The Golden Globes are on tonight, and like last year I’ll be Live-Tweeting it (as long as I feel like it). It’s going to be a little hectic again as I’ll be switching between that and ‘Downton Abbey‘ because we don’t have a DVR. (In other words, if I start lamenting Dame Maggie Smith’s decision to wear a hat on the red carpet, you’ll understand why.)
- First, a note to George Clooney’s wife: if I could touch George Clooney wherever I wanted, I would NOT be wearing gloves, white or otherwise.
- Eddie Redmayne in velvet tux and bowtie – the man can do no wrong (especially when naked). As for his wife, well, I like that she’s keeping it real.
- Naomi Watts – I don’t care if it is made out of diamonds, it’s still a snake, and it’s ridiculous. Love the color of the Gucci dress though.
- Amy Adams in Versace – going for statuesque, failing a bit.
- Ethan Hawke – chic in that charcoal tux, and damn you for turning back time better than Cher.
- Kevin Spacey – nice beard!
- Christine Baranski – I’ve never been the biggest Zac Posen fan, so I’m not excited by this, or the color. (Personal peccadillo.)
- Lorde – bit of a mish-mosh, bit of a mess.
- Matt Bomer – navy tux, dapper do, mesmerizing eyes. (I think Ryan Seacrest got a little lost in them.) He still looks better in a  thong.
- Andrew Rannells & Lena Dunham – power (bottom) couple of the night.
- Please tell me Amy Poehler is pregnant. I will forgive that dress only if that is the case.
- Emily Blunt – Michael Kors gives a Grecian twist, as does her hair,
- Jessica Chastain – Versace knows how to craft a garbage bag that makes the tits pop.
- Allison Williams – resplendent in red Armani Prive.
- Siena Miller – I’m torn over this dress by Miu Miu. Sections of the fabric are exquisitely gorgeous, sections of it are not.
- Michael Keaton – black tuxedo. In the words of Miranda Priestley, “Groundbreaking.”
- Uzo Aduba – shimmering beaded glory.
- Julianne Moore – a silver Givenchy dream, floating on elegant ostrich feathers used in judicious manner.
- Reese Witherspoon – is that blush or bashful? Whichever, it works.
- The Gyllenhaal siblings – one in pink, one in a tux. No trick there. (But Jake looks better naked too.)
- Emma Stone – is that a bow on your ass? Take it off.
- Bill Murray – Wandering in looking like a wrinkled hobo. There is literally a feather in his cap.
- Helen Mirren – Loving the bright scarlet, not the embellishments.
- Channing Tatum – another tux. I won’t even suppress a yawn. Another guy who’s better off naked.
- Adam Levine – tux. Take it off!
- Wolfman Matthew McConaughey – also better off nude.
- Benedict Cumberbatch – a tux that didn’t bore me, mostly because of who was in it.
- Kevin Hart – Thank you for sprucing up the tux scene with
- Jennifer Lopez – a slit and two boobs, swaddled in a sparkling cape and drape. (By slit, I mean the dress. Rise above the gutter, please.)
- Giving Ms. Lopez a run for her peek-a-boo money is Kate Hudson. This is what double-sided tape is for.
- Anna Kendrick – like a princess, which isn’t always a good thing.
- Kerry Washington – loving the color and the fabric, but the pattern is not convincing.
- Viola Davis – some are going to find fault with her mini-mirrors, but I love it.
- Melissa McCarthy – there are better ways to work with what you have.
- Alan Cumming – in shades of nude. On its own, I’d shrug, but in a sea of tuxedoes, I’m thrilled by it.
- David Oyelowo – I like the departure of a sparkling tuxedo – but I fear it reads a little too ‘Solid Gold, filling up your life with music…’
- Fix your tie, Wes Anderson. Quickly. Too late.
- Harrison Ford, still rocking that earring. Still looking ridiculous.
- If Jeremy Renner can pretend to be interested in Jennifer Lopez’s globes, then so can I.
- I see that Keira Knightley has her bib on.
- Prince. WTF?
- Gwyneth Paltrow – the prettiest in pink, and wearing my favorite dress of the evening, mostly because of the color.
