Hope in a Crocus

Or a wave of crocuses, as evidenced by these photographs from Boston. With this recent spate of chilly and rainy days, I looked to some happier images to cheer the spirit and nourish the soul. On dark mornings, before we get really rolling into the new season, it’s good to have a colorful reminder of what really matters. To that end, a poem by the magnificent Mary Oliver to go along with the floral harbinger of spring.

Such Singing in the Wild Branches

It was spring
and I finally heard him
among the first leaves –
then I saw him clutching the limb

in an island of shade
with his red-brown feathers
all trim and neat for the new year.
First, I stood still

and thought of nothing.
Then I began to listen.
Then I was filled with gladness –
and that’s when it happened,

when I seemed to float,
to be, myself, a wing or a tree –
and I began to understand
what the bird was saying,

and the sands in the glass
stopped
for a pure white moment
while gravity sprinkled upward

like rain, rising,
and in fact
it became difficult to tell just what it was that was singing –
it was the thrush for sure, but it seemed

not a single thrush, but himself, and all his brothers,
and also the trees around them,
as well as the gliding, long-tailed clouds
in the perfect blue sky – all of them

were singing.
And, of course, so it seemed,
so was I.
Such soft and solemn and perfect music doesn’t last

For more than a few moments.
It’s one of those magical places wise people
like to talk about.
One of the things they say about it, that is true,

is that, once you’ve been there,
you’re there forever.
Listen, everyone has a chance.
Is it spring, is it morning?

Are there trees near you,
and does your own soul need comforting?
Quick, then – open the door and fly on your heavy feet; the song
may already be drifting away.

-Mary Oliver

 

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The Muse as Magistrate

If there’s one thing I’ve learned as a life-long Madonna fan, it’s that the show must go on. In sickness and in health, in custody battles and all stages of heartbreak and rejoicing, Madonna has shown that there is no time to stop for stalkers, impersonators, wannabes or haters. That’s easier said than done, but whenever I feel like staying in bed or delaying another workweek, I think of her, and I start to shine. At least, I try.

Let this little post be a way to begin for any of you who need that extra push to get up out of bed today. I know I need it. And, as always, I look to Madonna for some inspiration.

 

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Hum-Drum Mid-April Recap

Having spent the weekend on tour, this blog has been on auto-pilot of late, and this little recap is part of that pre-programmed majesty. ‘Tis the season of change, and the air is filled with renaissance and destruction all at once. A perambulation about the gardens will reveal what the winter may have taken away, and what it has spared. I’m ambivalent about the whole thing – the mildest winters can be the most horrid without an adequate cover of snow, and even at this late date there are possibilities of hard freezes and even, yes, more white stuff. I wouldn’t put anything past Mother Nature this year. Onto the recap…

Tadeo Fernandez slipped into his briefs for the week’s first Hunk of the Day.

In the midst of a winter storm, the day’s eye.

The thrilling and hunky star of the new ‘American Psycho’ musical, Benjamin Walker.

Broadway was on the mind, as exemplified by Audra McDonald’s brilliant turn last year.

A very cute Broadway butt was on display thanks to Andrew Glaszek.

Why are David and Jason Benham so obsessed with gay sex? (This in no way implies that the Benham Brothers are gay.)

Remember Nick the Gardener, better known as Billy Reilich? He got naked.

Speaking of gardening, this little flower bloomed before the snow returned.

Way too young for my taste, but perfect for any teeny-bopper readers, this is Hunk of the Day Cody Saintgnue.

The battle of The Delusional Grandeur Tour raged on, as our Warrior raised the sword and the stakes.

The Madonna Timeline stepped back into the ‘Spotlight.’

Shirtcocking. It’s happening.

Hot as ice, this is Guillaume Cizeron.

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Sunday Shirtcocking

There may not be a dictionary definition for shirtcocking yet, but if Donnie Rust has anything to say about it there should be. The act of wearing a shirt and no pants is the very loose description of it, as illustrated by all butt one of these shots. (Yes, that ‘butt’ was entirely intentional; there are no accidents here.)

