Alan Ilagan

If you have to say “I have friends who are gay” then you probably don’t. Not really. A Town Clerk in Guilderland, NY, where my husband was born and raised, has resigned her position as marriage officiant, citing her Catholic beliefs. Her name is Rosemary Centi, and the full story can be read Here and Here. (Photos of Ms. Centi by Paul Buckowski of the Times Union.)

(Photo: Paul Buckowski/ Times Union)

I love how she is all smiles and cheer in the photos that accompany the Times Union piece, as if she is proudly saying, “Yup, I’m a bigot! I don’t believe gay people have the right to marry! But I have some gay friends, or at least know of some gay people, so it’s okay!”

Now, I’ve run into a lot of bigotry and homophobia of late, and what is most interesting to me is the fact that there are still people willing to put it out there. For that, I applaud Rosemary Centi. She is willing to take a stand for her homophobic beliefs, to stand up loud and proud and all but proclaim, “I am a homophobic bigot!” She is an example of how foolish and hateful people look when they do foolish and hateful things in the name of religion. I could not have painted an uglier picture of Ms. Centi than she herself has done.

This doesn’t make me as angry as some might think it would. If anything, I’m glad she’s putting her idiocy and hypocritical behavior out there for all of the world to see. The majority of people – myself included – will shrug at her stupidity for proudly proclaiming her bigotry with a big fat smile. She obviously takes her small token bit of power very seriously, as most small-minded people do, so to have her out of the fray in dealing with something as important as marriage is more of a relief than anything else. There is, though, a slight problem inherent in Ms. Centi’s picking this particular issue on which to take a stand.

I will never deny her or anyone the right to their beliefs or religion. This country was founded upon those freedoms. However, if she’s going to take the hard religious line against marrying gay people because of her Catholic faith, she’s got to follow through and not marry anyone who has been divorced, or has had children out of wedlock, or who has had sex prior to marriage. Those are all no-no’s for the Catholic faith. Is she really going to claim that all the people she’s already married haven’t fallen into any of these categories? Surely there are records…

(Photo: Paul Buckowski/ Times Union)

Finally, I hope Ms. Centi understands that her stepping down as marriage officiant does not mean she won’t have to issue marriage licenses to gay couples, because as town clerk, those are part of her duties. So really, she’s still kind of marrying gay people, which, in essence, means the only thing she’s done here has been to make a big news-splash of her bigotry. Well done. It makes it so much easier when the bigots stand up for their beliefs instead of hiding.

Most of all, I want to thank Rosemary Centi for resigning as marriage officiant because I don’t know anyone who would want to be married by someone who so clearly doesn’t understand what it means to love. Acceptance and love, as this former altar boy recalls quite distinctly, are basic tenets of the Catholic faith.

No offense to Lady Gaga, but this is so much better than the original verison of the video.

Until an oppression is lifted, you never realize how much it’s been weighing you down. If all your life you’ve been told you are not as good as someone because you are gay – either literally or symbolically – if that’s all you’ve ever known, when the realization comes that you are as good, that you are equal… it’s a big deal. That’s what I’m going through now as New York State becomes the sixth state in the nation to make gay marriage legal.

It feels different when it’s your own rights that are being decided – and when the right decision is made, it feels a little overwhelming. The majority of people won’t ever know what that feels like (that’s why they’re the majority). But for the minority of us who have been denied certain basic human rights – to anyone for that matter who’s been hated or discriminated against for being different – being granted the acknowledgment that we are equal is a big thing. I hate to say that it validates us, because we have always been valid, but in a way that’s what it feels like.

It says we are human.

It says we are worthy.

It says we deserve our love.

As I sit here writing this, with tears once again welling up in my eyes, I am simultaneously touched, saddened, emboldened, and exhilarated that I get to live in this great state, in this great country – where so much is wrong, but where so much can be made right.

I have to admit, until we received it, I never realized how much it bothered me, and how much it worked to silence me. Last night, as we passed people on the way to the gay bars where we were going to celebrate, I walked proudly down the street. It used to be that I would cower a bit and hasten my pace, hoping they wouldn’t notice my white pants or flamboyant shirt. I used to keep my head down and avoid eye contact, remembering moments when someone would shout “fag” at me. Not tonight. I walked with head held high, daring someone to say it. Tonight I felt liberated.

How sad that it was that way, and I wish I’d had that same belief in myself for all these years, but I didn’t. Because no matter how well I carried myself, no matter how confidently I may have come across, internally I never really felt it. That’s what a society that treats you as less than equal has the power to do. It is soul-crushing – it is a stamping-out of one’s spirit, a trampling of one’s heart.

Over the years I put up many barriers and a lot of armor to deal with all my doubts and feelings of inadequacy – a wardrobe to impress, a wit to charm, a nonchalant arrogance and aloofness that was meant to read as ‘I don’t care what you think of me, I’m just as good as you’ but I never, ever truly believed it.

This morning, as the sun begins to peek out from behind a bank of clouds, I’m starting to believe.

This is Sam Trombley, a Republican legislator from Clinton County, NY. He thinks gay marriage would bring about an HIV epidemic. No joke. The good folks over at LGBT Nation reported on this and explained things better than I ever could, so I’m just going to print their fantastic coverage and leave it at that:

While the debate over marriage equality continues to rage in Albany, one legislator from Clinton County, New York, fears that an HIV epidemic will break out in the Empire State if gay couples are allowed to marry.

Sam Trombley (R), while at Wednesday night’s meeting of the Clinton County legislature, voiced that he couldn’t understand why the health department focused on tobacco and smoking, but not homosexuality.

