Mounting It~ Part 3: The Retreat

A wooden fence is all that separates the edge of the trail from a rather steep, and dangerous, drop. The ones who stay within the lines are supposedly safer, but that’s never been the way it really works. I don’t stray far, only far enough to get a better view. Measured risk, defined danger, controlled chaos. Wild abandon can wait until someone else is beside me.

On the forest floor, the last of the fern fronds stays bravely stalwart, not yet yielding to the frosts. Some will see it through the winter, courageous evergreen types, earning nicknames like the Christmas fern, and one can find them poking through the snow. If they’re not ravaged too badly, they’ll be there in the spring, when it starts all over again.

For now they share the wild carpet with pine needles, oak and maple leaves, and myriad mosses.

It looks so calm and welcoming, this cushioned expanse of earth, on the smallest scale, on the largest scale, and part of me wants to fall into it too, to join the delicious decay, to burrow into it like some hibernating creature who can’t face the winter.

Instead, I look in the opposite direction ~ up. Into the boughs, and, beyond, into the sky. Patches of blue through yellow leaves. Into the clouds, into the heavens, into the face of God ~ and I want so fervently to believe.

My time here has drawn to a close.

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Mounting It~ Part 2: The Cliffhanger

A blanket of leaves deceptively shrouds the rocky outcroppings, lending the trail a softer aspect that it might usually have. That is but one of the dangers of the mountain. Or the forest. The trickery is real, the traps are dangerous. Around every corner lurks a new bit of treachery, masked by seemingly-harmless beauty. The irresistible call of the siren.

The stone shifts, solid-seeming but all the more precarious because of it. Slippery wet leaves vie with slippery wet moss for the chance to take one down, and the softness they portray is like the most wispy thread of smoke in the fall air.

Like the leaves, sometimes it’s good to fall, to be ripped from the lofty perch of all that you’ve ever known, to be torn from the only high home you’ve ever had, freed and unbound to begin the fluttering descent.

The danger is real. The wind is wild. The warning is dire.

But to keep to the path is the more dangerous choice.

And so, some of us cross…

{To be continued}

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Mounting It ~ Part 1: The Hike

Like some other famous upstate New York destinations (Saratoga Race Track as the most glaring example), John Boyd Thacher Park is one of those places I’ve never visited. I’m not sure what took me so long, but the long over-due trip was made a few weekends ago, on a Friday I had off from work. The foliage was just slightly past its peak (though still, as exhibited here, more than brilliant). The park itself had officially stopped charging for the season (there’s no fee to park after Columbus Day). I had the morning – and most of the space – to myself.

I stopped at the overlook first, which seemed a world away from Albany. With the shifting clouds moving swiftly overhead, spotlighting areas of open green fields and fiery-hued forest in alternating swaths of glory. It reminded me of overhead drawings of the land of Oz, everything Munchkin-small at such a great distance, patches of farmland and meandering streams, and the almost-surreal color palette of a Northeastern fall.

At my second stop, I noticed a sign that said all visitors had to stop to pick up a parking permit, and that if no one was at the gate (they weren’t) to go to the visitor’s center. Not wanting any trouble, I made my way there and talked with a friendly woman who gave me a map and an introductory explanation of what the basic trail was like. She warned that the waterfalls were dry since there had not been much rain, but other than that the day was a beautiful one for a hike.

My first official hike. Granted, it was short (barely a mile), and well-tread and well-marked (there were even sections of stairs), but for a first attempt – alone no less (which everyone had warned against), I did all right.

More importantly, it reminded me of childhood days when I would go walking in the woods, far as any trail – marked or unmarked – would take me. I’d forgotten how important walks like that could be. How grounding, and centering, and calming. I felt that again as I started along the Indian Ladder Trail, descending along moss-lined stone and the first blanket of fallen leaves.

The best part of a space like this is the extreme juxtaposition of the most minute, microscopic views of the world – in the lichens and mosses and seeds – with one of the grandest views in the region – of a valley and fields and forest.

