECONDS OR 20 YEARS?

I don’t anticipate it lasting the decades, but you never know what will stick and what may stay. Some of the most trifling bits of pop informed such key moments of life that they are classics, if only in my mind. These days it’s harder to have such moments. Too quickly, the weeks blend into each other, and too easily I give up the fight to mark them.

CAN I GO WHERE YOU GO?
CAN WE ALWAYS BE THIS CLOSE?
FOREVER AND EVER, AH
AH, TAKE ME OUT, AND TAKE ME HOME
YOU’RE MY, MY, MY, MY LOVER.

Christmas lights, 20 years, dazzling and mysterious ways… we need a new holiday. Who’s with me?

LADIES & GENTLEMEN WILL YOU PLEASE STAND…

Q: Why does everyone think the cook is mean?

A: He beats the eggs and whips the cream.

From Prince’s sorely under-rated ‘Diamonds & Pearls’ album – an unlikely holiday collection from my childhood – this is ‘Cream’ – and a more fitting song to accompany these creamy pics may not exist. This was just a quick photo shoot of selfies taken after I had finished assembling an icebox cake for a work lunch. There was lots of whipped cream left over, so what’s a boy supposed to do?

THIS IS IT
IT’S TIME FOR YOU TO GO TO THE WIRE
YOU WILL HIT
‘CAUSE YOU GOT THE BURNIN’ DESIRE
IT’S YOUR TIME (TIME)
YOU GOT THE HORN SO WHY DON’T YOU BLOW IT
YOU ARE FINE (FINE)
YOU’RE FILTHY CUTE AND BABY YOU KNOW IT

This song takes me back to 1991. The 90’s were new then, and some of us, Prince included, were still not quite ready to get over the 80’s. ‘Cream’ solidified his chart status, even as some critics weren’t overly impressed by the album as a whole. I happened to love it – it’s pure pop confection, all wisps of sugar, spun into musical gold, with nothing too heavy, or heavy-handed, to muck things up. Maybe that’s why some people didn’t like it – too frivolous, too fun, too silly to make a difference and advance the musical legacy of genius. This was the era where he busted his butt out for an MTV performance of his song ‘Gett Off’, swiveling his hips in a canary yellow, cut-out lace pant-suit with a scandalously-sheer window for his ass. Then he turned around and shook it for the audience. Peachy indeed. With that one single move, Prince taught me all I needed to know of the power and limitations of being cheeky. Well, maybe Madonna helped out a bit a year later too. Together they were my King and Queen of Provocation, and I worshipped at the altar of 80’s excess.

YOU’RE SO GOOD
BABY THERE AIN’T NOBODY BETTER (AIN’T NOBODY BETTER)
SO YOU SHOULD
NEVER, EVER GO BY THE LETTER (NEVER EVER)
YOU’RE SO COOL (COOL)
EVERYTHING YOU DO IS SUCCESS
MAKE THE RULES (RULES)
THEN BREAK THEM ALL ‘CAUSE YOU ARE THE BEST

YES YOU ARE

1991 was a rather dim time, particularly that fall, which is by its nature the dimming portion of the year. Suzie was away in Denmark and I was floundering in the midst of familial strife brought on by my being so strikingly different that no one knew what was going on. Looking back, it was the beginning of social anxiety, coupled with a world that never taught me being gay might be ok. Still there was joy to be found, no matter how serious or upsetting everything often felt. I turned to pop culture to escape, and in the process I found my salvation.

In a song.

In a dance.

In a bit of cream…

DO YOUR DANCE
WHY SHOULD YOU WAIT ANY LONGER?
TAKE A CHANCE
IT COULD ONLY MAKE YOU STRONGER
IT’S YOUR TIME (IT’S YOUR TIME)
YOU GOT THE HORN SO WHY DON’T YOU BLOW IT (GO ON AND BLOW IT)
YOU’RE SO FINE (YOU’RE SO FINE)
YOU’RE FILTHY CUTE AND BABY YOU KNOW IT (YOU KNOW IT)

CREAM
GET ON TOP
CREAM
YOU WILL COP
CREAM
DON’T YOU EVER STOP
CREAM

Sam Smith delivers something that’s not in the least bit weepy, and I am entirely present and here for it.  This is his take on Donna Summer’s classic disco revelations ‘I Feel Love’ – and it’s more than lovely. When they hit those high notes, you will get chills. Good ones. Not all former Hunks of the Day can so thrillingly master a disco song, so enjoy this little masterpiece. 

