Author Archives: Alan Ilagan

She’s Still Madonna

With her penchant for questionable social media output over the last couple of years, and the unfortunate ‘Madame X‘ touring experience (no real fault of her own), the sparkle and shine of Madonna, once unassailable, seemed like they might be losing some of their luster. And then she opened last night’s Video Music Awards with a surprise appearance, reminding us all that for forty years she’s been hand in hand with MTV (more or less) and giving us what we wanted and needed and desired – and that little spark that she had when she first arrived on the scene was once again in full-effect. 

She filmed the Times Square intro a week or so ago, and there was electricity in the air – and as she walked out in her Madame X trench-coat, the magic was back. In fact, I don’t think it ever left – some of us have always been just a little slower to realize the genius and the power. She removed the coat in one swift move, and turned to show off her ample assets

This was the Madonna we met four decades ago – just as fun, just as cheeky, just as challenging – and it’s the Madonna I’ve always loved. With everything we have ever known, or thought we knew, in full fucked-up flux, she’s still Madonna – and thank God for that.

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Try to Remember this Recap of Mid-September

“The little space within the heart is as great as the vast universe.
The heavens and the earth are there, and the sun and the moon and the stars. Fire and lightening and winds are there, and all that now is and all that is not.”~ Swami Prabhavananda

With the 20th anniversary of 9/11, and my Dad’s 91st birthday all arriving on the same day this weekend, it feels like a good time to celebrate kindness and compassion, and to take stock of all that we are lucky to have this year. Here’s a recap of the past week:

A season bookended by fallen flowers.

Entering the second half of my 40’s – Part 1.

Entering the second half of my 40’s – Part 2.

Boston return blooms.

Masked, vaxxed, and somewhat relaxed.

Golden worries brought back to life

Further adventures in babysitting, when they’re not babies anymore.

A rosemary, gin and grapefruit mocktail.

An early birthday wish for my Dad, who turned 91.

This site always goes dark on 9/11.

The splendor of a cider doughnut on a Sunday morning.

Scenes from a 91st birthday dinner. 

Palo Santo via Tom Ford.

There was only one Dazzler of the Day, but it was more than enough because… Harry Styles.
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Lil Nas X Resplendent in Lavender

I love a suit/dress combo, and when you add lavender to it, you got me for life. Here is Lil Was X marching into this year’s Video Music Awards ceremony and absolutely slaying everything and everyone in his path. Having aged out of MTV literally decades ago, I still check in at VMA time to see what the youth of the world is watching, and in this case I may stay for more of the show. 

As for Lil Nas X, he’s been both a Dazzler of the Day here, and a naked album cover of the day here. No doubt there will be more to come… 

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Scenes from a 91st Birthday

Every birthday after 80 or so feels like a big deal, so when Dad turned 91 on September 11 we celebrated with a dinner of Filipino food and looking through a photo album of Mom and Dad’s trip to the Philippines. We served pancit, adobo, and embutido as the main entree, with some rice and veggies for the side. Mom made Dad’s favorite lemon pie, and we loaded him up with some minor gifts and a major load of scratch offs. All in all, it was not a bad day to turn 91, and now I’ll let the pictures speak for themselves. 

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Cider Splendor

‘Tis almost the season for cider doughnuts, and on certain Sundays when there’s already been a chill in the air, I’ve gone ahead and indulged at this early stage of fall glory. Sometimes a cider doughnut is the only thing that stands between me and the abyss. These bad boys are fried up fresh at George’s Landscaping, and on the particular morning I picked them up I happened to catch a batch just as they were coming out of their cinnamon-sugar bath. The scent instantly filled my car as I started the drive home, and it’s a testament to my discipline and strength that 11 out of 12 made it back fully intact. (There was decidedly less disciplined behavior as the day wore on…)

The cider doughnut, and its accompanying coziness in scent and taste, is definitely a hygge-inspired moment. The sweet crunch of the sugar coating, the warm dough still spongy beneath the slightly firm exterior, and the notion of apple cider working its magic in the batter all contribute to the heartwarming comfort of it all.

