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The Madonna Timeline: Song #22 – ‘Thief of Hearts’ – Fall 1992

{Note: The Madonna Timeline is an ongoing feature, where I put the iPod on shuffle, and write a little anecdote on whatever was going on in my life when that Madonna song was released and/or came to prominence in my mind.}

Bitch!

This is one of the most unintentionally hilarious songs Madonna has ever written! In keeping with that theme, I’m going to go very liberally on the exclamation points because I find them as unintentionally funny as this song! From 1992’s Erotica album, ‘Thief of Hearts’ is a catty bitch-fight which finds Madonna going after the woman who’s going after her man.

You’re a thief of hearts, and now you have to pay!
How many licks does it take?
You’re a thief of hearts, and now you have to pay!
Which leg do you want me to break?

Ha – Ha – Hilarious! My friend Ann and I cracked up over that last line every time we heard it. I mean, which leg do you want me to break? Oh Madonna – that’s rich! To this day, I laugh a little whenever that line is sung, mostly because of Ann.

Here she comes, Little Suzie Ho-maker,
Thinks she’ll get respect if she screws him!

I am dying! I can still picture Ann and I laughing in Amsterdam High School, thumbing through Madonna’s riotous ‘Vanity Fair’ photos (the spread should have been titled “Boobs & Booty!” not “Hot Madonna!”) It was a minor vacation from that heady crest of adolescence, and abandoning oneself to the hokey hook-filled dance-filler of ‘Thief of Hearts’ was one way to make it through the misery.

You’ll do it, you’ll take it,
You’ll screw it, you’ll fake it,
Undo it, you’ll break it!
You’re over, you can’t take it!
{Repeat!}

Genius – simply mad genius! At a time when high school angst threatened daily to overwhelm, when the madness of hormones overflowed, there was Madonna, admonishing, “Someone please arrest her, she’s a thief of hearts! No one ever takes what’s mine!”

Bitch!

Saucy little minx, no? And as overly-dramatic as any other high school kid, which is why we could relate so well. Back then we spoke in song lyrics, and beats were our currency. We swam naked in the pool of pop music! Our heads bobbed to and fro like corks on the river of aural candy!

You’re a thief of hearts, and now you have to pay!
How many licks does it take?
You’re a thief of hearts, and now you have to pay!
Which leg do you want me to break?

Yeeowwww! Take me, break me, make me a man! Work it, perk it, freakin’ berserk it! Shake your booty to the ground and peek-a-boo-too! We will return to our regularly-scheduled sanity, such as it is, immediately following this post.

Stop bitch!

{Glass shatters}

Now sit your ass down!!!

Song #22: ‘Thief of Hearts’ – Fall 1992

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