Author Archives: Alan Ilagan

The FALL of the COWBOY: A Preamble

“Day by day and night by night we were together – all else has long been forgotten by me.” ~ Walt Whitman

The letters fell into my possession through chance and luck, and maybe some nudge of the universe that understood only I could put them out and share a bittersweet story with the world – one of likely many similar stories from a time when it was dangerous and deadly to be different. They came from a time when men would not have typically written to each other, and if by some strange stroke they did, not much of import would have been said. In that respect, there is more to be read between the lines and within the omissions than is usually there, which makes deciphering this love story – if that’s what it is – especially tricky. I’ve taken great license and probably made a bunch of shit up, but it didn’t really feel like I was writing this. Something or someone else compelled my hands across lined paper, slowly drawing forth a story that is based only on letters – ancient, forgotten, discarded letters that may never have even reached their intended recipient. 

The small cache of letters was found in a hidden drawer of a worn and battered chest in Maine, a treasure that came across my path in some antique store I haven’t been able to find again since. The wood smelled strongly of pine, like the smell of history. The chest was stamped with some identifying information that once may have meant something to someone, like the dates stamped on certain Wedgwood pieces which were forged in England. 

While moving it, I felt and heard something shuffle but that made no sense as I’d just cleaned and emptied the inside. Looking around for something else that was making a noise, perhaps some fly or bee that was around, or the metal-studded ends of a pair of drawstrings on shorts, there was nothing. I lifted the chest and shook it again, and there, distinctly, was the sound of something moving. Carefully, I opened it up again, and found nothing. While it was open I lifted it and shook it once more – some shuffling sounded, something was in it, but I was looking inside and saw nothing – then I turned it over and the faintest outline of a small trap door revealed itself to my eyes when they stopped focusing so hard. 

A collection of letters, written on degrading parchment, bound with fraying twine, some missing pieces chewed by mice or moths, fell to the ground. They tell the abstract story of falling in love through scattered scenes and pictures of moments, sketches of feelings and rough renderings of emotions – nothing too concrete or spelled neatly out until the last one – but a story appears between the lines, within the very fibers of the thick paper, if you know how to listen, if you cull the sentiment behind the silence. The world was quieter then, and it’s usually easier to make sense of things in the quiet. 

Rather than get into the particulars of how the letters happened to find their way to this chest (because that might incriminate otherwise blameless folks who only wanted the story to see the light of the internet) I’ll keep this in the language and style of the story that was told, and let the narrative, put together as best as I could glean, speak for itself, at least from the point of view of the younger protagonist/narrator. Like all episodes of storytelling, something is sure to be lost in this rendition, but since when have I proclaimed this to be a space of accuracy, moral or otherwise?

Ripped in two, the first part of the very last letter our Narrator ever wrote to The Cowboy reads like a cliffhanger, given even more suspense by the mystery of someone’s ultimate disappearance – a mystery shrouded and still unsolved by the eventual appearance of a body, and the solving of one mystery so often leads to more mysteries, secrets loving company and kindred spirits as they do. This letter is the longest of the bunch – a full two pages, written carefully and deliberately, and gives the clearest picture of what may have happened between these two men. I present the first half of it now, to give you an idea of where this story is headed. 

The Last Letter to the Cowboy – So Far as Can be Told

Dear Cowboy – Forgive me if you’re not a real Cowboy. You never did explain what you meant by that. You never explained a lot of things you said you would, like the story of your parents that you promised would explain your origin, and I never mustered the courage to insist. 
This letter has been written a hundred times, in a hundred different ways, and placed in a hundred locations where I thought you might surreptitiously discover it. If it finds you at all, it will be a bit of a miracle, but it’s the only hope I have left, and it isn’t much. 
This will be my last attempt at finding you, but you will always be in the back of my mind, in whatever new town or city I stumble into, and it will subconsciously impel me to traverse the world in the secret latent hope that I will one day happen upon you. You will ruin me for all others who follow in your wake – the ones who dare to kiss me, the ones who think they can tame, the ones who love unconditionally and smother me with affection – no one will ever fill the hole you left. Maybe that’s the fucked-up mark of true love, and if you find it and ruin it then your life will never be quite whole again. I feel like that’s what you did to us. But what do I know. I’m only twenty. I still live with my parents. And you… you are gone. 
I fear this is the last letter I will ever send to you. If intuition is any indicator, you have left us all for good, and maybe forever. This letter will have to do as my final thank you and my final farewell. I don’t know where you are and I don’t know where I am headed. Will we ever meet again? 
Thought I’d spend the rest of my life roaming with you, believed when you said as much, but that’s not how it turned out. I thought a cowboy was true to his word. Maybe only one word, not the many beautiful ones you wound around us late at night and into the mornings. Thought I then might spend it trying to find you but that feels wrong too. You said love shouldn’t be a chase or a hunt. Instead I gotta let it go – let you go. But not before I say a few more things… 

