Category Archives: Madonna

09
March
2012
Tags: General, Madonna, Music
No comments

The Madonna Timeline: Song #65 ~ ‘Where’s the Party?’ – 1987

{Note: The Madonna Timeline is an ongoing feature, where I put the iPod on shuffle, and write a little anecdote on whatever was going on in my life when that Madonna song was released and/or came to prominence in my mind.}

Working Monday through Friday
Takes up all of my time
If I can get to the weekend
Everything will work out just fine
That’s when I can go crazy
That’s when I can have fun
Time to be with my baby
Time to come on down…

The year was probably 1987. A young boy dances around his bedroom to Madonna’s ‘You Can Dance’ remix album. He doesn’t know exactly what it’s like to work Monday through Friday, but school is a good approximation. When the weekend arrives, he has nowhere to go but his bedroom, and he has nothing to do but dance.

Where’s the party?
I want to free my soul
Where’s the party?
I want to lose control

A complete product of the 80’s, he is superficial, colorful (some might say gaudy), and just a little bit cold. There would always be something coolly clinical about him, something glossy and frigid, like the modern doo-dads being sold at the store that replaced Edna’s Edibles on ‘The Facts of Life’.

Couldn’t wait to get older
Thought I’d have so much fun
Guess I’m one of the grown-ups
Now I have to get the job done
People gave me the business,
I’m not living in fear
I’m just living in chaos
Gotta get away from here.

How he loved that silly show, even if his Mom thought it crass and crude. He just saw a group of girls growing up, and he always wanted to be part of something like that. For the rest of his school years, he saw himself as Blair, searching for the friend she found in Jo, all to no avail. At that age, friendship was all – friendship was everything. He hadn’t quite reached the era of romance.

Where’s the party?
I want to free my soul
Where’s the party?
I want to lose control

And so he danced – alone in his bedroom, with the door shut and the world blocked out. He roamed the canyons of his mind, while lost in visions of his favorite Swatch, mesmerized by the blinking of a decorative stoplight, lulled by the mechanical movement of a wave machine – surrounded by the bells and whistles of the 80’s. Dub versions, 7 inchers, 12 inchers, and more – he spun wildly round and round over the dirty cream-colored carpet before collapsing in an out-of-breath heap.

Don’t want to go on too fast
Don’t want to let the system get me down
I’ve got to find a way to make the good times last
And if you show me how,
I’m ready now…

The party was there, the party was then, and even if it was a party of one, the party still raged. On a Saturday night (I guess that makes it all right), he played and rewound and played again that gray crystal-like cassette, watching the rolls of glossy brown filament spin in tandem like some simple yet intricate clockwork. Outside, the dark night stood watch, as the dancing shadows of a boy played upon the blinds, and the safety of a well-lit childhood bedroom begged for a few more carefree years.

Song #65: ‘Where’s the Party?’ ~ 1987
Continue reading ...
24
February
2012
Tags: General, Madonna, Music
No comments

The Madonna Timeline: Song #64 ~ ‘Nothing Really Matters’ – Late Winter 1999

{Note: The Madonna Timeline is an ongoing feature, where I put the iPod on shuffle, and write a little anecdote on whatever was going on in my life when that Madonna song was released and/or came to prominence in my mind.}

Nothing really matters
Love is all we need
Everything I give you
All comes back to me.

At the time, I was deep into my first serious adult relationship with a boyfriend. We were driving South – to Tennessee – to visit his home and family. It felt like a big deal, but also the most natural thing in the world. We left the Northeastern Winter, traveling into the spring of the Southern mountains. We arrived as dusk settled on a balmy but cool late-winter night.

This has always been one of my favorite times of the year in which to travel, the stultifying stagnation of winter usually has me beat down by this point, and I’m antsy and bursting to go somewhere – anywhere – and there’s no better where than a road trip.

The year of ‘Nothing Really Matters’ had been a snowy one in Boston, but as we drove deeper into the warmer climate zones, the dirty snow melted away, so that by the time we reached Tennessee, the ground was barren of winter, even if spring had not yet broken.

Looking at my life,
It’s very clear to me,
I lived so selfishly
I was the only one.
I realize that nobody wins
Something is ending
And something begins…

I don’t remember much of my meeting with his Mom. We got along well, talking for a bit in the kitchen after I put my bags in Paul’s childhood room. A walking iris bloomed in the front window of the living room. For the first time in my life, it was a plant I didn’t recognize.

(Later, years later, I’d find a walking iris in a local greenhouse and bring it home. They’re a strong breed, multiplying at the end of their blossoms like a spider plant, each one a new baby waiting to send forth roots once in contact with soil. The blossoms come at the tail end of Winter, just in time to soothe a snow-weary countenance.)

Nothing really matters
Love is all we need
Everything I give you
All comes back to me.

As I went to bed, alone, in my boyfriend’s old room, after he kissed me goodnight and went to sleep on the couch, I felt the daunting task of possibly entering a whole new family. It was a happy worry though, and I had the hope of one day belonging.

Sleep took a while to arrive. The room was bluish gray in the dim night, the shadows of toys and books were long and deep. Lying in his bed, I wondered what he’d been like as a boy. Would we have been friends? I breathed in the scent of the pillow, curling into myself, trying to forge into his past and his dreams.

