There are those days when the text exchanges with my besties run the gamut from death and cemeteries to couches and ejaculate, sometimes without any gentle or lubed transition.
Author Archives: Alan Ilagan
20
August
2025
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August
2025
20
August
2025
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August
2025
Dazzler of the Day: Rachel Zegler
Currently crooning over rapt audiences from her make-shift Argentinean balcony in London’s West End, Rachel Zegler earns her first Dazzler of the Day crowning thanks to her impassioned portrayal of Eva Peron and a stunning turn in Steven Spielberg’s film adaptation of ‘West Side Story’. Zegler is no stranger to illuminating any project in which she appears, such as recent outings in the Shazam and Hunger Games franchises. Personally, I’m on board for any vehicle which affords ample singing opportunities, because it’s her voice that truly soars.
20
August
2025
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August
2025
I’ve Heard It All Before
There are times when you know it’s best not to speak, and that speaking at those times will result in people getting hurt, even if what you are saying is entirely true and factual and actually happened. There are times when speaking such truth, even when it’s demanded of you, even when the perpetrators of such atrocities are begging you to speak about their own actions, will only ever end with you getting hurt. When this happens repeatedly and consistently over the course of decades, it’s impossible not to think at least part of it is diabolically intended to fuck with your mind.
I don’t wanna hear
I don’t wanna know
Please don’t say you’re sorry
I’ve heard it all before
And I can take care of myself
I don’t wanna hear
I don’t wanna know
Please don’t say “Forgive me”
I’ve seen it all before
And I can’t take it anymore
At such moments, I find it best to let Madonna speak for me, in the same way I’d play certain songs in the car when my parents would drive me somewhere ~ a vain attempt to get them to hear my silent cries for help. And sometimes, even when the cries were made directly to them beneath tear-stained desperation, they looked at me, pretended to hear, and moved on, unmoved.
I’ve heard it all before, I’ve heard it all before
I’ve heard it all before, I’ve heard it all before
This song has already been featured in a Madonna Timeline here, but it’s such a banger that it works on a multitude of levels, going beyond some jilted romantic endeavor into something far more powerful and universal. A bit more sinister too, when one thinks of all the wrongs that a family can inflict over the years, over and over and over…
I’ve heard it all before, I’ve heard it all before
I’ve heard it all before, I’ve heard it all before
19
August
2025
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August
2025
#TinyThreads: An Insignificant Series
If you have to say “not gonna lie” are we to assume that what you would usually do when speaking is… lie?
19
August
2025
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August
2025
Dazzler of the Day: Ben Ahlers
While those of us who have thrilled to ‘The Gilded Age‘ since its first season go into withdrawal, eagerly awaiting Season 4 (which at its typical shooting and production pace won’t see the light of day for at least a year or two) I give you Ben Ahlers as Dazzler of the Day to tide you over. Ahlers played the inventor affectionately dubbed ‘clock twink’, and his character Jack Trotter endeared himself to viewers thanks to Ben’s earnest and winning portrayal. Until ‘The Gilded Age‘ returns, enjoy these other Dazzlers:
19
August
2025
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August
2025
Snoopy Just Got Dead-Ass
BAM – just like that, Snoopy takes a big old shit on any of my hoped-for ideas of pretending that everything was cool in a delusional but safely-emotionally-dead way, as this philosophical post rears its head and gives me another gut-punch. Like all things that really bother me and stick somewhere in my brain, it’s bothersome because it must ring partly true. Or at least some part of me thinks so.
Yes, I suppose the truth is that at my age I’ve lived more years than I’ve got left. Most of my friends have. We don’t much notice because we’re all doing it together. Maybe none of us thought enough to point it out. Maybe the others have wisely pretended it away. It’s true, but it feels like it’s not because I don’t feel like I’ve accrued enough wisdom to have it be so. Maybe… so many maybe’s in this post. I’m embracing that, because when over half your life is done, you want a few more maybe’s – you know how soon they will end.
18
August
2025
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August
2025
The Soothsayer
“A son who never quite felt loved, who had to go out on his own to find unconditional acceptance… A man who never quite felt loved, who had to be out on his own to realize his worth… And I did that. I went into the world to find what I could not get at home.”
This was from a post written almost ten years ago, and whenever I think I’m the crazy one in the family, I return to history, to the past, to the truth, and I remember… I remember.
18
August
2025
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August
2025
Beach Hunk: Jeremy Allen White
Rekindling the glory days of his underwear-inspired Dazzler crowning, Jeremy Allen White was spotted enjoying a summer beach moment. Always worthy of a second look as I aim to distract us from whatever awfulness might happen today. To that end, see also this scantily-clad Jeremy Allen White post, again in his underwear.
18
August
2025
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August
2025
A Recap Shaded by Blue
This is the last week of my 40’s, and I’m finally starting to feel it. I’ve been unexpectedly emotional, and we will leave it at that. Here’s a weekly recap as I’m clearly not in the mood to write much more.
It began innocuously enough with a naked Bad Bunny on a jet-ski.
This bummer of a summer tried to find its island groove again, to no avail.