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An Early Birthday Wish for my Dad

Since the inception of this website in 2003, it’s always gone dark on 9/11 – which also happens to be my Dad’s birthday, so I’m posting an early Happy Birthday to him now. He turns 91 this year, and while he’s begun to show his age, we’ve come to appreciate each day he’s here. There were some worrisome stretches last fall, but for 91 years he’s doing pretty well, and I’m extremely grateful he’s got my Mom to help keep him on track. Any birthday appreciation for him must include an equal amount of gratitude for her.

I’ve taken to heart the messages from friends who have lost loved ones, imploring me to make the most of the time we have with our parents, and in that spirit have spent as much time as possible with them. COVID actually impelled us closer, with weekly check-ins and more text communication, and once we got vaccinated we started making weekly visits for dinner. I also got to spend a few overnights with Dad earlier this summer, when Mom went to Boston – all a welcome embrace of the man who raised me. Tomorrow, I’m having him and the family over for a Filipino dinner so today is all about cooking – the same way he used to cook for us as kids.

Happy birthday, Dad! I love you.

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Grapefruit, Rosemary, and Faux-Gin

Marline gifted me a bottle of Ritual’s Gin-Alternative, which also came with a handy list of mocktail recipes, including this Greyhound-inspired flash of brilliance, which incorporates grapefruit juice and a simple rosemary syrup. Andy’s not a fan of rosemary, so I only have a single plant of it hidden in the backyard, but I love it, and a little goes a long way. I used two parts sugar, one part water, and two hefty sprigs of rosemary – boiled it for a few minutes, then strained and cooled it. You don’t have to boil it for long, as overcooking certain herbs sometimes turns them bitter, as happens with some tea.

With some fresh grapefruit juice and tonic, the juniper bite of real gin wasn’t horribly missed, and this was a refreshing end-of-summer delight. Pushing for an extension of summer, I sat by the pool and languidly sipped the afternoon away. Rosemary forms a nice bridge between summer and fall, as does this mocktail.

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Not My First Time At The Babysitting Rodeo

Having the twins over for an overnight is not really what I’d consider babysitting anymore. First of all, they’re no longer remotely close to babies – at eleven years old they are quickly turning into young adults, the way children get way older way too quickly these days. It goes by even faster when you don’t get to see them very often, so what may seem like an eternity to them feels like a split second to me. Second, babysitting indicates a great deal of hand-holding and watching, and both Emi and Noah are old enough to largely take care of themselves, which is rather nice. I’m much better at relating to a self-sufficient person than one who needs constant pampering and care. 

So it was that I invited them over to our home for some end-of-summer swimming and an overnight in the attic loft. They’d seen the room when it was first revamped and were excited to stay there on their own. Spending a late summer night there would hopefully imbue it with a happy memory from the beginning. Before that, however, there was pool – outside and inside. The former allowed some childhood energy and exertions to be spent before bedtime, and the latter afforded them the opportunity to hone their pool-playing skills in the basement. 

They’d been itching to go swimming at night with the pool light on since we re-did the pool last year, and the wait was worth it. I went in with them and played their games (they’re big on pretending that one of us was dead and needed rescuing, and who am I to psychoanalyze that kind of crazy-ass shit?) Once that was done, we went back up to the attic for an impromptu fragrance testing and rating. They each got to try a selection of scents while blindfolded at their insistence so they couldn’t tell which was which, and decide their favorite. Noah had the most expensive taste, selecting a Tom Ford as his favored cologne -‘Beau de Jour’ – while Emi went for the exquisitely floral ‘Mimosa & Cardamom’ by Jo Malone.)  Then it was time for popcorn and the movie. 

Deciding on a movie to watch is an ordeal that usually ends in an argument, so I set up a bracket of sorts, where the three of us would vote on which movies we wanted to see advance, until we had one clear winner. Uncle Al was actually less of a deciding vote than I expected (or may have wanted) so for the most part they were in agreement on what they wanted to see. From a pool of sixteen candidates, we whittled it down to the ultimate winner – ‘Stardust’ – which was way longer than I realized – a lesson for the next time we do this, when I will keep run-times in the forefront of the available offerings. 