{The first part of the letter ends here, along a torn, frayed line which was subsequently taped back together – and we will take our leave on this tantalizing note, because otherwise what would impel anyone to return?}

————————-  

There is eloquence and poetry in this letter, in the way that only cowboys can convey, the way that only cowboys might understand. (I’ve intentionally ignored the grammatical and spelling errors as well.) In the earlier letters, which will be revealed in later posts, there is much less – literally. The first few read as almost perfunctory, but there is a kindness and softness that wouldn’t be common at such a time and in such a place. As with most letters, there is more to be said and gleaned from what isn’t written, what lies between the lines. You’ll forgive me for the liberties about to be taken, and I hope the Narrator forgives me as well. From here until the end, you’ll be reading his voice. His name is Levi. He is not quite a cowboy when this story begins. 

~ The FALL of the COWBOY ~ Autumn 2026 ~

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The Corn/Harvest Moon

The full moon arrives today. Called the Harvest Moon or Corn Moon for self-explanatory reasons, it’s the first full moon of the fall season. Not a reason to entirely lose one’s cool, but likely to contribute to it, if that’s the way one was already headed. Ideal set-up for walking after midnight, however, especially if you are without streetlights.

The spooky season is almost at hand. We will need all the light we can get.

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Boots for Walking After Midnight

Walking after midnight is not solely the province or habit of cowboys or country-western folk; many nights of my childhood were spent walking at the midnight hour, back when kids could walk anytime and anyplace. There’s something magical about the cloak of darkness that gives a person ease, and something wondrous about getting on your own two feet and getting away. A cowboy’s life is movement – and most movement begins with the simple act of putting one foot in front of the other.

I go out walkin’ after midnight
Out in the moonlight
Just like we used to do
I’m always walkin’ after midnight
Searchin’ for you

I walk for miles along the highway
Well, that’s just my way
Of sayin’, “I love you”
I’m always walkin’ after midnight
Searchin’ for you

Riding his horse or walking by his lonesome, a cowboy finds ample time to soak in his solitude. In some respects that’s the most powerful way I connect to the cowboy’s conduct – they have an affinity with solitude that I’ve always shared. Most people just aren’t comfortable for long stretches on their own; some can’t handle a few minutes without reaching out to their phone or other method of communicating with others. They’ve lost the ability to exist alone, which is very sad, as in the end we only have ourselves, and to not enjoy one’s own company is a hell I can’t imagine. It’s a little at odds with the music here, which pines for companionship and rails against loneliness. Loneliness is rarely an affliction of a proper cowboy – at least not loneliness in the usual sense.

I stop to see a weepin’ willow
Cryin’ on his pillow
Maybe he’s cryin’ for me
And as the skies turn gloomy
Night winds whisper to me
I’m lonesome as I can be

Even when he doesn’t have his horse, a cowboy has his walk. Only God or whatever entity you believe in can take that away. The ability to get from one place to another, to move your entire environment and change your atmosphere absolutely – it’s a powerful thing most of us forget or neglect or never even realize. The cowboy remembers. The cowboy knows. The cowboy walks.

I go out walkin’ after midnight
Out in the starlight
Just hopin’ you may be
Somewhere a-walkin’ after midnight
Searchin’ for me

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The Two Cowboy Waltz

When I first felt the pull of the cowboy motif for this fall’s atmosphere, I also felt decades of pushing against such a motif. As a gay man, and in these recent years of divisive strife especially, I didn’t always feel the country-western vibe was particularly welcoming. A big part of the cowboy co-opting at work this season is to turn such notions on their head – celebrating the gay cowboy lifestyle – a gorgeous amalgamation of country-western images with an open-minded acceptance and celebration of all people. Gay cowboy songs have always existed if you know how to listen and what to hear – and lately some are gloriously blatant and deliciously overt – as in this haunting and poignant ‘Two Cowboy Waltz’ by Mark Weigle.

