Nude But For A Marimekko Apron

“In my leisure time I appear rather… impractical. But I do think that I’ve made a practical woman out of myself. You can’t have worked the number of years I have, through hell or high water, without being basically practical” – Diana Vreeland

The sales clerk trying to sell me on this Marimekko apron was being utterly adorable. She saw me eyeing it and picking it up, then sauntered over and said what a beautiful piece it was. “You could wear it even as a part of an outfit, over some jeans or something,” she said. 

“Or nothing at all!” I excitedly exclaimed. How little did she know me. “You know, for a party.”

“Oh I can totally see you just in that, with a glass of wine, just hanging out,” her associate chimed in. He seemed to have a better read on what I might wear and how. 

And so, for those two Marimekko sales people, who brightened the rainy day that Suzie and I were battling on our recent trip to Manchester, I give you this look: nude but for an apron. I simply followed this sage advice from Ace of Base: don’t turn around. 

The coloring of the apron is a bright and plucky homage to Diana Vreeland, who seemed to adore only certain super-saturated shades of scarlet, as evidenced by her red drawing room in New York if I remember correctly. Her vibrant exuberance very much inspired this fall’s strong color palette. We needed the lift. 

“All my life I’ve pursued the perfect red. I can never get painters to mix it for me. It’s exactly as if I’d said, ‘I want rococo with a spot of Gothic in it and a bit of Buddhist temple’- they have no idea what I’m talking about. About the best red is to copy the color of a child’s cap in any Renaissance portrait.” ~ Diana Vreeland

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Bagnificence

A return to the splendor of color has been an intent of this season on the blog. It definitely feels like I’ve moved into the winter of this website’s lifespan, and with archived work that now spans well over a decade (and unarchived posts that have been lost since its inception in 2003) there is an albatross-like sense of baggage to the whole scene, a heaviness that one might want to release at some point. To shake things up, and keep this space as visually appealing as possible, I’ve tried to inject some stronger hues to the layout and the posts. Hence this bag, in which I’ve been carrying toiletries to and from Boston on recent visits there. The colors are gaudy, the design is ridiculously over-the-top, and the overall effect is one of magnificent bagnificence.

For a very long time, I kept my travel items subtle and unobtrusive. A monogrammed Louis Vuitton Keepall and its iconic ‘LV’ design was the showiest I got, and toiletry kits were even less fancy. I’m not sure why – maybe because travel status is so temporary and fleeting. I didn’t want to get attached or love something that I would only use a few weeks out of the year. What an idiot I was! How much joy have I cheated myself out of over the years? These days I use the brightest and gaudiest carrying accoutrements I can find, such as the little floral piece seen here, or this item from this post, originally intended to accompany me to a fabulous weekend in New York.

Such frivolous joys, such silly accessories – and such giddy effects. Trinkets and charms do make the day go by, and in such pretty fashion why would we settle for something in any way dull or merely utilitarian? Too many opportunities to be colorful go to waste. No one wants to cause a scene or make a production. No one wants to make waves or cause a commotion. Here’s to starting a riot with a bag of flowers! Here’s to engulfing your head in a scarf of scarlet fire! Here’s to skating through life in a pair of lime-green-soled sneakers! With so little to create allure these days, such tiny frivolities feel like home, and I find comfort in all this color. 

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Berries Falling

The rain was tugging on these fall berries, but they held fast to their perch, refusing to let go. Such obstinance in the face of nature is admirable. Eventually they know they must succumb. Even if they manage to remain on their host branch for the winter, the wind and the cold will desiccate and decimate them, until they resemble tiny black shriveled raisins, if they resemble anything at all. Sometimes winter takes all of what they once held inside them, turning it inside out and exposing the tender fruit and seeds. 

Still, there is something to be said for putting up the good fight. 

Fall brings to mind lessons like this – lessons of resilience and strength, of going through with the mission of life even when adversity seems poised to win, even when the outcome looks grim or at best uncertain. It’s the nobility in finishing a race you already know you have lost, of closing out a game in which there is no possible way to win. The simple act of seeing something through to completion, no matter what the end may look or feel like. 

