The DG Tour: Animal Demons – Part 4

{Continued from

Parts One,

Two,

and Three.}

To destroy the demons of the past, one must sometimes sacrifice the angels as well.

This wasn’t a slow degradation or gentle dismantling of an image. This was a willful and violent destruction of what came before. The erection of a perceived life of excitement & debauchery can take years; its destruction can take even longer, and is rarely successful in delivering complete eradication.

That requires a dance with the devil – and how many people do you know who would be willing to take that chance?

Yet even more than a deconstruction or dismantling of the past, this was an annihilation. Only the most desperate would ever attempt to start over at this stage in life.

The desperate and the very daring…

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A Tour Resumes in Frightening Fashion

A door, burnt and frozen, and locked from the outside.

An axe, held aloft in nervous hands, unaware of impending blows.

A shadow, revealing more than the light.

The Delusional Grandeur Tour continues this weekend, and the Tour Book goes further down the rabbit hole. These are dark images, with dark themes, but there is a comedic edge to the proceedings as well. Delusions can be devilishly amusing once you embrace the fun-house ride notion of what is at hand. Hold on tight…

Shadow fiend, ephemeral foe, monster in the looking-glass – what terrors do you intend for yourself?

What terrors do you intend for others?

Whatever menace you may bring to the world, whatever horrors you may inflict, the only real destruction you can hope to achieve is the decay of your own heart.

It cannot and will not be achieved by the violence of a moment, the rage of a scream, or the wielding of an ax.

THE DELUSIONAL GRANDEUR TOUR: LAST STAND OF A ROCK STAR

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Murder in Sparrow Park

There is something serious and comical about this murder scene. On one hand, it’s terrifying and disturbing. How anyone could do such a thing, and why they would do such a thing, will always remain a mystery to me. I may play the sick, twisted card in Tour Books and other fictionalized outlets, but to actually go out and do this sort of thing, well, I don’t have it in me. And I’m relieved at that. But someone did.

This brutal beheading of an anonymous bear took place in the early evening hours of December 5. I stumbled upon the crime scene following the first annual children’s holiday at work. It was a heartless wake-up call after such a lovely afternoon of holiday bonhomie. The body had been stuffed in a garbage can. while a few feet away the head rested on its side, eyes agape as if still in shock.

Darkness lurks, even at Christmastime. Sometimes I think things become more sinister when the majority of people are doing their best to be good. Maybe it just seems that way in comparison.

The sad and serious part of this unhappy ending is that the bear looks well-worn and loved. In the realm of the Velveteen Rabbit, he or she would be considered ‘real.’ That’s the heartbreaking aspect of this scene. Was this an adult playing a joke on the world? Was it someone’s parent or care-taker menacing an actual child? I don’t know, and I don’t want to know. I had to work hard to quell my imagination from running away with all sorts of possible atrocities. In the end, it will remain a mystery. I turned my back to it and shuffled off into the night.

Being observant is sometimes a curse.

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December Roses

The 60-degree weather we’ve had of late is nice, but disturbing. I fear for the buds that have appeared on the cherries and hydrangeas – all will be decimated once the customary winter hits. In the meantime, however, roses still bloom and fall-colored leaves still dangle. There is something fun about that, some way-late-season celebratory spark that accompanies the disorienting notion of roses in December.

These pink beauties were smiling at me from the Southwest Corridor Park the last time I was in Boston. I paused to snap a few photos, while another on-looker marveled at them too. She said they were almost like holiday decorations.

Such extremes are indications of global warming and climate change, so the sight of these beautiful roses comes with certain consternation. As much as I enjoy the reprieve from the cruelty of winter, I also know the importance of a steady frozen groundwork for the survival and well-being of plants in the Northeast. Beauty and relief today may spell disaster for tomorrow. I’d rather go through the ritual and pay the dues now.

That said, these roses are indeed beautiful, and their incongruent appearance in the last month of the year shall be taken as a blessing. Maybe the winter won’t be so bad. Even if it is, the memory of beauty lingers, the feeling resulting from warm sunlight in December remains.

