Yeah, I said it.
(Still love you, Material Girl.)
Monthly Archives:
February 2021
28
February
2021
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February
2021
A Semi-Sweet Treat By Way of Burma
This little cake recipe hails originally from Burma, where its subtly sweet richness arises only slightly from a very runny batter. It doesn’t go sky-high but its lowly stature belies its delicate taste, made from a lovely combination of coconut, cashews and some freshly ground cardamom. Any chance to make use of the mortar and pestle is a happy day in the kitchen for me. While the recipe calls for semolina flour, I used wheat flour for the first one I made, and bread flour for this one – and both turned out edible. The magic is in toasting the flour and coconut first, then letting the coconut milk soak into that for fifteen minutes. Some butter and brown sugar and eggs round out the main cake mix, and that dash of cardamom makes all the difference. Full recipe here – this is a grand yet rustic way to see out the winter
28
February
2021
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February
2021
Dazzler of the Day: Ryan Landry
When the pandemic turned the entertainment world as we once knew it upside down, shuttering theaters and stages and making gatherings of all kinds suddenly dangerous and undesirable, artists had to find new ways to express themselves, and the more resourceful survivors among us took interesting turns, delving into new media entirely to satisfy the very real need to create, to inspire, to share and to thrill. Ryan Landry took a lifetime of live-entertainment and began painting, allowing for a different sort of visual expression that managed to be just as scintillating, with the same wink and wit for which his stage shows were so rightly renowned and revered. Far from letting COVID conquer him or his spirit, he simply regrouped and reinvented himself, and not for the first time.
Born in California, Landry cut his artistic fangs and danced with his personal demons in New York and Miami, before finding key inspiration in New Orleans, Boston and Provincetown, and his Warholian personality is a gleeful amalgamation of all those places. I remember when I first moved to Boston in 1995, he and his troop of Gold Dust Orphans were embarking on the start of a multi-decade run as one of the most fascinating and raw theater troupes the world has ever been blessed to witness, and in the ensuing years when I moved out of Boston I’d still get notice and watch gleefully from afar the announcements for their annual productions.
While painting in Provincetown currently occupies his time and talent, one gets the feeling that there are more chapters yet to be written, that Landry is merely biding his time for more spectacular moments in a lifetime and career of sparkling highlights. These days he has distilled the creative restlessness that drove him for so many years into a more calm entity, one that has found a certain peace from the torments that haunt so many artistic souls. The best part is that he is all the more fascinating for it, as illustrated in a recent birthday post which I am posting here. Because it exemplifies the hard-won wisdom that some of us still seek to find. Today, Ryan Landry is named the Dazzler of the Day for all these reasons and more. {For additional enchantment, and to follow where this colorful road may lead, visit his website at www.ryanlandryfactory.com.}
THE BIRTHDAY PRESENT by Ryan Landry
It’s been a long, hard road but I can now truly say that I have finally reached that strange age where I may indeed be “happy”. (Crowd gasps and so do I.) Where life was once a popularity contest I no longer feel the need to get my name on the ballot. Dumb remarks from strangers (and sometimes even friends!) that once cut me to the bone are now simply met with a bemused, yet sincere smile. A semi-sad reminder that this person (no matter how long the relationship) may have never taken the opportunity to get to know someone that I can personally say I’m pretty fond of… Me!
Is this what it’s like to feel “secure”?
Once I gathered others around me for selfish reasons, (mostly for shelter) clinging to them for dear life. I am now able to stop, look them straight in the eye and let go. They are free to leave the circle and the real joy comes from watching them come back.
In short I know myself now. Fully. I say this because I have been enormously insecure for most of my life. A crippling insecurity that has unfortunately kept me from enjoying and appreciating so many wonders that life shows only to those with open eyes. There are things that I would change about myself physically of course. (God knows I should exercise more and I am calling on the Gods to help in this quest! lol) But inside… I want so badly to explain it to you….
If you are young and still going through all the drama that THAT entails I would like to pass on a little something if I might. Allow me to share with you this gentle joy I now know. It’s a tiny comfort, a small but mighty strength that I hold in my heart today. I guess when you get right down to it, the bottom line, the very core of life is nothing more than a cliche and that’s probably because it’s true. This “secret to happiness” is nothing more than passing by a mirror on your way out the door, suddenly stopping as if by an unseen hand, turning your head to your own reflection and watching as the shape of a smile comes from God knows where and cleanses your face.