Four cowboy boots
Gliding on air
Turning and turning
While I stand and stare
At the two cowboy waltz
At the two cowboy waltz

Grace, and dignity
So hard to come by
That I stand in rapture
As I watch them dance by
In the two cowboy waltz
The two cowboy waltz

This also sets the stage for our cowboy story, set to begin posting tomorrow. It’s a sort of love story – the way any cowboy story is a sort of love story – with something sweet, something ruinous, and something lonesome. Tale as old as time and all that good stuff, given a cowboy edge and the kind of grit that never quite detracts from its beauty.

With shiny pearl buttons
In faded blue jeans
He’ll turn to me
Tonight in my dreams
And we’ll dance

Don’t think this will be a sweet ride the whole way through – a cowboy’s life is rarely so easy and linear. They like the twists and turns, else they wouldn’t give up so much for so seemingly little. And a story of happily ever after is only worth anything if there is adversity or tragedy coming beforehand to give it flavor and spice and contrast.

The two cowboy waltz
The two cowboy waltz

He’ll take my hand
Look into my eyes
Then stetson to stetson
Together we’ll fly

For now, though, let’s have a moment of romantic abandon – in that space right before the fall, that place when it could be the thing that changes your life for the better, that makes everything fall into perfect harmony and destiny. This is what we all seek, whether we realize it or not – the moment of hope, the sort of perfection that only exists because it’s in our minds. Never again will it be this lovely – it will have different resonance, different joy, but it won’t ever be as lovely. I wish it would be. I wish it could be. And maybe that’s just my own jaded experience. Maybe this time the cowboys will live happily ever after…

The two cowboy waltz
The two cowboy waltz

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The Spooking Season

In the cowboy world, getting spooked could end in death. A spooked horse could buck a rider off and drag them to their death. A spooked dog could provoke a snake to administer a deadly bite, releasing its venom without thought or reason. A spooked human could ensnare a cowboy’s heart and destroy his life in a single spring.

Cowboys lived on a strange mix of superstition, spirituality, sorcery and survival. There was a cowboy code, but its rules were like quicksilver, its tenets as firm and stable as the downy fuzz at the base of a feather. Keeping a life together amid these ever-sliding nuances was the stuff of desperate magic – cementing some views of the cowboy as the ultimate charlatan – full of charisma and fun – able to charm and win over hearts and heads and other extremities.

The road ever-ahead of a cowboy was one way only – it didn’t allow for turning back, and as such cowboys were remarkably present and of the moment, wholly invested in wherever they found themselves. They entirely inhabited their bodies and their space, becoming one with each in a powerful and unbreakable way. Because of this, there was something rather Zen-like about most cowboys – as risky as it is to paint such unique creatures with such broad strokes.

Cowboys defied categorization as easily as they almost all adhered to the basic principles of cowboy life. A certain irreverence and flippant insouciance meant some people would never take them seriously – the way the most special, the most beautiful, the most unique and remarkable would always need to be banished or brought down.

As sunny as the cowboy’s path might look to the outsider, their internal travels were rarely easy or pretty – they seemed to have a gene for perpetual dissatisfaction, tempered with an equally-pressing insistence on seeing the bright side and humor of any dismal situation. That might be part of having a life endangered more often than most people.

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A Kind of Cowboy Trouble

“It was the kind of confidence that every cowboy needed in dealing with an intimidating bronc. Still, the quickest way for a rider to get in trouble was to take undue pride in his ability…” – Patrick Dearen

Most cowboys carry a certain hubris that is intrinsic to their soul. It’s not something necessarily negative – it simply forms that part of them that allows for such an independent way of moving through life: you have to really believe in yourself to stay true to who you are. Call it hubris, call it pride, call it confidence, call it vanity – and I’ve certainly been called all of it over this last half-century – it’s a pillar of survival for the cowboy.

