Welcome to the Wonderland of Zonderland. This guy set the high bar, well, high – and deservedly won the gold medal for the Netherlands.
August
2012
The Politics, and the Damage, of Fear
We were driving along the outskirts of Amsterdam, having just had dinner with my family. The sun was setting and the golden hour was upon us. I’d asked Andy to take this route home so I could grab some photos. As we passed one of the old homes, I noticed a surprising sign on the side of the house: ‘Save Us, Girl Scouts’. My heart warmed to think of my hometown as being so progressive to put such a clever anti-boy scouts message up after that organization had maintained its anti-gay policies.
“Wait, pull in here,” I said to Andy. “I want to get a picture of that sign.” We entered the gravel driveway and maneuvered around a dilapidated truck. I lowered my window and tried to get a few shots, but the angle was wrong. “No, back in and get closer,” I instructed. I still couldn’t get a decent photo, so I hopped out and walked a little closer to the house. I framed the sign and snapped a few pictures. Andy was turning the car around. The gravel crackled in the background.
I looked at the house. Near the sign hung a rusty star, over-sized as I got nearer. The house, on closer inspection, was not well-kept. I read the sign again: ‘Save Us, Girl Scouts’. Something was wrong. My initial reading of what that meant was off. This wasn’t an anti-boy scouts message, this was a message asking the girl scouts to follow in their anti-gay wake. By this time, Andy had gotten out of the car and was walking toward me.
“Get back in the car,” I said urgently. “We have to get back in the car now.” He wasn’t moving quickly and a sliver of terror ran through my body. “Andy, now,” I repeated, raising my voice. There wasn’t time to explain. I slammed the door behind me and slumped down in the seat. “Go faster, you have to go faster,” I pleaded as he slowly, too slowly, started driving away. I thought I heard two loud cracks against the car. “They’re shooting at us, go!” I screamed.
At the end of the driveway, Andy slowed to check if it was okay to go. A car was coming and he had to stop. I saw the long end of the rifle first, then just the beard and mustache of the lower half of the man’s face. “Get out of the car,” he said to my husband. I racked my brain for an outrageous tale to explain us. I wondered if we should try to pretend we were straight. I prayed that Andy would not get out of the car and try to be a policeman. All I felt was fear – the fear of being hated – and the powerlessness against that rendered me silent. Andy started to open the door…
———————————————————————————————————-
I gasped and sat up in bed. It was still dark out. Andy stirred a bit beside me. It had only been a dream. I threw the sheets off my sweaty body and laid back down. This is how being hated manifests itself, I thought. This is how terror infiltrates the mind. This is how the Pope, and the Boy Scouts, and Chick-fil-A, and anyone who has made subtle or not-so-subtle anti-gay remarks or actions work to break us. We can pretend to be strong, we can pretend it doesn’t matter, we can pretend that they have the right to their beliefs, but this is what happens. I’m just glad that this time it only happened in my mind.
August
2012
A Different Kind of Gold
Despite what I’ve been posting here, there is more to the Olympics than guy candy, Speedos, & bulges. For me, the most enjoyable part of the whole thing is when good sportsmanship is in evidence. These are athletes who have devoted their whole lives to being the best that they can be – and they all seem to understand that the other athletes have done the same thing. There is a competitive camaraderie that’s tangible, and though they each want to win the gold, for the most part they are not sore losers if they don’t. This is the sort of thing missing from the professional organized sports I usually hear about in this country – football, baseball, & basketball – to say nothing of the parents of Pee Wee baseball kids.
I am continuously moved to see people from different countries coming together, embracing at their triumphs and setbacks, but through it all united as one body of supremely-talented athletes. Apart from the thrilling spectacle of a perfect routine or game, it is the picture of two athletes supporting each other in their success, no matter the outcome. Yes, there are probably just as many icy stares and non-hugs when you’re at that level and the dreams of a medal don’t pan out, but Mr. Mikulak was a gracious reminder of the very best of these Olympic games. It’s not just about talent, it’s also about attitude. On that night he may not have won a medal, but his heart was pure gold.
