The Blog | Alan Ilagan

13
September
2025

Tags: Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy's Tale, Music

The Party’s Over

A hair-bumped reprieve at that moment when the guests have all gone, the candles have been blown out, and the saddest strings of smoke hang limply in the air.

“It’s so much darker when a light goes out than it would have been if it had never shone.” – John Steinbeck

Still we light our candles, still we try to shine, still we plan our parties…

The party’s over.
It’s time to call it a day.
No matter how you pretend, you knew it would end this way.
It’s time to wind up the masquerade.
Just make your mind up,
the piper must be paid.

The party’s over.
The candles flicker and dim.
Dance and dream through the night,
It seemed to be right just being with him.
Now you must wake up; all dreams must end.
Take off your makeup.

The party’s over.
It’s all over, my friend.
La da da di da
La da da da da

You danced and dreamed through the night
It seemed to be right just being with him.
Now you must wake up,
All dreams must end.
Take off your makeup,
The party’s over,
It’s all over, my friend.

~ The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale ~

Pink Frilly Fairy: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three
Homage to Herb: Part One, Part Two and Part Three
A Purple-Hued Interlude
Style & Panache: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
Purple Puff Confection: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
A Blue-Hued Interlude
Fuchsia Fabulousness: Part One. Part Two and Part Three.
Bad Boy Bangs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
Vanity Under Where: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
Sugar Plum Ballerina: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
A Pool Frolic: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
A Cemetery Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
Powder Blue Fur Doll: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
A Milky Interlude
Rock Out, Cock Out/ Hang Out, Wang Out: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
Cocktail Cocktale: Part One and Part Two.
A Fairy’s Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
Willy Wonkers: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
A Peacock In Everything But Beauty: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
Swan Lake Fantasia: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, and Part Four.
Black & White in Briefs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
Weave of Basket, Weave of Rope: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, and Part Five.
Chains of Gray to Color: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
Black Jockstrap: Back Entry: Part One, Part Two and Part Three.
Super Fairy Interlude: Part One, Part Two and Part Three.
American Psychology: Part One and Part Two.
Jocks & Frocks: Part One, Part Two and Part Three.
Wigging Out Interlude
Shedding Selves & Beating Oneself Up: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, and Part Four.
Pretty, Oh So Pretty: Part One and Part Two.
Amber Vanity: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
Bowler Hat Masked Mayhem: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, and Part Four.
Candy Everybody Wants: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, and Part Five.
Razzling, Dazzling, Running Mascara: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, and Part Four.
All Is Skull Fucked Vanity: Part One.

13
September
2025

Tags: Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy's Tale

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We have reached the penultimate weekend of our posting schedule for The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale. Revisiting this project from 2005 has been a mostly-amusing, and occasionally-arduous exercise over the past summer season. It’s allowed me to re-examine choices (sartorially and emotionally), re-evaluate plans and hopes, and re-align the vision I had back then with whatever slight wisdom I may have gained in the past twenty years.

This mini-cliff-hanger before next weekend’s planned finale sets up the dark ending that was the only way this project was ever going to end. It shouldn’t come as any surprise, but even the most expected outcomes carry with them a sliver of hope that things might have gone a different direction. It’s the essence of being human: hoping against the inevitable and hanging onto a belief that anything could ever last. In some ways, this project was my way of reconciling myself to the end, because there is always an end, even if we don’t yet see one.

Lest anyone sound the alarms or call the po-po, this is a reminder that The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale was released twenty years ago. The ending at hand is purely metaphorical, and reveals more the destruction of this fairyland and the end of a mode of living that delved perhaps a bit too much into the realm of fantasy. It may strike with a greater resonance given the current world climate, and the desire to escape from a very real awfulness, but back then things weren’t nearly as serious.

And so, the end is near, and we are about to face the final curtain…

When all is stripped away,

when all is revealed,

when all else is gone,

All Is Vanity.

Married to darkness, bound to night, our diva is poised on the precipice of flight or falling.

Stilled at the right moment, who could tell the difference?