Nothing takes the past away
Like the future
Nothing makes the darkness go
Like the light…

For the next few days we explored Chattanooga – visiting a cave and the historic sites of war battles, posing in front of waterfalls and cannons. We had dinner with his Dad and his girlfriend. At an imported furniture store we examined a Japanese tansu, and I bought a collection of heavy marble spheres, polished to a high gloss. (To this day, they sit in a green bowl in my living room, an echo of the past, a pleasant reminder of that almost-spring week.)

As we walked through the town of his youth, thoughts of a future life together rolled out before me, like some long hallway runner, and I felt warmed at the thought. Everything about my boyfriend warmed me at the time – it was my heart that held a chill.

You’re shelter from the storm
Give me comfort in your arms…

In all, it was a very pleasant visit. As in much of our relationship, I was in a somewhat hazy space of not quite letting my guard down, but that time together was a happy one. As for Madonna, this song marked the last single from the ‘Ray of Light’ album, and it was a bittersweet close to that heretofore-unmatched musical era. To accompany it, she shot one of her most ravishing videos, based loosely on the book ‘Memoirs of a Geisha.’

It was a spectacular image overhaul – her hair black, shiny and bone straight – and fifteen years into her long line of transformations, it was a glorious reminder of her power to surprise and find new inspiration.

The video features a vivid, red-accented, kimono-draped atmosphere with a striking Japanese motif – a slightly disturbing clip of high-pop-art that shows what video can, at its best, achieve. She performed this song live on the Grammy Awards – her first-ever Grammy performance.

(Vocally, not her best, as nerves seem to have gotten the best of her, but visually a stunning echo of the video.) She deservedly won a few golden gramophones that night, for the ‘Ray of Light’ album, and looked radiant doing so.

Nothing really matters
Love is all we need
Everything I give you
All comes back to me.
Song #64: ‘Nothing Really Matters’ – Late Winter 1999
Continue reading ...
16
February
2012
Tags: General, Madonna, Music
No comments

The Madonna Timeline: Song #63 ~ ‘Bad Girl’ – Winter 1993

{Note: The Madonna Timeline is an ongoing feature, where I put the iPod on shuffle, and write a little anecdote on whatever was going on in my life when that Madonna song was released and/or came to prominence in my mind.}

This is one of those songs that has a number of memories attached to it, adding to its resonance over the years, evolving into something that morphs to the scene at hand. That’s the way it is for many of Madonna’s best songs – they open themselves up to multiple-readings, myriad meanings, and in so doing operate on many levels. ‘Bad Girl’ was released in the rather snowy winter of early 1993, a rocky time in the aftermath of the ‘Erotica’ brouhaha, and over the years all I have left of the song is a pastiche of rather shaky memories, without narrative or structure – mere wisps of images, elusive as smoke, and as hard to grasp.

Something’s missing and I don’t know why
I always feel the need to hide my feelings from you
Is it me or you that I’m afraid of?
I tell myself I’ll show you what I’m made of
Can’t bring myself to let you go…

Scene 1:
The back roads of upstate New York. Holding my high school girlfriend’s hand, not knowing if we would make it through the coming summer – our last at home – not knowing how to hang onto the night, I sit in the backseat of a friend’s car. The snow muffles the evening, as our friends sit in the front and talk of other things. Beneath amber street lamps, it glows an eerie yellow. On nights like this, the snow is a frigid comfort. As the wheels spin on a slippery patch, it seems as if even in the case of a crash, the snow would cushion the blow, blunt the impact, gently toss the car back on track. Luckily, there is no crash that night, just the soft crunch of white stuff beneath the wheels. I look out the window, gaze up into the falling flakes, peer at receding eternity, and squeeze her hand a little harder.

Don’t want to cause you any pain
But I love you just the same
And you’ll always be my baby
In my heart I know we’ve come apart
And I don’t know where to start
What can I do?
I don’t want to feel blue…

Scene 2:
The snow has turned dirty. The years have clicked ahead. The messy end of another winter leaves mud and salt swirling on the streets. A new girlfriend, an end to innocence, and the difficult duplicity of adulthood.

A betrayal of the heart. A betrayal of the body. A betrayal of the sacredness of sex. The scent of another woman on her fingers, the impossibility of it, the slutty suspicions confirmed and quickly sent into oblivion with a smile. We had both been bad then, and we both smiled to ease the double blow. We took the pain we inflicted and felt and ran with it, delving deeper into our mutual destruction, powerless to salvage more than a slow-fading disdain.

The snow soon melted, dirt unto dirt, and the winter went away. The women of my romantic life were filing into the past, into the dim but warmly-remembered history of a somewhat messy path to the man I always was but never acknowledged. The age of women, at least for me, had come to its conclusion, and the only question was how much trickier might men prove to be?

Bad girl, drunk by six,
Kissing someone else’s lips
Smoked too many cigarettes today
I’m not happy when I act this way.
Bad girl, drunk by six,
Kissing some kind stranger’s lips
Smoked too many cigarettes today
I’m not happy, I’m not happy…

Scene 3:

A stranger’s bed. A morning after. A dim gray glow of dawn. He has had his drunken way with me, and I with him. Untangling my limbs from wrinkled sheets, I sit on the edge of the bed, rubbing the sleep from my contact-irritated eyes, blinking to see clearly, and wondering at another mess I’ve made. I seem to recall a third guy – yes, there were three of us – and it was never as hot as it’s made out to be. Even in the supposedly-fun and unattached debauchery, there are jealousies and entanglements, but somehow I had been the one to last, to win, to stay the night – though in the rising sun it felt anything but a victory. One cannot win through submission. One cannot triumph in degradation. One merely survives, if one is lucky, and moves on.

