Alan Ilagan

There was no way we were going to cut a wedding cake and smash it into each other’s face, so Andy and I opted for cupcakes from our favorite bakery, Sweet Temptations. Half of them were lemon cake, and half were almond – all were as delicious as they were pretty. A cupcake is a joy to behold.

The evening was winding down, and soon we were left with the Cornell Crew sitting around the dining room and reminiscing. Almost all of us were married now, and most had children too, but somehow we were the same group of kids whom I dragged (some might say tricked) into seeing Evita a decade and a half ago.

{Alissa, Kristen, & Kanwar}

{Pat & Suzie}

{Anu, Tommy, Janet, & Pat}

{Brenda & Suzie}

{Alissa & Kristen, both looking glamorous & gorgeous}

{Pat, Suzie, Tommy, Anu, & Josie with the Guest Book}

{Anu & Pat}

{Chris & me}

{My husband & me}

The night was gone in a blur, as most people say of their wedding, but the emotional impact was greater than either of us anticipated. As quickly as it went by, it burned a memory into our hearts, and the love and good-will that was all around us coalesced into something more.

The next morning we held a post-wedding party brunch for those who had traveled to be with us, and after having a scrumptious spread of goodies (including some insanely decadent cookies that Suzie brought from Brooklyn, as well as my first cupcake), we gathered for a few final photos.

It was the perfect ending to a summer of wedding festivities. Now I can relax and enjoy the rest of the season by the pool with my husband. Until our next adventure…

The wedding coat was finally unveiled, indoors to protect it from the rain, and I had the honor of standing beside the woman who sewed it, Marline’s Momma. As can be seen, she did an amazing job, and I owe her more than a few bottles of wine.

With all of the chartreuse and aqua, I wanted something to stand out, so I found this astounding hue, somewhere between fuschia and violet, in dupioni silk, then added a train of ruffled silk and organza roses (each hand-sewn by yours truly), filling in the rest with a ton of tulle.

{Skip is totally jealous, and pissed that he chose to change into that golf shirt.}

{With cousins – Bobby & Kate}

A hug from Marline.

With Jen’s husband Mike.

With stylist Jeff.

With Gin-Gin.

And with Jo-Jo. 

This was easily the most fun item of couture that I have ever worn in my life, and if it wasn’t exactly conducive to walking, it certainly lent itself to photographs (and this is likely not the last time you’ll see it somewhere). It was worn for the briefest of moments, which had always been the plan, and then it was back to our barong tagalog shirts that worked out well with the stifling heat.

The barong tagalog is a traditional Filipino shirt for men, usually worn at formal events such as weddings. It is designed to be light and breathable, successfully serving its purpose on this humid evening. Our flip-flips (mine in lime green, Andy’s in turquoise) matched the color scheme and kept our little piggies cool.

{More family – Erin & Paul with my nephew & niece, Noah and Emi}

{Sherri, Jim, and Maria – Jim is such a ladies man.}

{Rick, Guy & Eric}

{Jo-Jo, Paul, Mom, & Bobby, stepping in as bartender}

{Rob & Jason}

{Dan, Rob, Scott, & Laurie}

{The Cape Crew – Lee, Wally, Carolyn, & Kim}

{The stunning JoAnn MacKinnon, a.k.a. Jo-Jo/Josie/J-Bop/BOOM}

{Crazy, Noreen, & Marline}

As the evening was winding down, there were still cupcakes to be had… so stay tuned.

Final installment of The Wedding Party coming up…

The evening’s enchantment continued as the night sky went dark. Pools of light glowed beneath the tents and on the porch and terrace, candles flickered on the tables, and paper birds danced in mid-air.

{Carolyn & JoAnn}

{Carole & D}

{The infamous Sue Santa Lucia}

{Alissa & Chris}

{My cousins – Michael, Christy, & Megan. We get to see them every year at New Year’s, and other events like weddings.}

{My brother and me}

{More family – Michael, Aunt Sally, Uncle Ding, Mom, me, Andy, Uncle Andy, & Aunt Ann Sadone}

{Still more family – Karl, me, Andy, Andy’s niece Andrea, and Kristie}

{Me with Skip & Alura}

{Maria & Steve}

{Skip & me}

{Sherri (Skip’s way-better half), Marline, & Maria}

{The amazing Jim Sessions, who was my drink bitch for the night}

{Gary & Andy}

Like most married couples on their wedding day, we didn’t get to make much out of the dinner that was served (I didn’t even get to try any of the appetizers), and we only had time to lift a fast forkful or two off of our dinner plates. From what I understand, the food was great, including the cupcakes from Sweet Temptations (which I did get to try, even if it was the next day).

We hadn’t even thought to reserve one of the tables for ourselves, so with most seats occupied, Andy and I made do on the wicker couch on the terrace, overlooking all our friends and family in the main tent. That was our intimate moment of the evening, the two of us stealing a few quick bites of our wedding dinner, watching the laughter of the beloved people in our life.

It was precisely the evening we had hoped it would be – casual and loose and fun. The color theme was chartreuse and Tiffany blue – which is just a fancy way of saying lime green and aqua. I’ve always loved chartreuse, and Andy’s loved the Tiffany blue of some of his favorite cars. They went surprisingly well together.

