Category Archives: Andy

Boston Wedding Anniversary 2020/2021 ~ Part 3

Our third day in Boston – the last full day we would have on this trip – blossomed in sunny fashion, and we wisely saved our walk through the Boston Public Garden for this moment. Before that, however, we slept in, and looked out sleepily at the fountain in the middle of Braddock Park. Back in 1995 when my parents purchased the condo, the fountain wasn’t even working, but a few years later the neighbors got it functional again, and it is a happy bellwether for better weather. It now trickles its soothing sound from spring until late fall, taking a winter slumber only to return when the sun is high and warm. 

On this morning, we made our way to the Public Garden, to the place where we made our wedding vows eleven years ago. It was on a day quite similar to today – bright and sunny and just warm enough to not merit a jacket. 

Night and day, you are the one
Only you beneath the moon, under the sun
Whether near to me or far
It’s no matter darling, where you are
I think of you night and day

Day and night, why is it so
That this longing for you follows wherever I go
In the roaring traffic’s boom
In the silence of my lonely room
I think of you
Night and day

This wedding cake shrub is a favorite – as much for its name as its perfectly timed blooming period. It was there on our wedding day too, and we posed in front of it with our gathered friends and family. Today it brought back those memories, and at such moments we were reminded of how wonderful the world and its inhabitants can be. 

Perched high in the air, fruit tree blossoms dangled like cream-colored bells, ringing silently in the slightest breeze. The tulips were just slightly past their prime, but a few were hanging on to give us a show. 

In a more secluded corner of the Garden, a coral-colored quince bloomed in its shady nook, near an angelic fountain that lended more flowing water to the calm at hand. 

There is magic to be found at all times of the year in the Public Garden, but we are partial to spring, and this spell of May in particular. 

While the city thrashes about trying to drag its ponderous history into a new world, this little refuge of beauty and simplicity, majesty and wonder, retains its enchanting essence. 

At the entrance to the Garden, which was now also our exit, a few bleeding hearts hung their exquisite blooms as if bidding us adieu until the next time.

Reluctantly departing such a pretty scene, we ambled back to the condo, and on the way we watched this little bunny scurry into the front garden square of our building. There are always signs that we are right where we are supposed to be, and this rabbit was a symbol we’d see from time to time on our visits. I rarely saw it when I was in Boston alone, but when Andy’s been here it always makes an appearance. 

It was almost time for one more dinner in Boston…

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Boston Wedding Anniversary 2020/2021 ~ Part 2

Our second day in Boston was bright but slightly overcast. The flowers were all in bloom, and there was a breeze, on the cool side, which made for good walking conditions. Andy slept in and I went shopping for some snacks and whatever other silly triflings offered themselves up. Such a simple endeavor, but what a wonderful return to something I’ve not been able to do in such a long time! 

Boston in spring bloom will always be a balm on the most troubled soul. These happy little faces peered out everywhere I went, a reminder that whatever state the world wound its way into, nature would maintain its beauty. 

Meanwhile, music played in the mind as I walked throughout the city…

You’d be so easy to love
So easy to idolize
All others above
So worth the yearning for
So swell to keep every home fire burning for…

We’d be so grand at the game
So carefree together that it does seem a shame
That you can’t see
Your future with me ’cause you’d be, oh
So easy to love

Returning to the condo, I picked up Andy for our tradition of washing the rings. Shreve, Crump and Low is still blessedly in business, so we made our way to Newbury Street to have our wedding rings cleaned. We perused the gems and jewelry, but stayed downstairs instead of straying to the more tempting second floor of watches. When you’ve just replaced a furnace, a pink-diamond-studded watch is not on any list of priorities, sadly. 

Neither is this cherry red Shelby, replica or not, but I asked Andy to pose in front of it anyway, on a stretch of Boylston beside the Lenox Hotel. Boston is lined with memories of past adventures, and we added this little encounter with Miss Shelby to that lovely reservoir. 