Something’s happened and I can’t go back
I fall apart every time you hand your heart out to me
What happens now? I know I don’t deserve you
I wonder how I’m ever gonna hurt you
Can’t bring myself to let you go
Don’t want to cause you any pain
But I love you just the same
And you’ll always be my baby
In my heart I know we’ve come apart
And I don’t know where to start
What can I do?
I don’t want to feel blue…

As for the song, it was a commercial dud, adding to the perceived failure of the ‘Erotica’ album, but it came with one of the best videos Madonna has ever made. Directed masterfully by David Fincher (yes, that David Fincher), it tells the dark story of a woman losing herself in wine and cigarettes and one-night-stands. We’ve all been that woman at one point or other – at least I certainly have – and it’s a frightening place to be.

It doesn’t seem so at the time. I mean to say, it’s a long spiral downward – and not all of it is bad – so when you’re finally looking up from below, it can come as a shock to see how far you’ve descended.

Bad girl, drunk by six,
Kissing someone else’s lips
Smoked too many cigarettes today
I’m not happy when I act this way.
Bad girl, drunk by six,
Kissing some kind stranger’s lips
Smoked too many cigarettes today
I’m not happy, I’m not happy…

This is an epic video – cinematic in scope and visuals, with just enough intrigue to drive the narrative, and it features one of Madonna’s strongest performances. Her blank face beautifully framed by the softest of bright blonde curls, she gives off the emptiness of her character while fighting for feeling. Through it all, her hurt is palpable, her pain apparent, and her trajectory bound solidly to imminent destruction. It is the perfect almost-apology for the ‘Erotica’ period, a video capsule of self-punishing come-uppance, in which Madonna may be sending her naughtier-self into an exile from which she has never returned.

I’m not happy, I’m not happy this way
I’m not happy this way
Kissing some kind stranger’s lips…

Song #63: ‘Bad Girl’ – Winter 1993

Continue reading ...
08
February
2012
Tags: Madonna
No comments

The Madonna 2012 Tour

Here we go again: the quest for Madonna tour tickets is about to commence. She just announced her tour date itinerary, and it looks pretty impressive.

Historically (at least, for the last three tours she did) I would purchase tickets for both Boston and New York. The reason for this goes back to 2001, when I got tickets for the first Madonna show I ever saw, The Drowned World Tour. Back then she was returning from an 8-year hiatus from touring, and tickets were insanely difficult to get. I believe I set up a special AOL account to give me special advance access, and I managed to get two tickets for her show in Boston. (I should probably look into whether that AOL account’s been cancelled…)

I asked Suzie to go with me, and in the days leading up to the show, my anticipation and excitement were barely contained. Then, the tour date just before her Boston concert was cancelled for illness. Would she recover in two days for the show I was supposed to see? I couldn’t imagine any other way – I literally did not think I would be able to handle that. Suzie and Andy were preparing for a suicide watch in the event that I didn’t get to see her, and I tried to envision how I’d get over it, but I just couldn’t.

Fortunately, she rallied and put on my favorite show of all time. (You never forget your first.) Since that scary moment, I’d been getting two sets of tickets for her shows – one in Boston and one in New York, in the event that she didn’t go on one night. It was a little bit of insurance that I wouldn’t miss out.

This time around I think I’m only going to aim for a single Boston date. Having seen her seven times, there’s less pressure to insure I won’t miss a show. I’m also a little (just a smidge) less fanatical in my devotion, so if she cancels, it won’t be the end of the world.

Besides, in New York she’s only playing Yankee Stadium – and everyone knows I don’t do stadiums.

Continue reading ...
06
February
2012
Tags: General, Madonna
No comments

Madonna at the Super Bowl: A Queen Reclaims Her Throne

She arrived like Cleopatra – carried in by an enormous troop of gladiatorially-garbed men. A wall of larger-than-life faux palm fronds parted to the opening salvo of ‘Vogue’ ~ What are you looking at? ~ a ridiculous question when all eyes were so clearly on Madonna, revealed in an extravagant head-dress and sparkling golden robe. Half Isis, Half American Goddess, Half Woman Warrior- she was here to stake her claim as rightful occupant to her once and future pop throne. And, by most accounts, she slayed it.

It was dazzling, it was stunning, it was like she transported us into a different world. I don’t know about anyone else, but it no longer felt like a football game to me – and God knows I couldn’t be more thankful for that.

As with most things Madonna, it was the overall effect that powed and wowed. Her vocals were mostly lip-synced. Without a proper sound-check for an avowed (and proven) perfectionist, there’s no way she was going to rely on a live sound-system, and there’s no way she should have done that for a show like this. She wasn’t there to impress with her vocal stylings and nuanced singing – she was there to entertain and put on a show – and I defy anyone to do it better.

It managed to be intimate and grand, theatrical and universal, intricate and epic ~ the most difficult balancing act pulled off by one of the greatest entertainers the world will ever see. When Madonna comes to play there is no better show-stopper.

After the brilliance of ‘Vogue’, she went into a rollicking version of ‘Music’, where her only (exceedingly minor) flub was when she couldn’t quite get up onto a bench on the first try – so small was it that I missed the misstep entirely on first viewing. Hey, I couldn’t do that in high heels.

