The Blog | Alan Ilagan

19
June
2016

Tags: Boston

A New Boston Tradition

Repeating a Red Sox weekend in Boston just once hardly counts as a tradition, but hopefully one day it will be. Like the Holiday Stroll with Kira, this is just too fun not to threepeat. But that’s getting ahead of things, and when you have a weekend as fun as the one Skip and I recently spent in Boston, we’re going to extend the joy I had in recounting it over a couple of posts.

For now, I’m posting a juxtaposition of last year’s game versus this year’s game as seen below. I look equally unimpressed in both, which just goes to show how deceptive appearances can be. In truth, I was having a blast in both instances. Skip just has a better way of showing it. (He was also the one taking the wretched photos, so he knew what was coming. I was caught unaware. Virgos hate surprises.) This year’s adventure had the added onus of having to install a new air conditioner (you’ll have to come back later today to see how that turned out…)

19
June
2016

Tags: Family

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Happy Dad’s Day

For all the fathers out there, this post goes out to you for all that you do. I’d say that being a good father ranks second only to being a good mother as far as thanklessness goes. When we’re kids, we don’t always appreciate what we have – and sometimes when we’re adults we need a reminder of that too. To be fair, I’ve always been grateful and appreciative of my father – so that doesn’t change with today – it only gets celebrated and notated a little more than usual.

As for today’s celebration, the family is coming over for some time by the pool – which is probably not my Dad’s first wish, but sometimes Father’s Day is for the kids. Being a good sport is part of being a good Dad – and I have one of the best.

Happy Father’s Day, Dad. I love you.

18
June
2016

Tags: Albany, Andy

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Andy & The Mustang

This photo tickles me on a number of levels.

First, it’s Andy.

Second, it’s HomoRadio.

And third, it’s Dr. Ray’s Mustang.

We stole this shot on the fly on our way home from the Albany Pride Festival.

The perfect end-note to a few fun days.

18
June
2016

Tags: Gardening

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Sweet Summer Perfume

Continuing this year’s theme of missing things, or catching them at the tail-end of their show, I almost let the mockorange pass by without notice or comment. That would have been unforgivable, as it produces the sweet scent of summer – and it reminds me of some joyful moments. It is said that scent is one of the most powerful memory-triggers, and I’ve certainly found that to be true. (I’d reckon that music is up there too, as there are some songs that bring me instantly back to the past.)

In a slight defense of my absentmindedness when it comes to the mockorange blooms, this is not their strongest year as far as blooms go. They had to be pruned back hard a year or two ago, so they are still recovering. As they bloom on old wood, pruning can wipe out future crops of blossoms. That’s all right – it makes me appreciate them more on the good years. The undulation of the garden keeps everything interesting, ad offers a breather in an off-year.

Strangely, the two robust specimens I planted when we first moved in are actually the ones producing the fewest blooms, while the two run-down clumps that were here when we purchased the house are throwing out a few more blossoms. I like that. It keeps me on my toes.

17
June
2016

Tags: Albany

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A Moment of Albany Magic

Sometimes downtown Albany can take one by surprise with its beauty.

In this case, it was a wink of enchantment after the Alice in Wonderland GLSEN Gala.

The indigo sky of dusk, the cheery light of street lamps, and the open window of a car driving straight into summer…

17
June
2016

Tags: Gay

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Faces of Pride, Faces of Love

This collection of photos from the ‘Alice in Wonderland’ GLSEN Gala is the sort of thing that keeps me inspired to keep going with this blog.Â It includes some of my favorite people, who came together for the formal kick-off to Albanyâ€™s Pride weekend in the newly-renovated Renaissance Hotel. Hopefully this will counteract some of the darkness most of us have been feeling of late. When I look at these photos, at my friends in these photos, it fills me with hope, and a sliver of happiness that reminds me of all that’s good in this world.

We begin with one of the people responsible for putting this whole thing together: Rick Marchant. He’s been doing this for some time, and each year he somehow manages to out-do himself. The tireless and selfless work of a true hero, Rick is a hero to many of us.

Honorary Chair Angela Ledford gave the most moving and powerful speech of the night, something that resonates and challenges the most open-minded among us. We need that now.

The gentlemen from HomoRadio were being honored for their decades of work, and it is truly an honor to call these guys our friends.

It was a night of love and joy, the formal event for Albany’s Pride weekend, and it was a room filled with smiles and laughter.

