Monthly Archives:

December 2012

Our Gay Apparel

Andy and I will be preparing for a family dinner today (I’ve already made the dessert, the candied yams, and the butternut squash soup), so I’m printing a holiday story seen here, written by a young boy’s mother. It resonates deeply with all of us boys who only wanted to look sparkly for Christmas:

Don We Now Our Gay Apparel: My Son’s Christmas Dress

It was the most sincere display of appreciation that my 5-year-old son has ever shown. He looked me straight in the eyes and said a very mature  ‘thank you.’ The words were full of honesty, relief, happiness and a little bit of anguish.

“You’re welcome, baby,” I said looking at him with a smile and masking the pain I was feeling.  “You look so pretty.”

My gender-creative son was thanking me for buying him a dress to wear to Christmas Eve dinner.

photo 3He had eyed the ensemble at Target weeks ago and asked to wear it for Christmas so he could take ‘fancy pictures by the fireplace and the tree.’

I told him no.  Not because the outfit was made for girls and he is a boy, but because had I bought it then he would have wanted to wear it immediately and often and when we finally sat down to Christmas Eve dinner it would have been thrashed.

He talked about his ‘Christmas outfit’ nonstop and asked everyday if it was time to go buy it.

Today was the day. We got home and both ran up the stairs to my bedroom with its mirrored closets.  I sat on the floor removing price tags while he tore off his ‘school clothes,’ which he wears as a disguise when out in society so that people will think he is all boy.

He wears ‘school clothes’ so that he won’t get teased, have to sit by himself at the lunch tables and so he will get invites to birthday parties. More than anything he wants to be thought of as ‘normal.’ But, he’s not.

He closed his eyes as I put on the black bubble skirt covered in sequins, the red long sleeved t-shirt that spells out ‘JOY’ in glitter, and the black sequined vest. I spun him around toward the mirror. He opened his eyes, took himself in and then thanked me.

photo 4My first reaction was to smile: He reminded me of when I was a little girl and wanted a show-stopping dress for the holidays. My dresses were made of scratchy fabric that made noise when I moved. I wore white socks with lace trim and stiff, shiny Mary Janes. I learned at an early age that beauty is pain.

My son looked sassy and beautiful. He looked natural, happy and truly comfortable for the first time that day. Then I felt pain. If the rest of the world could be more empathetic, accepting, welcoming and kind, my son could be this happy and comfortable all of the time. Because then my son could be a boy who dresses like a girl and not have to think twice about it. The world isn’t like that.

Other people can’t see the beauty in my son in a dress. I haven’t always seen the beauty either. Two-and-a-half years ago, this scene wouldn’t have happened: I wouldn’t have bought girl clothes for my son.

Never. Ever.

Back then, I felt uneasy when he played with Barbies. When he tried to dress feminine, I’d hand him his brother’s masculine hand-me-downs and tell him to put them on. I didn’t give him choices because I knew that his choices would be pink with sparkle and rhinestones. His choices would smell like the raspberry vanilla body spray he snuck from bathroom and hid under his bed.

Then I realized that my actions were telling him ‘you can’t be you because I want you to be what society wants you to be.’

photo 3My husband and I changed the way we were parenting. There was something unique about our son that we could choose to support or destroy. We had to follow his lead. He led us to the pink aisles at Target; and, that’s not a dangerous, harmful, unhealthy place for a boy to be.

My son’s Christmas dress is hanging in his closet. He checks on it before and after school and a few other times each day. On Christmas Eve, a dozen members of our family will gather around the table in honor of religious beliefs and to celebrate the passing of one year and the start of another. It will be the first holiday that my son will join us at the table dressed as a girl. We won’t care. We will tell him that he is beautiful, inside and out. And, we’ll mean it.