It’s that pure, almost holy smile that you get from knowing without a doubt that you are loved.
Thank you all for the kindness and love you have shown me.
I promise it will not go to waste. xxx ~ Ryan
27
February
2021
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February
2021
Snow Moon Madness
Like the recent bout of Mercury in retrograde, I didn’t have any inkling of when the next full moon was until the 25th. when I was out running errands and I witness three almost-accidents, and a number of crazy-questionable moves made by drivers and people who were out of their freaking minds. Once parked, I did a quick check on full moons for 2021, and there it was listed as next: the Snow Moon on February 27. Suddenly things made sense, and as annoying as it was, it set my mind slightly at ease, even when I lost an ice cream dessert when I got home later that night – still no idea where it went, but it’s melting somewhere.
I’d been noticing similar agitations over the past few days: Andy’s been moping about causing me to retreat into the basement, angry about the latest car drama over his Audi. That car has been in the shop more than it’s been out of the shop over the last month, and it has almost killed us on occasion. Putting that down on record now in the event that something does eventually happen. Audi is on notice, as Andy has been telling them for months now.
The rest of the world is similarly in an annoyed state, and as someone who is easily influenced, sponging up the surrounding attitudes like some dry super-absorbent fabric tossed onto a puddle, I’ve been in a state of bother for longer than I typically allow. At such moments, I find it wise to keep quiet and close to home, focusing on meditation and reading and buffering the outside world.
27
February
2021
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February
2021
Dazzlers of the Day: Calvin and Bryan ~ Stepbrothers
Not to put too-fine of a point on how ageless I am, it needs to be disclosed that I once babysat Calvin and I used to play cards with the grandmother of Bryan. So yes, I go way back with these two Dazzlers of the Day. Today they are launching Stepbrothers – a far and triumphant cry from the little kids I remember quite fondly, and a bold evolution of their training brand. Calvin and Bryan have been honing their unique brand of fitness and wellness for well over a decade ~ their knowledge, experience, and camaraderie combine for the powerful synergy of inspiration and aspiration that personifies the best kind of trainers.
Visit their new website for available fitness plans and an extensive menu of options for anyone looking to forge a healthier lifestyle.
From www.trainsb.com: Stepbrothers is a health and wellness company organized by two fitness coaches who’ve made it their priority to empower others and create a community of strong and like minded individuals. Stepbrothers offer 15 years of experienced coaching within the fitness industry and pride themselves in their abilities to instill the importance of hard work and discipline into everyday people while being able to enjoy and embrace the journey.
With our #TRAINSB program, we’re aiming to bring more flexibility around our workouts, while keeping the same energy and community we do with our in-person PT sessions. The result is a fully customized workout and nutrition plan, that adapts to your goals, schedule and needs.
27
February
2021
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February
2021
Rediscovering The Way Back Home
Mortification plays a big part in one of the memories that, quite rightfully, never made it into ‘The Way Back Home’ – the biography of Sok Nam Ko, my best friend Suzie’s father – which I recently revisited (and is still available here). It was our first night of a three-week trip to the then-Soviet Union, and we had arrived at a hotel in Washington, DC, where we would spend three days preparing. The year 1990 feels very far away, and yet my recollections of that trip remain as vivid and clear as if they happened yesterday. While bunking with a star of the Amsterdam football team named Justice and another boy named Dan, I was a little bit homesick, but comforted for the fact that Suzie’s Dad was right next door. In fact, we were sharing a bathroom between us, so it felt like I had a second Dad there. It was no doubt part of why my parents allowed me to go halfway around the world for almost a month; they trusted Dr. Ko implicitly. On that first night away from them, as we prepared for our journey, I felt the bond between our families as something that might sustain me upon whatever journeys Suzie and I would embark in our lives.
In the hush of that impossibly painful shyness that descends upon boys when their numbers dwindle to two or three, and especially at the time that they are about to retire to bed, no one answered when I asked – twice – if anyone was in the bathroom. When there was no reply I figured it was safe to go in, at which point I opened the door only to find Dr. Ko sitting on the toilet and going about his business. Unperturbed, he glanced my way as I hastened to back out of there and close the door, muttering profuse apologies and almost passing out from embarrassment. The other kids didn’t seem to notice or care, but for me it was mortifying, not least because Dr. Ko was one of the main people in my life who I wanted to impress.