I am just a cowboy, lonesome on the trail
A starry night, a campfire light
The coyote call and the howlin’ winds wail
So I’ll ride out to the old sundown

I am just a cowboy lonesome on the trail
Lord, I’m just thinking about a certain female
The nights we spent together riding on the range
Looking back it seems so strange

A real cowboy bucks against the societal restraints that make most of us cling to our day jobs in service of family or mortgage. A cowboy wants no constraints or rules or laws. A cowboy seeks freedom and a day of riding – all a meditation unto themselves. A cowboy can be a very peaceable person when left to their own devices and code. Most of us can be, I suppose.

Roll me over and turn me around
Let me keep spinning ’til I hit the ground
Roll me over and let me go
Riding in the rodeo

The cowboy’s life can be messy, and it usually is. They work hard (sometimes) and they play hard (sometimes) and through it all they keep to their cowboy code even as it shifts beneath their boots. They’re used to shifting stirrups, to the instability of the animal between their legs. They know how to follow such movement; they become such movement, as if an extension of the animal itself. When you are the movement, you can never be pinned down. It’s like trying to catch the wind.

I was took in Texas I did not know her name
Lord, all these southern girls seem the same
Down below the border in a town in Mexico
I got my job busting broncs for the rodeo

Roll me over and turn me around
Let me keep spinning ’til I hit the ground
Roll me over and let me go
Running free with the buffalo
Here I go!

Roll me over and I’ll turn around
And I’ll move my fingers
Up and down, Up and down

It’s OK amigo
Just let me go
Riding in the rodeo

It’s often hard to love a cowboy. I won’t shoot my wad this early, just hint at what’s to come, so to speak. So yes, hard to love a cowboy. Or at least hard to love a cowboy type – the person that has that cowboy essence in them. It’s a sort of restlessness, a dissatisfaction with the lots in life afforded most of us. Coupled with a sort of hubris, an essential belief in themselves that life is theirs for the taking – for the riding, for the spinning and falling, and the freedom. When a person believes in themselves, it’s very difficult for others not to believe in them too. Or so it should seem to be, to me.

Roll me over and turn me around
Let me keep spinning ’til I hit the ground
Roll me over and let me go
Riding in the rodeo

Roll me over and set me free
The cowboy’s life is the life for me

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Berry Mayhem

The first weekend of Fall 2026 is about to kick off, and tomorrow brings a full Corn/Harvest Moon, so get ready to howl and bray or whatever sort of noise you want to make. Full moon madness is no joke, and the only way I know how to successfully deal with it is by preparing yourself to simply go with the flow. There will be mess-ups and mistakes, and it may feel like the whole world is trying to gaslight you. Welcome to my average day. We will get through it. Fall wants to seduce us, then trip us up. A basic awareness of difficulty in the air makes it easier to accept.

My first fall visit to Boston is scheduled for this weekend, so I’ll be celebrating in cowboy style there – will report back next week if I feel like it – or maybe this will be one of those low-key quiet trips that doesn’t get a full write-up. Let’s not decide anything now – it’s not wise to make planning decisions when the moon is near full. Just go through it to get through it. Hang onto your cowboy hats!

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What’s the worst that could happen?

My latest middle-to-late-aged move has been forgetting to shut off the oven or stove-top when I’m done “cooking“.

That’s always fun.

Thank God for Andy.

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Tom Ford’s Cowboy Scent

As if on cue, Tom Ford just released a flanker to his ‘Ombre Leather’ scent – Ombre Leather Reserve – and my friend Betsy was kind enough to pick up a bottle on sale while on her latest cruise in the Bahamas. (Good thing too, as it wasn’t available anywhere I looked the last time I was in Boston.) It arrived just in time for this Fall of the Cowboy, and the Tom Ford company itself writes that this is a woody leather scent inspired by the high desert of the American West. With elements of juniper and the resinous smokiness of pinyon wood softened by sandalwood, a woody leather is indeed amply descriptive of the first twenty minutes or so – in which notes of cypress also surface, lending the opening a greener aspect than I’d antiquated – and a most welcome one at that. The leather is still the rich, dark star of the show, driving it into almost challenging territory.