I read them a quick bedtime story – really for this photo op only, as you may sense from the foolishness seen here. Tucked in around midnight, they were on their own, and once my head hit the pillow I was out. Kids are exhausting in the best possible way. The next day Emi and I went out for cider doughnuts while Noah opted to stay home with Andy and practice his billiard skills. It was the perfect summer sleepover, marking the last moments of freedom before school began. Next up will be the annual Treasure Hunt, when October arrives…

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Golden Worries

Whenever the goldenrod appeared along the highway, my heart would start beating a little faster, and my stomach would begin to churn. It always meant the end of summer was near, and the start of the school year was around the corner. It filled me with dread, my social anxiety going into overdrive as the days ticked forward to the first day of school. To this day, I get residual PTSD effects, as recently happened when Emi and Noah were showing me their new backpacks and school supplies.

In that one instant, I was transported back to the fall when I went from elementary school to middle school, when new kids and new teachers and a whole new building meant starting over all again. Having taken years to find my comfort footing with my elementary school class, the notion of beginning again was a daunting and dismal one.

The twins are moving into their middle school now, and I could sense their own bit of nervousness about it. The mere proximity to the event set my stomach tumbling all over again. The odd thing is that nothing that terribly traumatic happened during the time I was in middle school – at least not school-related. While that first year I was shy to the point of non-existence (and perhaps that’s why I never charted on anyone’s radar) I slowly started to make a few new friends. It was always the beginning, especially the beginning of the unknown and unfamiliar, that so terrified me. I wish I’d known then in a more cognizant and aware fashion to take things one step at a time. Somehow, I managed to operate in such a manner without even understanding or realizing what it was that I was doing. It became a matter of getting through the arrival at school, and the first frightening moments of not seeing anyone I knew. Then it was getting through the confusing first period of math, when algebra made absolutely no sense to my mind, and then the first time changing in the locker room with other boys, and then getting through gym class which was once my favorite period of the day, and then finding the location of English class at the other end of the school where the teacher was already waiting for us, and then finding some grade school friends for lunch and carving out a new social scene… so many “and then” moments, and I took them all one at a time.

It was a fledgling version of being in the moment – just getting through whatever was immediately at hand. Don’t give me too much credit – there was no peace that resulted, and my worries compounded and multiplied as the day went on, terror building upon terror – but by the end of all the classes, and averting the disasters and demons that were largely in my mind alone, I’d made it through. The next day would bring the same anxieties and worries, but I took that one a single step at a time, and soon that first week was done.

When I listened to the twins talk about their new school, I did my best to be reassuring, to downplay the worry and play up the excitement. I also set up our next sleepover – when we would hold our annual Treasure Hunt to welcome in October and all its happy haunts. If you’re nervous about something, it’s good to have another event to look forward to beyond what’s giving you pause. At the very least, the twins could focus on that instead of worrying about school. For once, it’s good to be the ‘fun event’ that might alleviate someone else’s anxiety.

And so I see the goldenrod this year in a different light, in the comforting notion of tradition and fall coziness that goes along with the school season – and I work to heal what so worried me in the past. If it helps the twins in some small way too, then maybe that was the reason for all of it in the first place. From generation to generation, the universe makes such connections, repeating and varying and ideally getting us to a better and more peaceable place.

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Masked, Vaxxed & Somewhat Relaxed

“You don’t choose the times you live in, but you do choose who you want to be, and you do choose how you want to think.” – Grace Lee Boggs

Whatever the diminishing state of the world, I’ve done all that I can do to ensure that my family and I are as safe and protected as possible while this COVID pandemic continues to rage. That’s all we can do, and there’s a certain peace of mind that accompanies such knowledge. I’ve been getting back into daily meditation to quiet the increase in worry and anxiety that goes along with increased hours in the office, and increased COVID cases in general – a strange combination that makes me question all sorts of things – but again, there are only so many choices over which I have the ability to exert any control.