All those memories – happy, amusing, embarrassing, sorrowful, and regretful – came flooding back when I realized it’s been almost thirty years since he passed away. I picked up our copy of ‘The Way Back Home’ and started re-reading about his life’s story, and the way he came to America and made a home and family and career for himself, along with a number of momentous friendships along the way. The book stands as something more than a traditional linear biography – it’s a collection of memories and scrapbook cuttings, that now speaks to a generation of readers who will be more accustomed to its quick sound-bites and stories, and as such it seems a proper time to revisit its magic.
Lovingly, movingly, and often amusingly brought to life by family, friends and just about everyone who made his acquaintance, the spirit of Dr. Ko transcends time and place to tell the story of an immigrant who made an impact on all the people who came into his orbit. From New York Yankee Phil Rizzuto to the fishermen who navigated the seas for him, he touched a wide swath of denizens the world over. In many ways, that was the lesson he taught to me, because in the all-too-brief time I knew him, I was still a shy and reclusive young boy, who watched from afar but gleaned valuable lessons from the father of my best friend, and the best friend of my father.
Perhaps somewhat ahead of its time, ‘The Way Back Home’ offers a multi-media experience for an audience whose attention span has flitted away to two-minute bursts. It contains photos as well as newspaper clippings and a comprehensive collection of the filaments that make up one man’s life – especially one as varied and intricate as Ko’s. A marvel of contradictions and unique ideas, he seemed to relish in the most convoluted way of getting to a solution; that it often worked out was a master lesson in making your own way. Never one to conform, he took his trials as lessons, while his successes he acknowledged with a sly smile, as if he was the only one not surprised by how well they all worked out.
It’s impossible to tell the whole story of one person’s life. We are too hidden, too imperfect, too guarded to make the biographer’s job an easy or even accomplishable one. But this one comes close to capturing the essence of my best friend’s father, and brings him back to life in a way that I didn’t realize I’d been missing all these years later.
{If you’re interested in purchasing a copy of ‘The Way Back Home’ please visit the Sok Nam Ko Educational Exchange Foundation, or contact Elaine directly at elainekotalmadge@gmail.com.}
26
February
2021
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February
2021
The Words of Phillis Wheatley
On Virtue
O thou bright jewel in my aim I strive
To comprehend thee. Thine own words declare
Wisdom is higher than a fool can reach.
I cease to wonder, and no more attempt
Thine height t’explore, or fathom thy profound.
But, O my soul, sink not into despair,
Virtue is near thee, and with gentle hand
Would now embrace thee, hovers o’er thine head.
Fain would the heaven-born soul with her converse,
Then seek, then court her for her promised bliss.
Auspicious queen, thine heavenly pinions spread,
And lead celestial Chastity along;
Lo! now her sacred retinue descends,
Arrayed in glory from the orbs above.
Attend me, Virtue, thro’ my youthful years!
O leave me not to the false joys of time!
But guide my steps to endless life and bliss.
Greatness, or Goodness, say what I shall call thee,
To give an higher appellation still,
Teach me a better strain, a nobler lay,
O Thou, enthroned with Cherubs in the realms of day!”
26
February
2021
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February
2021
Dazzler of the Day: Dolly Parton
There aren’t enough fancy superlatives in existence to properly give appreciation for this Dazzler of the Day: Dolly Parton. The name alone conjures myriad images of admiration and unabashed adoration and love. Dolly has done no conceivable wrong for decades, an almost -impossible feat in today’s world of celebrity. It’s thanks to her formidable talent coupled with a down-to-earth understanding of who she is that has enabled her to flourish in fields far too numerous too mention, and in such successful form as to render a full and proper description of her highlights the stuff of multi-volumed biographies.
For me, my fandom boils down to her acceptance of people as worthy of equality across the board, no matter who you are or where you came from or what you believe. That and her two stunning scene-stealing roles in classics that defined and bookended the 80’s: ‘9 to 5’ and ‘Steel Magnolias’ – each a gay boy’s dream and mandatory chapter in the ‘How To be Gay’ manual.
Dolly’s popularity stretches across the world, and her fans run the gamut from the aforementioned gays to the traditional country music appreciators to the philanthropic-minded community. She was recently offered a statue celebrating her in Tennessee I believe – but politely declined saying it would distract from the more pressing issues at hand. That is grace. That is humility. That is a human being using her compassion to bring others up rather than raise herself higher. Not that she needs further exaltation – she is one of the most beloved entertainers the world has ever known, and her legacy is already signed, sealed and delivered no matter what other remarkable feats she will likely perform in the years to come. That’s part of her enduring appeal – the possibility of something even more astounding around the corner. And so Dolly Parton is our Dazzler of the Day – she practically personifies what this feature is all about – dazzling star power, soul-stirring compassion, and the consistent desire to make the world a better and more fabulous place.
