Author Archives: Alan Ilagan

The reckoning that occurs during the lifetime of almost every single person, no matter how short their time on earth may be, shatters us into multitudes, and by the end of our journeys we are inevitably a broken, or at least bruised, version of whatever level of happiness we might have been lucky to experience as children. I see that twenty years after I originally presented this Divine Diva project, and part of me saw it back then as well. 

Still, there was so much I didn’t know. Knowledge and growth was stunted by vanity and worldly pleasures, clouded by cocktails and fashion, and subsumed by a diabolical need to be adored by those who noticed me least. 

We tie ourselves up in knots no one could ever undue, least of all ourselves. We neglect to discover the true lesson of the child’s burned hand on an opened oven door: it’s not merely to avoid something hot, it’s to avoid something irrevocable, something that leaves a permanent, lasting, crippling mark. The caution of avoidance in pursuit of survival, the allure of temptation as challenge and test, and the way we want to hurt and fail in some twisted machination of bettering ourselves though healing and mending – what if there’s nothing noble in that? What if the messiness of evolution is just that – merely messiness? Is that enough?

Is it enough to simply be human?

And if it is, why do we even try?

Looking over the last twenty years, how my current life compares to the life I lived at the time this project was created, as well as feeling the weight of the previous almost-fifty years of my journey, mostly I feel a certain ambivalence. An uncertainty. The more I learn, the less I know, blah, blah, blah… 

Closing this chapter of The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale brings the past to the present. At the same time that I wonder at how much has actually changed, I wonder at how different I am. 

To warpingly paraphrase Gregory Maguire, change is not solely the province of the young – only the young at heart. 

“He has become an autocrat in the best sense of the word – a self-ruler, a truly autonomous person, not a person who rules over others. In fairy tales, unlike myths, victory is not over others but over oneself and over villainy (many one’s own, which is projected as the hero’s antagonist). This is what maturity ought to consist of: that one rules oneself wisely and as a consequence lives happily.” ~ Bruno Bettelheim

~ The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale ~

1. Pink Frilly Fairy: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three
2. Homage to Herb: Part One, Part Two and Part Three
3. A Purple-Hued Interlude
4. Style & Panache: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
5. Purple Puff Confection: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
6. A Blue-Hued Interlude
7. Fuchsia Fabulousness: Part One. Part Two and Part Three.
8. Bad Boy Bangs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
9. Vanity Under Where: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
10. Sugar Plum Ballerina: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
11. A Pool Frolic: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
12. A Cemetery Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
13. Powder Blue Fur Doll: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
14. A Milky Interlude 
15. Rock Out, Cock Out/ Hang Out, Wang Out: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
16. Cocktail Cocktale: Part One and Part Two.
17. A Fairy’s Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
18. Willy Wonkers: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
19. A Peacock In Everything But Beauty: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
20. Swan Lake Fantasia: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, and Part Four.
21. Black & White in Briefs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
22. Weave of Basket, Weave of Rope: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, and Part Four.

“The American system is the most ingenious system of control in world history. With a country so rich in natural resources, talent, and labor power the system can afford to distribute just enough wealth to just enough people to limit discontent to a troublesome minority. It is a country so powerful, so big, so pleasing to so many of its citizens that it can afford to give freedom of dissent to the small number who are not pleased. There is no system of control with more openings, apertures, leeways, flexibilities, rewards for the chosen, winning tickets in lotteries. There is none that disperses its controls more complexly through the voting system, the work situation, the church, the family, the school, the mass media–none more successful in mollifying opposition with reforms, isolating people from one another, creating patriotic loyalty.” ~ Howard Zinn

“I’ve always resented the smug statements of politicians, media commentators, corporate executives who talked of how, in America, if you worked hard you would become rich. The meaning of that was if you were poor it was because you hadn’t worked hard enough. I knew this was a lie, about my father and millions of others, men and women who worked harder than anyone, harder than financiers and politicians, harder than anybody if you accept that when you work at an unpleasant job that makes it very hard work indeed.” ~ Howard Zinn

“What most of us must be involved in– whether we teach or write, make films, write films, direct films, play music, act, whatever we do– has to not only make people feel good and inspired and at one with other people around them, but also has to educate a new generation to do this very modest thing: change the world.” ~ Howard Zinn