Surprisingly I enjoyed the LMFAO segment – a mash up of ‘Music‘, ‘Party Rock Anthem’, and ‘I’m Sexy & I Know It’ – and Madonna was clearly having a good time by that point. The dance break finishing it was killer. ‘Every day I’m shuffling,’ indeed.

Going back to her cheerleader roots, she performed new single ‘Give Me All Your Luvin‘ with Nicky Minaj and M.I.A., the latter giving the camera the middle-finger (another thing that went so quickly by I didn’t even see it – and I have to wonder if all the hoopla over this isn’t just a desperate grab at some sort of halftime show controversy where none really existed – most people I talked to didn’t see it either). Regardless, it wasn’t Madonna, so let someone else take the heat for once. 

A couple of drum corps snapping their snares announced the arrival of Cee-Lo, whose presence I initially met with raised eyebrow and low expectations, but he delivered too. As she exchanged bits of ‘Open Your Heart‘ and ‘Express Yourself‘ with him as band-leader, it instantly became another highlight for me. That two lines from each could have such a thrilling effect is one of the wonders of Madonna. She can pull from her vast, rich history and instantly evoke a memory, an emotion, a smile – and suddenly the very best of what pop music can do is revealed then instantly shrouded in tantalizing mystique. It is a delicious sprinkling of the Madonna magic, manifesting itself right in the midst of America’s biggest sports night.

As well as Cee-Lo did with his brief intro, I had my doubts that he could step up to ‘Like A Prayer‘ – I didn’t know if he had the gravitas, having only known him from his novelty ‘Fuck You’ song. It was another thrill to see him don a sequined choir robe and bring his A-game to the magnificence that is ‘Like A Prayer’.

As the football field, markers and all, seemed to magically roll into the stage itself (the wonders of technology), Madonna had indeed managed to preach a world-reaching sermon in the sacred church of Middle America, thereby securing her hallowed place in pop culture for the umpteenth time.

Before you knew it, but after what felt like an entire concert rolled into 12 minutes, she was gone, having disappeared Wicked-Witch-like in a blast of smoke through the floor. Almost thirty years into this game, no one else can put on a more spectacular show. The Queen has returned, and this was her ultimate proclamation that she is nowhere near ready to abdicate the throne.

Witness the Wonder:

Continue reading ...
05
February
2012
Tags: David Beckham, Gay, General, Madonna, Sports
No comments

The Gayest Superbowl Ever

This year’s Superbowl may be the gayest one ever, with its attendant line up of Madonna, Tom Brady, and even an underwear commercial by David Beckham. To commemorate the occasion, I will be Tebowing and squeezing into a jockstrap for your viewing pleasure. Stay tuned… we tee off in a few short hours.

Continue reading ...
05
February
2012
Tags: Cocktails, Madonna
No comments

Lemon Drop Kick to the End Zone

“If I was a drink I’d be a lemon drop.” ~ Madonna, ‘SuperPop’

There’s really only one way I’m getting through the entire Superbowl, and that’s with the help of a little drinking game. I scouted around for good words to use – something that would be said with some frequency, but not so much that by the half-time show I’d be passed out. My friend Jen came up with ‘Blitz’ – which was perfect on a number of levels, and so it shall be. If you want to play along, take a sip of your beverage every time the word “Blitz” is used.

Contingency plan: should there not be enough blitzing after the first… half? quarter? How in the hell is this game divided again? – we will switch to the word “coverage”. Should that fail to ease the pain, we will drink every time the word “the” is used. And if that’s still not enough then get some help.

The libation of choice is, in honor of our half-time girl, the lemon drop – one of Madonna’s favorite cocktails. Here are the ingredients for one:

– 1 ½ ounces vodka (preferably citrus)
– ½ ounce triple sec (or preferably Limoncello)
– 1 teaspoon superfine sugar
– ¾ ounce freshly squeezed lemon juice
– Lemon twist (for garnish)

Since it’s the Superbowl (a rough and tumble event if ever there was one), we’re not going to be all FussyLittleBlog about this, so mix it up with some ice and simply strain into a cocktail glass of your choosing. Most lemon drops have a sugar rim to them, but there’s nothing I despise more than a sugar rim, hand to God.

So start your engines, because once the Superbowl begins we’re going on a tear, and there’s no telling where this game may take us.

Continue reading ...
03
February
2012
Tags: Madonna
No comments

Give Me All Your Luvin

Aside from my pet-peeve for intentionally-misspelled and supposedly-cute versions of “words” ~ i.e. “luvin” – I was initially otherwise unimpressed with the demo version of the new Madonna single that leaked a few months back. While not quite ready for a “comeback” (her career has never suffered the sort of post-Sex backlash of the early 90’s), she is due for a grand return (this new album will mark the first since 2008’s Hard Candy – a relatively lengthy stretch between new Madonna studio albums). As such, it is being hyped by fans as a big deal. As for the lead-off single, I’m not sure ‘Give Me All Your Luvin’’(GMAYL) delivers.

It certainly doesn’t come close to the majesty and pomp of ‘Like A Prayer’ or ‘Frozen’ – two lead-off singles from now-iconic musical moments in her career – but we’re living in a different world now, and quick flashes of catchy-if-empty tunes seem to be where all the radio-play and chart action is. Still, this is Madonna, and I was hoping for something a little less… trifling. GMAYL is almost a throwaway track – fun and instantly likable, but almost as instantly forgettable – and if there’s one thing Madonna does best, it’s the unforgettable.

