Author Archives: Alan Ilagan

#TinyThreads: An Insignificant Series

Nellie Oleson is still my hero and inspiration.

She gave cunty before we even knew what cunty was.

#TinyThreads

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Battle of these Underwear Bulges

It’s been far too long since we’ve had a proper pop culture underwear moment on this blog, so this double-whammy of Taylor Zakhar Perez and Antoni Porowski fronting Lacoste and Saxx underwear respectively comes at just the right time. I’ve been looking at ways to get back to the basics and tenets of the original website, and back then it was all sexy guys in and out of their underwear, so let’s begin.

Taylor has been here before as seen in this post. Of more revealing note, this isn’t his first time strutting his stuff in Lacoste underwear – see more of his steamy bits here.

Antoni Powowski has also been here before as a repeat-enthraller, as seen in this dazzling bulge display and the pics below.

You don’t need a queer eye to appreciate the male form.

The next great debate will be briefs or boxer briefs… stay tuned for more.

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Candles in the Snow

The Swedes do this, or so I’ve read – these little snow forts hold candles and throw a warm light on a frigid winter night. What a charming notion – Scandinavia knows how to make winter into something magical. Perhaps the secret to happiness is somewhere on the path of finding light in darkness: happiness and purpose in the quest ~ the age-old idea of journey as destination.

There is nothing new in the notion, it’s the genuine realization that does feel like something different, maybe even growth. Another step toward the calm. Another stop toward the light.

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The Yellow Phone

Is it reassuring or disturbing that pay phones still exist?

Does the sticker art make it mean something more?

Some things are better when amassed in bulk, but only when done organically. You cannot force collective art. And I do see art here.

I should make stickers promoting this website.

Innocent browsers of the Mass Turnpike be warned.

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A Trio in Blue

Three bluejays were triangulating their coordinates around a birdseed bell that Andy had hung in the backyard. We’d been expecting the squirrels to commandeer it like they did in a matter of hours when we last hung a seed bell there, but the excessive snow may be acting as a deterrent. Better than greasing the string I suppose. The blue jays make for a prettier scene anyway, their plumage matching the sky and bringing some badly-needed color to the surroundings.

On a day when that pesky and infuriating groundhog saw his shadow – six more weeks of winter supposedly – these bluejays flitted around the backyard, giving me hope that spring is indeed on the way.

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The Greatest News of the Year, Part 2

This is by far and quite easily the best news of the year: the first full trailer of ‘The Devil Wears Prada 2′. The teaser snippet didn’t have me entirely convinced, but I’m fully on board for this one now, which looks to be lighthearted, visually-stunning fun, with perhaps some gravitas acknowledging the twenty-year gap since the first film. A lot can happen in two decades

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A Post Full-Moon Recap

As the full Snow Moon subsides, we clean up the aftermath and begin another week again. That’s life in winter – getting walloped by the weather and getting back out there. No matter how frigid it gets, we manage to do it. We are accustomed to it. We are fighters. We are strong. Here’s the weekly blog recap

A very good plan indeed.

In the flickering candlelight.

Sun draining, sun gaining.

A sour smoke fills my lungs.

What’s Irish and stays out all night?

The word ‘parlor’ is Victorian porno.

January silhouette.

Harry Styles and his new Aperture.

A jolt of color and a check-in.

Our first winter visit to Ogunquit began with a stay at the Scotch Hill Inn, where Innkeeper Anthony kept us warm and cozy, and Mom celebrated her birthday on this snowy Maine weekend.

Lunar standing.

Sequin dreaming.

A super-short story that explains absolutely everything.

Dazzlers of the Day included Landrie Leone, Kathy Griffin and Nancy Lee Grahn.

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#TinyThreads: An Insignificant Series

Adding sequins and seed beads to a coat is as good a winter project as any.

Don’t prick your finger.

Just keep sparkling.

#TinyThreads

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Lunar Standing

Full-moon fuckery abounds, as the Snow Moon casts its winter spell. Drivers have taken entire leave of all their senses, most especially the common kind, weaving dangerously into traffic like they’re the only ones on the road, or slowing to an inexplicable crawl of indecision and flawed safety judgment. The moon is also wreaking havoc with technology and what limited engagement I have with it, such as my phone, which is telling me the photo storage is full and then not allowing me to delete any photos. (The phone is over three years old so Apple clearly wants me to step into their next model and I just can’t with Apple right now – talking to you, pedofile-enabler Tim Cook.)