August
2012
Finally, A Naked Gold Medalist: Epke Zonderland
This is Epke Zonderland, a gold medalist from the Netherlands. The name alone would be worthy of admiration, but he’s got the body to further back it up.
August
2012
The Madonna Timeline: Song #74 ~ ‘Dear Jessie’ – Spring 1991
{Note: The Madonna Timeline is an ongoing feature, where I put the iPod on shuffle, and write a little anecdote on whatever was going on in my life when that Madonna song was released and/or came to prominence in my mind.}
Baby face don’t grow so fast
Make a special wish that will always last
Rub this magic lantern
He will make your dreams come true, for you
Ride the rainbow to the other side
Catch a falling star and then take a ride
To the river that sings and the clover
That brings good luck to you, it’s all true…
Once upon a time I played the oboe. I wasn’t horrendous at it, but I certainly wasn’t the best. The oboe is not an easy instrument to play, and its temperamental home-made double-reed nastiness is not the easiest thing to master, but I did my best. No teacher in the Amsterdam School District had a strong-enough background in the oboe, so if I was to excel I had to get private lessons from someone outside the area. My goal, half-concocted by my parents to pad my extracurricular activities for my college career, was to make it into the Empire State Youth Orchestra.
Thus began my oboe lessons under the tutelage of a Mrs. Green, who lived a few towns away, in Ballston Spa. It was about a 45 minute trek through the back roads and winding woods of upstate New York, heading from Amsterdam towards Saratoga. Not at all an unpleasant ride, if you’re making it for happier reasons than weekly instrumental lessons, and not the most fun in the treachery of winter, but a pretty enough journey nonetheless.
It can also be a long road when a tortured adolescent is not speaking to his family, so perhaps both my Mom and I were glad for the silence-filler of Madonna on perpetual play. For some reason, this song stands out as representative of those journeys, especially in the spring to summer of 1991.
A cut from her majestic ‘Like A Prayer’ album, this was Madonna at her most sensitive and thoughtful, singing whimsical lyrics in a love letter to childhood. With its orchestral intro, string-laden melody, and brass bridge breakdown, this was closest to a ‘classical music’ song that Madonna has ever attempted. As such, it’s an anomaly in the Madonna canon, but a gorgeous one.
Pink elephants and lemonade,
Dear Jessie hear the laughter running through the love parade
Candy kisses and a sunny day,
Dear Jessie see the roses raining on the love parade.
The back-story is that Madonna wrote this for the daughter of her main producing partner at the time, Pat Leonard (the person responsible for some of her most powerful and iconic songs, such as ‘Like A Prayer’, ‘Live to Tell’, and ‘Papa Don’t Preach’.) In that respect, it marks one of the only Madonna songs that is clearly about a specific, and named, person; usually she takes the universal route, one of the calling cards of lasting pop songs. Leonard was an integral part of the now classical period from 1986 to 1989 that cemented Madonna as an icon, and this song is the least she could have done for his child.
It doubles as an ode to innocence and the magic of being a child. So much of Madonna’s persona has been tinged with a childlike, slightly mischievous, impetuous nature (the very anti-thesis of the coldly calculating woman that many mistakenly believe her to be) that this is, remarkably, a rather revelatory dreamscape of pretend.
If the land of make believe
Is inside your heart, it will never leave
There’s a golden gate where the fairies all wait
And dancing moons, for you
Close your eyes and you’ll be there
Where the mermaids sing as they comb their hair
Like a fountain of gold, you can never grow old
Where dreams are made, your love parade
Pink elephants and lemonade,
Dear Jessie hear the laughter running through the love parade
Candy kisses and a sunny day,
Dear Jessie see the roses raining on the love parade.
For me, it was a last grasp at a childhood that was fading just as that Spring and Summer matured. In the car on the way to those oboe lessons, the afternoon sun rendered dappled beneath the bright green canopy, I sat in the backseat, reading or grabbing a nap or simply looking out the window, watching for the tell-tale signs of the seasons. The land seemed greener then, less hot and dry, and summers stretched out without any end in sight.