The final version, however, has grown on me some. She certainly knows her way around a verse, and if the chorus doesn’t quite live up to her legend, it still manages to thrill in its own way. The cover art is nice, in a casual, fun, carefree way – we don’t often get unabashed and abandoned fun from her. While I love it when she goes serious and introspective, I can also appreciate that the world is not going to embrace a ballad a la ‘Frozen’. Once again, Madonna knows what she’s doing – and whether or not the song is a huge hit for her, she’s put herself in our collective consciousness almost three decades after she first entered it.

The new chapter has begun…

Continue reading ...
23
January
2012
Tags: General, Madonna, Music
No comments

The Madonna Timeline: Song #62 – ‘Open Your Heart’ ~ Winter 1987

{Note: The Madonna Timeline is an ongoing feature, where I put the iPod on shuffle, and write a little anecdote on whatever was going on in my life when that Madonna song was released and/or came to prominence in my mind.}

Early evening, in the midst of an endless and snowy winter. In the hallway of my childhood home, the television in my parents’ room glows, and MTV – a relatively recent addition to our lives – is playing Madonna’s ‘Open Your Heart’ video. I am alone upstairs, looking into the mirror above my mother’s bureau, while anonymous men look into the peep-show of Madonna’s video world.

The carpet in the room is blue, the bedspread a faded pastiche of pastels. Pale white-washed furniture stands on elegantly carved feet, while two candelabra lamps glow on each end of the bureau. It is one of my strongest childhood memories, and I don’t know why, for nothing other than Madonna and my solitude was happening, yet I distinctly remember that moment, that scene, the way the light fell – more than I remember most of my birthdays. It must have been early 1987, which made me all of eleven years old.

I see you on the street and you walk on by,
You make me wanna hang my head down and cry,
If you gave me half the chance you’d see,
My desire burning inside of me…

As a kid, I wasn’t the most social of children – preferring to entertain myself in solitude, far more interested in walks in the woods or the pursuit of solitary projects in my room. Yet part of me longed for company, to be a part of something, even as I pushed my contemporaries away. It was the essence of this song – yearning for someone to open their heart and include you in their life. I couldn’t see that then – I only loved a catchy hook and a decent beat.

But you choose to look the other way…

Back then, I never really hung out with people. School was my social scene, and it was enough. It was more than enough, actually, and it was like work. As such, it was tainted with the drudgery of forced labor, lacking in the joy and play that I wanted to surround social activities. I was well-liked enough, but I left those friendships and relationships at school, and was happy to do so.

I took the easy way out and just hung out with the friends my brother brought home. It was easier that way, and I could get away if I got bored, without being expected to provide entertainment, any sort of babysitting, or the awkward exit strategy.

My brother’s friends, younger than me by a year or two, were good enough for companionship, for the boyhood camaraderie that I simultaneously sought out and rejected. I always wanted for adventure, for some ‘Stand By Me’/’Goonies’ journey filled with exciting twists and turns, and a small, measured dose of danger to keep us on our toes – but such travails work best when you’re not alone.

We did the best we could, finding thrills in night-time games of hide-and-seek, now and then embarking on the planning of a fort in the woods (which would never see any real building), or enacting bike chases in front of befuddled neighbors.

I’ve had to work much harder than this
For something I want
Don’t try to resist me…

For all my enjoyment of solitude, part of me wanted to be some integral part of a pack, an instantly-assimilated team player, even as my otherness made it impossible. On one night, my brother was invited over to his friend’s house for a sleepover. I desperately wanted to go too, but pride prevented me from asking outright. Instead, I called over to the house, inventing some lame easily-seen-through excuse to talk to my brother. We spoke briefly, and then he had to go. About half-an-hour later I called back. I asked for my brother again, and his friend’s Mom asked if I wanted to come over. A quick feigning of surprise and utter interior relief, and I was soon part of the sleepover, running around the wood-paneled basement and hiding from their huge dog.

Open your heart to me, baby,
I hold the lock and you hold the key
Open your heart to me, darling,
I’ll give you love if you,
You turn the key.

I’ll probably never know what my brother and his friends thought of me, other than some sometimes-bothersome tag-a-long, or funny older brother – he claims to not remember much, and even my perfect memory has suffered a little deterioration. But whenever I hear ‘Open Your Heart’, the memory comes back – the memories, I should say – and instantly I’m that little boy again, begging to be asked, to be invited.

I think that you’re afraid to look in my eye
You look a little sad, boy, I wonder why
I follow you around but you can’t see
You’re too wrapped up in yourself to notice
So you choose to look the other way
Well I’ve got something to say…

‘Open Your Heart’ was, looking back, one of the major themes of my boyhood. As much as I fought against it, all I really wanted was to belong, and to be welcomed. All of my acting out, all of my strange behavior, all of the weird attention-getting antics ~ they were my convoluted ways of pleading for acceptance and love.

Don’t try to run I can keep up with you
Nothing can stop me from trying
You’ve got to open your heart to me, baby
I hold the lock and you hold the key
Open your heart to me, darling
I’ll give you love if you, you turn the key…

The strange thing is, the very ways I went about finding friends and companionship were so odd, and my interests and passions so atypical of an eleven-year-old boy (plants, flowers, tropical fish, Madonna, unicorns, dolls, glitter) that I alienated as much as I sought. It would be a conundrum that haunted my way through adolescence and into adulthood, and in so many key ways is with me to this day. All I can do to counter it, to vainly strive to show what it all means, is to put up a Madonna post and have her plead my case.