A shirtless Tom Holland did his gratuitous best.
In the shade of a cemetery, I still look for my Dad.
Towering insurmountable summer.
Beaded beauty with a touch of tragedy.
A tribute to the Ilagan twins.
A silly shirtless Travis Kelce post.
17
August
2025
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August
2025
A Little Love for the Chest of Travis Kelce
His girlfriend may be getting all the well-deserved attention and glory that a new album announcement will produce (if you’re Taylor Swift), Travis Kelce gets his GQ laurels with this chest-forward photo spread. He’s made some big mistakes here and there, but the summer is for forgiveness, so perhaps she’ll set him right. If not, there’s always her next album to properly address any wrongdoing.
17
August
2025
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August
2025
#TinyThreads: An Insignificant Series
“With all due respect” usually implies there is more respect than is deserved, and often comes at the start of something that shouldn’t get any respect at all.
Just tell it like it is. We all know the truth.
17
August
2025
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August
2025
A Tiny Tribute to the Ilagan Twins
“Your Uncle needs a hug today,” I said as I surprised the twins at their summer jobs with their favorite Starbucks drinks. It was the second anniversary of Dad’s death, and after I visited the cemetery and Mom, I needed a little bit of joy, and a glimpse of the family future. After confirming their work locations (they had summer jobs at two parks in Amsterdam, where they had to entertain the younger kids who visited) I stopped by to see Emi first, followed by Noah, and spent a few minutes talking and enjoying what was actually quite a beautiful summer moment in a summer that didn’t quite have enough of them.
When I stop to think about it, I don’t envy being a kid today. Especially over the past decade, when a pandemic shut down schools and technology threatens to overwhelm, I realize how lucky I am to have grown up in a world without social media and cel phones. These kids don’t have such quaint luxuries, and they’ve already had to contend with more than any child should, so this is my little tribute to the twins for managing to turn into decent teenagers in spite of the madness that sometimes swirls around them. Too often we focus on the bad things that kids do, and the way the future sometimes looks bleak – may this serve as a reminder that there is still hope here, and I see it whenever I see my niece and nephews.
Emi and Noah, you’re doing all right, and better than I could imagine doing if I were in your shoes, so keep leading the noble lives you are leading and you will always make us proud. Whenever you need a little extra love or support, your Uncle Andy and I are here. (Now get ready to celebrate your Uncle Al’s 50th birthday at dinner tonight because he’s old and needs your flattery.)
And never forget how much you are loved.
16
August
2025
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August
2025
A Madonna Birthday Post
Muse of my muses and Queen of Our Popdom, Madonna celebrates her birthday today. As a tribute, here’s a list of some of my favorite songs from each of her albums. Her musical legacy is set in stone, even if it’s been six long years since her last proper album. Here’s hoping the whispers about the next one are true, and that it comes out sooner rather than later.
Madonna ~ ‘Borderline‘ is the song that spoke to me most, even if everybody else loved ‘Lucky Star‘.
Like A Virgin ~ ‘Material Girl‘ and ‘Dress You Up‘ were the very first songs by Madonna that I loved. Not gonna hate on title track ‘Like A Virgin‘ though, especially given all its vast and varied interpretations over the years.
True Blue ~ ‘Open Your Heart‘ is the stand-out track for this one, followed closely by ‘Live To Tell‘.
Like A Prayer ~ I mean, it’s ‘Like A Prayer‘ and ‘Express Yourself‘. (But if you’re the kind of fan who favors ‘Promise To Try‘, then you’re my kind of fan.)
I’m Breathless ~ Hell yes this is a proper Madonna album – and ‘Vogue’ is proof of that.
Erotica ~ “Bottomless with potential hit singles”, this spawned the delightfully-demonic title track, wondrous ‘Bad Girl‘ and stirring ‘Rain‘, but it is ‘Deeper and Deeper‘ that still gets me up out of my seat.
Bedtime Stories ~ There’s no ‘Secret’ that the lead single is probably my fave song from this underrated musical moment, though ‘Take A Bow‘ has more than its merits too.
Ray of Light ~ My favorite Madonna song of all-time, ‘Drowned World/Substitute for Love‘ opens this opus, arguably her greatest work to date, and title track ‘Ray of Light‘ illuminates the fact that it still shines.
Music ~ A fun bop, ‘Music‘ takes the favorite track crown, but I’m always up for an ‘Impressive Instant‘ too.
American Life ~ The unfairly-maligned collection of perhaps-poorly-timed truth-to-power musical statements made here contained jewels like ‘X-static Process‘ and ‘Mother and Father‘.
Confessions on a Dance Floor ~ Another musical resurrection, Confessions brought us opening banger ‘Hung Up‘ but my favorite remains the equally-thrilling ‘Sorry‘. (Shout out to ‘Jump‘ for inspiration.)
Hard Candy ~ Thought this album was a slow-burner, it gave us ‘Give It 2 Me‘ and that will have to be enough.
MDNA ~ This was an under-appreciated ‘Masterpiece‘ in my mind, with cuts like ‘Girl Gone Wild’ and ‘I’m a Sinner‘ being sweet aural candy.