That opening has its prickly points, with a few moments of questionable tar and petrol giving the initial impression a darker and more challenging shade than it might deserve, before it dissipates into something sweeter. With ancestry rooted in Ford’s original ‘Tuscan Leather’, and this being a flanker of ‘Ombre Leather’, it isn’t brand new territory for the fragrance line, but it’s different enough to merit another bottle, thanks to the woodier juniper notes and the green accents that lend it life.

It dries down into its loveliest form at about an hour into the journey and stays there for a while – when the sandalwood and violet finally take their place high above the wild, Wild West. The best part of both the Tuscan and Ombre leathers was this exquisite dry-down (in the former’s case a sweet raspberry) and the Reserve’s dry-down is just as beautiful.

It makes for the perfect companion fragrance to the Fall of the Cowboy – and when the universe whispers agreement and alignment in such matters, you know we are on the right track.

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A Cowboy Fall

Last Sunday the weather changed. In one fell swoop, the rain had arrived in the night, and with it a cooler atmosphere by about fifteen degrees. A jarring start to a Sunday morning. When I opened the door to the back patio, I just as quickly shut it. Amazing the way a single rainy day can seemingly erase an entire summer of hot and sunny days – as if they’d never happened, as if the spring had returned and we had a chance to start again – as if the dead body of summer didn’t lay between us.

It’s been a while, my friend
Counting days don’t seem to end
I haven’t spoken to my poor mom since I can’t remember when
It’s hard when someone knows just where you’ve been

Orville Peck’s new album ‘Mule’ came out after the concept and plan for this fall’s theme was in place, so I can’t take or give credit for the timing, but it works, and the album is a masterpiece. This cut is especially fitting, titled ‘The Fall’ and perfectly placed to help kick off this season of cowboy grit and drama. A contemplative yearning bleeds across the melody and lyrics – it’s the feeling of fall – a lonesome sort of feeling. This won’t be the last of that phrase or feeling. Fall can crush the soul that way. Fall will crush the soul.

So come around, my dear
Take a rest right here
And I will share your pain, I’ve seen it all

Hot summer nights is where we started
But it’s been cold since when we parted
You used to tell me we’d get through it all
We were flying, how could we have seen the fall?

It’s hard to let go of some summers. Others past relatively uneventfully, forgotten in a cruel way – because summer should never be forgotten. Still others can’t pass quickly enough. This was one of those latter ones – not for any truly traumatic way, just for the way I hid away from its heat and sun and revelation. I ran away from the joy and the moment – spending my final days as a 50-year-old sheltered from the world and the wide sky. Not exactly sure why. Fear of letting go, perhaps.

Still the Hudson flows
Guess that’s just the way it goes
I’ve been checkin’ on the leaves to see if they’ve turned brown and gold
Who made time so slow?

I watch the sun come up
Strangers fill my cup
Empty out the bag, it’s making noise

Run down my heart with many lovers
Hide my head under the covers
The wind is blowing, hear it at the wall
Yeah, all that time we were just laughing through the fall

Fall signals ambivalence now – a mixed bag of feelings and emotions, memories and tricky rabbit holes that lead into the past, only to fuck with the future. Greeting it with a hesitant wariness, the way I’m suspicious of most things in the world now, I implore myself to leave past and future alone, and strive to focus solely on the present. Mindfulness is the surest way of getting through a day as well as a season.

And don’t you ask me how I’ve been
I wore that chain every day, as if it were a ring
And it hurt so bad to see you, so please next time keep walking
As for the rest of you, please don’t ask me to sing

Fall used to mean a new beginning – even more than spring for reasons not fully understood by my small brain. It was the season that marked a resurgence in order and structure after the carefree and loose summer – for a Virgo that was heaven. As much as I hated returning to school, I’ve always relished the opportunity for a new wardrobe, a new image, a new era, a new project. Fall’s cooler nights and crisp mornings were the jolt of inspiration to get my shit in order again if I’d let things fall by the wayside in the summer heat. Now it feels different: the preamble to winter. There is sorrow and an element of danger present – will it be the winter of the seasonal year, or the winter of a lifetime? After the age of fifty, any fall could be the last – and there are fewer falls ahead of me than behind me. I can’t look away from that anymore.