~ The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale ~

1. Pink Frilly Fairy: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three
2. Homage to Herb: Part One, Part Two and Part Three
3. A Purple-Hued Interlude
4. Style & Panache: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
5. Purple Puff Confection: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
6. A Blue-Hued Interlude
7. Fuchsia Fabulousness: Part One. Part Two and Part Three.
8. Bad Boy Bangs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
9. Vanity Under Where: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
10. Sugar Plum Ballerina: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
11. A Pool Frolic: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
12. A Cemetery Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
13. Powder Blue Fur Doll: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
14. A Milky Interlude 
15. Rock Out, Cock Out/ Hang Out, Wang Out: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
16. Cocktail Cocktale: Part One and Part Two.
17. A Fairy’s Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
18. Willy Wonkers: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
19. A Peacock In Everything But Beauty: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
20. Swan Lake Fantasia: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, and Part Four.
21. Black & White in Briefs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
22. Weave of Basket, Weave of Rope: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, and Part Four.

“Why should we cherish “objectivity”, as if ideas were innocent, as if they don’t serve one interest or another? Surely, we want to be objective if that means telling the truth as we see it, not concealing information that may be embarrassing to our point of view. But we don’t want to be objective if it means pretending that ideas don’t play a part in the social struggles of our time, that we don’t take sides in those struggles.

Indeed, it is impossible to be neutral. In a world already moving in certain directions, where wealth and power are already distributed in certain ways, neutrality means accepting the way things are now. It is a world of clashing interests – war against peace, nationalism against internationalism, equality against greed, and democracy against elitism – and it seems to me both impossible and undesirable to be neutral in those conflicts.” ~ Howard Zinn

“The power of a bold idea uttered publicly in defiance of dominant opinion cannot be easily measured. Those special people who speak out in such a way as to shake up not only the self-assurance of their enemies, but the complacency of their friends, are precious catalysts for change.” ~ Howard Zinn

“You can’t be neutral on a moving train.” ~ Howard Zinn

~ The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale ~

1. Pink Frilly Fairy: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three
2. Homage to Herb: Part One, Part Two and Part Three
3. A Purple-Hued Interlude
4. Style & Panache: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
5. Purple Puff Confection: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
6. A Blue-Hued Interlude
7. Fuchsia Fabulousness: Part One. Part Two and Part Three.
8. Bad Boy Bangs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
9. Vanity Under Where: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
10. Sugar Plum Ballerina: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
11. A Pool Frolic: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
12. A Cemetery Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
13. Powder Blue Fur Doll: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
14. A Milky Interlude 
15. Rock Out, Cock Out/ Hang Out, Wang Out: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
16. Cocktail Cocktale: Part One and Part Two.
17. A Fairy’s Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
18. Willy Wonkers: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
19. A Peacock In Everything But Beauty: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
20. Swan Lake Fantasia: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, and Part Four.
21. Black & White in Briefs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
22. Weave of Basket, Weave of Rope: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.

“To be hopeful in bad times is not just foolishly romantic. It is based on the fact that human history is a history not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness.

What we choose to emphasize in this complex history will determine our lives. If we see only the worst, it destroys our capacity to do something. If we remember those times and places—and there are so many—where people have behaved magnificently, this gives us the energy to act, and at least the possibility of sending this spinning top of a world in a different direction.

And if we do act, in however small a way, we don’t have to wait for some grand utopian future. The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory.” ~ Howard Zinn

“If there is no struggle, there is no progress. Those who profess to favor freedom, and yet depreciate agitation, are men who want crops without plowing up the ground. They want rain without thunder and lightning. They want the ocean without the awful roar of its many waters. This struggle may be a moral one; or it may be a physical one; or it may be both moral and physical; but it must be a struggle. Power concedes nothing without a demand. It never did and it never will.” ~ Frederick Douglass

“In a system of intimidation and control, people do not show how much they know, how deeply they feel, until their practical sense informs them they can do so without being destroyed.” ~ Howard Zinn

“The world now seems a stunningly ignoble place. It has not really grown all that much worse but appears to have done so because we know so much more about it than we did. Communication, which the class magazines are always telling us we lack, is in fact an epidemic.” ~ Quentin Crisp