Into every anniversary we usually add something new – in this case it was our first dinner at No. 9 Park – a Boston classic that we’ve somehow never managed to try until now. Peering over the edge of Boston Common, it made for a cozy little space perfect for the windy evening. Andy began with some recommended Blanton’s bourbon in this sunny sour, while I took the bartender’s suggestion for an elderflower and citrus mocktail. 

I began with this beautiful red snapper crudo, served with rhubarb, watermelon radish, and kumquats while Andy enjoyed some shrimp. 

We haven’t had an opportunity to break out the blazers in such a long time that it no longer felt like a burden. 

No. 9 Park sent out a round of champagne, which Andy had the responsibility of finishing – a lovely complement to our anniversary weekend. 

We both decided on the octopus for our entrees, and it was tender and almost creamy – a far cry from my three-hour braising attempt several summers ago. Best to leave the octopus to the experts, as I simply have to admit defeat when it comes to preparing certain dishes. 

Topping the meal off was a pair of desserts – this was my mango dish; Andy chose a pineapple one. Both were grand endings to another delicious meal. Boston was welcoming us back in ways both sweet and satisfying. 

{Fragrance (and underwear) of the evening: Fucking Fabulous by Tom Ford.}

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Boston Wedding Anniversary 2020/2021 ~ Part 1

The city looked and felt differently from when we last met. In a year fraught by a pandemic, Boston had been forced to update its cobblestone-weighted history and forge a new way, like the rest of the world. Yet spring still returned, and as we made our way back to celebrate our 10th and 11th wedding anniversaries, it felt like there was hope in the cool air. Happily, we would find Boston filled with blooms and sunshine and all the typical accoutrements of a proper new season, because no matter what happened in the previous year, spring would do her song and dance. 

As we pulled out in Andy’s least favorite car ever, it felt strange and wonderful to be going somewhere at last. The drive was a sunny one, with a perfect blue sky studded with the occasional white cloud, and we arrived to blooms and blossoms along every path. 

The Southwest Corridor Park – our main route and access to the condo – had just begun its season of glory, with everything from the lowliest geraniums to the American dogwoods that flowered even before their foliage deigned to peek through. 

Even more dramatic was this yellow-hued bleeding heart, whose pink flowers danced thrillingly against a sea of chartreuse leaves, the combination a pretty little marriage of color and light – a celebratory pas de deux emblematic of all the love that was in the air.

There was music too, sweet music that called to us from memory, and a soundtrack largely culled from the work of Cole Porter. 

You do something to me
Something that simply mystifies me
Tell me, why should it be
You have the power to hypnotize me?

Let me live ‘neath your spell
Do do that voodoo that you do so well
For you do something to me
That nobody else could do…

Andy graciously provided the new fragrance that will mark a new memory: Tom Ford’s latest Private Blend ‘Soleil Brûlant’ – an exquisite spring and summer scent that has already carved out a place in my cologne-loving heart. 

After a largely gray and drab winter of discontent, the colors and sights of Boston were again a wonder to behold, and seeing them after such a long time away imbued them with an even greater freshness and potency. 

We dressed for our anniversary dinner at Mistral – which was the only restaurant from our original trio of wedding restaurants that remained open. A sad commentary on what the past year has wrought, but we focused on the magic of Mistral and had a lovely dinner. 

Andy tried out their Tahitian sidecar while I opted for this lemony fresh mocktail. We looked around at the other diners and felt a jolt of normalcy. Simply dining in the vicinity of other people was tinged with a giddy nostalgia. 

Pistachio chocolate profiteroles capped off a wondrous meal, and I thought back to our very first dinner as a married couple eleven years ago. Many memories had been made since then, and we carried all the memories from the ten years before that, when we first met in 2000. They felt both far away and impossibly recent – the ticking of time a constant and unnoticed rhythm that fades into itself unless marked by something memorable, like this return to Boston. 

It was a very sweet ending to our first day back…

{Fragrance of the Evening: Portrait of a Lady.)

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Our 11th Wedding Anniversary

Some years are quieter when it comes to anniversaries, worthy of a look-back, a quiet acknowledgment and appreciation for all that came before. This is one of those years, and so here’s a list of links to bring back that magical time in Boston circa 2010…

A Wedding in the Public Garden.