Open your heart with the key
One is such a lonely number
Open your heart, I’ll make you love me
It’s not that hard, if you just turn the key
Don’t try to run I can keep up with you
Nothing can stop me from trying
You’ve got to open your heart to me, baby
I hold the lock and you hold the key
Open your heart to me, darling
I’ll give you love if you, you turn the key…

Song #62 – ‘Open Your Heart’ ~ Winter 1987

Continue reading ...
18
January
2012
Tags: Madonna
No comments

Madonna at the Golden Globes

I didn’t get to see her acceptance speech for Best Song (“Masterpiece”), but I did hear that several people thought she was narcissistic and arrogant. Well, duh. It’s Madonna, and she’s entitled. And as Matthew Rettennmund rightfully points out, she never wins anything, so I’m forgiving most of what she may have said.

Let’s talk, instead, about the dress. While I think it’s lovely enough, it feels like she settled for an in-between version of a full-blown ball gown (which I would have loved) and something far simpler. The diamonds do brighten it all up, though I have mixed feelings about the cross. Still, the whole effect is passably pretty, but once again I yearn, perhaps unfairly, for something more.

I like when she goes daring and edgy (as in her dramatic canary Olivier Theyskens gown, woefully under-appreciated at the 1998 VH-1 Fashion Awards, her brilliant bunny-eared Louis Vuitton ensemble at the 2009 Met Gala, or the glorious John Galliano get-up of the Evita premiere in 1996 – my favorite red-carpet look of all-time), and this one seemed to play it just a little safe – albeit in a gorgeous way.

It’s a nice soft set-up for what she’s going to wear for her next high-profile appearances: the Superbowl and the Oscars (assuming she attends the latter). I hope she removes the half-gloves before they become a sad trademark, or opts for a full-length formal version a la the Golden Globes of 1996, or the bombshell Marilyn Monroe-homage at the Oscars in 1991. Love it or hate it, the world is once again talking about Madonna. She wins.

 

Continue reading ...
16
January
2012
Tags: General, Madonna, Music
No comments

The Madonna Timeline: Song #61 – ‘Deeper & Deeper’ ~ Fall/Winter 1992/93

{Note: The Madonna Timeline is an ongoing feature, where I put the iPod on shuffle, and write a little anecdote on whatever was going on in my life when that Madonna song was released and/or came to prominence in my mind.}

I can’t help falling in love
I fall deeper and deeper the further I go
Kisses sent from heaven above
They get sweeter and sweeter
The more that I know.

It was a cold winter night, and the big Victorian house was drafty at best. Downstairs, the wind swept by stained glass, while the wrap-around front porch offered little protection. Despite this, the dark home offered warmth and refuge, the velvet red wall-paper in some rich damask pattern winding through the first few grand rooms. This was Suzie’s house, where she grew up, and where my family spent all of our holidays. It was the repository of memories old and happy, sad and pronounced, silly and momentous. On the night at hand – sometime in late 1992 or early 1993 – Madonna had just released ‘Deeper and Deeper’ from the infamous ‘Erotica’ album, and we were convening for a Friday or Saturday night of nothing. No more than seventeen years old, we had no idea what the outside world held in store, nor how protected we were in that old Victorian.

When you know the notes to sing,
You can sing most anything,
That’s what my Mama told me.
Round and round and round you go
Where you find love you’ll always know
I let my father mold me.

Deeply-stained wood framed everything, and the staircase wound round and round, higher and higher, or deeper and deeper. A small group of us wandered the dim corridors, peering into darkened rooms, seeking out the refuge of light in the kitchen, or the hidden recesses of secret passageways. Empty bedrooms, cold tiled bathrooms, and the call of darker secrets in the attic high and beyond lent the evening a slant of mystery. The flickering light of a few candles fluttered on the velvet walls, while shadows grew and receded.

Daddy couldn’t be all wrong
And my Mama made me learn this song
That’s why I can’t help falling in love
I fall deeper and deeper the further I go
Kisses sent from heaven above
They get sweeter and sweeter
The more that I know.

A bit of music played, someone did a little dance, and I sat on the couch and watched it all unfold, the only boy among all the girls, accepted as one of them, my gayness already entrance to the world of women. I leaned back and let my eyes close. A copy of the Sex book sat on the floor, and someone rifled idly through it. Ripples of laughter echoed from the kitchen down the hallway. Surrounded by ladies-in-the-making, I felt completely at home. No matter what else happened – and much did – I would always feel that comfort with them.

All is fair in love she said
Think with your heart not with your head
That’s what my Mama told me
All the little things you do
Will end up coming back to you
I let my father mold me…

How I loved those girls, and how loved they made me feel. When you took away the sexual tension between two people of the opposite sex (as being gay tends to do), it’s much easier to get along and become great friends. I wasn’t there yet though, and so we danced upon the rollicking sea of teenage hormones and the taste of freedom on the tips of our tongues.

Daddy couldn’t be all wrong
And my Mama made me learn this song
That’s why I can’t help falling in love
I fall deeper and deeper the further I go
Kisses sent from heaven above
They get sweeter and sweeter
The more that I know.

They would grow into women before my eyes. One would fuck me, one would hold me, one would laugh at me, one would make me laugh, and one would love me for life. Through it all, the woman to whom I compared all women sang her siren song.

Someone said that romance was dead
And I believed it instead of remembering
What my Mama told me, Let my father mold me
Then you tried to hold me
You remind me what they said
This feeling inside, I can’t explain
But my love is alive
And I’m never gonna hide it again.