The attempt to find hope and joy in the fall when we all know it will end in winter. 

And, truth be told, one never knows how benign or kind the winter may be. Perhaps Mother Nature has doled out enough pain with all of this summer’s rain. Perhaps she’s battered us enough. We’ve had years where such berries lasted well into December. I remember a holiday stroll in Boston where there were roses still blooming. Part of that felt wrong, but mostly I just embraced the reprieve, pulling them close to my nose and laughing at our luck. 

May we be lucky again. 

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Water-Kissed Florals

We’ve had an abundance of rain this year, so why should fall be any different? Here is what can happen the day after the water falls: beauty and whimsy and gorgeous enchantment. I don’t often plant impatiens, and in all honesty this little pot of them went largely unnoticed and unwatered on our back patio. Not that water was ever needed (see aforementioned rain situation). The pink catmint flowers seen below also enjoyed a banner year in their typically sunny location, which this year was over-run with, you guessed it, rain. No matter – this is the end result, and it’s pretty enough to almost make up for the weather. 

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The Opening Salvo to Soup Season

This Japanese hot pot recipe ushers in the official fall soup season. On a recent rainy and gray day I prepared this simple but satisfying meal, which I like to serve with a couple of seven-minute eggs for protein. Fill it with any of the greens you like – I opted for bok choy this time around since that’s what Andy had stocked in the fridge. Kale and spinach work equally as well, though the latter will all but melt into the stock. I prefer the hardier stock of the kale, or the sturdy stems of the bok choy. 

The mushrooms give it an earthy richness, as done the miso hidden in the stock. A generous helping of sliced daikon gives a bright white half-moon accent to many of the spoonfuls. My favorite part is the skin-on buttercup squash, which I microwave for a few minutes before cutting and dumping into the pot. The skin softens to something edible and fine. 

Some Pacific seaweed gives it that essence of ocean that I so often desire, and a few teaspoons of mirin round out the flavors at hand. Simple and substantial, this one works on the coldest evenings, and will be a staple seeing us through the winter. I don’t want to think about that yet, so for now let’s just enjoy the sight, scent, and taste of soup on a fall night. 

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Blast from Uncle Andy’s Past

Having recently finished up this year’s Fall Treasure Hunt weekend, I was compelled to take a rare look back at our interactions with the Ilagan twins, so I found these photos of Uncle Andy with Noah and Emi in years gone by. It’s amazing how quickly they are growing up, and how much we are evolving in the process. Just a few short years ago we could throw them easily around in the pool, and they could barely reach the counter-top of the kitchen. 

Now they almost look like young adults in comportment and carriage, and I want to go back just a couple of years, not only for their youth but for our younger years. I only indulge in such maudlin sentiments for a brief moment, and then I’ll be back in the mindfulness that focuses most on the present, and all the wonder and joy that can be found in the here and now. The twins represent that passage of time in ways that are bittersweet and contemplative, providing a pause in the relentless tick of the clock. 

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A Fall Adventure with the Twins – Part 2

The beauty of Vermont enveloping us, we made our way into Manchester, where we parked the car and began our walking adventure. All I knew was that the Riverwalk was somewhere nearby, and Suzie said it looked like it was fun for kids. I did a quick internet search and found it easily enough, and when we saw its location, we decided to save it until after lunch. 

Lunch would be a sad set of pre-made sandwiches from a place ill-equipped to handle a Saturday rush (the lone worker there had twelve custom sandwich orders ahead of us, hence the selection of pre-made ones). We took them to a bench beside the waterfall near the beginning (or end) of the Riverwalk, where the setting was enough to enjoy the limited food and quell the complaints of picky kids. 

The sun was still attempting to break through the clouds, which made for an interesting and pretty sky. By the time we descended to the Riverwalk (which was really not much more than a path by a stream) slivers of sunlight scattered through the tree-tops, illuminating the little patch of woodland below the stores and cafes of Manchester. 