 “The terrible poetry of human nudity, I understand it at last, I who tremble for the first time in trying to read it with blasé eyes.” ― Rachilde

“Beware of the naked man who offers you his shirt.” ~ Navjot Singh Sidhu

“I think on-stage nudity is disgusting, shameful and damaging to all things American. But if I were 22 with a great body, it would be artistic, tasteful, patriotic, and a progressive religious experience.” ― Shelley Winters

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The Madonna Timeline: Song #124 – ‘Spotlight’ ~ 1988

{Note: The Madonna Timeline is an ongoing feature, where I put the iPod on shuffle, and write a little anecdote on whatever was going on in my life when that Madonna song was released and/or came to prominence in my mind.}

You can dance.

For inspiration.

Such was the mantra for Madonna’s first remix record, ‘You Can Dance’. It came at her white-hot 80’s platinum crest, and for an album half-filled with dub versions it did relatively well, even without a single. The lone new song ‘Spotlight’ should have been given the single and video treatment, as it could have better bridged the gap between the nefarious ‘Who’s That Girl’ period and the amazing ‘Like A Prayer’ majesty. Instead, this throwaway track (reportedly from the ‘True Blue’ sessions) is an 80’s time-capsule with its synthesized everything and Madonna’s full-throated delivery.

SPOTLIGHT, SHINE BRIGHT

TONIGHT, SPOTLIGHT…

There’s nothing ground-breaking here, though it does mark Madonna’s first reference to the spotlight (one that, oddly enough, wouldn’t rear its now-ubiquitous head until she started examining her own fame in tracks like ‘Human Nature’, ‘Survival’, ‘Drowned World’, ‘How High’, ‘American Life’, ‘Hollywood’, ‘I’m Addicted’, ‘Joan of Arc’ and ‘Rebel Heart‘.)

NO ONE KNOWS YOU BETTER THAN YOU KNOW YOURSELF

DO THE THING YOU WANT, DON’T WAIT FOR SOMEONE ELSE

LIFE IS JUST A PARTY, THAT’S ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW

IT’S YORU TURN TO SHINE, BABY LET YOURSELF GO.

Carefree days of childhood, when dreams of fame and fortune actually seemed possible, all within (far) reach. I didn’t know how or when, but one day I knew that spotlight would shine on me. Whether or not I’d be ready, accepting, or appreciative of it was also unknown. But the possibility was there, and this song was very much an inspiration.

EVERYBODY IS A STAR

EVERYONE IS SPECIAL IN THEIR OWN WAY

SO YOU SET YOUR GOALS HIGH AND GO FAR

DON’T PUT OFF TOMORROW WHAT YOU CAN DO TODAY…

It hasn’t weathered the passing of time very well, but for an 80’s trifle it reminds of a more simple period, when all was neon and bangles and 80’s glory. It was gaudy and garish, and, much like the ‘You Can Dance’ artwork, more than a little cheesy. It wasn’t the prettiest time, but it was flashy. More than that, it was the background to my childhood. Good or bad, that was the era that informed my view of the world, and my place in it.

SPOTLIGHT, OPEN UP YOUR EYES AND SEE

SPOTLIGHT, SHINING THERE FOR YOU ME

SPOTLIGHT, THIS WORLD IS YOURS AND MINE

SPOTLIGHT, THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO SHINE.

As Patrick Bateman prowled the streets of New York snorting coke and fucking hookers, as Wall Street boomed and busted, and the coldness of an imagined war loomed and darkened the steps in the distance, we grew up. Yet in my bedroom, with the scarlet lining of the cassette tape and Madonna intoning me to step into the light, all was wondrous and rosy and limitless imagined stardom.

