Declaration of Frightened Independence

Up until the last year or so, I’ve never much minded the fact that Andy and I won’t have any children, adopted or otherwise. It’s not a secret that I’ve never been a big fan of the babies and kids, though with the recent addition of a niece and nephew that stance has certainly softened (and I’m still waiting for my brother to take me up on my earnest offer to babysit). At this point, most of my friends have had kids – and Suzie is already due for another one (in April). And again, none of it really bothers me.

First off, Andy and I are in no financial position to support a child. Second, neither of us has a lifestyle that is particularly suited for raising children – I would not do well being housebound for too long. Third, the adoption process for a gay couple is, from all that I’ve heard, a serious and sometimes difficult commitment that can take years to go through. And finally (and most importantly) I don’t know if I would want to bring a child into this world – or at least be responsible for a child in this world.

As I said before, it’s never bothered me. And if Andy really wanted a baby, I’d be willing to go through all of it, and probably end up being a pretty decent Dad too. (You don’t get to see my sensitive side, so you have a skewed view.) But the reality is, children are likely not in our future.

I haven’t thought about it much until recently. There will come a time when Andy and I will be old, and the only people we would have to take care of us will be each other. It’s hopefully a long way off, but it will happen no matter what. And being that Andy is a number of years older than me, it’s probably going to be me alone for at least a few years. Completely alone.

It’s a prospect that never really scared me until now, and in all honesty I can usually put it from my mind, but when the holidays creep around I am reminded that most people will have someone to look after them as they age. This is just one more thing that Andy and I will have to do on our own. And sometimes… it’s a little daunting.

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