Frustrating, yes, and an opportunity for learning acceptance of bullshit – something absolutely necessary in today’s fucked-up world. That we should have to accept it is another question for Job – though I’ve forgotten the specifics of that story, if I ever knew them in college. I’ve referenced such things as ‘Waiting for Godot’ and ‘Waiting for Huffman’ whenever I’ve had to wait for anything, without knowing what happened in either. Empty facades make the best facades – one doesn’t want the mask to land with a thunderous thud. Better to have it slip lightly away on the wind, a will of the wisp flitting like a spark and disappearing before anyone can be sure it was ever even there.

Lunacy indeed.

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Beautiful Winter Place By the Sea – Part 3

We slept in as a little more snow swirled outside, cozily ensconced in our favorite room at the Scotch Hill Inn. Our plan on this winter day was a quick outlet jaunt to Kittery with an opening lunch at Bob’s Clam Hut – a happy and hungry echo of a summer day, the kind of hunger only a fried clam platter can appease.

A stop at The Yarn Sellar inspired a planned return to crocheting, and I had an enjoyable conversation with one of the owners as she spun the yarn from a skein into a ‘cake’ using a wondrous wooden frame contraption that looked straight out of some steampunk fantasy. Crocheting or knitting would be a return to something real, something physical, something not in any way tethered to or corrupted by technological muck. Yarn felt like a grounding object, so I picked up three colors and told them I was going to try my hand at a few granny squares.

Gram often comes to mind when we are in Ogunquit, even when we don’t see a dachshund – and she’s the one who taught me how to crochet when I was about ten or eleven years old. We returned to town and I had my last cup of French hot chocolate for this trip – a tradition I already found myself missing. It was Mom’s birthday, and I’d made reservations at the York Harbor Inn as that felt like the sort of cozy, traditional dinner scene she’d appreciate on this winter night.

The snow was coming down again as we carefully wound our way to York, and the fireplace-backed lobby was the ideal setting to stave off a frigid evening. We dined looking out over the wintry street – a quaint, idyllic scene that Andy remarked looked like something out of a Norman Rockwell painting. Sometimes life gifts you a perfect moment and setting.

One more jewel of a moment awaited us, as upon our return to the Inn Anthony opened the door and invited us onto the porch for hot chocolate. The snow was still falling, now at a pretty healthy clip (several inches would fall during the night) the delicate silence punctuated only by the occasional snow plow (Ogunquit’s fanciest and finest).

This was the dream-scene and setting that we’d longed to experience when Anthony first told us of such magic years ago. There was beauty and stillness and calm as the snow continued to swirl outside and we approached the eleven o’clock hour. Anthony’s mug of hot chocolate warmed my hand, and a blanket thoughtfully left on the back of my rocking chair wound around my shoulders as we rocked the snowy night away. It made for a memorable end to Mom’s first birthday in Maine – and a sublime realization of a winter dream we’d held for many years.

Some dreams, when finally and fully realized, don’t always live up to the dreamer’s vision and hope – this one surpassed it. Winter, peace and tranquility don’t often go hand-in-hand, but for this one magical weekend in Maine, Anthony and the Scotch Hill Inn made it all happen.

And now we look forward to our return to Ogunquit in May… just four months away.

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Beautiful Winter Place By the Sea – Part 2

The first bit of snow fell during our first night. The dream scenario that Mom, Andy and myself had wished to see for decades had finally come to gorgeous fruition – the town was transformed into a vision of quaint, charming, winter-wonderland magic. For those of us who have only known Ogunquit to be adorned with spring flowers, summer foliage, and autumn gourds, the winter snow scene was a spectacle of elegant majesty, surpassing anything we could have envisioned.

Bundled up with coats and scarves, hats and gloves, we made the walk to the Marginal Way, unsure how far we’d get before the weather and wind turned us back. Even in the winter hour, there was the living smell of ocean – favored scent of youth and vacations – the scent that pricked at the heart and the appetite – the secret of life crashing down in the regular, rhythmic intervals of waves.

Walking the Marginal Way, and the path that would always mean so much to us, there was calm and healing, even in the cold, and we found ourselves unbothered by the bit of wind that occasionally swirled. Entranced by the sea – this might be how sailors were lured to tempting dangers – we traversed the entire Marginal Way, having no issue with the slippery slopes and occasional winter breeze.