LAUGHING SCREAMING TUMBLING QUEEN
LIKE THE MOST AMAZING LIGHT SHOW THAT YOU’VE EVER SEEN
WHIRLING SWIRLING NEVER BLUE
HOW COULD YOU GO AND DIE, WHAT A SELFISH THING TO DO

DID YOU EVER ASK THOSE STRANGERS WHAT THEY’RE SEARCHING FOR?
DID THEY LAUGH AND TELL YOU THEY’RE NOT REALLY SURE?
YOU WERE HURT BY LOVE BUT STILL YOU CAME RIGHT BACK FOR MORE
IL ADORE, IL ADORE, IL ADORE…

~ The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale ~

Pink Frilly Fairy: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three
Homage to Herb: Part One, Part Two and Part Three
A Purple-Hued Interlude
Style & Panache: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
Purple Puff Confection: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
A Blue-Hued Interlude
Fuchsia Fabulousness: Part One. Part Two and Part Three.
Bad Boy Bangs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
Vanity Under Where: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
Sugar Plum Ballerina: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
A Pool Frolic: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
A Cemetery Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
Powder Blue Fur Doll: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
A Milky Interlude
Rock Out, Cock Out/ Hang Out, Wang Out: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
Cocktail Cocktale: Part One and Part Two.
A Fairy’s Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
Willy Wonkers: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
A Peacock In Everything But Beauty: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
Swan Lake Fantasia: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, and Part Four.
Black & White in Briefs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
Weave of Basket, Weave of Rope: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, and Part Five.
Chains of Gray to Color: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
Black Jockstrap: Back Entry: Part One, Part Two and Part Three.
Super Fairy Interlude: Part One, Part Two and Part Three.
American Psychology: Part One and Part Two.
Jocks & Frocks: Part One, Part Two and Part Three.
Wigging Out Interlude
Shedding Selves & Beating Oneself Up: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, and Part Four.
Pretty, Oh So Pretty: Part One and Part Two.
Amber Vanity: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
Bowler Hat Masked Mayhem: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, and Part Four.
Candy Everybody Wants: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, and Part Five.
Razzling, Dazzling, Running Mascara: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, and Part Four.

12
September
2025

Tags: General

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Hanging onto This Sliver of Summer

Andy and I are always sad to see the summer go, especially when we haven’t had as much pool time as usual. The season began later, peaked with a few solid weeks of hot weather, then retreated into the cooler nights. In a large part, this summer was a wash for any number of reasons – maybe one day we’ll get into all the messiness of it – in the meantime I reserve the right to return to all that happened should things refuse to improve.

This weekend, Suzie and I are traveling to Boston for a belated birthday dinner – the last of my close-friend celebrations for fifty – and a launching pad for the fall about to arrive.

When we return, I hope that Andy and I get a few more days in the pool before the season comes to a close. That’s the only to-do-list we need to complete.

12
September
2025

Tags: Family

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Learning A Little From My Nephew

Last weekend we had Noah over for a jam-packed Saturday sleepover following his soccer game. (He’s still fundraising for his team, and only about halfway to his goal, so if you’re so inclined please check out the donation page here.) We had Suzie’s family over for a pizza dinner, and when that was done Noah and I headed out for a late showing of ‘Superman’ (and a 10:25 PM start time for a movie is just too late for my old ass, but I did it).

The next morning we woke early to avoid the rush of brunch at Cafe Madison, then hit the road for a spur-of-the-moment trip to Manchester, Vermont to get the Maple Creme that Suzie I discovered at The Maple Reserve. It was Noah’s first time trying one of these amazing treats, and he confirmed it was worth the drive.

Whenever I hang out with the twins, I learn something. Sometimes it’s a new way of looking at life, sometimes it’s a new app or setting to take a picture on my phone, and sometimes it’s a little deeper – like some treatise on time itself – how it moves, how it repeats, how it evolves and keeps us going.

Noah is almost a young man, and I feel how quickly time is rushing us along.

I still remember when he was just a little kid…

… and a bit of when I was a little kid too. The world spins.

12
September
2025

Tags: Flowers

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The Glads and the Glad-Nots

Perhaps it was their ubiquitous use in the floral arrangements of St. Mary’s church that made me rebel against the gladiolus from a young age, but whatever the case I’ve only warmed to this stunner in recent years. They’ve been showing up in the markets over the past few weeks, and I’ve been replenishing our prettiest vase with their various color schemes. This time it’s the warm hues of these fiery-throated beauties captured here.