This is my last blog post of the year. Holiday wishes and greetings to all of you! Let’s catch up in a few weeks.
Love,
C.J.’s Mom

Full story here: http://www.queerty.com/don-we-now-our-gay-apparel-my-sons-christmas-dress-20121220/#ixzz2G2Xd7Zfy

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Merry Christmas to You

Instead of being a time of unusual behavior, Christmas is perhaps the only time in the year when people can obey their natural impulses and express their true sentiments without feeling self-conscious and, perhaps, foolish.  Christmas, in short, is about the only chance a man has to be himself.  ~Francis C. Farley

From my home to yours, I extend a heartfelt wish of ‘Merry Christmas’ to you. While part of me tries valiantly to maintain that I would do all of this with or without a group of loyal readers, that’s not at all true. This one goes out to all you wonderful people out there in the dark, the ones I’ve met, and the ones I haven’t yet had the pleasure of meeting. Thank you for visiting this crazy patch of the Internet. Sometimes it feels like you know me better, and care more, than my own family and friends. But that’s what keeps me going – it’s the key to my entire psyche, and to change it now would be… incomprehensible to me and all that I know. There is no other way – it’s simply too late. Now go and spend time with your loved ones or yourself, whichever is preferable… (I’ll be doing a little of both.)

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A Kid of Christmas Past

He stands before the Christmas tree in his sleeper, the warm and snuggly one-piece pajama that has feet to slide over the carpeted floors. Captured by the flash of a camera, he looks slightly surprised, and a little bit haunted. He will not know why – he will never know why – there is a distance to his being loved. The quiet ones just don’t demand it that way. The wonder of Christmas does manage to transform – for a night, for a day, for the week away from school – and even though he is not in school yet he senses the difference.

In church babies younger than him cry and crowd into the cathedral, with parents dressed up and decked out as if going to a party. They have family dinners to attend, relatives to dismiss and impress, drinks to disguise, and quiet corners to find. We seem to want to escape these days as eagerly as we anticipate them. He knows nothing of this yet, and what he has heard of Santa feels too suspect, too unreal, and his mind will never quite get around it enough to believe. He is, already, inaccessible – perhaps the worst thing for a child to be. But it’s Christmas Eve, and he knows enough to pretend.

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My Christmas Eve Outfit, The Rough Draft

This was the test run for what I am going to wear this evening – it’s my take on red and green – and in seeing how it looked in various light I made a slight variation. The sweater was just a bit too bright and bold – what I’ll wear instead keeps the chartreuse hue, but tones it down in style and texture (a brushed velvet replaces the sheen of the sweater, and the shade is taken down a few notches). “I have to think these things up…”

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Caught Unexpected, Caught By Surprise

Every now and then I’ll read something and it will enthrall me with such unexpected gusto that I’ll find myself with tears streaming down my face before I can finish. Such was the case when I read Frank Bruni‘s latest op-ed piece in The New York Times here. He expounds upon his evolving relationship with his Dad as he comes to terms with his son’s being gay. It was such a surprising moment of resonance, I was not prepared for the waterworks to be released in such torrents. Chalk it up to a combination of holiday emotion, pent-up frustrations, and end-of-the-year sentiment. At any rate, give it a read.

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A Few Rare Madonna Photos, and a Brief Defense of the Woman

Whenever I post something about Madonna on FaceBook or Twitter, there are invariably a few people who feel the need to make snarky, and often outright rude, comments about her. While everybody is entitled to their opinion on Madonna, it’s no secret that I happen to love her, so whenever I see that one of my supposed “friends” or “followers” makes a disparaging comment about her, I can’t help but feel it’s a disrespectful dig at myself. I can take a joke as well as most (and at this point far better) and I can also appreciate constructive criticism and a challenging dialogue on Madonna. But making ageist, sexist, cruel comments on her appearance and body is simply rude and hateful. Part of me thinks they do it just to get a rise out of me, or some sort of response from someone who otherwise wouldn’t even bother with them. Part of me thinks they really hate Madonna and will say anything bad about her anywhere. And part of me thinks it’s their own unhappiness that makes them, unconsciously or not, strike out at others.

I guess what bothers me the most is that they put it on my page. If they want to write all that negativity about Madonna on their page, they are more than welcome to do so, but to write it on mine baffles me. I do not like Justin Bieber, and have said as much and more on my own page and Twitter feed, but I would never write that on a Justin Bieber fan page, or to someone that I know loves him. That’s just going out of your way to be a dick, and it’s a mentality I will never understand.

Let’s be honest, Madonna doesn’t give a flying fuck about what the naysayers write. She doesn’t care about what I think or say. But if you’re my friend, I would hope you care enough about me to not bad-mouth someone I’ve loved for thirty years.