In fact, this was one of the calmer and quieter walks along the Marginal Way – usually the wind and the surf and the crowds are all battling to be heard over each other. On this late morning, all was mostly still and silent – a contemplative glimpse of the Beautiful Place By the Sea, and I was grateful.

Seeing our favorite spots bedecked by snow and ice was as magnificent as expected – winter lending its own sort of magic to the environs we’ve only ever experienced in warmer months.

Most of Perkins Cove was closed on this particular weekend, but it didn’t matter – we weren’t there for shopping or dining – we were there for the winter, and it did not disappoint. We walked back into town as snow started to fall again – big, fluffy, beautiful flakes – the stuff of charmed tales that ended with a cup of hot chocolate.

That evening, we had dinner at Walker’s and called an early night – it was so cozy and comfortable at the Scotch Hill Inn that we simply enjoyed the time together. Meanwhile, the snow continued to fall…

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Beautiful Winter Place By the Sea – Part 1

Ever since our very first vacation to Ogunquit as a couple twenty five-plus years ago, Andy and I have wanted to visit when snow was on the rocks and trees, and the cozy holiday scenes of December still echoed and lit the winter nights. Mom has also wanted experience an Ogunquit snowfall, in the same way she enjoyed a Boston snowstorm – safe and at a cozy vantage point.

Thanks to a gracious invitation from our innkeeper Anthony of the Scotch Hill Inn, who was generous enough to have us over for Mom’s birthday weekend, we finally managed to make that winter dream a reality, and round out every season in this Beautiful Place by the Sea. As hoped for, winter in Ogunquit holds charms no other time of the year could afford.

Back when we started staying at the Scotch Hill Inn, Anthony would tease us with tantalizing tales regaling evenings on the expansive front porch of his Inn watching as a snowstorm would barrel down the street and drop its wintry carriage, all the while warmed by blankets and a little heater, sipping on hot chocolate with or without some extra liquid heat, and it sounded like the coziest scene.

Finally, we took him up on his offer, and arrived with Mom for a long weekend. The weather forecast was all over the place, and we’d learned long ago that the most accurate weather forecast in Ogunquit was found stepping outside to see what was actually happening at that moment; everything else was guess-work, and mostly mistaken at that. On this weekend, the snow would deliver its wished-for effect, but not in such overwhelming quantities so as to derail travel or the occasional walk.

We’d never driven in Maine in the winter, and arriving to a summer town in the throes of the off-season was a welcome change from our May and October visits, when Route 1 was routinely a snarl of strangled traffic, snaking its way slowly along – so slowly that foot-traffic often passed the pace of cars. No such scene greeted us now. All was clear and quiet, and as we arrived to a gorgeous house still blessedly decked out for the holidays, we looked to extend the bonhomie of the season with a delicious dinner by Anthony himself – no small gift considering his extensive chef experience. (The breakfasts of the Scotch Hill Inn are rightfully and well-deservedly renowned.) We gathered for pre-dinner drinks on the porch and met some of Anthony’s Friday night gang – neighbors and friends who formed this happy little winter family. So good was the company and conversation that we didn’t make it to bed until midnight – and then we slept the peaceful sleep with which a night in Ogunquit contentedly concludes.

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Dazzler of the Day: Nancy Lee Grahn

It’s strange to think of how influential the NBC Daytime lineup was to me back in the 80’s, and it was on those soap operas where I found expression for my love of drama and intrigue and over-the-top lifestyles and behavior. While my grandmother introduced me to ‘Days of Our Lives’, it was ‘Santa Barbara’ that caught my interest (rather helpfully, as at that time we didn’t even have a VCR to catch a show, so a 1 PM airtime for Days didn’t work well with school – ‘Santa Barbara’ was just getting started when I usually got home, so I didn’t have to rely solely on Soap Opera Digest to keep me up to date.

One of my favorite characters, Julia Capwell, was a no-nonsense lawyer who held her own with Mason Capwell and just about anyone who crossed her path. It was a performance grounded by the natural presence and power of Nancy Lee Grahn, who has made a lifelong career in an industry where only the strongest and most talented survive. She just won the Emmy for Outstanding Lead Performance in a Daytime Drama Series. More impressive of late, and the main reason for this Dazzler of the Day crowning, is her online voice against the current fascist administration. She tells it like it is, and isn’t afraid to take a stand for what is right and just – she has more spine and integrity than the majority of those in Congress right now.

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