Rebel Heart ~ It is easily the title track ‘Rebel Heart’ that is my absolute favorite from this Madonna era.
Madame X ~ Her most recent proper album (all the way back in 2019!) this one brought us ‘God Control‘ and ‘Come Alive‘.
16
August
2025
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August
2025
Beaded Beauty with a Touch of Tragedy
Glamour, grit, genius, and grace are sometimes not enough to stop the tragedy that an artist will occasionally bring upon themselves. We court extremes – love and hate, happiness and sorrow, life and death – and there is little room for calm when there is no peaceful midpoint.
Easy living? The stuff of dreams…
Living for you is easy living
It’s easy to live when you’re in love
And I’m so in love
There’s nothing in life but you
I never regret the years I’m giving
They’re easy to give when you’re in love
I’m happy to do whatever I do for you
For you, maybe I’m a fool
But it’s fun
People say you rule me with one
Wave of your hand
Darling, it’s grand
They just don’t understand
Living for you is easy living
It’s easy to live when you’re in love
And I’m so in love
There’s nothing in life but you
~ The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale ~
- Pink Frilly Fairy: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three
- Homage to Herb: Part One, Part Two and Part Three
- A Purple-Hued Interlude
- Style & Panache: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
- Purple Puff Confection: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
- A Blue-Hued Interlude
- Fuchsia Fabulousness: Part One. Part Two and Part Three.
- Bad Boy Bangs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
- Vanity Under Where: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
- Sugar Plum Ballerina: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
- A Pool Frolic: Part One, Part Two and Part Three.
- A Cemetery Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
- Powder Blue Fur Doll: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
- A Milky Interlude
- Rock Out, Cock Out/ Hang Out, Wang Out: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
- Cocktail Cocktale: Part One and Part Two.
- A Fairy’s Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
- Willy Wonkers: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
- A Peacock In Everything But Beauty: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
- Swan Lake Fantasia: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, and Part Four.
- Black & White in Briefs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
- Weave of Basket, Weave of Rope: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, and Part Five.
- Chains of Gray to Color: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
- Black Jockstrap: Back Entry: Part One, Part Two and Part Three.
- Super Fairy Interlude: Part One, Part Two and Part Three.
- American Psychology: Part One and Part Two.
- Jocks & Frocks: Part One, Part Two and Part Three.
- Wigging Out Interlude
- Shedding Selves & Beating Oneself Up: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, and Part Four.
- Pretty, Oh So Pretty: Part One and Part Two.
- Amber Vanity: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
- Bugle Bead Beauty: Part One.
16
August
2025
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August
2025
Bugle Beads, But Alive
Careening toward the darker final section of The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale, this entry finds a brief respite of glamour and sparkle, courtesy of bugle beads and sequins, and a backing track from the musical ‘Applause!’ Hit it…
I feel groggy and weary and tragic
Punchy and bleary and fresh out of magic
But alive, but alive, but alive!
I feel twitchy and bitchy and manic
Calm and collected and choking with panic
But alive, but alive, but alive!
I’m a thousand different people
Every single one is real
I’ve a million different feelings
OK, but at least I feel!
And I feel rotten, yet covered with roses
Younger than springtime and older than Moses
Frisky as a lamb…
And I feel wicked and wacky and mellow
Firm as Gibraltar and shaky as Jello
But alive, but alive, but alive!
I feel half Tijuana, half Boston
Partly Jane Fonda and partly Jane Austen
But alive, that’s the thing! But alive!
This kaleidoscope of feelings
Whirls around inside my brain
I admit I’m slightly cuckoo
But it’s dull to be too sane!
And I feel brilliant and brash and bombastic
Limp as a puppet and simply fantastic
But alive, but alive, but alive!
~ The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale ~
- Pink Frilly Fairy: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three
- Homage to Herb: Part One, Part Two and Part Three
- A Purple-Hued Interlude
- Style & Panache: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
- Purple Puff Confection: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
- A Blue-Hued Interlude
- Fuchsia Fabulousness: Part One. Part Two and Part Three.
- Bad Boy Bangs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
- Vanity Under Where: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
- Sugar Plum Ballerina: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
- A Pool Frolic: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
- A Cemetery Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
- Powder Blue Fur Doll: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
- A Milky Interlude
- Rock Out, Cock Out/ Hang Out, Wang Out: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
- Cocktail Cocktale: Part One and Part Two.
- A Fairy’s Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
- Willy Wonkers: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
- A Peacock In Everything But Beauty: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
- Swan Lake Fantasia: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, and Part Four.
- Black & White in Briefs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
- Weave of Basket, Weave of Rope: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, and Part Five.
- Chains of Gray to Color: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
- Black Jockstrap: Back Entry: Part One, Part Two and Part Three.
- Super Fairy Interlude: Part One, Part Two and Part Three.
- American Psychology: Part One and Part Two.
- Jocks & Frocks: Part One, Part Two and Part Three.
- Wigging Out Interlude
- Shedding Selves & Beating Oneself Up: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, and Part Four.
- Pretty, Oh So Pretty: Part One and Part Two.
- Amber Vanity: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