It is a humbling feeling. A good feeling. A feeling I’d been missing.

{To be continued}

 

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Lick My Honey Stick

I love my honey stick.

It is a thing of beauty.

It’s just the right size for getting those hard-to-reach spots.

And it always comes out perfectly covered in delicious goo.

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Trick or Treat

Happy Halloween to all you heathens celebrating this dastardly day.

I’m not dressing up this year, but once upon a time, I was a beaver.

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Taking The Costume Off

You might assume, given my penchant for dress-up, that Halloween would be my favorite holiday. In truth, it’s my day off. When everyone else is dressed in crazy costumes, I tend to go the opposite direction. I hate a herd. That’s not to say that I’ve never gotten dressed up and costumed out – but there’s no challenge in wearing a ridiculous outfit when the rest of the world has condoned it. Try wearing your get-ups to the supermarket on an average Tuesday night in March and then talk to me about daring.

(When you’re mistaken for a clown in Ponderosa, that sort of stank and taint stays with you. Of course I’m talking about the Ponderosa part. I’d wear those color-block silk boxers and that sequin beret any day.)

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Fern Fronds, From Behind

These lady ferns looked especially striking when the late-afternoon sunlight shone through their almost translucent fronds. This is the sort of scene reserved for fall, when forest trees have let go of some of their cargo, allowing for such light to finally penetrate through to the shade-loving species who now revel in the last of the seasonal glow.

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The Photos That FaceBook and Instagram Banned

Littered with hubris, dismissive of comments, and vainglorious of content, I’ve never made a secret that this place is as self-serving as it gets. Which is what a personal website should be. The same goes for my FaceBook and Twitter and Instagram profiles. You are free to not visit if what I do is so offensive and tasteless to you.

A few days ago, someone reported the photos below and FaceBook and Instagram decided to remove them. At first it was mildly annoying. I’ve run afoul of their ‘nudity/pornography‘ standards once or twice in the past (those pics mostly happened in Las Vegas – they’re here somewhere – I would search for them if I were you). This time around, however, it irked me that someone had gone out of their way to report a harmless jockstrap photo. (Here’s where I turn into a bit of a twat, so skip ahead if you don’t need/deserve to hear it.) If what I post bothers you, defriend me or stop following me, because quite frankly I have no idea who you are, nor do I care to find out. I guarantee that I’m not visiting your page or profile, and there’s a good chance I don’t even know you exist. You’re not on my radar, but clearly I’m on yours. (Cunty rant over.)

So I got off for a while. FaceBook, that is, to see how it would affect my website stats. I expected a slight downturn, as it seemed that so many of the hits for this site were driven by FaceBook, but I was pleasantly surprised. Rather than hurt website traffic, it actually improved it.  It turns out that if you can’t see something because FaceBook or Instagram removed it, you have to come here to view it. So to the person that reported my jockstrap bulge for its obscene and pornographic nature, thank you. And please, do it again. I know you’ll be watching me. You can’t help it.

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A Final Act of Floral Defiance

Flowers are different in the fall. Whether it’s in the form of bolder hues, smaller size, or frost-nipped deformations, they have a character all their own. They also have the benefit of an afternoon light that is lower in the sky, more flattering, and somehow more revealing. Such is the case with this hydrangea specimen, caught in this backlit moment, putting on a quiet year-end show for no one in particular – all the garden parties and patio dinners have long since ceased. Yet it blooms on, mocking the soft frosts, defying the cool wind, and holding onto its blush carriage for as long as the sun entertains its final flirtation. I admire anything that sees the show through to the very end.

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On the Train for Reno-(vation)

Our kitchen project, years in the planning stages, is finally being finalized. It’s a total renovation, with walls coming down, windows being moved, and the space being gutted. We’ve settled on a cabinet and counter designer (the marvelous Michelle at Builder’s Kitchens Inc.), a contractor (Skylands Services, Inc.), a granite supplier (Empire State Stone) and a tile place (Albany Tile, Carpet & Rug). So far, we’ve figured out the basic design and set-up, and ordered most of the initial big-ticket items. These early stages are the fun ones, or so I’ve been told, and once the real demotion and rebuilding begins I will be out of town for as much as possible (hello, Boston!) However, I’m bracing myself for a rather stressful and difficult ordeal – physically, mentally, and financially.