Looking back, it feels like another world, for a number of reasons. Parties are like that. The time before a tragedy is like that too.

Such fabulousness lives on here, however, and these memories are happy ones that I’d like to jot down in this blog, the modern-day diary.

The parade of wonderful people marched onward as I saw friends old and new, each one resplendent and giddy with the promise of Pride.

Too often, I dwell on the darker more mournful aspects of life. I’ve used this space as my way of showing off the best of our world – the things that excite and inspire and elicit happiness and joy. These smiling faces are the ultimate personification of that.

Another great person who has helped to make these GLSEN Events happen is Lisa Weis, seen in all her sequin splendor. Oh, and you may also recognize the guy below for his contributions to my state of well-being. All in all, it was an amazing evening, and a lovely way to kick off Pride Weekend in Albany.

16
June
2016

Tags: Flowers, Gardening

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Peonies: 2016

Some years are good years for peonies, some are bad.

This was a pretty good one.

I, on the other hand, was bad – at least as far as taking the time to appreciate and pamper them.

It all just came so quickly – blooms burst forth in a few days of high heat, then we missed a few days in Maine (our peonies like to bloom in private as they traditionally take that weekend to give it up) – and by the time the show was nearing its end, I’d almost forgotten to take a few rounds through the garden to make the most of it. That’s my regret – but it wasn’t entirely my fault, given the piss-poor weather we’ve had off and on.

Next year, I will try to do better.

Next year, I will pause, and sniff, and take in the moment.

No, not just take it in – I will inhabit the moment.

Live in the moment.

Nothing should be taken for granted.

This beautiful specimen was one of the last to bloom.

It’s never too late to show a little gratitude.

Summer is almost here…

16
June
2016

Tags: Family

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Happy Faces, Happy Family

We threw a low-key 41st birthday pizza party for Suzie and the family, and seeing these smiling faces are just what this blog, and this week, needs right now. Happy memories, happy times, happy friends and family. This is how we feel. This is how we heal. This is how we find happiness. Let’s do it again next year.

15
June
2016

Tags: Fashion

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Flowers on My Shoes

In the end, it’s all about the shoes.

Always was, always will be.

These beauties, by Cole Haan, were additionally festooned by a pair of silk peonies, because they needed a little oomph that went beyond lime green laces. They went perfectly with my Wonderland outfit, and it lifted my spirits just to walk in them. That makes all the difference.

(Of course, the socks don’t hurt.)

15
June
2016

Tags: Fashion

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Outfitted for a Gala

Though my planned attire for the Albany Pride Festival was changed to something entirely waterproof, the outfit that really mattered this season was for the GLSEN Gala, which had a wonderful ‘Alice in Wonderland’ theme, thus not necessitating much more than a quick perusal of the “colorful” section of my closet. This was a cross between the Mad Hatter and those Tweedledum and TweedledeeÂ twins. A little madness, a little nerdiness, and a lot of color. Just my kind of party, and a perfect escapade before darker times.

Thanks to a fortuitously-timed trip to Century 21, I found this jacket and short set by Mr. Turk, and the top hat was an online discovery. The rest, well, came straight from my closets. They go deep.

14
June
2016

Tags: Ogunquit

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Ogunquit Tchotchkes

Blacksmith’s Antiques is a stalwart warehouse of antiques andÂ bric-a-brac. Much of it is junk, but one man’s trash is another man’s treasure, and in the right evocative lighting these objects take on different meaning. Some become more mysterious, some become more menacing, and some become more magnificent.

14
June
2016

Tags: Ogunquit

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OGT: 2016

Ogunquit is one of my happy places.

Whenever we go there, life seems to be a little bit better.

Something lifts off our shoulders as we cross the bridge and enter Maine. Like an old, dear friend, it greets us with warmth and reassurance, no matter what else is happening in our lives or in the world.

Here are a few shots of our recent Memorial Day weekend trip. After sixteen years, Ogunquit still thrills. A little rain, a perfect beach day, some shopping, some impeccable food, and lots of relaxation. The best of all possible worlds.

13
June
2016

Tags: Gay

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What Should Be Remembered

These are the faces we need to remember.

These are the lives we need to celebrate.

These are the people who needlessly lost their lives, who leave behind grieving parents and families and lovers and friends.

One of the many moving stories to come out of the Orlando shooting is the harrowing and ultimately sorrowful text exchange between a mother and son. Eddie Justice began texting his mother, Mina Justice, shortly after the shooting began. He was hiding in a bathroom and his first message was heartbreaking:

“Mommy I love you.”

