Category Archives: Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale

“Deeper meaning resides in the tales told to me in my childhood than in the truth that is taught by life.” ~ Friedrich Schiller

These peacock poses were from one of the earliest shoots for The Divine Diva Tour, before I really knew which turns this fairy’s tale would take. They are placed about halfway through the project because this is the axis where the frivolity of the fairy tale begins to transform into something darker and slightly more disturbing. It’s also where the first glimpses of a bird motif begins, and that will continue in next weekend’s entry. 

Someone who keeps peacocks once told me that they were very ill-tempered birds. It makes sense I suppose – the universe doesn’t like its beauty to go untormented. Why should peacocks be granted prettiness and sweet personalities? Gifts are not doled out evenly or fairly. Perhaps peacocks sense this. 

Or perhaps birds do not sense what only a human could. 

~ The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale ~

1. Pink Frilly Fairy: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three
2. Homage to Herb: Part One, Part Two and Part Three
3. A Purple-Hued Interlude
4. Style & Panache: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
5. Purple Puff Confection: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
6. A Blue-Hued Interlude
7. Fuchsia Fabulousness: Part One. Part Two and Part Three.
8. Bad Boy Bangs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
9. Vanity Under Where: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
10. Sugar Plum Ballerina: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
11. A Pool Frolic: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
12. A Cemetery Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
13. Powder Blue Fur Doll: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
14. A Milky Interlude 
15. Rock Out, Cock Out/ Hang Out, Wang Out: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
16. Cocktail Cocktale: Part One and Part Two.
17. A Fairy’s Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
18. Willy Wonkers: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
19. A Peacock In Everything But Beauty: Part One and Part Two.

“Therefore, even more than at the times fairy tales were invented, it is important to provide the modern child with images of heroes who have to go out into the world all by themselves and who, although originally ignorant of the ultimate things, find secure places in the world by following their right way with deep inner confidence.” ~ Bruno Bettelheim

“I do not believe that any peacock envies another peacock his tail, because every peacock is persuaded  that his own tail is the finest in the world. The consequence of this is that peacocks are peaceable birds.” ~ John Ruskin 

“She is a peacock in everything but beauty.” ~ Oscar Wilde 

~ The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale ~

1. Pink Frilly Fairy: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three
2. Homage to Herb: Part One, Part Two and Part Three
3. A Purple-Hued Interlude
4. Style & Panache: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
5. Purple Puff Confection: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
6. A Blue-Hued Interlude
7. Fuchsia Fabulousness: Part One. Part Two and Part Three.
8. Bad Boy Bangs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
9. Vanity Under Where: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
10. Sugar Plum Ballerina: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
11. A Pool Frolic: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
12. A Cemetery Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
13. Powder Blue Fur Doll: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
14. A Milky Interlude 
15. Rock Out, Cock Out/ Hang Out, Wang Out: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
16. Cocktail Cocktale: Part One and Part Two.
17. A Fairy’s Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
18. Willy Wonkers: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.

“How can you have rivals when no one else can do what you do?” ~ Terrence McNally, ‘Master Class’

When I was younger, and far longer than the twenty years ago when this project was created, I had a much different reading of the opening quote here. Back then I took it with all the heady hubris of a twenty-something young man – young in almost every way. 

Then time passed.

I grew up a little.

And a lot. 

And I realized that the opening words are true for everyone. 

When you realize that – truly and genuinely realize it, take it to heart and let it seep into your soul – you realize there’s no longer a need to compete. You step off the hamster wheel, you step off the scale, you step off the comparison bandwagon, and you are suddenly free. 

‘Comparison is the ultimate thief of joy.’

Or, just mind your own fucking business. 

Both are paths that lead to happier places. 

I’m not quite sure what this has to do with Divine Diva Tour, or why I’m even writing it now, but posting this project from twenty years ago has me intermingling the past with the present. To ignore the evolution that’s progressed in these past two decades is to do a grave disservice to the riches of retrospect at hand. 

These are the sort of riches that can never be found in a jewelry box or bank, they cannot be saved or purchased or bought, they can only be experienced. 

Once upon a time I sold the story to myself that I was divine, and I believed it because I believed everyone was divine. Egalitarian hubris, perhaps. Vanity that candles itself out in the celebration, adoration and devotion to others. 

And the shadow of manipulation that saw it all through glasses far darker than rose. 