Our favorite cake ever.

A ritual of rings.

An anniversary flower.

Wedding memory highlights.

Anniversary blooms.

On the eve of a wedding.

A 10th wedding anniversary.

The anniversary collection

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Back to My Beloved

For the first time in forever, I got to do one of my favorite things in the world: plan a Boston weekend and reserve some restaurant dinner options for our wedding anniversary. We missed out on celebrating out tenth last year, so this time it’s going to be #10 and #11 at once. Originally I had thought we’d be doing a ten-year encore of that happy May day a decade ago, with the same cast of characters invited (missing Andy’s Dad) and going out to the same places. That was part of why we selected such stalwart establishments like Top of the Hub and Mistral and the Bristol Lounge at the Four Seasons

Then the world stepped in and shut everything down, so no one was going anywhere. Worse, two of those restaurants ended up being casualties of COVID: Top of the Hub and the Bristol Lounge. So this year, we will return to Boston for the first time in months, taking tentative steps to something that resembles regular life, while celebrating the place where we got married so many years ago. The lessons of 2020 have taught me not to have great expectations, while enforcing the necessity of holding onto hope. 

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Andy Loves A Message T

Without warning or notice, Andy was not quite ready the first time he met my parents. He was picking me up from their house, and I didn’t think much of it when they came to the door to meet him, which, looking back, seems entirely at odds with my usual hyper-vigilant self, but for whatever reason it just felt right and easy and completely casual, so there it was, and there it was over, and his only concern was that he’d been wearing a T-shirt emblazoned with some alcohol-sponsored message of ‘GET WICKED TONIGHT!’ on it. 

In all fairness, a silly message T-shirt was not entirely foreign to Andy, who had a whole collection of them when we met. My favorite was a simple black one, entirely blank but for one tiny square in the middle of the chest that you had to lean in and look very closely at to discern the words, “You are so fucking nosy.” It was one of the cute quirks that first attracted me to Andy, and he retains that mischievous sense of humor to this day. 

In these old photos he recently unearthed, you see a bit of that T-shirt collection with something that was clearly from his thirtysomething days. Accompanied by gin – loads and loads of gin. 

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The Art of Andy’s Reparation

One is bound to break a few things over the course of a lifetime. If you’re as emotionally clumsy as some of us, you’re bound to break quite a bit more – hearts, heads, spirits – and only if you’re lucky and especially careful can you claim not to have a made such a mess at one point or another. I’ve made my share of messes, though these days the things I break are objects and bad habits – both of which can be mended or, better, dispensed with entirely.

Yet a few months ago, a mug I’ve managed to keep intact for almost two decades, and one of my favorite objects, fell from my hands onto the kitchen floor and immediately broke into several pieces. The curse of 2020, Mercury in Retrograde, and who knows what else conspired to take it from me, and I despondently picked up the pieces as best as I could, chucking some of the smaller shards to keep our feet safe. I took a few photos to document its demise, before Andy came out and said he could fix it. 

Andy is quite good at mending things – usually all he needs is some glue, a baby screwdriver, or some spackle and sandpaper, but I didn’t have much faith because even if it went back together I would forever be fighting the mental image of my lips getting sliced by a sharp piece of broken cup. That said, I also had visions of ‘Kintsugi’ the Japanese art of mending broken pottery, so I wanted to see what Andy might manage. 

Kintsugi traditionally employs a tree sap laquer laced with powdered metal – such as gold or platinum – instead of a clear glue, to fix a piece of broken pottery. The intent is to highlight and beautify the cracks and fissures, making them part of the art and history of a piece. I love that idea – the notion of taking our faults and literally turning them into gold, into beauty, into art. In some ways, that is the goal of so much of my life. 

This was just a tea cup – a cheap one at that, originally procured on a whim from Marshall’s – and Andy was able to put it back together. That isn’t always the case, as we were immediately reminded a few weeks later: our furnace broke, after a three-day ordeal of fix-its and not-so-fix-its and it’s the sort of breakdown that can’t be fixed with pretty paint and golden veining. Rather than moan or lament our unlucky circumstance, we worked in tandem to figure out the best way to tackle the problem. Twenty-plus years into our relationship, we look in the same direction, seeking out the same goal, and a solution for when dilemmas arise, especially the unexpected ones. 