26
February
2021
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February
2021
Tuesday Night in Black and White
Karel Barnoski was playing one of his Tuesday night jams on FaceBook and I was watching a video of the Amsterdam Mall (now Riverfront Center) and suddenly I was brought back to 1983 all over again. That’s what happens on Tuesdays now, I guess. Recalling some remnant of childhood innocence for a moment, I gave myself a brief break – a pause from trying to accept imperfection, a pause in trying to reject perfection – and in that space came the realization that maybe I’m trying too hard, or maybe just about to burn out. There are trying times – we’ve been in such a state since last March, and as we creep up on a full year of living in this way some things may be catching up with me. I’m ok with acknowledging that I’m wiped out, and in these last weeks of winter it seems a good time to re-charge for spring. It helps to own up to that, to take a moment and set down the struggle.
I’ve also learned that sometimes we have to fake it until we make it, to forge the physical manifestations of happiness as a way of willing it into existence. If you force yourself to smile and laugh, it miraculously makes you feel a little happier, no matter how fake or false it might initially feel. (At the very least you may end up making yourself laugh by how ridiculous and silly it all feels – which is accomplishing the very same mission in a roundabout way.) In all these years of posing for selfies and photographs, I’ve learned to fake the little laugh that makes for a better picture, and even if the joy is diminished from the laugh or guffaw that might result from an actual dinner with Suzie or pre-movie jaunt with Skip, it’s still joy, albeit on a much smaller level.
Little joys are all we have.
So smile, and laugh, and preen and pose, as if all was right with the world, because someone has to lead the way.
25
February
2021
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February
2021
Off the Bone, Off the Hook
Fiending for some hint of summer, I approximated a grilled rib summer dinner with an oven-baked slow-burn set of Carolina pork ribs, served with a new take on mac-and-cheese (that infamous feta pasta dish) for a winter turn at this typically summer plate. After baking at a low and steady 275 degrees for over four hours, the meat fell off the bones, and after another bit of broiling, the sauce caramelized and I didn’t even need Andy to put anything on the grill. It will do have to do until the snow melts, and outside grilling can begin in earnest. We’re starting early this year…
25
February
2021
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February
2021
Dazzler of the Day: Amanda Phingbodhipakkiya
One of the most fascinating spaces that human beings can occupy is the place where art, science, and design meet. Amanda Phingbodhipakkiya, our Dazzler of the Day, exemplifies the power that this magical crux can produce. Her recent artwork for the ‘I Still Believe In Our City’ campaign highlights the mounting racism raging against Asian Americans, while working to heal those wounds with hope and beauty.
Ms. Phingbodhipakkiya comes from both the scientific and artistic worlds, where a promising passion for ballet was derailed by a skiing accident. After that point she turned to studying neuroscience and researching Alzheimer’s before returning to the artistic world through design and education. The connections between science and art have long flourished beneath the surface – a connection that both scientists and artists intrinsically seem to understand, but that is often lost on the viewer or general public. Phingbodhipakkiya puts this connection front and center in much of her work, simultaneously challenging and celebrating all the ways in which they are intertwined.
Even more powerful is when this sort of work collides with society, as seen thrillingly through her ‘I Still Believe In Our City’ project, which has taken New York by colorful storm in this stunning subway series designed to illuminate the rising anti-Asian racism in the age of COVID-19 and rampant disinformation.
Her work is instantly impactful, vibrant with strong, saturated blocks of color, and features a gloriously diverse array of people – a celebration of the women and people of color Phingbodhipakkiya has sought to highlight in her various fields, particularly in the STEM world. Such representation is vital in telling the many stories of contributions and advancements made by the heretofore-unheralded. Making those who have traditionally been invisible into a visible and potent life-force takes the sort of powerful alchemy that Phingbodhipakkiya explores with striking results.
Visit her website here for a more comprehensive collection of her many accomplishments.
