The ravages of forty-plus years of life show most prominently in the morning. After pressing the snooze button for the third time and tumbling out of bed, I walk hesitantly to the bathroom. It is still dark at this hour, and my eyes need a moment to adjust to the unforgiving light of the bathroom vanity.
There’s that word again, in different meaning.
And there’s the same visage in the mirror.
Vanity and happiness are said to be incompatible, but we’ll spend our lives trying to prove the adage incorrect. There’s nothing very valiant or noble about the fight. Still, we try.
On this morning, as on many mornings lately, I feel the years dragging behind me… attached and making things sag that never sagged before. I see the wrinkles and the growing preponderance of gray hair. It doesn’t bother me, but it makes me feel tired. This is why I rarely look back. It’s more exhausting to think of all that came before than to look at what might be ahead.
Capturing myself here, on this blog, has always been a diary-like exercise, a place to chronicle things and help me make sense of those experiences that get me flummoxed or bummed or inspired. My Virgo nature demands that I document history and get it down so that I can one day remember. And also so that I can feel and find my way through shifting moods and seasonal trends. It’s helpful to understand where we’ve been in order to prepare for where we are going. Patterns are powerful, but not always easily discerned.
This is where I go to decipher such matters.
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