The most fun song on the ‘Erotica’ album whirled its dancing beat, and on the television upstairs the video played in an amber-lit room. On-screen, the candles and the incense glowed, the whole sexy Madonna mystique was in full effect, with echoes of Dietrich in her blonde-afro wig, and waves of Andy Warhol rolled through the disco party scene. There were drugs and danger, and the master re-arranger, and then, finally, for the first time, Madonna quotes herself, and the then-rather-recent past of ‘Vogue’:

You’ve got to let your body move to the music,
You’ve got to just let your body go with the flow.

The music took up again, spinning wildly into dizzy abandon, and with it a little pocket of our youth was turned inside out, emptied and torn, ripped ragged in the wind of that last winter of our high school years. We loved each other then, as best as we could. We tumbled together down the final rocky stretch of childhood, holding onto one another, grasping and pushing and pulling, hoping to make the night run on forever…

Falling in love
Falling in love
I can’t keep from falling in love with you
There’s nothing better that I’d like to do.

Song #61 – ‘Deeper & Deeper’ ~ Fall/Winter 1992/93

Continue reading ...
12
January
2012
Tags: Madonna
No comments

Madonna & A Black Lace Cape

On the day she (please-God-jokingly) said her new album would be titled “MDNA”, Madonna walked the red carpet for her London premiere of directorial effort, W.E., wearing… this. Normally one could correctly assume that Madonna and a black lace cloak of some kind would have my panties rung out from wetness already, but I’m honestly not feeling it. I don’t know if it’s the way the lace just seems to lifelessly hang there, or the lackluster way it comes across in photographs, or whether it’s simply too much black and lace over the last year or two, but whatever the case it’s not my favorite.

However, after deriding the look on FaceBook and Twitter, I had to stop and pull back. While I love Madonna more than my own self sometimes, I’m also quite hard on her, and waste no time criticizing something I don’t like. This is not for the sake of change, it suddenly dawned on me, but the simple fact that I hold Madonna to a higher standard than just about everyone. It’s to her credit that she gets judged so harshly, because she set the bar so high. If she looks bad, it’s only because she usually looks so good. Then it dawned on me that this is precisely the sort of back-handed compliment I absolutely despise.

It’s kind of like when someone says they think my facial hair looks like shit but I’m handsome anyway. With that bit of reflective reconsideration in mind I have but this to say to Madonna: Rock on with your bitchin’ and bewitchin’ cape. Everyone deserves the chance to fly.

PS – The red gloves are smoking.

Continue reading ...
10
January
2012
Tags: General, Madonna, Music
No comments

The Madonna Timeline: Song #60 – ‘High Flying Adored’ – Winter 1997

{Note: The Madonna Timeline is an ongoing feature, where I put the iPod on shuffle, and write a little anecdote on whatever was going on in my life when that Madonna song was released and/or came to prominence in my mind.}

High flying, adored
What happens now, where do you go from here?
For someone on top of the world
The view is not exactly clear
A shame you did it all at twenty-six
There are no mysteries now
Nothing can thrill you, no one fulfill you
High flying, adored
I hope you come to terms with boredom
So famous so easily, so soon
It’s not the wisest thing to be
You won’t care if they love you
It’s been done before
You’ll despair if they hate you
You’ll be drained of all energy
All the young who’ve made it would agree

Okay, I admit it: I almost cheated on the Madonna Timeline. When I saw that ‘High Flying Adored’ was up next, I was about to skip over to the next song because this is really mostly Antonio Freaking Banderas. But I stayed true to the method of the madness, and am putting this up now, in the order in which it was received.

Not much to say about this bit from Evita. It takes place when Eva Peron is first realizing her glamour, and a bit of her power, and whenever I hear it I think of Madonna walking up that flight of stairs, impeccably gussied-up in a sparkling evening gown, hair pulled dramatically-high into lofty bun (the start of the transformation into Eva’s signature chignon), and head held aristocratically above it all. It’s the attitude I try to convey whenever I walk into a roomful of people I don’t know, but especially into a roomful of people I know well. Sometimes the latter is harder to do, and for those times it’s nice to employ a little Evita as armor.

High flying adored…
That’s good to hear but unimportant
My story’s quite usual
Local girl makes good, weds famous man
I was stuck in the right place at the perfect time
Filled a gap, I was lucky
But one thing I’ll say for me
No one else can fill it like I can.

Song #60: ‘High Flying Adored’ – Winter 1997

Continue reading ...
06
January
2012
Tags: General, Madonna, Music
No comments

The Madonna Timeline: Song #59 – ‘Like It Or Not’ ~ Winter 2006

{Note: The Madonna Timeline is an ongoing feature, where I put the iPod on shuffle, and write a little anecdote on whatever was going on in my life when that Madonna song was released and/or came to prominence in my mind.}

You can call me a sinner
Or you can call me a saint
Celebrate me for who I am
Dislike me for what I ain’t

The iPod has selected ‘Like It Or Not’ from 2005’s Confessions on a Dance Floor album for the first Madonna Timeline entry of 2012. This one bucks the last-song-of-the-album-that-often-sucks tradition Madonna has sometimes employed (‘Act of Contrition’, ‘Gone’, ‘Voices’). Filled with confidence and matter-of-fact defiance, it haughtily exhibits the classic Madonna-mantra of self-empowerment, but after twenty years into her career it wasn’t so much an act of haughtiness as simple truth.