DON’T STAND IN THE CORNER WAITING FOR THE CHANCE

MAKE YOUR OWN MUSIC, START YOUR OWN DANCE

WHEN YOU FEEL THE RHYTHM, I’LL BE BY YOUR SIDE

NOW YOU HAVE THE POWER, BABY, LOVE IS ON YOUR SIDE.

Caught between the well-traveled world of my brother – a realm of sports and easy friendships and carelessness to all attire – and the fantastical vision of Madonna – a realm of glamour and power and beauty, clearly I was siding with my main muse. In her music and her attitude, she offered a fun and sexy and confident manifestation of the age-old belief that dreams really do come true – even if no one else believed in you. That was a lesson I needed more than anything, and it was something I’d have to go through in my own way.

EVERYBODY WANTS TO SHINE

DON’T STAND ON THE SIDELINE, STEP INTO THE LIGHT

BUT IT’S GOT TO COME FROM INSIDE

LISTEN TO YOUR HEART, AND STEP INTO THE SPOTLIGHT

EVERYBODY IS A STAR,

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE

THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO SHINE

IT’S GOT TO COME FROM YOUR HEART.

SONG #124 – ‘Spotlight’ ~1988

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THE DG Tour: Warrior Retribution ~ Part 4

“The Warrior of the Light is a believer. Because he believes in miracles, miracles begin to happen. Because he is sure that his thoughts can change his life, his life begins to change. Because he is certain that he will find love, love appears.” ~ Paulo Coelho

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THE DG Tour: Warrior Retribution ~ Part 3

The sad thing about many lives – my own included – is that we are always on the defensive. Always ready to fight. Always ready to counterattack. So we do it.

We fight.

We go to battle.

We go to war.

We move through it and if we’re lucky we survive.

“Nothing is so strong as gentleness. Nothing is so gentle as real strength.” – Frances de Sales

THE DELUSIONAL GRANDEUR TOUR: LAST STAND OF A ROCK STAR

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Before the Snow…

Apparently we could not escape winter’s wrath, even if it was supposed to end weeks ago, and our most recent snowstorm was one of the worst (which isn’t saying much, except for its late arrival). To counter the ill-feelings from that (and the possible damage to the cherry and lilac buds which were already well on their way to burst) here are a few photos of a pretty pink spring bulb bloom, taken the last time I was in Boston (and before this snowy nonsense).

A late winter storm can be a danger to bulbs like this – but if it’s quick and goes away soon they can usually recover. This last one stayed cold for so long that such a recovery will prove difficult at best.

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The Gay Sex Obsession of the Benham Brothers

A number of people I know – along with several studies on the issue – have claimed that a high percentage of homophobic people are actually gay themselves. I’ve always had a hard time believing that. Maybe I’m naive and foolish enough to think that most people aren’t so stupid and self-defeating, and maybe I’m just completely wrong. The only time I wonder about the phenomenon of homophobic man as closeted homosexual is when someone is so fixated on gay people that it’s all they talk about. Rick Santorum and Mike Huckabee come to mind, and now these Benham Brothers – who were set to have their own HGTV home improvement show until their anti-gay vitriol was discovered. Now, it’s like someone unlocked their mouths and all that’s coming out of them is cock talk. I mean, I don’t even think about gay sex as much as these dudes do. And so I’m left to wonder…

When their show was canceled before it even began, they posted this YouTube video. I lost count of all the double-entendres very quickly after one referred to the other as his “sister” and they started rattling off ‘The Three C’s’ that rule their lives. Yes, really. Watch:

A couple of days ago, they posted a big Bible-thumping article on how all the North Carolina shenanigans of late (you know, how the whole world is basically pulling out from a state that’s going to espouse such hateful “values” – and everyone knows that good Christians never pull out) are an attack on their religion. It’s more nonsense, but here are a few excerpts that better showcase their moronic hatred than my rhetoric could ever approach:

“Last week was a crazy week for the state of North Carolina. The hoopla around HB2 (House Bill 2), which overturned Charlotte’s radical bathroom bill, indicates just how demanding and pervasive the roots of the sexual revolution are in our country. And it reveals the direction in which we are headed as a nation…

This is the pattern of the sexual revolution’s mob, surrounding its prey, forcing its will on all who stand in the way.