We wound our way along the path, crossing the stream on a questionable log at one point (I can talk about it now because we managed to survive without incident or fall), then we made our way back up into the village for a dessert of Starbucks (after I listened to Noah tell us where Ben & Jerrys was – and then it wasn’t). We made do with the hot chocolate and brownies there before getting back on the road to return home for the official treasure hunt. 

A long poem of instructions included a stop by our front door to obtain these scarves as talismans of protections against whatever coming Halloween spirits may wish us ill, and the twins gamely wound their excessive length around them for the journey. I’d crocheted them earlier this fall to brush off my rusty crochet needle, and Emi had selected the color schemes for her and Noah on their last visit here. 

(Suzie had instructed me to make them extra long, offering further evidence that I shouldn’t really listen to Suzie, or anyone dressed like this for that matter.) Luckily, folding them into fours turned them into a manageable, if slightly bulky, size. And the twins were just happy to be on another treasure hunt, which wound through the front yard, around the side, and into the backyard. They found all the required elements to result in a spell that found their Halloween goodie baskets magically appearing where we had started off, and Andy was suddenly nowhere to be found, so it couldn’t have been him…

After taking them to a quick dinner at Smashburger, we created a card for Andy and presented him with a gift of maple syrup (the same gift we’d bring their Dad and Lola). While I may have instigated this, they crafted the card on their own that read “Fall vibes coming your way… so we went all the way to Vermont to find you some syrup today!” 

More heartwarming and sweet was what happened after they gave him their present. We were heading back upstairs for a meditation session when Noah paused and went back to Andy and gave him a hug without any prompting. He then rushed back to Emi and told her to do the same – so Uncle Andy got two hugs from two little relatives who love him very much

Back in the attic, we lit three candles and I taught the twins how to do a candle meditation. I was expecting more giggles and laughs and tomfoolery, but once I set the timer for five minutes, they quieted instantly, closed their eyes, and went into their deep breathing for the full five minutes. I followed that lead and kept the breath steady and deep, and when it was over and the phone gently chimed its time up, Emi asked if we could do another two minutes, to which Noah exclaimed that was exactly what he was thinking. So we went two more minutes in silence and peace. It was the highlight of my weekend with them. I took a quick photo in the dim light, which is at the end of this post and the start of the first one – it looks like some enchanted painting rather than a phone photo, proof that some things in the world are not to be fully understood, that such enchantments can only be felt and experienced rather than explained. 

[This is apparently a drawing of me in my floral shirt.]

We watched a couple more movies, called it a very late night, and everyone went to sleep almost instantly. The next morning we moved slowly into the rainy day before heading over to dinner at Lola and Lolo’s. Another Fall Treasure Hunt weekend was in the books, and at eleven years old, the twins may not have many more in them, so I’m treasuring this one and savoring the joy and love it contained.

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A Fall Adventure with the Twins – Part 1

One of the only things that didn’t get canceled in 2020 was our annual Fall Treasure Hunt with the twins. This year may have surpassed last year’s doozy, even without the smoke machine and painted pumpkins, as we had a whole weekend of fall adventures that led us all the way to Manchester, Vermont.

It began after school on Friday, when I picked Noah and Emi up from Amsterdam and we arrived to pretzel bites and pizza, which we ate on the patio, taking advantage of the last lingering warmth and sunlight of early October. In a year in which just about every single weekend has been marred by rain and foul weather, this was a gift. The twins settled their things into their attic room and we went over the rough itinerary for the weekend (they seemed to enjoy an agenda even more than I enjoy creating one!) 

After that, we moved into the cellar, where Noah practiced his pool table skills while Emi illustrated her sewing and drawing prowess, creating some of the artwork you see here. I’d planned on reading them a few of the milder stories from the poorly-written childhood classic ‘Scary Stories to Tell Children’ which was more about the frightening illustrations than the stories themselves. 

We decided to do that early in the evening so they wouldn’t have to go to bed if there was a fright conjured, and that was wise planning. I lit candles and read to them from the chaise lounge in the corner of the attic while they huddled in the safe zone of the bed. They only wanted two – well, Emi was game for more but this was a democracy, and I wanted this to be a fun weekend, not something too traumatic this early on.