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In the Words of Cher

I like Cher. I don’t love her. Not in the all-encompassing life-long way I love Madonna, but in a friendly thanks-for-being-a-gay-icon-all-these-years and thanks for more good music than most of us realize she’s put out. Case in point is one of her latest, a wistful well-wish for a former paramour, the kind of love that sets someone else free, and in doing so sets yourself free. There’s no greater soul-service than genuinely wishing someone else happiness and love. Most of the times I’ve done so, I’m rather ashamed to say, have been fraught with ulterior motives. It’s so hard to be purely good, to do things with absolutely no self-preserving agenda somewhere in the background. Think of any good thing you’ve done and tell me there weren’t auxiliary benefits or joy for yourself as well. It’s pretty impossible. Yet I believe that’s the sign of grace and goodness.

I’m still working on it…

I hope I find it.

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Shadow Vogueing

On a recent afternoon in Boston, the sun drifted into the bedroom, and the light was such that it allowed for some Madonna-inspired shadow puppetry. The fun part of these iPhone photos is that they were not filtered into black-and-white – these are color shots. On a white wall, and with gray shadows, one doesn’t need to alter with filters or photoshop. In a season of color-saturation, this gives a sense of ease to the eyes.

As we approach the Christmas/New Year holidays, I tend to seek out softer moments like this, pockets of quiet and simplicity. I almost – almost – wish for the sheer starkness of January. Not that I wish to rush through the fun and warmth of this season, I just long for a bit of peace in the midst of all the madness.

Until then, I’ll make-do with shadow boxing, diverting my attention with moments of whimsy, ephemeral bits of distraction, anything to avoid the hustle and bustle up into which everyone is getting swept. I will hold onto my shadows and let them do the work for me, scuttling off to get the last-minute gifts, to pick out a party outfit for the next event, to wish merry on family and friends, while I sneak off to parts unknown for peace and quiet.

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Holiday Cresting

The holiday rush is gleefully, or grinchingly, upon us, and it feels like if I don’t give in to the raging flow I’ll be left behind. I won’t pretend there’s not a little bit of panic to that, to the idea that I’m missing out on something. It’s the sort of thing that I imagine drug-abusers or gluttonous over-eaters might feel. Whatever the case, it’s time to pull back, slow down, pause and enjoy the moment. Here’s to the last week.

The happy week began with the naked ass of John Stamos. And when a nude John Stamos (at least a nude butt shot) hits the internet, it’s a promising start to the week.

The sparkle of the season requires a little extra oomph, in this case something Outrageous!

The double crowning of Lockhart Brownlie as Hunk of the Day was another happy event.

Silk and pink, a wondrous combination.

It was a week of double Hunk crownings, continuing with Steven Dehler.

Minus the bombast and bravado, the Holiday Card 2015 arrived without an axe to grin.

There’s no crying at Christmas, except when there is.

Rounding out the Hunks of the week were Rick Fisher and Phil Sullivan.

The big news was the continuation of posts for The Delusional Grandeur Tour: Last Stand of a Rock Star, beginning with a little animal instinct. The ‘Animal Demons’ section has only just begun and it’s proving to be a bit much for certain folks. Was it the icy donkey show shown here? Was it the naked nipple-tweaking pig sex scene that did it? Or the devil crotch head that pushed people over the edge? Whatever the case, that’s kind of tame stuff compared to what’s about to come…

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The DG Tour: Animal Demons – Part 3

“Man is the only creature that consumes without producing. He does not give milk, he does not lay eggs, he is too weak to pull the plough, he cannot run fast enough to catch rabbits. Yet he is lord of all the animals. He sets them to work, he gives back to them the bare minimum that will prevent them from starving, and the rest he keeps for himself.” ~ George Orwell

“The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.” ~ George Orwell

“The Seven Commandments:
Whatever goes upon two legs is an enemy.
Whatever goes upon four legs, or has wings, is a friend.
No animal shall wear clothes.
No animal shall sleep in a bed.
No animal shall drink alcohol.
No animal shall kill any other animal.
All animals are equal.”
~ George Orwell

THE DELUSIONAL GRANDEUR TOUR: LAST STAND OF A ROCK STAR

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The DG Tour: Animal Demons – Part 2

The nature of the beast.