Red-beards have their own fan club in certain circles, as does the gladiolus, whose colors and varieties are as varied as the daylily and iris world. The person checking me out of Trader Joe’s, where I picked these beauties up, shared with me a trick for getting them to bloom all the way to the end of their stalks: snip off the top inch or two of the tip – it can be done by carefully peeling back the outer green protective sheath so you barely notice that anything was cut. This variation on a circumcision supposedly stimulates the plant into blooming the entire length of its stalk, and based on these blooms it seems to be working.

11
September
2025

Tags: General

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9/11

10
September
2025

Tags: Family, General

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Dad’s 95th In Absentia

Tomorrow would have marked my Dad’s 95th birthday, had he lived that long, but 92 was a good run, and we remember and celebrate him a little bit each day since he left. As tomorrow is 9/11, and this site has always gone dark on that day, I’m writing this little tribute a day early, and posting it just before the midnight hour.

An impromptu and unplanned visit to the cemetery revealed the beauty of a September afternoon. Dad was born on what has typically been a beautiful day – a day when summer’s warmth still lingers, but the comforting coolness of fall has seeped into the night to take the edge off. Like me, Dad was a true-blue Virgo – organized, punctual, perfectionist, exacting, critical, and grounded. It served him well, and I learned a great deal from such order, because I saw how easier things could be when executed properly and done well.

At the top of the hill where he rests, a cool breeze blows beneath the afternoon sun. Clouds roll dramatically across the sky and stalks of goldenrod nod in the distance. A patch of wilderness on the edge of the cemetery is littered with wildflowers still in bloom. While the roses have gone, leaving their hips and thorny warnings, purple and pink blooms have taken their place, gorgeously placed against foliage about to fade from chartreuse to yellow – a reverse return to spring’s original color scheme. Nature loves a full circle.

The wind has grown colder, and I don’t mind it. It feels fitting, like a gentle initiation into the fall to come. When I reach down to place my hand on Dad’s name, the dark stone is still quite warm from the sun. It surprises me – I expected it to be cool to the touch. The unlikely heat reminds me that there is still life here, and that Dad is still with me.

10
September
2025

Tags: General, Music

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Sliding Out of Summer

While it came out eight years ago, this song is the song that Noah has proclaimed the song of the summer, and since Emi chose the theme to begin the season, it seems fitting that Noah should choose the song as we near the end. The visuals from the video perfectly correspond to our Island Summer, even if it’s been somewhat of a dud. Lyrically, I don’t know about this one… scary what the kids are hearing these days, but maybe every fifty-year-old uncle says that when they’ve rounded the mid-section of life and there is more behind them than ahead.

All this jewelry ain’t no use when it’s this dark
It’s my favorite part, we see the lights, they got so far
It went too fast, we couldn’t reach it with our arms
Wrist on a wrist, a link of charms, yeah
Laying, we’re still a link apart
It’s like we could die here all young
Like we could dye hair all blonde
If we could see in twenty twin
Twice we could see it ’til the end

This summer definitely had a melancholy vibe to it – transitions, transformations, realizations, reconciliations, resignations – and there’s still a few more weeks of it. For one of the few times, I’m not sorry to see it go, and I’ve already been focused on fall because what’s ahead always has the possibility of being better.

Another possibility exists too, I’m aware. We shall see what we shall see.

10
September
2025

Tags: General, Tiny Threads

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#TinyThreads: An Insignificant Series

What does it say when one’s phone changes ‘tears’ into ‘twats’?

I thought my phone was gayer than that – Lord knows I raised it to be.

#TinyThreads

10
September
2025

Tags: Music

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The Willpower to Exist Outside of Opulence

Suzie recently remarked that I would be good at living a rich life (such as illustrated by this recent Raffles Boston experience) as I’d appreciate all the beauty and opulence of such an existence. I was like, well DUH. Until such time that Andy’s big lottery win comes in, however, I’ll have to find the willpower to live far outside the realm of that opulence. I’ve done it for fifty years, and I can do it for another fifty. Still, let’s manifest that windfall in the likely event that I simply tire out. Happens to the best of us. In the meantime, a fun Sabrina Carpenter bop to ponder:

I like a few of the cuts from Ms. Carpenter’s latest album, and this one reads on so many levels it approaches the brilliance of Madonna’s double-entendre-laced early days.

My man on his willpower is something I don’t understand
He fell in love with self-restraint, and now it’s getting out of hand
He used to be literally obsessed with me
I’m suddenly the least sought-after girl in the land
Oh, my man on his willpower is something I don’t under-, something I don’t understand

He’s busy, he’s working, he doesn’t have time for me
My slutty pajamas not tempting him in the least
What in the fucked-up romantic, dark comedy is this nightmare lately?