I’ve already told Andy I want some bit of budget buffer for if, and likely when, unexpected costs arise, but he seemed rather unconcerned with it. In fact, he was already planning other ideas for any leftover money, at which I laughed but didn’t bother to argue. I’ve learned to be patient and let myself be proven right when it all happens as I predict it will happen. (This is how it has gone for my entire life, so I don’t expect differently any more.)

I’ll document things as best as I can, and this blog will serve as a cathartic way of ranting and raving if things grind to a halt or I get crushed by a falling soffit. Demolition is scheduled to begin by December 2 – just in time for the holiday season! Already, we’ve moved the Holiday Party to my parents’ house (which means a drastically-reduced guest list – let’s just say that if you’ve never invited me to your house, you have no right or reason to feel slighted).

This is going to be a wild ride, and the only way we’re going to get through it is to hunker down and just do as I say. Sorry, but this is not a democracy.

(FYI – The feature photo that accompanies this post was the former wall-paper in the kitchen area – just to give you an idea of how over-due this is, and a dose of 70’s nostalgia!)

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When the Bark is Better than the Bite

The coral-bark Japanese maple is a magical tree. Named for its gorgeous red bark, it offers a stellar all-season show, from the crimson of said bark providing a bright spot in the winter months, to the light green foliage of early spring, the deeper green of high summer, and this brilliant fall finale. On sunny autumn days, it absolutely glows, resplendent against a blue sky, and during darker spells it illuminates whatever corner is lucky enough to house its beauty. The coral aspect of the bark is most pronounced in its first few years, so pruning is beneficial not only to keep its size in check, but to stimulate new stem growth.

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Monday AM Recap ~ A Fright

This week the calendar turns the page on October, which means that the velocity with which we’re heading into the holiday season is truly frightening. More frightening than Halloween (which, when you dress like I do, is traditionally my day off). I’m afraid this year will prove no exception. Onto the recap of all that came before…

First and always foremost, the week in Hunks was represented by the bodies and faces of Rob Evans, Liam Hemsworth, Jared Allman, along with this gratuitous jockstrap preparation, in breathless anticipation of…

The Jockstrap Shots ~ Part 1 and Part 2. (And a sneak preview.)

The soundtrack to the week was provided by London Grammar,  but there was a pair of epic Madonna posts, Part 1 and Part 2, to commemorate the 100th Madonna Timeline (coming up soon!)

But mostly the week belonged to memories of Ogunquit, including some giant pumpkin carving, a few courageous fall bloomers, a virgin trip up the mountain, a witch’s flying mishap, and a goodbye until next year.

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The Jockstrap Shots: Part 2

Sorry, I’d much rather see Tom Brady, or at the very least Rob Gronkowski, in a jockstrap (or out of one), but they didn’t return my calls in time so you’ll have to make do with my dick and ass.

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The Jockstrap Shots: Part 1

There are only a few more years (months?) that my body will be able to squeeze into a jockstrap, so here is our semi-annual jockstrap photo shoot, in honor of the World Series – and the Boston Red Sox. You can relax with the knowledge that I won’t be getting back in the jock until the Superbowl. (And even then I’m not making any promises. A jockstrap is anything but forgiving.)

PS – Stay tuned for Part 2…

However, it is a rather functional piece of clothing, which, I’m guessing, is why it remains a mainstay in the sports world. And the gratuitous gay fashion world too. Calling Andrew Christian…

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A Madonna Timeline Retrospective: 2

Continuing the look back at the Madonna Timeline, here are entries #51 through #99. The 100th post is in-the-works. It’s not a well-known or classic song, but it should have been. Coming up soon…

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