He indicated he was trapped and that someone was shooting in the club. He texted her that he was at Pulse, and to call the police.

“I’m gonna die.”

I tried to imagine what was going on in their heads, what they were thinking as they typed those texts to each other, connected in the middle of the night, one last time – a mother and a son, and a bond that was about to be tested in the worst possible way. His mother quickly responded, sending messages asking if he was ok. She called 911. She texted more. Half an hour later, he wrote back:

“Call them mommy

Now.

He’s coming. I’m gonna die.”

——————————————————————————–

The instant I read ‘Mommy,’ I wept.

I wept for Mina, and the helplessness a mother feels and fears the most.

I wept for Eddie, and the helplessness a child feels and fears the most.

I wept for all of us gay boys and girls who cried out ‘Mommy’ in a moment of need and terror, for all of us who ever felt scared to be ourselves, who looked to the one person who was supposed to unconditionally love us no matter what. That is a basic human need, it goes above and beyond our sexuality, yet no other group has historically been so disowned and unloved, and often by their own parents, thanks to a culture of shame and intolerance, fed and fueled by religious dogma and willful ignorance.

I wept for all the people trapped in that club, who likely felt terror for the last moments of their lives, who were away from their mothers and their families.

I even wept for the person who was so blinded by hate that he had to destroy innocence and love, and the lives of countless others.

Most of all, I wept for a world that allowed, and continues to allow, such events to happen, and for not understanding how anything like this could come to be.

Mina Justice

Eddie Justice

—————————————————————————————-

Tonight, however, I hope.

I hope you and I will remember not the blood or the fear or the tears, but the love.

I hope we remember the light that these 49 human beings brought to the loved ones in their lives.

I hope we honor their memory, that we cherish each other a little more because of it, and that this never happens again.

I hope…

Because it’s all I can do.

IN MEMORIAM

Stanley Almodovar III, 23 years old

Amanda Alvear, 25 years old

Oscar A Aracena-Montero, 26 years old

Rodolfo Ayala-Ayala, 33 years old

Antonio Davon Brown, 29 years old

Darryl Roman Burt II, 29 years old

Angel L. Candelario-Padro, 28 years old

Juan Chevez-Martinez, 25 years old

Luis Daniel Conde, 39 years old

Cory James Connell, 21 years old

Tevin Eugene Crosby, 25 years old

Deonka Deidra Drayton, 32 years old

Simon Adrian Carrillo Fernandez, 31 years old

Leroy Valentin Fernandez, 25 years old

Mercedez Marisol Flores, 26 years old

Peter O. Gonzalez-Cruz, 22 years old

Juan Ramon Guerrero, 22 years old

Paul Terrell Henry, 41 years old

Frank Hernandez, 27 years old

Miguel Angel Honorato, 30 years old

Javier Jorge-Reyes, 40 years old

Jason Benjamin Josaphat, 19 years old

Eddie Jamoldroy Justice, 30 years old

Anthony Luis Laureanodisla, 25 years old

Christopher Andrew Leinonen, 32 years old

Alejandro Barrios Martinez, 21 years old

Brenda Lee Marquez McCool, 49 years old

Gilberto Ramon Silva Menendez, 25 years old

Kimberly Morris, 37 years old

Akyra Monet Murray, 18 years old

Luis Omar Ocasio-Capo, 20 years old

Geraldo A. Ortiz-Jimenez, 25 years old

Eric Ivan Ortiz-Rivera, 36 years old

Joel Rayon Paniagua, 32 years old

Jean Carlos Mendez Perez, 35 years old

Enrique L. Rios, Jr., 25 years old

Jean C. Nives Rodriguez, 27 years old

Xavier Emmanuel Serrano Rosado, 35 years old

Christopher Joseph Sanfeliz, 24 years old

Yilmary Rodriguez Solivan, 24 years old

Edward Sotomayor Jr., 34 years old

Shane Evan Tomlinson, 33 years old

Martin Benitez Torres, 33 years old

Jonathan Antonio Camuy Vega, 24 years old

Juan P. Rivera Velazquez, 37 years old

Luis S. Vielma, 22 years old

Franky Jimmy Dejesus Velazquez, 50 years old

Luis Daniel Wilson-Leon, 37 years old

Jerald Arthur Wright, 31 years old

13
June
2016

Tags: Gay, Homophobia

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The Most Hateful Video I’ve Ever Seen

