Category Archives: Bulge
11
August
2012
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August
2012
10
August
2012
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August
2012
The Magic of Matthew Mitcham
Okay, I’m a bit biased, as he’s the first (and only) Olympian who was nice enough to follow me on Twitter, but Matthew Mitcham is my new favorite diver. (What’s the matter Tom Daley? Are you scared of me or something?) Even if Mr. Mitcham didn’t extend that courtesy, I’d have been enamored of him for being one of the only Olympians to live proudly and openly as a gay man.
It seems like such a small thing, and such an insignificant thing when you’re in the running to be the single best diver in the world, but to some of us it makes a world of difference. To some, this is everything – the peek into a future of possibility and hope – the seed of an idea that this might one day be you. If you’ve had to grow up without that, you have no idea what kind of power that holds.
10
August
2012
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August
2012
The Gay Olympian: Matthew Mitcham
This is Matthew Mitcham, an openly-gay Olympic diver from Australia (talk about a triple crown).
He’s probably the most prominent and well-known of the gay men at the games (at least, he’s the only one I’ve heard about, and these things usually manage to trickle down even to the must oblivious of us).
09
August
2012
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August
2012
An Olympic Erection
One of these things is not like the others…
The one that looks slightly more, well, excited, is Henrik Rummel – one of the US Olympic rowers. Just when you think it’s the pool guys that offer the most intriguing views, the rowers throw on some spandex and suddenly Mr Rummel’s a human sundial.
09
August
2012
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August
2012
More of that Gold Medalist: Epke Zonderland
Welcome to the Wonderland of Zonderland. This guy set the high bar, well, high – and deservedly won the gold medal for the Netherlands.
04
August
2012
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August
2012
Showering in His Speedo
Not sure what the point of showering in your Speedo is, but Michael Phelps knows way more about water sports than I ever will, so we’ll leave it at that.
03
August
2012
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August
2012
Zac Efron’s Wet Tighty Whities
From Mr. Efron’s next movie, something about a Paper Boy. Zac Efron in underwear AND Nicole Kidman? I may be sold…
31
July
2012
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July
2012
Tom Daley Busting Out of His Speedo
To all you guys who ever described yourselves as having a swimmer’s build, you can take it back now.
This is Britain’s Tom Daley, and this is how it’s done.
Now if you’ll excuse, I have some three-month-fasting to do, with a side of manorexia.
15
April
2012
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April
2012
From Beard to Pornstache
Last week, in a deliberate act of pre-meditation and long-thought-out determination, I shaved my beard. I had been itching to do so for weeks, but it just didn’t feel like the right time – or the right weather – until last Wednesday night. Even though I’m such an image shifter, it was more fun that I thought it would be (a quick dramatic change isn’t as easy to pull off as one might imagine, even with years of practice), and this was a joyously instant turnabout.
I left a mustache (pornstache) for a brief bit and took some fun Tom of Finland/Freddie Mercury shots that probably verged closer to the Village People, but you can decide for yourself if and when I make up my mind to shred that last bit of good judgment and post them here. (One is already up on FaceBook and Twitter, so if you’re not friends or following me respectively, what are you waiting for?)
On the beard removal – it was also a bit more emotional than I had foreseen. Being that this was the first proper beard I’d ever grown, and that I’d become rather attached and protective of it (a barrage of insults will do that), I realized that I’d been delaying the shearing process because I was genuinely afraid to let it go. There is definitely some truth to the notion of beards being used as barriers, as well as something behind which one can hide.
Growing a beard made me feel both older and more distinguished, and instantly took me out of the gay guy’s impossible quest to maintain twinkhood. Now, I realize I haven’t been a twink in twenty years, no matter how tight the jeans or flattering the light, but it’s a dream we all keep in the back of our heads, admitted or not. Having a beard immediately allowed (forced) me to give up that ghost, and what followed was an exhilarating feeling of freedom. The shackles of trying to be forever-young were heavier than I realized, so used to them had I become over thirty-six years.
When it came off, I didn’t really see or feel the change right away. Sometimes you only get that in the reactions of others (and my husband is one of the least reactive people I know). It wasn’t until I went into work the next day that I realized what a change had been effected.
I did not feel naked, as some men claim. (Please, you don’t know from naked. I do.) I felt a little cleaner and lighter, less cluttered and hidden, and it was a change I needed. The beard may be back next Fall, but for now it’s going to be smooth sailing.
(The one drawback was that two days later I realized I’d have to shave again. And again. And again. And that, frankly, is a pain in the neck and the jawline.)
26
February
2012
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February
2012
The Bulging Briefs of David Beckham
It may be blasphemy to say this, but is it really all that? Here is David Beckham in his tightey-whitey briefs – a product of his current Bodywear line for H&M. I managed to snag a few specimens last time I was at the mall (there wasn’t exactly a line or shortage for Mr. Beckham’s underwear in upstate New York), and my first impressions were not anything to blog about – at least not in any glowing-review sort of way.
The fit and design were flat, as if someone had simply taken two pieces of fabric shaped like briefs and trunks and simply sewed them together. There was no room for contours, no consideration for bulges or packages, and that’s the death-knell for a decent pair of underwear.
The trunks ride up on the thighs, which, if you don’t mind it, is not the worst thing in the world, but what’s the point of trunks if they’re just going to slide themselves into briefs? The briefs were better suited at staying put, but only because the fit was so tight.
