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Sucking a Tit Two Feet From My Face

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I always get in trouble when I decry breastfeeding in certain public places. Let me preface this by saying that I don’t mind when it’s necessary, and I have nothing against the practice at all. A three-hour plane or train ride? Give the kid a drink. A trip to the grocery store to get food for the family? Pop it out and go to town. But a stop at Starbucks? That’s not necessary. And breastfeeding your child in the seat next to me when every other table and chair was open and available? That’s just rude.

My issue is not with breastfeeding in public. There are times when a woman has no other choice. But at Starbucks? No. Starbucks is a choice. Coffee is not a necessity. You can do it in the car or at home before or after your trip to the cafe. Better yet, how about simply remembering, “Oh, I have a baby to breastfeed. I’ll get this coffee to go.” Instead, as I lift a cream-topped peppermint mocha to my lips I see a saggy tit getting suckled by a slobbering baby just two feet from my face. (Hey, if you’re going to do things in public, I’m going to write about it.)

I’ve heard people say that breastfeeding is a natural and beautiful part of life. Well, for some of us masturbating is natural and beautiful. How would you like it if I whipped out my dick and shot a load in my empty Starbucks cup? Eggnog Latte, straight up and coming your way. Some things just don’t belong in Starbucks.

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