So don’t look down
No, you won’t see the ground
Just a life that passes by you while you float

When a cowboy grows old, anything can happen. Truth is, many cowboys don’t get the chance to grow old – and for those that do, it always feels a bit like a surprise. A nasty, cruel, dangerous surprise – the way a prairie dog hole can trip up a horse, landing rider and animal suddenly on the ground. Hopefully the rider remains on top, because if he or she doesn’t, few survive being beneath a horse without injury or death.

Hot summer nights is where we started
But it’s been cold since when we parted
At The Bowery’s where I heard the angels call
I thought it was the end, then I recalled the fall
I thought it was goodbye, then I recalled the fall.

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Dazzler of the Day: Brian Falduto

Dovetailing beautifully with this Fall of the Cowboy, Brian Falduto gets crowned Dazzler of the Day thanks to his country music with a queer twist. His latest song ‘Free Coffee’ is most definitely a song for the season, and his ‘Same Old Country Song’ sets the stage for the very gay cowboy stories about to unfurl here. Falduto is set to release a new EP – ‘I Could Be Happy’ – later this fall, and keen-eyed observers may remember his younger turn in ‘School of Rock’. As a certified life coach, he marries social wisdom with country pop, weaving an indelible image and sound together that fits perfectly into our Fall of the Cowboy. Check out Brian’s website here.

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Squashing It

‘Tis the season of gourds and squash and harvest items, oh my! The ones seen here are mostly decorative, and around these parts we don’t scoff or diminish the merely decorative – in fact, the decorative is what gives this site its lifeblood. Attractiveness and appearance and window dressing are our stocks in trade – image leads substance, prettiness comes before politics, and beauty is the law of the land. 

Magnificently, beauty comes in all sorts and kinds, and one person’s idea of beauty could well be another’s idea of ugly. That’s the wonderful part of life as a human, if you allow it to be – we are all so inconceivably different, even when we think we are the same. The inexpressible infinite expanse of being a human being – the same way every gourd is one of a kind, never to be exactly duplicated or reproduced in precisely the same way. The marvel of that should never go unnoticed or disrespected.

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The Pose of a Punk Ass Cowboy

“Try it on me!” ~ Whitney Houston to Mariah Carey, or Mariah Carey to Whitney Houston, at the MTV Video Music Awards circa mid to late 90’s

Never having been a fan of country music, my interest in the country western vibe that has taken over this website and this autumn may seem at odds with who I am, yet if you dig deeper into what makes a cowboy a cowboy – the internal machinations and make-up of the rebellious fringe-dweller who refuses to conform to what society wants – it’s actually a good fit. Still, I understand if this feels like just another pose – as I have lived most of my life as a provocative poseur. It’s too late to change, and too late to apologize. The die of the chameleon has been cast.

Well I don’t wanna be a big star and I don’t need to drive a new car

Well I don’t wanna wear no new clothes and you won’t catch me looking down my nose

Don’t you tell me I don’t belong out here…

I’m a punk rock spy in the house of honky tonk heaven

Yeah I’m a punk rock spy in the house of honky tonk heaven

I got a punk rock heart but the punk and the honky go together

Another mask, another guise, another persona to inhabit for a spell to work out whatever kinks remain, exorcizing demons past and present and possibly future, and if the cowboy is the conduit, I’m more than ready to saddle up. In a way, this is how art operates when used as a vehicle to find something or feel something or process something. Will I be bucking off broncos or herding cattle or stringing barbed-wire fences anytime soon? Of course not. Will I distract and dazzle in cowboy cosplay while buying myself some therapy and creative catharsis? Absolutely. And can I relate to someone who has historically been an outsider, a rebel, a person hellbent on living life on their own terms in defiance of social constraints and mores? Fuck yeah. 

The writer and performer of this song – Charlie Overbey – expresses what it’s like to straddle genres – punk, country, honky tonk, blues, and rock – while not being defined or labelled as any single one of them. A standard flummoxed reaction often results when someone falls into uncharted territory, or somewhere in between or in several different categories. Humans want so much to organize things and understand others in the most basic of terms, when we are all too complex and nuanced and different to really conform to any single set of standards or descriptions. There are always exceptions, always footnotes, always asterisks and ‘See also’s and all sorts of annotations. 