From there we went back downstairs and did a bracket to vote on which movie to watch that night. (The only way to determine such things is through a voting process because with these twins there is no such thing as compromise or agreement.) I could be the deciding vote if it was tied, and thus it was that ‘Sleepy Hollow’ was selected from a field of eight other contenders. We’d employ this process for all the movies we watched.

Once the movie was done, we ascended to the attic bedroom once more, where I sat them down to do our first meditation session. As expected, it was filled with laughter and an utter inability to focus and actually meditate, but that’s the point of the first lesson. We needed that outlet for the silliness and the novelty of the practice. Setting the timer for exactly five minutes, we did at least two in deep breath and silence, and that was about the best we could have gotten. I tucked them into bed, even though it was still rather early. I was exhausted and went right to bed.

The next morning we got up and I made them a couple of breakfast sandwiches before hitting the road to Manchester, Vermont and our planned riverwalk experience. Suzie had found it on the previous week’s outing, and it looked like the perfect destination for two young adventurers. 

On our way, we paused at the little stream behind the former Candle Mill so I could show them where their Dad and I used to dip candles when we were kids. We got as close as we could and posed for photos before the stream. Another generation touched by the beauty of Vermont in this little section of a stream, and a fall memory of mine is now infused into a fall memory of theirs. Legacies aren’t always formed from efforts of majesty or might. 

The air was chilled, but the sun was fighting its way through the high clouds, and as long as there was no rain, this would be a happy day. The twins seemed energized by the change in scenery, and I too felt invigorated by the beautiful environs surrounding us. 

We got back in the car and drove the rest of the way to Manchester… [To be continued.]

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The Candle Knows

On certain days, when no matter how much effort you put into remaining calm and distant from the maelstrom of madness that is survival you still run up against walls of chaos and obstacles of derision, the only thing to do is give in to the defeat, and succumb to the melancholy. The very act of surrender can sometimes be the surprising solution to a problem that gnaws at you without ever fully revealing itself. 

In the light of a candle, an absolute mystery and miracle when you think about it, there is a secret that is only hinted at, only ever partly revealed. You cannot completely predict which way the flame will bend, where the edge of light will flicker and fade. It wavers and wanders, defying order and orders, dimming or glowing as only it sees fit. Sometimes the candle’s flame stays perfectly still. Sometimes, even in the stillest and most motionless room, the candle’s flame flickers and bounces. 

Only the candle knows why.

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Lime Curry Yogurt Treat

Suzie sent me a recipe that was a disaster save for this curry lime yogurt sauce. I employed it here for some roasted butternut squash. The recipe is simple: about 1 cup Greek yogurt, the juice and zest of one lime, a tablespoon (or more depending on your taste) curry and a teaspoon or two of turmeric. Salt and pepper to taste, and mix well, then use on just about any roasted vegetable. This also makes a fine dip for something different on your charcuterie boards, or, even better, for some home-fried potatoes. The possibilities are endlessly delicious. 

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Ben Cohen Gets the Foxy Treatment

One of the greatest photographers of Ben Cohen, Leo Holden of Snooty Fox Images, just announced the completion of some shots for a new Ben Cohen calendar. These always sell out, so as soon as it’s available I suggest you order yours. I love when artistic collaboration yields such magnificent results. Holden captures the blending of beauty and brawn that is Ben Cohen at his most remarkable, lending a gravitas that imbues these images with something that surpasses the simply salacious. Cohen has a history of being much more than a pretty face and body, documented in part here. Regarding Holden’s impressive photography work, please visit his site here

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Borne Back By Night

Borne back by the night, by the song of a piano in the fall, I stumble into something that feels like crying, or a heaviness of the heart that doesn’t quite lift when it should. Like a house at the turn of a stream, where the water forever falls, even in the hottest and happiest summers, the heart stands still while the world flows around it. 

Looking into the rush of the water, I see stones that have kept their stillness and place,  unbothered by the babbling around them, undisturbed by the algae, untouched by the fish – I try to embody the implacable peace and resignation of those stones, the way they so calmly exist without intruding. Longing for that stillness, I imagine sinking beneath the water and beneath the silence – beneath the fall and the winter and the spring to come – and there is a tranquility in that space. 