The unnatural order.

Imposed and self-imposed impositions.

Of delusions and grandeur, and rock-star excess, the expression of the inner wilderness can be a dangerous endeavor. Yet there is a sanctity to honoring the untamed impulse, a purity that is lost once social construction and reason come into structured play. That sort of timidity has no place here.

Here, we give into the wild.

We let go of the limits.

We embrace the animal.

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The DG Tour: Animal Demons – Part 1

“During last night’s insomnia, as these thoughts came and went between my aching temples, I realized once again, what I had almost forgotten in this recent period of relative calm, that I tread a terribly tenuous, indeed almost non-existent soil spread over a pit full of shadows, whence the powers of darkness emerge at will to destroy my life.” ~ Franz Kafka

The Delusional Grandeur Tour: Last Stand Of A Rock Star

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Animal Instinct

Though The Delusional Grandeur Tour is not in travel status this weekend, my friends are coming to the Tour Book for a little holiday get-together, and so the next installment of this Last Stand of a Rock Star will make its scheduled appearance here with a bit of Animal Demon action. When last we left the book, things had taken a darker turn, and this continues along that same menacing trajectory, with a buffer of whimsy.

We all have some bit of animal instinct within us. We all go a little feral from time to time. Keeping the beast within at bay is not an easy feat, but mastery of such impulses is mastery of the world. Control the wildness inside of you and you can control everything outside of you. The ones who let the animal take charge are the ones who fuck things up.

When you have an outlet like a Tour Book, however, you can let the rabid beast out to play. Just be prepared in the event that he doesn’t want to return to the cage…

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A Good Movie Cry

There are some movies that break your heart open, that wrench your deepest feelings and touch the places we may most want to remain buried. These aren’t necessarily the most fun movies – they’re not the kind of movie you play over and over again, in the background or for friends before a Christmas party, but they’re the ones that resonate far longer.

‘The Hours’ is one of these movies for me. Based on the brilliant book by Michael Cunningham, it’s all about the Virginia Woolf segments, and the train station scene in particular.

“Dearest, I feel certain that I am going mad again. I feel I can’t go through another one of these terrible times and I shan’t recover this time. I begin to hear voices and can’t concentrate so I am doing what seems to be the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I know that I am spoiling your life and without me you could work and you will, I know. You see I can’t even write this properly. What I want to say is that I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. Everything is gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can’t go on spoiling your life any longer. I don’t think two people could have been happier than we have been.”

‘Brokeback Mountain’ is another. So quietly powerful and moving is this one that I can’t watch it more than once a year or so. Even then, I’m often only able to make it through bits and pieces. Stark, brutal, beautiful and unforgiving, it’s an exquisite dirge for the soul.

“The shirt seemed heavy until he saw there was another shirt inside it, the sleeves carefully worked down inside Jack’s sleeves. It was his own plaid shirt, lost, he’d thought, long ago in some damn laundry, his dirty shirt, the pocket ripped, buttons missing, stolen by Jack and hidden here inside Jack’s own shirt, the pair like two skins, one inside the other, two in one.” – Annie Proulx

“He pressed his face into the fabric and breathed in slowly through his mouth and nose, hoping for the faintest smoke and mountain sage and salty sweet stink of Jack but there was no real scent, only the memory of it, the imagined power of Brokeback Mountain of which nothing was left but what he held in his hands.” – Annie Proulx

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The Holiday Card 2015

Without fanfare or fireworks, without hype or hoopla, I humbly present the Holiday Card for 2015. Every now and then I need a year off the crazy heights of provocation and bloody mayhem that sometimes form the combustible release of certain cards. This is one of those low-key years, and I couldn’t be happier. Simple, safe, and further proof that I have no ax to grind. Happy Holidays to all. This one’s safe for the kids and the fridge! Next year I will return to being offensive – that’s a promise.