Put me up on a pedestal
Or drag me down in the dirt
Sticks and stones may break my bones
But your names will never hurt.

It’s an excellent starter for 2012, a year which will usher in a brand new Madonna album (her first on a new record label), a Superbowl performance, and the wide opening of her directorial effort W.E. Once again, we seem “poised on the precipice” of greatness, and she will be the one to take us there.

I’ll be the garden
You’ll be the snake
All of my fruit is
Yours to take
Better the devil that you know
Your love for me will grow

Even when it seems she has nothing left to prove, there are those who would not have her around at all, so this is a necessary reminder of her power and relevance, her lasting contributions, and the promise of so much more to come.

Her live performance of this song, on the Confessions Tour from 2006, is a simple, straight-forward delivery with some serious strutting, and a chair straight out of Cabaret. It’s Madonna at her best, connecting with her audience, but just as happy being alone and doing her own thing.

Because this is who I am
You can like it or not
You can love me or leave me,
But I’m never gonna stop.
Song #59: – ‘Like It Or Not’ ~ Winter 2006
Continue reading ...
13
December
2011
Tags: General, Madonna, Music
No comments

The Madonna Timeline: Song #58 – ‘Buenos Aires’ – Holiday 1996

{Note: The Madonna Timeline is an ongoing feature, where I put the iPod on shuffle, and write a little anecdote on whatever was going on in my life when that Madonna song was released and/or came to prominence in my mind.}

What’s new Buenos Aires?
I’m new!
I wanna say I’m just a little stuck on you,
You’ll be on me too.

Not-so-secret confession: I don’t sing. Well. I don’t sing well. But I love to do it, when alone, usually in the car on a long-distance drive in some strange state where passers-by don’t stand a chance of recognizing me. (Once I was belting out a Norma Desmond aria on Western Ave. and my friend Paul was sitting in the car next to me laughing his ass off. I’ve never sung on Western Ave. since.) What does this have to do with the next iPod selection for the Madonna Timeline, ‘Buenos Aires’? Well, back in 1996, as I was preparing for the Royal Rainbow World Tour, I recorded myself singing this song, over and over, on a cassette tape, and then sending it out to a highly-select group of friends. It remains one of my most embarrassing moments, in a lifetime of embarrassing moments (mistaken for a clown at Ponderosa anyone?)

I get out here, Buenos Aires
Stand back!
You ought to know
What you’re gonna get in me
Just a little touch of star quality.

At the time I didn’t care – it was such a fun song, and I was so excited about Madonna in Evita that I would have done just about anything to express my joy. That’s the problem when I get really psyched about something – I want to share it with everyone, and I can’t contain the exuberance inside, so it ends up spilling out in all sorts of silly manners. Case in point: me singing ‘Buenos Aires’.

Fill me up with your heat, with your noise
With your dirt, overdo me!
Let me dance to your beat, make it loud
Let it hurt, run it through me!
Don’t hold back, you are certain to impress
Tell the driver this is where I’m staying.
Hello, Buenos Aires!
Get this, just look at me dressed up, somewhere to go
We’ll put on a show…

Putting on a show is all I wanted to do, so when I was visiting my friends, I made them all see Evita with me. I took troupes from Ithaca, Rochester, and Boston to take in the spectacle of Madonna as Eva Peron in a big-budget musical extravaganza, and for the most part people were politely impressed. Granted, it would never quite reach the excitement that I was experiencing, but most were good sports about it (especially Suzie, who took in a 2 AM showing of it in NYC AFTER seeing the musical Chicago – that’s a musical-soaked evening for anyone, and she was a trooper.)

Take me in at your flood, give me speed
Give me lights, set me humming
Shoot me up with your blood, wine me up
With your nights, watch me coming
All I want is a whole lot of excess
Tell the singer this is where I’m playing
Stand back, Buenos Aires
Because you oughta know what you’re gonna get in me
Just a little touch of star quality…

Fortunately, when all we need at this time of the year is a break from holiday madness, this song lends itself to silliness – and if you read the lyrics alone you may want to take Tim Rice to task for some of them. It’s one of the dancier-ditties from the Evita opus, with some Latin-inspired percussion and a driving beat. Personally, I love it, and it’s the moment when the movie truly starts to soar.

And if ever I go too far
It’s because of the things you are
Beautiful town, I love you
And if I need a moment’s rest
Give your lover the very best
Real eiderdown and silence.

At this point, Eva was just starting out on her own, making her way to a strange city, and doing whatever it took to get by. That sort of struggle was familiar to Madonna as well, and to anyone who got away from home and had to learn to be all right alone. It’s a time of desperation and desire, a drawn-out moment of being on-the-verge – of your future, of your life, of the person you were destined to become. For those who dare to try, who dare to dream, there is always the threat of extinction, but it is always worth the risk. We thrash ourselves about and put it all on display so you don’t have to.

You’re a tramp, you’re a treat
You will shine to the death, you are shoddy
But you’re flesh, you are meat
You shall have every breath in my body
Put me down for a lifetime of success
Give me credit, I’ll find ways of paying…

In the midst of holiday mayhem, sometimes you just need to get away from the insanity, escaping to a place of fantasy and make-believe, the idealized city-scape of Eva’s Buenos Aires for example, where all you need to conquer the world is a dance and a dream, and just a little touch of star quality.

Song #58 – ‘Buenos Aires’ – Holiday 1996
Continue reading ...