Yet this is nothing new. As Scripture says, “There’s nothing new under the sun.” Today’s sexual revolution is simply new fruit coming from the same vine – the vine of Sodom.

In Genesis 19, we see how Sodom reacted to the men of God who came to Lot’s house:

“Before they lay down, the men of the city, the men of Sodom, surrounded the house, both young and old, all the people from every quarter; and they called out to Lot and said to him, ‘Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us that we may have relations with them’” (19:4-5).

Today, the sexual revolution of Sodom has pervaded every sphere of society, capturing both young and old. And anyone standing in the way will be surrounded by an angry mob demanding participation…

As the men of Sodom surrounded the house, Lot offered them his daughters, which reveals how pathetic he had become as a father. Yet they refused his accommodation – and it got even nastier:

“So they pressed hard against Lot and came near to break the door” (19:9b).

The “vine” of Sodom in a nation forces participation against the will of the people. It refuses to be told, “No.”

The story continues as the mob pressed against Lot and was struck with blindness, yet the rage continued:

“They struck the men with blindness, both small and great, so that they wearied themselves trying to find the doorway” (19:11).

Wouldn’t getting struck with blindness not sober you up a bit? Yet they “wearied themselves to get to the door!” The sexual revolution is “blind” to its own rage and hate. It has no capacity for reason. It has no ability to see its own hypocrisy or discern its hopeless future. It just forces itself on others regardless of cost or consequence.

Although Lot escaped the city of Sodom, the “vine of Sodom” left with him and eventually took root in the nation of Israel many years later. And it’s still alive today.”

““For they are a nation lacking in counsel, and there is no understanding in them. Would that they were wise, that they understood this, that they would discern their future. … For their vine is from the vine of Sodom, and from the fields of Gomorrah; their grapes are grapes of poison, their clusters, bitter. Their wine is the venom of serpents, and the deadly poison of cobras” (Deuteronomy 32:28-30, 32-33).

What we are witnessing today in America is the vine of Sodom, which is a deadly poison that erodes the moral fabric of a nation. It’s demanding and pervasive, and it refuses to be told, “No.” All across Europe and now throughout America the vine has taken root and is surrounding its prey, and nothing short of a miracle will stop its deadly poison.

Yet it wasn’t the city of Sodom or the people that were the problem; it was the spiritual “vine” of sin that had taken root and perverted the nation. Interestingly, rampant homosexuality was not the “root” of sin in Sodom, but rather the effects of the real root. The prophet Ezekiel said, “‘Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy” (Ezekiel 16:49).

The fertile soil that makes the “vine of Sodom” grow in a nation is when the people are arrogant, overfed and unconcerned. In their pride, they reject God and indulge themselves endlessly, and they are concerned about nobody but themselves. To be honest, this sounds more like professing “Christians” today than anyone.

So today, the newest fruit of the vine of Sodom is the sexual revolution – and it’s poisoning our land. It has nearly taken over everything and is forcing itself on everyone.

Yet it cannot ultimately be removed by “fire and brimstone” from heaven or “common sense laws” from earth. Its ultimate defeat will come when we humble ourselves in repentance and seek God’s face once again. Only the Gospel of Jesus Christ has the power to defeat the real root of the “vine of Sodom.””

I guess my question is: why do they care so much? If what we’re doing as a gay people is so sinful, that’s on us. How does it affect anyone, least of all these two Christians? That’s the part I don’t get. Thankfully, I don’t know either David or Jason Benham. I have no reason to believe either of them are gay. I do, however, have to wonder why they are so obsessed with gay people and gay sex when it really has nothing to do with them. Unless it does…?