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A Well-Deserved Award for My Dad

One of the many things that has always struck me about my father was his disdain for Doctor vanity plates. All my speeding tickets and run-ins with the cops might have been somewhat easier had it been for a little ‘MD’ sign on the license plate. But my Dad was not that kind of doctor. He was never in it for the glory or the name or even the money. He had the old-fashioned doctor’s aspiration only to help and comfort the sick. Next month he will be honored by St. Mary’s Hospital with their “Lifetime Award for Excellence” – and it couldn’t go to a more deserving person.

It’s long over-due, as my Dad was one of the hardest-working and most dedicated doctors right up until his retirement a couple of years ago. Whatever shreds of humility and honor I have were instilled in me by his example. Any altruistic notion of goodness that resides in me was mostly his doing. He never complained about being awoken at 3 in the morning for an emergency call, or missing out on vacation days – his family did, but he didn’t. It was his vocation and calling, and the community of patients loved him for it. They saw a side of him that his two unruly boys didn’t always grasp, though as I grew up I understood more and more.

Recently, he stepped into a new role as Grandfather (or “Lolo”) to his twin grandchildren, and he might be just as good as that as he was at being an anesthesiologist. Congratulations to one of the most noble men I’ve had the privilege to know. (And I promise to wear something respectable to the Awards Dinner.)

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A Christmas Sundae at Sammy’s

In a tradition started a few short years ago, my brother and I made our trek to Sammy Fariello’s. After having dinner at Raindancer and making it through a security check-point on Route 30, we arrived at the venerable soda shop with little Emi Lu, and promptly sat down in a booth to order a pair of sundaes.

A collection of old-fashioned candy surrounded us, the rich smells of chocolate and sugar dancing on the air, and the memories of choosing which 5-cent treats to eat running through my head.

They even had a few jars of turkey joints (which have increased exorbitantly in price since the 80’s).

Before our sundaes arrived, we heard a large crash, and from my vantage point I could see an old man go down hard on the floor. When he didn’t get up, and his daughter screamed for someone to call 911, I did as told and relayed what had happened to the dispatcher. My brother continued texting, while I slid his daughter further into the booth so she didn’t see what was happening. (Luckily she was too concerned with the styrofoam peanuts she had found in a decorative vase on the table to notice much else.)

A few minutes later the ambulance arrived and amid much commotion our sundaes came as well. The man’s daughter had calmed down, explaining that he was a diabetic who hadn’t eaten all day until he had a banana split there. (Umm, maybe not the best dietary idea…) They helped him up and into the ambulance, and we tried to continue on with our sundaes. Emi Lu hadn’t noticed – or at least hadn’t minded – and she dug into her chocolate ice cream with relish. I had nothing to do but follow suit.

It was, all things considered, a perfect holiday moment with my family.

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Banging the Wall By Harvey

Like so many other tidbits of integral knowledge, I first heard of Harvey Wallbanger from an episode of ‘The Golden Girls.’ (There is much I have learned solely through Golden Girl episodes). In this one, Sophia’s friend was waiting for her at a bar and was drinking a Harvey Wallbanger. “Seeing a lot of Mr. Wallbanger lately, aren’t you?” Years later, for our most recent holiday party in fact, my friend Scott made a Harvey Wallbanger cake, and suddenly I was sold. Making use of that bastion of 70’s liqueur – Galliano – some vodka, and fresh orange juice, this is one sweet and moist cake. I liked Scott’s version enough to try it on my own, and with the exception of the Galliano and some pudding mix, we already had all the ingredients on hand. If it’s easy enough for me to handle, you can handle it too. The recipe follows:

Harvey Wallbanger Cake Recipe

Ingredients:

Cake:

1 box (about 18.75 ounces) yellow cake mix

1 cup vegetable oil

4 large eggs

1/4 cup Galliano liqueur

1/4 cup vodka

1 package (3-ounces) vanilla instant pudding mix

3/4 cup fresh orange juice

 

Glaze:

1 cup sifted powdered sugar

1 Tablespoon fresh orange juice

1 Tablespoon Galliano

1 teaspoon vodka

Preparation:

Preheat oven to 350 F. Grease and flour a Bundt pan or spray with floured vegetable spray.