~ The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale ~

1. Pink Frilly Fairy: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three
2. Homage to Herb: Part One, Part Two and Part Three
3. A Purple-Hued Interlude
4. Style & Panache: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
5. Purple Puff Confection: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
6. A Blue-Hued Interlude
7. Fuchsia Fabulousness: Part One. Part Two and Part Three.
8. Bad Boy Bangs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
9. Vanity Under Where: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
10. Sugar Plum Ballerina: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
11. A Pool Frolic: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
12. A Cemetery Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
13. Powder Blue Fur Doll: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
14. A Milky Interlude 
15. Rock Out, Cock Out/ Hang Out, Wang Out: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
16. Cocktail Cocktale: Part One and Part Two.
17. A Fairy’s Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
18. Willy Wonkers: Part One and Part Two.

Tying ribbons to the tips of a black umbrella made for a mad scene beside a graveyard. 

Snow fell on that day.

He didn’t need the sunglasses unless he was trying to hide the eyeshadow. 

A slim gray suit, all three pieces, borrowed from a boyfriend. 

Twenty years later, neither of us can fit into that suit, but it’s still a pretty thing.

Time turns us inside out. 

“A performance is a struggle.

You have to win.

The audience is the enemy.

We have to bring you to your knees because we’re right. 

If I’m worried about what you’re thinking about me, I can’t win.

Art is domination. 

It’s making people think that for that precise moment in time there is only one way, on voice. 

Yours.”

~ Terrence McNally ‘Master Class’

~ The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale ~

1. Pink Frilly Fairy: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three
2. Homage to Herb: Part One, Part Two and Part Three
3. A Purple-Hued Interlude
4. Style & Panache: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
5. Purple Puff Confection: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
6. A Blue-Hued Interlude
7. Fuchsia Fabulousness: Part One. Part Two and Part Three.
8. Bad Boy Bangs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
9. Vanity Under Where: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
10. Sugar Plum Ballerina: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
11. A Pool Frolic: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
12. A Cemetery Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
13. Powder Blue Fur Doll: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
14. A Milky Interlude 
15. Rock Out, Cock Out/ Hang Out, Wang Out: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
16. Cocktail Cocktale: Part One and Part Two.
17. A Fairy’s Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
18. Willy Wonkers: Part One.

Culturally-deficient confession: I have never seen any iteration of the Willy Wonka movies. 

Not the original with Gene Wilder, nor any of the remakes with Johnny Depp or Timothee Chalamet. 

Am I missing anything?

I am aware of the visuals, however, and they inform this darker and more sinister take on the top-hatted cultural icon. It marks another turn in the Divine Diva Tour, and the fairy has another tale to tell.

“Where is fancy bred? In the heart or in the head?”

“The story is about the opposite aspects of one and the same person; that which pushes him to escape into a faraway world of adventure and fantasy, and the other part which keeps him bound to common practicality – his id and his ego, the manifestation of the reality principle and the pleasure principle.” ~ Bruno Bettelheim

Shadows and outlines, the man who is there, the man who is not there, the man who will never be.

There or anywhere. 

“There’s no earthly way of knowing which direction we are going.”

~ The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale ~

1. Pink Frilly Fairy: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three
2. Homage to Herb: Part One, Part Two and Part Three
3. A Purple-Hued Interlude
4. Style & Panache: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
5. Purple Puff Confection: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
6. A Blue-Hued Interlude
7. Fuchsia Fabulousness: Part One. Part Two and Part Three.
8. Bad Boy Bangs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
9. Vanity Under Where: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
10. Sugar Plum Ballerina: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
11. A Pool Frolic: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
12. A Cemetery Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
13. Powder Blue Fur Doll: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
14. A Milky Interlude 
15. Rock Out, Cock Out/ Hang Out, Wang Out: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
16. Cocktail Cocktale: Part One and Part Two.
17. A Fairy’s Interlude: Part One and Part Two.

The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale focuses on the second half of its title, as our journey shifts into a more fairy-tale oriented atmosphere, starting with this glimpse into the forest. It’s a place featured in pivotal points of most fairy tales – it is danger and risk, power and might, magic and charm, transformation and realization – sometimes all at once. For the purposes of this 2005 journey, the fairy and the forest provide fertile prancing ground for reconciling childhood and make-believe, and the beginning of the discernment between fantasy and reality. 

~ The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale ~

1. Pink Frilly Fairy: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three
2. Homage to Herb: Part One, Part Two and Part Three
3. A Purple-Hued Interlude
4. Style & Panache: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
5. Purple Puff Confection: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
6. A Blue-Hued Interlude
7. Fuchsia Fabulousness: Part One. Part Two and Part Three.
8. Bad Boy Bangs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
9. Vanity Under Where: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
10. Sugar Plum Ballerina: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
11. A Pool Frolic: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
12. A Cemetery Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
13. Powder Blue Fur Doll: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
14. A Milky Interlude 
15. Rock Out, Cock Out/ Hang Out, Wang Out: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
16. Cocktail Cocktale: Part One and Part Two.
17. A Fairy’s Interlude: Part One.