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November Roses for Andy

This is always a difficult month for Andy, so I have been replenishing his vase of roses to brighten the days just a little. He lost his mother around Thanksgiving, so the start of the holidays is more memorable as a rite of passage than a happy introduction to the holiday season. She is still with him though, in every visit from a cardinal, in every glance at one of her recipe cards.

The other morning I watched the wrinkled brown leaves and stems of the once-majestic cup plant sway slightly in what I thought was the wind. It was actually a trio of little cardinals – females, all slightly gray, and all with the distinguishing sharp cap of plumage atop their heads. They were small, probably from the recent season where a pair of them had set up camp somewhere nearby

They are a comfort when you’re missing loved ones. 

I can’t capture the cardinals for Andy, but I can replenish the roses. 

 

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A Birthday Visitor for Andy

Holding regal scarlet court from the perch of a seven sons’ flower tree, this cardinal was an early birthday visitor to pay respects and homage (and pretty plumage) to Andy on his special day. One of his Mom’s favorite birds, it felt like this fellow was carrying a birthday message to him from her, and sometimes that’s the way the world works. 

While the finches have made a feast of the cup plant blooms all summer and fall, the cardinals have largely waited to dine until these seed pods have ripened into their salmon glory. In the crazy year this has been, this tree has had its latest-ever blooming cycle – usually this stage happens in September. I’m happy to extend the season, however, and enjoy the happy chirping that signals a loved one is near. 

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Birthday Wishes for Andy

My husband Andy celebrates his birthday today, and in this year, and particularly this month, I am realizing the importance of family and the support and love we provide each other. Andy doesn’t always get pictured a lot here, despite my efforts to photograph him, but he permeates everything I do, because I can’t do it all without him. 

He prefers quiet birthday gatherings, which is ideal for the current state of the world, and this month he’s in the midst of passing a kidney stone so he’s requested a plain vanilla cake instead of a spicier applesauce cake. That’s the sort of gentle soul he is. 

Looking through the photo fault, I found these from a previous birthday dinner we had for him many years ago. Our history is rich with such gatherings and traditions, and I cling to them more than ever. As an integral member of our family, Andy has come to know all the quirks and eccentricities of being an Ilagan. He is my family and my home. Happy birthday, Andy – I love you. 

 

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Breakfast & Dinner, Then & Now

Happily, these three favorite people of mine are still dining out and about whenever possible, and in whatever manner and means this new world demands. The featured photo is from a sunny October weekend visit to Amore Breakfast in Ogunquit, something we will look to do again possibly next year, because there is always hope. All four of us keenly felt our extended absence from Ogunquit this year – it’s been too long, and we can’t wait to return when things get back to normal, or at least into a mode of new normality.

The other photos are from a recent birthday dinner at Yono’s, which is probably our favorite Albany restaurant (tied perhaps with dp: An American Brasserie) and I put them up here to remind myself as much as anyone else the importance of family at such times. In the next few weeks, when our country tears itself apart and who knows what may come of it, I find myself retreating and relying on those who mean the most to me – the family and the friends I have made into my family – and that’s how I’m getting through it.

Luckily, I have Andy to help see us through the difficult times, and operating under a safe veil of social isolation and a quarantine-like fortress, we will batten down the hatches and hole up in our home for the fall and winter to come. We will be all right. We have to be.

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The Month Andy Arrived

This year is not designed for typical birthdays, but Andy has never enjoyed a big fuss over his big day, so we will continue his preferred quiet celebration when it rolls around in a few weeks. As a tease of that, here he is walking through Southwest Corridor Park on my birthday a few weeks ago.