This is the sort of thing I don’t normally post here. These are the hate filled words of Stephen L. Anderson of the Faithful Word Baptist Church in Tempe, Arizona. He gave a hate-filled rant against “faggots” just hours after the killing of 49 innocent people. (The video was quickly taken down for violating the ‘hate speech’ rules on YouTube.) Anderson claims to be a Pastor – a guy who purports to teach the workings of the Lord – but he’s actually embodying an evil that masks itself as religion. That’s the most insidious atrocity of all, but it’s really not for me to decide. If your God is one that aligns with this despicable human being and the hatred he spews, I’d be more concerned for your own soul than mine.

Before most of the bodies had been identified, before the families had even been notified, Steven Anderson posted a video exalting in their deaths. That takes a certain level of cruelty that I have never witnessed until now. Certainly I’ve read about it – the mass murderers, the dictators, the genocides – but I’ve never quite seen it in this way, directed pointedly at me just because I’m gay. As annoying as I can sometimes be, I’ve never seen anyone actually feel so strongly that I deserved to be killed or, as he puts it, exterminated.

It’s a strange feeling to have such a bull’s eye on your chest.

It inspires fear in some people, but the opposite in me.

I feel galvanized and energized, enough to write this post and to make a promise that it won’t be the last.

Even though he has wished death for me and my LGBT family, I do not wish the same for him, and that’s hard to do. It would be easy to return his volley with acts of similar vile. But I won’t, as he has done, actively wish him harm or ill. Instead, I will merely share his words, from his mouth and his heart, and let you make up your own mind. This is one self-professed Christian’s response to the murderous rampage that killed 49 innocent people in a gay club in Orlando, Florida:

The Bible says that homosexuals should be put to death, in Leviticus 20:13. Obviously, it’s not right for somebody to just, you know, shoot up the place, because that’s not going through the proper channels. But these people all should have been killed, anyway, but they should have been killed through the proper channels, as in they should have been executed by a righteous government that would have tried them, convicted them, and saw them executed. Because, in Leviticus 20:13, God’s perfect law, he put the death penalty on murder, and he also put the death penalty on homosexuality. That’s what the Bible says, plain and simple.

So, you know, the good news is that at least 50 of these pedophiles are not gonna be harming children anymore. The bad news is that a lot of the homos in the bar are still alive, so they’re gonna continue to molest children and recruit people into their filthy homosexual lifestyle.

I’m not sad about it, I’m not gonna cry about it. Because these 50 people in a gay bar that got shot up, they were gonna die of AIDS, and syphilis, and whatever else. They were all gonna die early, anyway, because homosexuals have a 20-year shorter life-span than normal people, anyway. At least these dangerous predators, these dangerous filthy pedophiles at this gay bar, at least they’re off the streets.

– Stephen L. Anderson, Faithful Word Baptist Church

As for my usual penchant of avoiding such hideous people and ignoring their existence and hateful rhetoric, I’m taking exception in this instance, as I’ve done in cases that are especially egregious. Every now and then, you must acknowledge such evil, and if there’s one lining of silver in all of this it’s that there are now faces behind the hatred.

If you refuse to acknowledge that this plays a part in what happened in Orlando, if you cannot see or understand how the preaching of hatred disguised as religion is a direct cause of such needless violence against innocent people, then you yourself are part of the problem. And it’s everywhere – it’s in the question of whether this was a hate crime or an act of terrorism (they are not, nor have they ever been, exclusive of one another), it’s in the question of whether he intended to strike a gay club, and it’s in the question of why we’re so upset about this – if you wonder about those things, even on a philosophical level, you are part of a system that has trampled on LGBT individuals for centuries.

A true believer in Love and Light and whatever God in which you put your faith does not wish for death upon innocent people. They don’t follow the hypocritical ramblings of a book written centuries ago and proven antiquated and wrong time and time again. A true believer (and this goes across the board in all major religions) does not condone death upon another – those are man-made doctrines. Rather, at the core of every religion is a respect and love for ALL human life.

When the reasonable, thoughtful, caring and compassionate people of the world – the true bearers of peace and love, are faced with deciding what is right and wrong, Anderson will be confronted with a judgment not by God, but by humanity – by simple human decency – and it will be love, not hate, that banishes him to his own hell.

13
June
2016

Tags: Flowers

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