As the sun went down on the back terrace, sheer curtains fluttered in the warm breeze, framing cream hydrangeas and glowing ivory candles.

The thousand paper cranes I spent the last year making were finally revealed, dangling on the side porch, winding their way along tent poles, and stationed at each place setting.

We wanted the evening to be whimsical and elegant, a momentary jewel, fleeting and transitory like a dream, founded on the wings of paper birds and garland, bathed in green and amethyst light around the glowing mist of a pool.

The heat and humidity were high, but the rain held out until everyone had arrived and the party was in full-swing. At that point it turned into a soaking wet free-for-all, and that was all right too. From tent to tent we ran, little adventures all around, dodging puddles and dripping awnings, some even basking in the wet relief from the heat.

{The guests arriving.}

{The Cape Cod Crew, in full effect.}

{Jen, Michel, & Sherri. Jen took most of these photos, graciously documenting some of our friends and family. Sincere thanks to her (and a couple of bottles to come).}

{Dad talking to our guests.}

{Carol & Gary}

{Lee & Vince}

{Eric & JoAnn}

{Cal & Lorie}

{Doris & Ed}

{Sue & Deb}

{Mary Ellen & Buck}

{Crazy & Momma}

{Joe, Me, Carla, & Missy}

We are very lucky to have such a great group of friends and family. Prior to that night, I’d always been rather nonchalant about the whole wedding reception party. We’d thrown parties before – some of which had quite a few people – but none of them could have prepared me for this one, and I did not expect to be as affected as I was.  As Andy and I sat on the terrace looking out over all the people we knew and loved in the world, I realized what we had accomplished, what our love had created.

To be surrounded by so much love and support, to see everyone in our lives together under one roof – it was a profound moment, and I suddenly understood what all the wedding fuss was about. We will never again have an evening like that, but we will hold the memory of it close to our hearts forever.

When we got married, Andy and I did so out of rather selfish, non-heroic reasons: we loved one another and wanted to commit to each other under a sacred bond, and the blessings of family and friends. We just wanted to formally declare our love and create an official legal partnership. We had no social agenda or political motivation, so the idea of our union paving the way for gay marriage equality never really crossed our minds.

It wasn’t until we were opening the cards and gifts from friends and family that the greater extent and meaning of what we had done came to full realization. We were two gay men who had dared to marry each other, when it’s not even legal in our home state or most of our country, and then celebrate our union in front of 200 people – doctors, lawyers, police officers, co-workers, a Congressman, and family and friends from across the continent. A few of the letters expressed thanks for furthering marriage equality, something neither Andy nor myself thought much about prior to this.

It was an elegantly-framed poem written by a friend that may have affected us the most. To begin with, anyone who can write a poem is pretty impressive for that reason alone. I’ve always found poetry to be one of the most difficult forms of writing to accomplish well. (Somehow I squeaked through with a ‘B’ in the sole poetry course I took at Brandeis, and that was just analyzing poems by others, not writing anything ourselves. Good thing, because, to put it simply and unpoetically, I suck at it.)

Someone who doesn’t suck at it is our friend Skip Montross, whose virtues I extolled a few weeks ago, and who turns out to be the pretty damn good poet who penned the poem for us. That it was written by a straight guy moved us both – that it was from great friends like Skip and Sherri was even more touching. I knew Skip was a good guy – I didn’t know how good until we read this:

“His and His Towels”

By Skip Montross

We searched both high and low,

For the perfect gift to give.

Something that you’d remember,

For as long as you both shall live.

But they don’t make his and his towels you see,

What you’re doing is kind of new.

Sadly the world isn’t there yet,

They’ve not caught up to you.

Some people are convinced,

That theirs is the only way.

They say marriage is not the right of every man,

Especially those who are gay.

But yet you’re both defiant,

And your love you do not hide.

Brave and boastful you share it,

Full of both beauty and of pride.

Those of us who’ve known you,

Through your long and storied past.

Know that yours is the truest of loves,

The kind to ever last.

And as you drink and dance and laugh,

Take a look at your gathered friends,

For in the face of arrogant ignorance,

They stand with you till’ the end.

But worry not of that this night,

Just bask in joy and glory.

For tonight we choose to celebrate,

The “Andy and Alan” story.

(PS to Skip – This totally makes up for changing into a golf-shirt half-way through the evening against my express wishes. All is forgiven.)

I think people wanted to see The Wedding Coat more than anything else at our reception, so without further ado, here it is.

Extra special thanks again to Marline’s Momma, who made this coat of dupioni silk. She really crafted an amazing work of artistic couture.

All I had to do was add some organza and tulle to finish it up.

(I can’t wait to wear this to the market now that it’s had its wedding premiere.)

This week begins the countdown to our wedding celebration, and more importantly our tenth anniversary together. To commemorate that special day, I’ll be posting a few photos from the past decade, questionable facial hair and all. First up is a shot from one of our early trips to Ogunquit, Maine. It holds a special place in our hearts, as it was the very first vacation we took together.

Below we are decked out for our friend Julie’s wedding party in Amsterdam, NY. It was a hot summer day, but we stopped at my parents for a few quick photos in the backyard before the event.

And finally, for today at least, is this photo taken on an average day in our basement, sitting on a fainting couch that has since been moved into the attic.