“I’m surprised the health department has not come out against this because we are going to have an HIV epidemic if this passes,” Trombley said.
Then, he attacked the very idea of homosexual relationships, saying that the idea “blew his mind.”

“You don’t see two male dogs sleeping in the same dog house together,” said Trombley.

Apparently, Trombley’s fellow legislatures were silent, some of them shaking their heads in disagreement as he spoke.

Of course, there’s much wrong with Trombley’s statement; the mere idea that an HIV epidemic would sweep the state because gay couples are now allowed to have their relationships recognized is ludicrous. If anything, having their relationships recognized as being equally worthy relationships will only strengthen couples’ commitments to monogamy.

But for those who are not in committed relationships, did Trombley ever consider the impact that finally having their own government recognize them as a full, equal citizens could have on their sense self worth? With a great sense of self worthy comes a lower chance that one might engage in the kind of risky behaviors that result in STDs like HIV.

If anyone has helped bolster HIV over the years, it is they who have told an entire portion of the population that they are less than their fellow human being — less than dogs, even.

From LGBTQ Nation.

Yesterday Andy and I attended the Rally for Love & Marriage at the State Capitol. It was my first rally, and it was awash in love and respect. The crowd was estimated at around 500, which was way more than I thought would be there. There was some singing and the occasional brief chant (both of which I do not do in public), but more importantly there were supportive speeches by Assembly Persons, Senators, labor reps, and various religious leaders of all denominations. It was a powerful statement on how much of this state supports marriage equality.

Kicking it off was Republican Senator Jim Alesi, who was the first to break ranks with his party and give a definitive ‘Yes’ for marriage equality. Based on the thunderous applause he received, it struck me that the political consequences for supporting marriage equality go both ways. In this instance, Senator Alesi gained a number of fans. Senator Roy McDonald is the only other Republican to indicate his support for the bill, and he’s seen his own support ebb and flow from it. It also struck me that Senator Skelos – the Senate Majority Leader – will likely be held responsible should this bill not come to a vote, and that will have its own political fall-out.

Personally, I would want to be on the right side of history, on the side of equality, but that’s why I’d never make a good politician. For now, the fate of marriage equality rests in the hands of a few Senators in the state where I was born and raised. I hope, and I pray, that they make me proud.

It’s the smart thing to do.
It’s the right thing to do.
And it’s the time to do it.

History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the vitriolic words & the violent actions of the bad people, but the appalling silence & indifference of the good people.
– Martin Luther King, Jr.

First things first: I don’t do rallies. To me they’re like craft fairs or tulip festivals – where the only thing you can count on is crowds, people who like to get drunk on beer in public places, and bad restroom scenarios. None of those are my scene, and the truth is that I don’t even recall attending one rally in all my life – though I’ve been invited to many with good intent.

That’s all going to change tomorrow, as my husband and I intend to be at the Rally for Love and Marriage at the State Capitol from noon to 1 PM in support of Marriage Equality. This is, quite simply, the political fight of my life. It directly affects me and my most loved one (Andy) as well as countless others whom I hold near and dear to my heart.

I wasn’t planning on going to this one either. I think it was seeing the baseless hatred of those protesting marriage equality – especially those who had come from outside of the state – that moved me to insist on being there in person. Andy and I have lived together in Albany for ten years. We had to go to Massachusetts to get married. Not everyone has that luxury – and for those that don’t we have a duty to give them the chance at happiness that we had – and that everyone should have.

Religion has no place in determining a civil marriage. This country was founded on the notion of separation of church and state. New York State – and the whole system of government for that matter – was founded on those very same principles of freedom and fairness – and most of all equality for all.

The arguments against marriage equality are feeble, weak, and barely-disguised in their homophobic nature. They fall when confronted with reason, intellect, acceptance, and love. That’s why I’m going to be at the Capitol tomorrow, with my husband. And that’s why you should be there too.

This isn’t just a gay issue. An injustice to equality diminishes everyone. There should be no place for that in this country, and certainly not in this state. Please remember to call (and get everyone you know to call) your senator by going to http://www.friendfactor.org/ronz

Here’s the official info:

Please join New Yorkers United for Marriage: Rally for Love and Marriage

There are a number of issues still to be resolved in Albany, which means the Legislature will be staying beyond today’s June 20th deadline.

We are heartened that there continues to be respectful and productive dialogue on the issue of marriage equality and believe we are getting close to a vote on the Governor’s marriage bill.
- – -
New Yorkers United for Marriage asks you to join us at a Rally for Love and Marriage tomorrow –Tuesday June 21 — at noon outside the Capitol in Albany. (West Capitol Park, outside the State Capitol.) Together, we will make sure that all New Yorkers will soon be able to marry the person they love.
- – -
TRANSPORTATION INFO: **Megabus runs from NYC to Albany, check schedule below:
Departs 7:00 AM New York, West Side of 9th Ave between 31st St and 33rd St
Arrives 9:45 AM Albany, Rensselaer Station
2hrs 45mins
1 seat = $12.00
www.megabus.com

Apologies if you’re getting tired of these marriage equality posts. A gay acquaintance of mine on FaceBook wrote that she was tired of reading them, and that she had already called her Senator. That’s great, but with archbishops and clergy unrelenting in their bigotry, and anti-gay groups calling and clamoring just as much, we cannot afford to stop now. Please call the following senators and encourage them to vote in favor of Marriage Equality:

Sen. Mark Grisanti (518) 455-3240 (Buffalo, Niagara Falls)
Sen. John Flanagan 518-455-2071 (Long Island)
Sen. Stephen Saland 518-455-2411 (Poughkeepsie)
Sen. Kemp Hannon 518.455.2200 (Long Island)