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The Brilliance of Audra McDonald as Billie Holiday

The very first time I saw Audra McDonald on stage was in the brilliant ‘Master Class’ with Zoe Caldwell. Back then, in the long-ago 90’s, she played a supporting role to an imperious diva – Maria Callas – yet she absolutely stole the show with a purity and grace and innocence that was both beguiling and beneficent. As written by Terrence McNally, it was Ms. Caldwell’s tour-de-force, but Ms. McDonald’s talent could not be ignored, and she won a Tony for the turn.

The next time I saw Audra McDonald was in the original run of ‘Ragtime‘ – for which she also won a Tony (which was quickly becoming a good habit). Her voice lifted that production, and as much as it was an ensemble piece, she managed to shine and hit the high notes that confirmed her break-out status.

Since then she’s won a few more Tony Awards, but I didn’t get the chance to see her again until HBO broadcast her stunning turn as Billie Holiday in a recording of ‘Lady Day at Emerson’s Bar & Grill’ – and what a revelation it was. As I was watching, I was struck by a certain full-circle moment wherein Ms. McDonald had taken the proper lead role that mirrors the monstre sacré to which she had to be subservient in her ‘Master Class’ role. In this production, it is McDonald who plays the diva, and she does it with the fiery exhibition and subtle devastation that makes a Broadway play strike to the very heart of the human spirit. When she slams down the piano cover or fills her own cocktail glass with ice and liquor, she completes the transformation into the iconic status she merely flirted with in ‘Master Class.’ It is a gratifying promise perfectly kept.

This is a mesmerizing performance, punctuated by the brilliant rendition of Ms. Holiday in which McDonald not only inhabits her voice and mannerisms, but takes it to a searing, desperate and doomed emotional level wherein fear and adulation and the ultimate craft of an artist’s brilliance collides with her subject’s iconography. It would be easy to emulate and imitate, but McDonald goes wondrously beyond such mimicry: she becomes Holiday in a way that resurrects her history, and offers both redemption and condemnation. There is truth in that, and courage, and an amazing show that’s as difficult to witness as it necessary for the soul.

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In the Midst of the Day’s Eye

Having missed a lovely trip into NYC for a friend’s wedding thanks to snow squalls and winter-in-April insanity, I was hungry for something hopeful, something sunny, something that elicited the promise of spring in the face of all the cold and wind. I turned to future plans for Boston, as well as warm and fuzzy memories of fun times past in that fair city.

When I did that, I started thinking: so much of my life is about the planning and the anticipation. Very rarely do I inhabit the moment and let loose, and for the longest time it’s what I’ve strived to do. There have been periods of happiness when I managed to succeed. As silly as it sounds, Madonna’s ‘Ray of Light’ album helped me do that. It was all about the moment, and making the most of it, and I truly lived in the moment the summer after its release. To this day, I try to reclaim that freedom. Maybe this is the spring and summer it will happen. I hold out the hope…

Even so, it’s fun to plan ahead, and it’s always good to have something to which we might look forward. I know no other way to get through the difficult days. Not in dwelling in the dismal past do we find a way forward. And so, I look ahead to the next party, the next vacation, the next big thing. And the new… always the new… ever the new… Cheers to the new.

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April Shower Cap

Well, an April shower recap to be more precise. In the last week we’ve had hail, snow, rain, wind, sun, and 70 degree temps. Don’t ask why I’m so nutty. If you lived in these extremes you’d be batshit cray cray too. I’m hoping things level off – they’re better when they’re placid. Let’s get into the recap…

The week began with this cock (tail).

The beautiful Matt Vose inserted some hunkiness into the early days of the week.

Things shifted to family affairs, beginning with this look back at my brother’s birthday.

Easter was spent in Amsterdam this year, with Andy and Emi mugging for the camera.

It was the weekend that the twins turned six, and they are as precocious as ever.

A reminder of what this site has always striven to be.

And proof that contradiction is the sign of true genius.

Things returned to their dirty gay porn ways with Hunk of the Day Leo Giamani.