Yeah, okay, okay, he’s on his big journey to find
A little zest of life, a new sense of purpose, but why?
I’m right here (right here), I’m waving (hello)
The joke can be over now, you’re so silly, baby

My man on his willpower is something I don’t understand
He fell in love with self-restraint, and now it’s getting out of hand
He used to be literally obsessed with me
I’m suddenly the least sought-after girl in the land
Oh, my man on his willpower is something I don’t under-, something I don’t understand

09
September
2025

Tags: Dazzler of the Day, LGBTQ+

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Dazzler of the Day: Corey O’Brien

Currently on ‘The Red Tour’ (with an upcoming ‘Blue Stop’ at Boston’s City Winery in September 19, 2025) Corey O’Brien adds comedic fuel to the fire we so badly need right now. Today he earns his first crowning as Dazzler of the Day. Designed to bring people together over laughter and the absurdity of life going on at the moment, O’Brien’s Red Tour brings comedy, dance, and a thrilling amalgamation of entertainment to stages and places that need such light. Check out his website here for upcoming show information.

09
September
2025

Tags: Tiny Threads

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#TinyThreads: An Insignificant Series

You don’t need to tell me once.

{This sign was in front of the East Coast Ivy Boutique in Boston’s charming Beacon Hill.}

#TinyThreads

09
September
2025

Tags: Gardening

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When the Pots Get Going & the Going Gets Good

Just when the potted plantings come into their own, sumptuously overflowing from their confines, obscuring their containers with foliage and flowers, it seems it’s time for the season to wind down. Summer is always elusive that way – it hints, it whispers, it arrives, and too swiftly it is gone. It’s why we cherish it so.

These blooms were captured in Boston or Albany – I genuinely forget which now – part of some potted display that was still bursting forth with color and fresh foliage. Helpful hint – unlike the garden, where I stopped fertilizing in mid-August, planted containers should be watered and fertilized up until the hard frost takes them out for the season. Let them go out with a bang and a flourish.

Like summer.

08
September
2025

Tags: Dazzler of the Day

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Dazzler of the Day: Zarna Garg

It feels like the world craves some hilarity right now, and filling that need is Zarna Garg, who earns her first Dazzler of the Day honor. A gifted comedian, screenwriter, actress, podcaster, producer and social media sensation, Garg has conquered more worlds than most, bringing her comedic flair and sharp social insights into an entertainment scene badly in need of it. Check out her robust website here for more info on her career, upcoming live shows, and links to all her endeavors, including the following quick encapsulation of a life and career trajectory that is heroically inspirational:

Comedian Zarna Garg is a force of nature with a microphone. Her inspiring new memoir ‘This American Woman,’ about her treacherous climb from a homeless teen in Mumbai to an unhinged stay-at-home mom in New York and then to an internationally beloved stand-up comedian, is a New York Times Bestseller! This Indian immigrant mom brought her sharp, relatable family humor to her first streaming special, ‘One in a Billion.’ Her follow-up special ‘Practical People Win’ is coming from Hulu in July. When Zarna’s not slaying at the Comedy Cellar or opening for icons like Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, she’s selling out headlining shows worldwide. Zarna’s Tonight Show and Late Night interviews are among the most watched online. She made her acting debut in ‘A Nice Indian Boy,’ currently out in theaters now and a New York Times Critic’s Pick (calling Zarna “a standout”). Her hugely popular ‘Zarna Garg Family Podcast’ explores modern family life with her husband and kids. With millions of social media followers and billions of views, Zarna just can’t stop laughing her way to the top. – from ZarnaGarg.com

08
September
2025

Tags: General

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A Recap of the Start of September

A transitional week that somehow managed to be free of tumult, the past septet of days held a rollercoaster of blog posts, and if you happened to have missed any of it, here’s your weekly recap:

It began with this mindful start to September.

My nephew Noah is still fundraising for his soccer team.

This is my interpretation.

August is for anemones.

My 50th birthday began in Boston.

The last day of my 40’s.

The last night of my 40’s.

The dawn of 50.

Raffles Boston: A Hotel Review.

The author of this blog at 50.

Magically delicious.

The Dazzler of the Day was Erin Harkes.