25
February
2021
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February
2021
He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother… and it’s his Birthday
My brother waited, or didn’t wait, until the day that was farthest from my birthday on the calendar year to be born. Ever since then we’ve been perfectly complementary, or perfectly at odds, and rarely has there been a consistently happy median. Over the years, we’ve both retreated from our polar opposite ends and met closer to the middle, while realizing that we are so different we will never be best friends. Once upon a time I mourned that – now I celebrate it as the only way it can be. He’s finding his way toward peace in the best way he knows, and I’m doing the same, and once COVID is done, and better weather is here, we will hopefully have more opportunities to hang out together.
THE ROAD IS LONG
WITH MANY A WINDING TURN
THAT LEADS US TO WHO KNOWS WHERE
WHO KNOWS WHERE
BUT I’M STRONG
STRONG ENOUGH TO CARRY HIM
HE AIN’T HEAVY, HE’S MY BROTHER
SO ON WE GO
HIS WELFARE IS OF MY CONCERN
NO BURDEN IS HE TO BEAR
WE’LL GET THERE
It always struck me as unfair to him that his birthday had to fall during the school year, that there were times when he would have to be in class on his special day. Yet that didn’t seem to bother him, and it was all he had ever known. He tended to have a few more people for his birthday celebrations than I did (I preferred to spend my day with Suzie at a distant destination like Beaversprite or something). His birthday parties were louder, more rollicking affairs, that found the group of us stomping on balloons tied to our ankles while a clown named Shrinking Violet led us in games and activities.
These days, as a father of twins about to turn eleven years old, he may wish for something quieter – but maybe he doesn’t. Quiet has never been his brand or his way of life, and on his birthday he deserves whatever form of celebration he wants. We’ll find a way to get together for this one (and Christmas and New Year’s…) one some finer weather, right around the corner. Happy birthday, baby bro!
IF I’M LADEN AT ALL
I’M LADEN WITH SADNESS
THAT EVERYONE’S HEART
ISN’T FILLED WITH THE GLADNESS
OF LOVE FOR ONE ANOTHER
IT’S A LONG, LONG ROAD
FROM WHICH THERE IS NO RETURN
WHILE WE’RE ON THE WAY TO THERE
WHY NOT SHARE
AND THE LOAD
DOESN’T WEIGH ME DOWN AT ALL
HE AIN’T HEAVY HE’S MY BROTHER
24
February
2021
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February
2021
Dazzler of the Day: Amanda Gordon
Fresh from her stunning and spellbinding performance delivering the Inaugural poem for President Biden, our Dazzler of the Day is poet Amanda Gordon. She makes history as the youngest inaugural poet, and her book of poetry ‘The Hill We Climb’ will be available this fall. Until then, we have her glorious words and her brilliant voice, lifting up our country when we needed it the most. This is the epitome of what it means to be dazzling.
{See TheAmandaGordon.com for more inspiration.}
24
February
2021
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February
2021
Cello Lament
Bits and pieces of this music appeared in an impromptu piano duet posted here, and returning to the original source material gives another view, or listen, of this calming collection of notes, so welcome at this stage of winter. This version tells its story through the haunting sound of the cello, which is very close to the human voice. Eerily, and movingly so. It’s a good way to begin the morning, when the light is still gray, and shapes are just shapes, not quite objects yet.
As snow clings to the spokes of this Japanese umbrella tree, winter casts another spell, unwilling to lament its final days, choosing instead to remind us of what makes it so beautiful and magical. In this little forest of snow, where the hushed sound of the wind moans like nature’s version of the cello, there is a cozy nook of icy cold. The snow dips here, carved by the rush of air and the umbrels above it. A little world of wonder, existing for a song, for a moment, for the beginning of a February day.
23
February
2021
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February
2021
Evergreen Winter
Limping along slowly, winter is reluctant to move or budge much, but I sense the gradual shift into rising temperatures. Tomorrow we may break into the 40’s, the first of such tropics since last year. Even more telling, our overwintering fig tree in the garage has started to put forth its first tight buds of green – always earlier than is comfortable, with so much winter yet to come – but even if/when that first flush gets pushed back, the signs of life, of spring, are impossible to ignore. In the branches of the juniper out front, the cradled snow begins its mid-day melting.
It will freeze again come night, and colder temperatures, but the glistening sparkle of afternoon respite hints at warmer stretches. We want so badly for spring to arrive. Andy and I stare out the windows, willing the snow to go, willing the winter to rush away. We talk of times when family and friends might gather again, when the weather is nicer, when the world is safer. We live in the space of the future, as much as mindfulness matters, because it feels good to look forward again.