And those of us who dare to change, or evolve, or become something different from what people assumed us to be – well, we are viewed as suspect, as less than authentic, as a shape-shifting creature of mythology – not to be trusted or counted on or safe as someone they have supposedly figured out. We make others uncomfortable because our certainty is in our evolution. But I digress… This is the fall of the cowboy, not the chameleon – and cowboys are nothing if not sure of themselves. 

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My First Pair of Cowboy Boots

Stepping into the pair of cowboy boots for the first time, I was expecting to be met with resistance or discomfort, some sort of constriction or unfamiliarity that required adjustment or force. I was shocked to feel my feet slip into place without pain or struggle, shoehorn or lubricant. It was as if my feet were coming home, returning to a place they’d never known but always belonged. Sliding my jeans over them and standing up fully, I instantly felt something I have rarely felt, something that everyone assumes I have in spades: swagger. Taking a few steps in anything but tentative fashion, I finally understood what swagger was, and how it felt to have it. 

One walks differently in cowboy boots. The heel is markedly higher than most of my shoes, and for a guy largely unaccustomed to high heels (against all popular belief) it’s a drastic change. They push you forward, as if some dusty guiding hand from a past life is physically encouraging you to keep going. At the same time, they set your upper body back, as if your shoulders and head are compensating for the forward inclination by rearing backwards a bit, which somehow makes for a more relaxed and confident carriage. 

Steps feel more deliberate, more certain and sure – no more gingerly alighting on the tips of toes or carefully prancing about a bed of stinging nettles – these boots were made for walking, offering protection up to and encasing the calves. Fortified and armored by leather and studs, the sureness of my footfalls lends a confidence and, yes, a swagger that others may have attributed to the image and idea that preceded my expected appearance anywhere. Only now did I feel it myself, emanating from within for the first time, when it had only ever been on the outside. What utter and laughable irony that such internal validation should come about from putting on a pair of cowboy boots – and how utterly fitting it is at the same time. My life – my worth – dictated and divined by a pair of shoes. 

Cowboys they are ladies men all right they’ll love ’em up and talk ’em up all night
But they’re lonely when there’s nothing else to do
And that’s what makes the cowboys sing the blues
He does a little Shakespeare and he sings, he plays the mandolin and other things

He looks for love beauty and IQ and that’s what makes the cowboy sing the blues
Cowboys have to fall in love get hurt and all that bit
Let their hearts hang out so they can write you all a hit
So ladies if they ask you don’t refuse let’s all help the cowboys sing the blues

Cowboys they don’t ever understand this thing between a woman and a man
Until they find the one they always lose
That’s what makes the cowboys sing the blues
A cowboy takes his lonely pen in hand and tries to make somebody understand

But she has ears to hear a different tune
And that’s what makes the cowboy sing the blues
Cowboys have to fall in love…
Let’s all help the cowboys sing the blues

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Autumn Theme 2026: The FALL of the COWBOY

‘If you remember one thing from my story let it be this: in life – and in love – nobody falls harder than a cowboy.’

Never thought I’d be embracing the Country-Western vibe that is set to embody this fall season of ALANILAGAN.com, but sometimes we become that which we resist the most. There’s a lesson hidden somewhere here, a lesson that may or may not become more clear as the season progresses – for now, I’m learning what it means to be a modern-day cowboy, and at the moment it feels closer to my heart than sequins or feathers. There’s a story here too – probably several, as stories tend to beget more stories – and I’m going to take my time telling it. Fall is always longer than we think it will be. 

I spied a poor cowboy wrapped up in white linen
Wrapped up in white linen as cold as the clay
“I see by your outfit that you are a cowboy”
These words he did speak as I boldly stepped by
“Come sit down beside me and hear my sad fortune
I was shot in the breast and I know I must die.”

What is a cowboy?
A cowboy is a vision. 
A cowboy is a fashion.
A cowboy is a fusion. 
A cowboy is a herder – of cattle, of people, of thoughts, of ideas…
A cowboy is a rancher – of land, of earth, of imagined mindscapes…
A cowboy is a poker and prodder – of cows, of friends, of lovers, of strangers…
A cowboy is a dreamer – of dreams, of hopes, of tomorrows…
A cowboy gets up to ride again, no matter how many times he was rode hard and put away wet. 