Place cake mix, oil, eggs, liqueur, vodka, pudding mix, and orange juice into a large mixing bowl. Beat on medium speed for 2 minutes.

Pour evenly into prepared Bundt pan and tap gently on the counter to release any air bubbles. Bake for 45 to 50 minutes. A toothpick inserted in the center should come out clean. (Do not overbake or it will become dry.) Let rest for 5 minutes. Gently loosen edges around the rims with a thin rubber spatula. Invert and unmold from Bundt pan onto a cake platter, then glaze while warm.

For the glaze, mix powdered sugar, orange juice, liqueur, and vodka until smooth. (If it is too thick, add more orange juice a few drops at a time to get a drizzling consistency. If it is too thin, add more powdered sugar a teaspoon at a time.) Drizzle over the warm cake and let cool to room temperature for glaze to set.

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Glitter & Be Gay

Before this world ends, a bit of the bright and bubbly, in the form of one brilliant Kristin Chenoweth in her blazing version of ‘Glitter and Be Gay’ from ‘Candide’. Though it was her turn in ‘Steel Pier’ on Broadway that made me an instant fan, it was this performance that truly galvanized my love for her. In these dark days, a little sparkle is needed more than ever. (Bonus Diva Points for Patti LuPone’s entrance – and exit.)

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4 Minutes to Save the World

On this day of supposed reckoning, a re-tread of the Madonna Timeline entry for ‘4 Minutes’. Grab a boy and grab a girl.


 

 

 

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One Potato, Two Potato, Three Potato

These Baby Yukon Gold potatoes look better than any other potato I’ve ever baked, thanks to a nifty trick culled from the Barefoot Contessa again. Ina Garten found this method of preparing the tubers while in London, and it adds a delicate flair to an otherwise simple and hearty side dish. It’s quite simple – you skim off the bottom of a potato so it stands solidly without rocking. Then you cut almost to the bottom in 1/8 inch slices, so that the potato stays intact, but sliced. Coat in olive oil and a mixture of rosemary, salt and pepper, working both oil and spices in between each slice. Bake at 425 for about half an hour. Pretty, easy, and perfect for a holiday dinner.

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In Brotherly Tradition

Tonight my brother and I are planning on marking a relatively new holiday tradition – sharing a sundae at Sammy Fariello’s – our childhood haunt in Amsterdam, NY. Back when we were kids, it was baseball cards, Big League Chew, and root-beer-flavored hard candy. These days it’s turkey joints, sundaes, and my niece and/or nephew. As much as things change, they also stay the same. This is only the third year of our tradition, but they have to start somewhere. In their infancy, they also seem less onerous, less a case of drudgery and more a case of wanting to do them, to share the season with a loved one.

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Red Radishes

Growing up, the sliced radish was the one part of a salad that I couldn’t stomach. It was too spicy, too harsh, too biting – and like Fritos and pizza and lobster, I didn’t go back to it for many years. But while I returned to those favorites and grew to love them, my return to radishes has only just taken place, spurred on by an episode of the Barefoot Contessa Goes to London, wherein the root vegetable formed a colorful addition to a ploughman’s lunch. Ms. Garten has featured the radish before, honoring it as a popular French snack, served with sea salt and a baguette of French bread smeared with salted butter.

Without radishes from the garden (we are, as FUSSYlittleBLOG pointed out, far from radish season – he directed me to Buenos Aires), I looked in Fresh Market, which had a few in their organic section. I found some cheap sea salt there as well, but forgot that Marshall’s is the real secret place to get decent spices at much more reasonable prices. With that in mind, I stopped by their Homegoods store and found some Himalayan Pink Sea Salt in its own grinder. Pink just makes everything better.

As for taste, the radish is just as I remembered it, though the addition of a little pink sea salt added another layer of welcome interest. Served with a buttered baguette, it made for a simple preamble to dinner, and I can see how it would make a good after-work snack. Nothing that I’ll do with any regularity, at least not until I put some radishes in my own garden, but a nice enough break to winter monotony.

(My favorite part was still the Himalayan pink salt. I mean, it was pink.)

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