Fall is usually the time of the year when I get more serious about things, particularly creative projects, and though I have a couple things brewing, none has spoken to me with any imperative. Usually the universe will nudge me in the right direction, so I’m waiting for those signs, and if none arrive I’m ok with that too. I’ve just discovered the Amazon Prime Video account I’ve had for all these years and ‘The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel’ is all I care about right now.

When the chill of the night starts lingering into the days, I’ll get into crocheting again too. After this blanket took almost four decades to complete I’m anxious to finish more reasonable projects with more human timeframes. And so this lull in the waning days of summer is not something I’m concerned about – it’s all unfolding as it was meant to unfold.

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Dazzler of the Day: Harry Styles

Some consider Harry Styles the heir to Mick Jagger’s throne, and some think he’s gone beyond that into a stratosphere of new rock-pop superstardom. His latest album is an exercise in musical genius, and his live performances are spectacular, designed with the wisdom of letting his unbridled charisma and star-power shine through. Sparkling fringe vests and rainbow flags are just cherries on this Dazzler of the Day – and I love anyone who lives up to their name. 

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Boston Return Blooms

Fall – and the anticipatory days leading up to fall – is the time I usually find myself returning to Boston with more regularity. This year, I am looking to make that happen as the world struggles to right itself. As history has proven, it’s sometimes safer and calmer to hole up in the Boston condo while hurricanes and other events afflict Albany and upstate New York. My Mom and I agree that the condo is actually a cozy space to weather a raging snowstorm or hurricane, and that still proves true. Hopefully that won’t be necessary, but worst-case scenarios tend to be the ones that play out these days. At any rate, Boston beckons, and this post is filled with some flowers that were putting on a show for our last birthday visit, as well as some memories of that city which has always been my home-away-from-home.

The tricky turn of summer into fall is often deceptively beautiful, seducing with its balmy weather and bright all days. Cushioned by the coziness of the coming season, while holding onto the warmer air, is an intoxicating brew of enchantment that masterfully obscures the fact that winter will not be far behind. 

Behind the brick barricade on Braddock Park, one should still be able to hear the outdoor fountain for a few more weeks. I like to sleep with the windows open on these nights – for the cooler air and the sound of the water cascading into itself. Welcoming the outdoors inside won’t happen very often once we reach into October, another reason to carve out more time in this magical place while we can. 

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Entering the Second Half of My 40’s – Part 2

Inextricably bound to its seaside perch, Boston has always carried hints of the sea in its air. Some days this is more pronounced than others, and on those days I thrill at the proximity to salt water, and the way the ocean laps at its doorstep. As my birthday dawned, we made our way to the Seaport, where we planned on visiting the Institute of Contemporary Art (ICA) for the first time. Suzie and her family had gone there a few weeks ago and recommended the journey. I was seeking something new for this low-key birthday year, and a museum with a water taxi to part of its exhibitions was perfect. 

Andy snickered at this Louis Vuitton bag chained to the ground – a metaphor of fashion enslavement, or ‘the story of your life’ in his words. We wandered through the ICA and then made a super-quick run through its gift shop before making our way to the ship that would bring us across the harbor to the Watershed. Envisioning a Titanic-like expedition, I was surprised to see that they could accommodate 16 people at the most or something like that, and this little water-taxi would not have room for me to leisurely stroll about the deck, mostly because there wasn’t even a deck. No matter – I thrilled at the trip across the water since we never get to sail in any way, shape or form. 

When we reached the Watershed, it felt like we were years removed from Boston, from the present moment, and from above the water. In some Atlantis-like fantasy, the Watershed exhibition was a respite from the sun, and the present world – and precisely what I wanted for my birthday. 

There was magic in the cool and hushed walls, where artist Firelei Báez had conjured this spectacular exhibit. Andy and I slowly took our time walking through the tilted pillars and painstakingly-crafted ruins, where hours of meticulous artwork revealed themselves slowly, layer by layer, and away from the rest of the world, it felt like this space of sanctity was all we needed for that moment. 