Continuing that thread, a full-frontal cock-tease.

The Delusional Grandeur Tour continued its merry march.

The Warrior Retribution section saw me looking all sorts of ridiculous.

Sunday in New York, backed by Shirley Horn.

Since the cock seemed to rule the week, here’s the Hunk of the Day feature for Joaquín Ferreira.

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New York on Sunday

Early this morning, Suzie and I will (weather-permitting) drive to the station to hop a train to New York. We will dine at the Plaza Hotel, then browse the scents at Bergdorf Goodman. After which we’ll make our way to a friend’s wedding, then board the train back home. I can’t think of a lovelier way to spend a Sunday.

And I can’t think of a better soundtrack than Shirley Horn. Here’s her rendition of ‘Sunday in New York.’

New York on Sunday, Big City taking a nap,
Slow down, it's Sunday, Life's a ball, let it fall in your lap.
If you've got troubles, just take them out for a walk. 
They'll burst like bubbles in the fun of a Sunday in New York.

You can spend time without spending a dime, watching people watch people pass,
Later you pause, and in one of those stores there's that face next to yours in the glass.
Two hearts stop beating, you're both too breathless to speak.
Love smiles her greeting, then the dream that has seen you through the week
Comes true on Sunday in New York.
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THE DG Tour: Warrior Retribution ~ Part 2

The Warrior, then, in his armor and skin, a juxtaposition of defense and vulnerability in one puzzling form. Some battles are begun before we even know what and why we’re fighting. The list for carnage is not solely limited to the animal realm. Certain humans have it too. Never the ones who reluctantly put on their armor and charge into the world to defend something worthy of risk, but those who gleefully gain the submission of others. The bloodthirsty who rarely realize such a want can never be satiated. They will try, though, and the battle to safeguard the world from them falls to the warriors who only fight when absolutely necessary.

Which side is this warrior on? Ahh, that is the question. Many a noble-seeming soldier has turned in the end, many a righteous warrior has fallen victim to glory. That’s the real danger, isn’t it? Who can stay steadfast to the marrow…

“A truly brave man is ever serene; he is never taken by surprise; nothing ruffles the equanimity of his spirit. In the heat of battle he remains cool; in the midst of catastrophes he keeps level his mind. Earthquakes do not shake him, he laughs at storms. We admire him as truly great, who, in the menacing presence of danger or death, retains his self-possession; who, for instance, can compose a poem under impending peril or hum a strain in the face of death. Such indulgence betraying no tremor in the writing or in the voice, is taken as an infallible index of a large nature – of what we call a capacious mind, which, far from being pressed or crowded, has always room for something more.” ~ Inazo Nitobe

“For to win one hundred victories in one hundred battles is not the acme of skill. To subdue the enemy without fighting is the acme of skill.” – Sun Tzu

“The dance of battle is always played to the same impatient rhythm. What begins in a surge of violent motion is always reduced to the perfectly still.” – Sun Tzu

THE DELUSIONAL GRANDEUR TOUR: LAST STAND OF A ROCK STAR

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THE DG Tour: Warrior Retribution ~ Part I

“The work of preservation demands that the feelings playing about in one’s guts not be turned into action. Just watch their passing like cherry blossoms.” ~ Maxine Hong Kingston, ‘The Woman Warrior’

“I learned to make my mind large, as the universe is large, so that there is room for paradoxes.”
~ Maxine Hong Kingston, ‘The Woman Warrior’

“Then I said something I’ve always known.

I don’t know where it came from.

I didn’t get it from you, shall we say

And I didn’t make it up,

But I’ve known it for all my life.

‘Elegance,’ I said, ‘is refusal.'” Diana Vreeland

“We’re all under the same sky and walk the same earth; we’re alive together during the same moment.”
~ Maxine Hong Kingston, ‘The Woman Warrior’

THE DELUSIONAL GRANDEUR TOUR: LAST STAND OF A ROCK STAR

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