Things have gotten entirely too serious here of late. Let this be a return to our frivolous roots, a throwback to all the sacred silliness found in a disco song. I’m feeling it. You wanna feel it too? Turn it up. Turn it out.  Get down…

{This now concludes our mid-day dance-break.}

Remember those days when you could go to school, work a job, and still be ready to go out until 2 am on a Friday night? I do. I distinctly remember going to class, taking the commuter rail into Boston, working my job at Structure and then taking ten minutes to freshen up for a night out on the town. Those days are gone but the memory still feels fresh, especially when this song comes on. 

GOODBYE TO THE SUMMER
SOLD DOWN THE RIVER 
UNHAPPY EVER AFTER 
WELL DID YOU EVER? 
DID YOU EVER REACH FOR THE 
GLUED-DOWN PENNY? 
SAME OLD JOKE AND IT’S NOT FUNNY 
BURNS ARE RED BRUISES BLUE 
OUT WITH THE OLD CHEATED BY THE NEW 
DO YOU SUFFER FROM LONG TERM 
MEMORY LOSS? 
I DON’T REMEMBER

It was fall. The chill in the night air was welcome after a few weeks of stifling conditions on the subway platforms. The magical preparatory period before an evening out was at hand, and I was at the condo playing Chumbawumba because my taste was always questionable and it was the 90’s. We were going to meet up at the Tar Bar, where everybody once met. Nuns, drag queens, bikers, college kids and elderly locals converged under the darkened ceiling and came together without judgment or conflict because once upon a time we could do that.

The splendor of a weekend sprawled out before us – what happy luxury in that, and how it seemed as if it might last forever. Candles flickered in the condo, while a window or two let in the night breeze. This song kept pumping, and as silly as it was it provided the perfect motivational music for a night out.

YOU SING THE SAME OLD VERSE 
STICK LIKE GLUE FOR BETTER OR WORSE 
WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND 
AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN 

The all-important decision had yet to be made: what to wear? Every day, and every night, hinged on what was decided at that pivotal moment. Would we blend into the crowd or would we make them bow down before us? Our youth was its own invincibility, our innocence its own formidable power. Illusions and delusions were equally grand and we trafficked in the cultivation of both. How lucky and wonderful that those were the only decisions that had to be made.

THIS HEART PULLED APART 
HYDRA FIGHTING HEAD TO HEAD 
BURNS ARE RED BRUISES BLUE 
OUT WITH THE OLD CHEATED BY THE NEW 
DO YOU SUFFER FROM LONG-TERM 
MEMORY LOSS? 
I DON’T REMEMBER.

I had to let it happen… I had to change… A jacket of black leather, studded with metal accents and lined with extra zippers, replaced my basic Structure uniform of khakis and sweaters, along with a pair of jeans and a simple white t-shirt. It was the 90’s for God’s sake. It was all wrong, and all right. ‘Amnesia’ continued to play on the stereo in the bedroom, spilling out into the rest of the space. Iris Apfel once remarked that she enjoyed getting ready for the party much more than the party itself. I understood that way back then. The little gatherings before the main event were always where the good stuff happened. They were also where one’s real friends were, the squads we each assembled to help get us through this thing called life. They empowered simply by being present – the best people do that.

Find your tribe, then hold onto them.

AMNESIA 
DO YOU SUFFER FROM LONG-TERM 
MEMORY LOSS? 
I DON’T REMEMBER.

ALL OF THE WITCHES AND THE DEMONS BETTER GET OUT MY WAY…

Adam Lambert is back in a major way, thanks to his latest EP ‘Velvet: Side A’ out now. Lead single ‘Superpower’ is, well, nothing short of super. It’s got a groove and a theme of self-empowerment that simply shines. The funk is strong with this one, so lay it down for a Saturday night out and get your pimp on. Bonus points for that green suit.