After the tour of the Watershed, we waited for the water-taxi to return in the tree-shaded beauty of a little park that looked out over the water. It brought us back to a lunch in the Seaport, and then we hopped on a ride back to the condo. While Andy took his siesta, I ventured out on my own – the traditional moment of solitude on a birthday that somehow appears every year. 

I indulged in some shopping – even though Saks was out of my chosen cologne (losing out on an actual sale to Bergdorf Goodman who would deliver it just as quickly, and on a beauty sale). 

Then it was time to dress for dinner at Mooo. A fancy birthday meal was about to ensue and close out our too-few days in Boston. It was amazing – from the delicate mocktail seen first, all the way through the ricotta cheesecake that Andy had (and promised to recreate for us at a date that will hopefully arrive shortly). 

All in all, it was a delightfully quiet birthday spent with my favorite person in my favorite city, and in this day and age that’s going down as an accomplishment.

Until we find ourselves back in Boston…

 

 

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Entering the Second Half of My 40’s – Part 1

We arrived in Boston as Hurricane Henri arrived in upstate New York, and while we would cross paths a couple of times, we largely escaped the brunt of the bad weather, as Albany got much more rain than Boston ever did for this storm. After all the tumult of the past year and a half, a birthday trip wrecked by a hurricane would just be par for the course, but my spirit would be dampened deeply if it didn’t happen, so we lucked out. 

It was on a Sunday when we settled into the condo, and while Andy rested I went out for an early stroll/shopping expedition, on which I picked up some Eataly eats for the days to come, as is the new favorite custom. If we had to be stranded inside for inclement weather, we would not do it hungry. Fortunately that never happened, but as the Boston sky looked dramatic and changeable, I would leave nothing to chance. 

It was hot and humid, and the clouds hung lower than the tops of some buildings. The city gave off a dream-like vibe, where haziness and fog made everything feel a little more enchanting, if tinged with the threat of rain. For that first night, we tried out the new Contessa at The Newbury. 

Back when it was the Taj Hotel, we’d spent our wedding weekend in one of their suites, and since then we’d returned to the rooftop restaurant for an extravagant birthday brunch a few years ago. Newly renovated and reopened, I was eager to see how it had changed. The Street Bar, where we’d had some delectable sidecars right before our wedding rehearsal dinner was still intact in sumptuous, classic form.

We had a drink there while waiting for our reservation, then took the elevator upstairs for dinner. Contessa is a gorgeous space – give me a fringed lamp and I’m yours. The food was decent enough, though on the salty side. More reason to drink I suppose. The view was spectacular, and the clouds abated so the expanse of downtown Boston spread out before us. It was the ideal entry into our trio of nights in the city. 

The next day Andy hung around the condo while I did some birthday cologne reconnaissance. I’d narrowed it down to three possibilities: ‘Musc Ravageur’ by the magnificent Frederic Malle and a pair of Byredo offerings – ‘Oud Immortel’ and ‘Accord Oud’. I tried the ‘Musc’ at Neiman Marcus, but it had an abundance of vanilla, and while I’ve warmed slightly to that fragrance, it was only slightly, and I wasn’t quite ready to embrace this much of it. The ‘Oud Immortel’ was lovely, but veered a little too closely to Creed’s ‘Aventus’ to merit a purchase.

Byredo’s ‘Accord Oud’ on the other hand was like a wondrous hybrid of Tom Ford’s ‘Oud Wood’ and ‘Tuscan Leather’ – a combination I’ve employed before, but here it was in one convenient bottle. Birthday cologne chosen, I could relax and leisurely browse the other stores in Boston before returning home for a mid-day charcuterie plate and a necessary siesta. 

By Monday evening the rain had arrived, but it was spotty – pouring for a few minutes at a time then clearing a bit – these roving bands would traverse the sky for the night, scheduled to quit for good by my birthday, so this one night of stormy weather was comforted by an old Boston stand-by – the Atlantic Fish Company – which Mom had recommended after having a lunch there a few week ago. I hadn’t been there in well over a decade, and on a rainy night it provided a much-needed dose of comfort seafood. We returned to the condo in the midst of the rain, hunkering down for the evening with a hint of fall in the air, and that seems a good place to pause…

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