Until then, a look-see at previous offenses:

Holiday Card 2004 – Snow Queen

Holiday Card 2005 – Disco Ball Jock

Holiday Card 2006 – Jesus Christ Pose

Holiday Card 2007 – Very Bad Santa

Holiday Card 2008 – Soft & Somber

Holiday Card 2009 – Winged Fur Muff

Holiday Card 2010 – The Wedding Coat

Holiday Card 2011 – Most Shocking Card Ever

Holiday Card 2012 – Eat Your Holiday Heart Out

Holiday Card 2013 – Childhood Nostalgia

Holiday Card 2014 – Let It Snow

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Silk Flower, Silk Tie

The pairing was perfect.

The color divine.

The evening, a mystery.

We were there to see the Queen, but we didn’t dare approach. Instead, we wound our way through a series of rooms and scenes where decadence bordered on debauchery, and the impending holiday season lent everything an additional sparkle. Anticipation is the greatest accessory of them all.

A woman draped only by the bubbles of a bath asked to play ‘I Spy’ with me, and said she spied something RED. I meekly answered, “Is it your heart?” She shook her head no, until I found the shot perched on the wall. The blood-red elixir of life.

Shades of vermillion and magenta, all bleeding into a tuxedo the blackest of night.

A pop of passion in a world of gray.

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OUTRAGEOUS!!

A holiday fragrance requires a little extra oomph. It’s the one time of the year when we’re sanctioned to be glitzy and over-the-top. For this season, I’ve been at a loss as to what to wear in the weeks leading up to the parties and the celebrations. While I’ve had my eye on my first Bond No. 9 (New York Oud), BLK DNM Perfume 11, and the new Oliver Peoples collaboration by Byredo, none of those will arrive before Christmas Eve (assuming they’ll arrive at all). I almost forgot about a limited edition Frederic Malle fragrance that my parents gave me a few years ago for Christmas – ‘Outrageous!’ – created by Sophia Grojsman. At the time, I knew little to nothing about the vast array of scents that Malle had had a hand in creating over the years, I only knew that I loved the scent of Barneys whenever I walked into the second floor and browsed the wares in their Boston store. I figured that with the scant collection of bottles that they put out in the men’s section, it would be easy to find the overriding scent that signified Barneys. How foolish I was…

While trying to pinpoint that amalgamation of sweet scents and which one it might be, the salesperson wasn’t much help, telling me the scents were sold downstairs (they can be incredibly bitchy at the Boston Barneys) so I walked down the staircase and made my way to the counter, where the entire Byredo and Malle lines occupied extensive space with their crisp and clean bottles.

I asked if there was one scent that was what I smelled every time I came into Barneys – Barneys in a bottle if you would – but they were completely clueless. Instead, they sold me on the new limited edition by Frederic Malle – Outrageous! – and I gave it a spritz. After trying a few of the others, I was lost in a delicious haze that no cup of coffee beans could cure. Overwhelming olfactory overload.

When it arrived on Christmas that year, I wasn’t as enamored of the scent as I thought I’d be. An impulse choice based on lack of research and trial. A lesson learned. And a bottle that it would take me years to appreciate. Since then, my tastes in fragrance have evolved and grown, and the challenging sparkle of Outrageous! may have finally found its way back into my heart. It’s a candy-like thing, colorfully-kaleidoscopic, and sweeter than my usual woody preference. Yet there’s a clinically-antiseptic feel to it too, bordering on harsh. It has some sharp points – all shining stars do – and it has its flaws, but for those days when you need a jolt of something different, something that bursts like a sugar-plum fairy, Outrageous! – and all its punctuated exclamation – will do.

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