Go beat the drum slowly, and play the fife lowly
Play the death march as you carry me along
Take me to the graveyard then lay the sod over me
For I’m a young cowboy and I know I’ve done wrong

Shattering what we’ve been led to believe, the real heart of this country – America, in whatever broken sense or state we find ourselves in right now – is a fierce independence, a willingness to go it alone, the way the founders of our country broke off from England all those centuries ago – and a fierceness at odds with the current administration which wants the dumb and stupid sheep to do as they say without questioning or wondering at basic easily-discerned truths. 

The real essence of America is freedom and the right to live as authentically as we feel. Forget the flag-waving skewered views bent and misshapen to a white nationalism and Christian cult that wants nothing more than to destroy and hate anyone remotely different. The real American embraces our differences, celebrates everyone’s right to live out their lives as they so choose, and offers grace and acceptance to those in need. That dovetails with the basic tenets of a cowboy, whose philosophy has largely been to live and let live. There’s nothing more American than a cowboy – and a cowboy won’t mind any of your business so long as you don’t mind his. 

Go gather around you a crowd of young cowboys
And tell them the story of this my sad fate
Tell one and the other before you go further
To stop their wild roving before it’s too late

At his heart, a cowboy is a loner and a rebel, Pee-Wee Herman style. He sets his own beat, dances his own dance (Tequila!) and lives his own life. If he’s invited you to be part of it in any way, that’s a rare and precious gift, one that shouldn’t be squandered or scoffed at – and one that will likely not come many times in his life. And just because you’ve been included once doesn’t mean you will be again. A cowboy reserves the right to withdraw at any time, and will often do so. Being left out of their circle once you’ve been in can feel like a harsh exacting of a price you never realized existed, a bit of heartbreak you never knew you were inflicting. 

It was once in the saddle I used to go dashing
It was once in the saddle I used to go gay
First to the dramhouse and then to the cardhouse
Got shot in the breast, I am dying today

A cowboy is not sentimental; a cowboy is not without heart. 
A cowboy is a conundrum, but not a problem to be solved. 
A cowboy is his own torture. 
A cowboy is his own salvation. 
A cowboy is his own worst enemy.
A cowboy always slays his worst enemy.

The cardinal rule for all cowboys was simply to never fall in love. Falling in love posed the greatest threat to the existence of a cowboy. There would always be temptations to do so, but a true cowboy understands that this is their biggest choice in life – this is what makes them a cowboy – and it’s what separates them out from the others. Fierce and ferocious independence.

Get six jolly cowboys to carry my coffin
Get six pretty maidens to bear up my pall
Put bunches of roses all over my coffin
Put roses to deaden the clods when they fall

Go bring me a cup, a cup of cold water
To cool my parched lips, ” the cowboy said
Before I turned, the spirit had left him
And gone to its giver, the cowboy was dead

The essence of a cowboy is in his solitude. They need their alone time. They cannot afford to get attached. They cannot become co-dependent. Solitude is integral to how they make their way in the world. It is the key to their survival, and to fall in love would be to risk that essential solitude. 

To fall in love would be deadly to a cowboy. 

That’s worth a pause to consider. 

A cowboy is an attitude.
A cowboy is a rebel.
A cowboy is a creature beholden only to himself. 
A cowboy makes his own rules and abides only to the cowboy code. 
A cowboy makes his own way while longing for something he knows he will never find – and that doesn’t mean he won’t try. 

We beat the drum slowly and played the fife lowly
And bitterly wept as we bore him along
For we all loved our cowboy, so brave, young, and handsome
We all loved our cowboy although he’d done wrong

All this being said, sometimes life doesn’t always follow the tried and true path that we all think we know so well. And some cowboys did fall, and made perfectly happy situations for themselves by living with someone else and not going it completely alone, but they were never quite full-fledged cowboys after that, were they? More often, some fell and found themselves in perfectly unhappy situations, cowboys being largely disagreeable to bending for others. But if there’s one thing you take away from this entire fall of the cowboy, I ask that you remember this, especially when you are feeling ungenerous, unkind or unmerciful in your estimation of anyone else’s unhappy ending: in life – and in love – no one falls harder than a cowboy. 

The FALL of the COWBOY: Autumn 2026 at ALANILAGAN.com

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