There is a little sliver of grace in that moment – the water ever flowing, never the same, never replenished and yet never-ending. Masters of mindfulness sometimes offer the image of a pebble dropped into a stream to aid in achieving a state of meditation, the idea of the pebble sinking straight down despite the swirl of water around it. While water plants and animals swim and undulate in the currents of the stream, the pebble stays to its quick path, then remains where it lands – a point of absolute stillness and serenity no matter what madness whirls about above it. 

I yearn for the certainty of that, for the grace of being within that stillness. We each seek it in our way, at least I hope that we do. It seems like such a noble quest. I want to believe we all want to be better, even as the world batters me with the irrefutable news of how awful we can be to one another. And then I wonder if maybe the world is already broken, like a tree that splits and crumbles under its own weight and some other unforeseen disaster, irreparable and irreplaceable, and we can only live in a place that’s forever fractured. 

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Dazzler of the Day: Chris Meloni

We love a hot zaddy in these parts, so it’s well past time that Chris Meloni was honored with this Dazzler of the Day feature. Meloni has been a Hunk of the Day here in the past, offering a better glimpse of his assets, but since that feature was updated, it’s time he’s been officially named Dazzler. He’s been especially happy to engage with and encourage his growing contingent of gay fans, happy to acknowledge where some of his bread is buttered. The shots seen here are from a recent Men’s Health cover story, because Meloni is clearly the epitome of heathy and hotness. His Twitter feed is also evidence how how to be a celebrity and remain true to who you are as a person, while promoting equality and justice. 

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More Truth to Power

“This problematic dynamic extends beyond closed -off communities, or even the confines of a coffeeshop, to impact virtually every fragment of our broken socioeconomic framework. Only witnessing white people fulfilling the specific roles leads to the confused, equally damaging belief that only white people can fulfill certain roles; this brutal falsification is integral to marring Black advancement across a wide spectrum, while marshaling in mediocrity and impugning progress from the business world to the world of sports. Only seeing white CEOs or white head coaches, or, applying such clinical perplexity, are more qualified for these positions. The whole notion of “quality” has hence become synonymous with white skin. Where those attempts to redress discrimination will almost certainly inspire ballyhoo about reverse discrimination – or the belief that more qualified persons will thereby lose out – it suggests that diverse hires will always suffer from those fires of deformation. It is this intrinsic stigma that subjects us to perpetual setback in the supercilious eyes of the majority. 

Conjecture that quality, not race, should solely determine opportunity hints at something even more revealing than any babble that Black folks must therefore be inferior. It lets on that those entities enjoying unfettered opportunity cannot bear the thought of standing in the shoes of those whose race has impacted their opportunities or lack thereof. By all accounts, such an exercise, contemplating the idea that, due to unfairness, one could suffer a staggering reversal of fortune, is scary to the point of panic, a prospect that most individuals find truly foreboding.

By expressing pique at the idea their own person could be devalued due to such a superfluous matrix as race indicates that the answer staring them right in the face, that true lightbulb moment, need not be unplugged through indignation – as such umbrage comes at the expense of enlightenment. Primacy always has a funny way of tripping up progress in these moments, with hubris lapping humility in mere seconds. Yet such a flagrant lack of logical thinking is to me, and most marginalized people, incomprehensible. It means the resultant lack of representation in American spaces is nothing but illogical yet, given their unabashed petulance, likely to persist

What this really means is that even an overqualified African American cannot contend with such chronic unconscious bias and widespread resentment. We could set ourselves on fire and still not be able to compete with these contortions – try as we might, we still cannot actually be seen, or rather accepted for both who and what we are. Because our world, rife with imbalance, continues to reflect a particular, even peculiar reality, many boldly choose to accept that outcome, ignoring iniquity because of its personal benefits, preferring instead to view this warp as happenstance not habit, or inconsequential when it is all too encouraged.”

~ Cyrus McQueen, ‘Tweeting Truth to Power’

{You may purchase the complete book here.}

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Mossy Moment

This was just a moment in the woods. 

A mossy moment.

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