In keeping with the birthday theme, we will be seeing Elaine for lunch today, for an early birthday gathering on a socially-distanced patio at my parents’ home. Andy will make a birthday cake and we will do our best to celebrate in the only way we can during such strange times. I’m taking it all as another opportunity to flaunt my robust outdoor wardrobe and accessories. Finally, all the years of collecting coats and scarves and hats will pay off. And you all laughed and said I was frivolous. Who’s frivolous now?

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Andy’s Lasagna

At the turn of summer, attention shifts from the outside back into the kitchen, and comfort food is tantalizingly on the horizon. After some cajoling (maybe begging) by me, Andy made the first batch of lasagna that we’ve had in months – and it was more than worth the wait and the want. Using his own sauce, and some fancy beef and sausage, along with some magically-seasoned ricotta, Andy fashioned a dinner that was perfectly delicious in every way. There’s something very comforting when he steps into the kitchen to work his magic. 

My pants may not be happy about it, but my mouth is ecstatic. 

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A Low-Key Anniversary

Like all things 2020, our 20th anniversary will be a low-key celebration, with a visit to the parents in Amsterdam and a dinner at a favorite restaurant. Andy suggested the visit to Dad, as well as the restaurant selection – both were good ideas, as are most of his plans. That it’s become a bit of a family affair is only fitting. I took the day off from working (at home) simply to relax and enjoy some quiet time with Andy. After twenty years of ‘events’ it’s been nice to not have any for a while. 

It’s also nice to look back, so here are some links on just a little bit of the fun we’ve had.

It began with a license to wed.

Ten years ago, looking back ten years before that

There have been many birthdays… many, many birthdays….

Some surprises

A holiday card

A very happy wedding ceremony

A Boston stroll

A Maine event

A renovation

A trio of wishes

A pair of Uncles

A Valentine’s Day post

A quartz lesson

Andy’s woody

Cakedom

A bump in the night

A fifteen-year moment

A car show

A radio show

Blasts from the past

A goodbye to Andy’s Dad

Another birthday

A somber holiday start

Meeting Andy’s Mom

A Broadway plan

A Saratoga date

An anniversary scented by lilacs…

A New York trip to see an idol…

Yet another birthday

A joint cooking adventure

Just one of those things

#19… and counting…

A Savannah sojourn

A couple of owls

A home of our own

A look back

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Twenty Years Ago Tonight…

“You’re not the man of my dreams, but I fell in love with you anyway.” ~ Andy, circa 2000

Perhaps it’s as close to perfect as life gets that Andy often has the most succinct way with words. Case in point was this quote, spoken to me in the earliest days of our relationship, which on first reading (and hearing) seems ripe for criticism, but has since come to embody an exquisitely honest illumination on the most enduring romantic relationship of my lifetime. Twenty years ago today I met Andy VanWagenen while minding my own business and having a rare solo Sunday night out at a sleepy Oh Bar. Looking back through my Backstreet Boys day planner from 2000, I see the entry, so seemingly simple and matter-of-fact: meet Andy at Oh Bar, overnight. I went home with him and that was that – our life suddenly laid out, the next two decades designed to unfurl in happy fashion, guided by the gentle nudges of destiny and forged by a shared commitment to one another. It sounds so simple when taken in such celebratory context, as if every day of twenty years didn’t come with its own challenges, the way life interrupts and throws its road-blocks up when you least expect or want them.

Andy lost his Mom as we were about to spend our second holiday season together. I lost my favorite Uncle and my Gram. Friends and family members got married. Some ended up getting divorced. Some had kids, and we had a new niece and nephew, and even a grand nephew. When it was finally legal, Andy and I got married too (ten years into our relationship). Life had its wild and unpredictable way with us, granting us joyful days tempered with difficult ones. Andy lost his Dad, and we both started to lose friends and people we’d grown up with. Through it all, whenever things turned especially sad or bleak, as much as when they were giddy and ecstatic, we would turn to each other. For two people who were in many ways loners at heart, we found a wonderfully comfortable companionship, one that has sustained itself for twenty years.

We still argue, we still laugh, and we still discover new things about the other even at this late stage. Most importantly, we still love. Even when we fail and fall short, we still love. Even when we’re not the men of our dreams, we still love. Two decades into our shared lives, we still love…

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