Category Archives: Tiny Threads

Sneezing while peeing doesn’t happen often, but when it does, watch out.

#TinyThreads

I cut an onion three days ago and my hands still smell like it. This is why I shouldn’t be cooking. 

#TinyThreads

Castles aren’t fun to live in. 

#TinyThreads

Every poo-poo time is a pee-pee time, but not every pee-pee time is a poo-poo time. Attributed to Tik Tok via Pat.

#TinyThreads

Unwieldy lettuce is the bane of any salad. Do not be afraid to chop it up. 

#TinyThreads

Not you finally responding after I call you out on not texting me back, and then getting mad when I don’t immediately reply. 

Nope. No time for that sort of fuckery. Gaslight somebody else – I’m burned out.

PS – Is it funny or sad that a number of people in my life are going to think this is about them? Today I think it’s sad, but maybe that’s just because I’m feeling sad. 

#TinyThreads

If a recipe calls for folding whipped cream into some kind of pudding mix at any point, I already love it. 

Your kids will love it too.

#TinyThreads

Career Goals… no, Retirement Goals: luxuriating in bed until a day/afternoon of lounging begins.

Also, making up words that offer new ways of being lazy.

#TinyThreads

The older I get, the more fake-smiling I seem to be doing.

It really should be going in the opposite direction.

#TinyThreads

Ever since Suzie espoused the glories of the duck umbrella, I’ve been a quacking convert.

#TinyThreads

Only a few socks are worth darning.

Most aren’t.

(And I’ve never darned a sock in my life, darn it.)

#TinyThreads

It can be awfully tiresome being the squeaky wheel.

Still, no one squeaks more beautifully than me. 

#TinyThreads

The most beautiful glass isn’t entirely clear.

#TinyThreads

If only I’d spent my younger years learning the basics of HTML coding or something to do with computers instead of memorizing the lyrics to ‘Cats’ I might be a semi-rich man, instead of struggling to make ends meet while screaming, “The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious beast!” 

#TinyThreads