Even the logo bothers me, with its Tom-Ford-wanna-be font, pierced through with an off-centered hole-punch to signify his football glory. It feels like a concept that fell slightly short of its goal, not quite abstract enough to arouse interest, but obscure to the point of annoyance.
If this is what I have to put up with to get into Beckham’s drawers, then I’m perfectly content with keeping them closed.
06
January
2012
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January
2012
When Beckham’s Bulge Gets Boring
There will always be some sort of cheap thrill to be gleaned when David Beckham shimmies into his skivvies for a photo shoot, and especially when he releases a line of “bodywear” under his own name. Given that he’s done just that, and we are about to be deluged with an avalanche of moody black and white photos showcasing his shirtless physique and cloth-bound package, I thought it would once again be like those heady (and ballsy) days of that first Armani underwear campaign.
For someone of his stature to front the original promos with his prominent bulge bursting forth in a tight pair of white briefs was bold and brazen. Instantly iconic, the above pic solidified his gay-pin-up status then and there. In the ensuing ads, artfully styled and lit, he continued to go where no man of his fame-level had gone before.
Now, he has released his very own line of underwear, and the first set of ads has premiered. My reaction: one big yawn. In the same way that Mario Lopez played it safe with his debut underwear line, Mr. Beckham seems to have misplaced his balls (metaphorically at least, as they’re still very much front and center in these pics).
Beckham simply opts for the ubiquitous gray backdrop, and himself front and center. This would be fine if there were something more exciting to sell. Dull color selections, and even duller styles, do not make for a splashy entrance into the design world. There is nothing very imaginative or exciting about these pieces. Given that they are being sold as bodywear, there may be more of a sense of function rather than fashion to them, but come on – the majority of buyers aren’t going to be soccer-playing DILFs – they’re going to be urban gay guys who expect a little more bang for their buck.
I’m not going to lie and pretend that I’ll never look at Mr. Beckham in his briefs again, but as far as getting excited over this latest batch of bulges, the thrill is gone.
13
December
2011
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December
2011
Harry Judd Gives Good Attitude
My virgin brush with the UK Publication Attitude came in 1997 when I was visiting London for the first time. Finding this magazine in the midst of my coming out process was a fortuitous bit of timing and destiny. Since then I usually check it out whenever I find it at a newstand, mostly for its eye candy and cheeky British writing.
This month’s issue features Harry Judd. I have no idea who Harry Judd is, nor does it really matter. He’s in his tighty-whities, and he fills them out quite nicely. Enough said.
05
December
2011
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December
2011
Mario Lopez in His Own Underwear
Mario Lopez is apparently launching his own line of men’s underwear. Ho hum. I say that while not being completely unimpressed with Mr. Lopez’s obvious physicial attributes. Hell, I’d kill for those abs and that chest, not to mention the arms and legs… but I delightfully digress. I just don’t get the point of a new men’s underwear line if this is it. Briefs and boxer briefs – how utterly and unapologetically original. And that ‘cute’ waist band slogan – nothing but embarrassing. If I’m trying to seduce someone, I’m not going to wear underwear that says something in hand-printed block letters. This isn’t grade school.
12
February
2011
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February
2011
Novak Djokovic Strips to his Underwear
This is Novak Djokovic on some Montreal runway. He is a tennis player, I believe, from Serbia. Personally, I’ve had a thing against tennis ever since Wimbledon pre-empted ‘Days of Our Lives’ one summer. I also have a thing against short robes on men. Luckily Mr. Djokovic didn’t keep this one on for long. The black briefs are much better.
20
January
2011
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January
2011
Battle of the Bulges: Cristiano Rinaldo vs. Rafael Nadal
Full-disclosure: If they weren’t in their underwear, I’d have no idea who these two men were. I don’t follow soccer/football/American soccer/American football (these are apparently four different things), so if it weren’t for Armani (and the skivvie-trailblazing by David Beckham) I honestly wouldn’t know Ronaldo from Rafael. However, being that they are in their Armani underwear (Mr. Nadal recently took up the shorts previously filled by Mr. Ronaldo and Mr. Beckham), I can bring my more substantial knowledge of fashion to the floor and offer my take on who better wears them. First, a look at the contenders:
Above is Mr. Ronaldo. Kudos to him for following the ballsy choice to wear briefs in some of his ads. The original underwear star, Mark Wahlberg, in all his iconic poses of the 90’s, never once wore briefs. Boxer briefs, yes, but they don’t count as true briefs. It wasn’t until David Beckham crotch-rocketed his bulge onto billboards the world over that briefs became acceptable for the big names to wear. That gives Mr. Ronaldo a rather impressive edge over his follow-up:
In his first ad for Armani, Mr. Nadal is wearing a pair of trunks, shorter and more revealing than boxer briefs, but still not a true pair of briefs. This is only the first glimpse of the ad campaign, however, so I’m guessing there is more revealing fare to come.
If I had to choose at this point, (and it would be a gun-to-the-head choice as I find neither of these men all that appealing – just not my taste), I’d have to go with Ronaldo, but only because he’s had a chance to grow on me. (Truth be told, I found his ads horrendous the first time I saw them – I don’t care enough to post them here, but Google his Armani work and tell me his eyebrows don’t freak you out.) But like all savvy advertising, they were so ubiquitous that I came to appreciate his body and its curves, even if I never could bring myself to say I found him attractive. Perhaps the same will hold for Nadal, provided he steps into a pair of briefs and goes balls-out to the world.