“Everything that happens anywhere is told to everyone in great detail, at once and in color, and since, as the cliche goes, good news is no news, never a day passes but by proxy we are choked with tear gas, bludgeoned with sticks, robbed of millions, raped at age eleven, and starved for a lifetime.” ~ Quentin Crisp

“I’m worried that students will take their obedient place in society and look to become successful cogs in the wheel – let the wheel spin them around as it wants without taking a look at what they’re doing. I’m concerned that students not become passive acceptors of the official doctrine that’s handed down to them from the White House, the media, textbooks, teachers and preachers.” ~ Howard Zinn

“The challenge remains. On the other side are formidable forces: money, political power, the major media. On our side are the people of the world and a power greater than money or weapons: the truth.

Truth has a power of its own. Art has a power of its own. That age-old lesson – that everything we do matters – is the meaning of the people’s struggle here in the United States and everywhere. A poem can inspire a movement. A pamphlet can spark a revolution. Civil disobedience can arouse people and provoke us to think, when we organize with one another, when we get involved, when we stand up and speak out together, we can create a power no government can suppress. We live in a beautiful country. But people who have no respect for human life, freedom, or justice have taken it over. It is now up to all of us to take it back.” ~ Howard Zinn

~ The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale ~

1. Pink Frilly Fairy: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three
2. Homage to Herb: Part One, Part Two and Part Three
3. A Purple-Hued Interlude
4. Style & Panache: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
5. Purple Puff Confection: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
6. A Blue-Hued Interlude
7. Fuchsia Fabulousness: Part One. Part Two and Part Three.
8. Bad Boy Bangs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
9. Vanity Under Where: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
10. Sugar Plum Ballerina: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
11. A Pool Frolic: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
12. A Cemetery Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
13. Powder Blue Fur Doll: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
14. A Milky Interlude 
15. Rock Out, Cock Out/ Hang Out, Wang Out: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
16. Cocktail Cocktale: Part One and Part Two.
17. A Fairy’s Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
18. Willy Wonkers: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
19. A Peacock In Everything But Beauty: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
20. Swan Lake Fantasia: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, and Part Four.
21. Black & White in Briefs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
22. Weave of Basket, Weave of Rope: Part One and Part Two.

This is the tale of how people change ~ even foolish, young, vain ones.

He was handsome, he was popular, he was adored,

but always something was missing.

He shirked off the compliments.

They meant nothing. 

He was Awakening.

He looked at the world around him of the first time,

not with any concern about his place in it, but of the world as its own self.

It was heartbreaking to see.

It hurt to look.

But he stared and studied and threw off his shallow vanity.

… no matter how much he was loved …

– From The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale ~ circa 2005

Reading over these words that I wrote twenty years ago, I am somewhat pleasantly surprised at how prescient and timeless they proved to be, while cringing slightly at the vestiges of vanity and self-importance that still seeped into much of what I did back then. Curiously, that adds an element of paradoxical tension to the moment, and I love a tension that condemns our personality quirks while playing them up at the same time. 

We have reached the sharpest turn of this project, where we have rounded the corner that puts us into a plane that doesn’t allow us to go back to the superficial glamour that informed the earlier entries. You can never go back to before, as some newly-awakened diva once sang in a musical called ‘Ragtime’. Awakening is part of the theme at work here; growing up is the other side of that coin. 

“In a society of complex controls, both crude and refined, secret thoughts can be found in the arts…” ~ Howard Zinn

~ The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale ~

1. Pink Frilly Fairy: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three
2. Homage to Herb: Part One, Part Two and Part Three
3. A Purple-Hued Interlude
4. Style & Panache: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
5. Purple Puff Confection: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
6. A Blue-Hued Interlude
7. Fuchsia Fabulousness: Part One. Part Two and Part Three.
8. Bad Boy Bangs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
9. Vanity Under Where: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
10. Sugar Plum Ballerina: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
11. A Pool Frolic: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
12. A Cemetery Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
13. Powder Blue Fur Doll: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
14. A Milky Interlude 
15. Rock Out, Cock Out/ Hang Out, Wang Out: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
16. Cocktail Cocktale: Part One and Part Two.
17. A Fairy’s Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
18. Willy Wonkers: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
19. A Peacock In Everything But Beauty: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
20. Swan Lake Fantasia: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, and Part Four.
21. Black & White in Briefs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.