Shape-shifting and skin-shedding, like some cross between a snake and an octopus, the divine diva transforms into fairy form again, doffing the dresses, stripping naked, and lighting upon the latest fancy. Fancies founded on the flimsiest wind or whimsy rise and fall on those trifling notions. Back in 2005, I was still trying to find myself, trying on various guises, discarding them, then trying on something new. Personality is fashion when you’re still in your twenties, even when you think yours is already established. 

It’s astonishing to think about how much of our life is erected on the most insubstantial of images – the life we pretend to lead, the life we want to lead, the life others think we lead, and the life we actually lead. Behind these images, what might be left? What might be true? What stands when the rest falls away? 

~ The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale ~

1. Pink Frilly Fairy: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three
2. Homage to Herb: Part One, Part Two and Part Three
3. A Purple-Hued Interlude
4. Style & Panache: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
5. Purple Puff Confection: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
6. A Blue-Hued Interlude
7. Fuchsia Fabulousness: Part One. Part Two and Part Three.
8. Bad Boy Bangs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
9. Vanity Under Where: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
10. Sugar Plum Ballerina: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
11. A Pool Frolic: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
12. A Cemetery Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
13. Powder Blue Fur Doll: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
14. A Milky Interlude 
15. Rock Out, Cock Out/ Hang Out, Wang Out: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
16. Cocktail Cocktale: Part One and Part Two.

I have a tale to tell… sometimes it gets so hard to hide it well…

A present-day word on this section of The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale, as I now have the luxury of presenting this with the perspective of the twenty years that have passed since its initial release. At that time, liquor was a fun and mostly harmless aspect of my life – I played up drinking more than I actually drank because it was the province of tortured poets and self-destructive writers – it carried the decadent glamour of ruin that calls to most artists at one point or another. It may have cast a spell, but I was eagerly and willingly spell-struck. I also felt, quite correctly as it turns out (but not even I trusted in it at the moment), that I could shake off the spell whenever I really wanted to do so. 

A man can tell a thousand lies
I’ve learned my lesson well
Hope I live to tell the secret I have learned till then it will burn inside of me…

It would be easy, and somewhat accurate, to blame such a growing use of alcohol at the time to all sorts of reasons and circumstances. I could point to genetics: my heart still shudders when it recalls the night my Mom told me her father had died an alcoholic. I wasn’t more than twelve or thirteen at the time, and it was the first crack in the crumbling visage of family perfection I’d been raised to believe. I could point to the calamity that growing up gay in a small town in upstate New York in the 1980’s and being raised as a strict Catholic was. I could point to any number of things that led to my embracing any sort of escape possible, including a lifelong social anxiety that no one seemed to notice despite my repeated and desperate cries for help. But none of that is helpful, and ultimately the only person responsible for me as an adult was myself. 

If I ran away
I’d never have the strength to go very far
How would they hear the beating of my heart?
Will it grow cold, the secret that I hide?
Will I grow old?
How will they hear?
When will they learn?
How will they know?

Those were demons I couldn’t acknowledge in my twenties, and this fun cocktail photo shoot was only the first glimmer of my attempt to face up to the part alcohol was playing in my life. It came under the guise of glamour, of the antics of a demanding diva, of a fabulous night out and a cuttingly-witty bit of repartee that downplayed any underlying seriousness. 

It sacrificed and delayed any substantive improvement or evolution. 

But the drinks were so pretty, and the accessories so fine, that the sleight of divine hand lifted the fairy along his journey. 

~ The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale ~

1. Pink Frilly Fairy: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three
2. Homage to Herb: Part One, Part Two and Part Three
3. A Purple-Hued Interlude
4. Style & Panache: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
5. Purple Puff Confection: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
6. A Blue-Hued Interlude
7. Fuchsia Fabulousness: Part One. Part Two and Part Three.
8. Bad Boy Bangs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
9. Vanity Under Where: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
10. Sugar Plum Ballerina: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
11. A Pool Frolic: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
12. A Cemetery Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
13. Powder Blue Fur Doll: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
14. A Milky Interlude 
15. Rock Out, Cock Out/ Hang Out, Wang Out: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
16. Cocktail Cocktale: Part One.