I honed my oboe skills, learning to make my own reeds by hand, running beeswax alonog the string, soaking the stems until malleable, delicately shaving off the tips to find the perfect sound. Reed-making was as much about luck as science for me, a tricky little part of being a decent oboe player. While other oboe-players ordered pre-made reeds, I was not allowed such ease, and it made me a better player. I understand the result of hard work, and how much more it meant. That summer, I practiced and improved, and by Fall I was ready to audition. Even if I wasn’t as good as the first oboist (I eventually made it into the Repertory Orchestra, and then the Youth Orchestra), I had the satisfaction of knowing how to make a double reed, the pride in crafting my own sound, from my own hands.
On the merry-go-round of lovers and white turtle doves
Leprechauns floating by, this is your lullaby
Sugarplum fingertips kissing your honey lips
Close your eyes sleepy head, is it time for your bed
Never forget what I’ve said, hang on, you’re already there…
Close your eyes and you’ll be there
Where the mermaids sing as they comb their hair
Like a fountain of gold you can never grow old
Where dreams are made, your love parade
It paid off, and whether it was the oboe or my grades or my application essays, I made it into every college to which I applied. (I still remember the recruiter from Boston College challenging me as to what extra stuff I had to offer the school, to which I said I was in several orchestras: “Yeah, but unless you play something like the oboe you’re not that different from everyone else – what instrument do you play?” Yeah, the oboe.)
My heart, however, did not belong to the instrument. I didn’t like performing in concerts (I was a nervous wreck), and I didn’t have the drive or ambition to go much further than the college orchestra at Brandeis (which I was dragged into after much kicking and screaming, and only for one year). I also didn’t have the love for the oboe that a truly great musician must have. The orchestral stints, the practicing, the reed-making – they were simply a means to an end – the end result being getting into a good school. It was a cold and calculated move, devoid of the passion and heat of which any worthy artistic endeavor should be comprised. There was a lesson there too, a very valuable one.
I’d gone into Brandeis with a vague notion, mostly instilled by my parents, that I should major in something scientific. While it was no secret they’d have been thrilled if I went into the medical field, I wanted nothing to do with that. Up until that moment, I’d done what I supposed to do – and my oboe playing, even with its moments of enjoyment, was not something I would have pursued on my own. When given the chance to give it up, I did. Not with anger or resentment, but with the realization that it wasn’t for me.
The same went for my scientific career. After a tough ‘Brain: From Molecules to Perception’ course, in which I managed to go from an ‘F’ to an ‘A’ in the course of a semester, I had to admit that my strengths were not in the sciences, but in the realm of words. It was exactly the opposite of the vision my parents had for, and about, me. I went to my adviser, and changed my major at the end of the second semester. I felt relief, freedom, happiness, and hope. It was the first of many moves where I went against what I was supposed to do, and in the end became richer for it.
Pink elephants and lemonade,
Dear Jessie hear the laughter running through the love parade
Candy kisses and a sunny day,
Dear Jessie see the roses raining on the love parade.
Madonna was leaving her past behind too, saying good-bye to the 80’s – the decade in which she ‘ruled the world’ – and entering the brave new world of the last decade of the century. The rocky period of adulthood loomed ahead of both of us. For now, though, there was this song of childhood. We could hold onto it for a little while longer.
Your dreams are made inside the love parade
It’s a holiday inside your love parade.
Song #74: ‘Dear Jessie’ – Spring 1991
August
2012
Divine Decadence in Mac-&-Cheese
If you’re going to be bad, you should be really, really bad. To that end, this recipe for Lobster & Truffle Oil Mac-&-Cheese. Based on a ridiculously heart-attack-inducing mac-&-cheese recipe from Patti LaBelle (her Over-the-Rainbow version), this has been modified to include lobster, and the accompanying seasonings. The key change-up is the addition of the sherry and nutmeg, and the switch to a bit of Gruyere. The Velveeta stays the same.
We served it with a bunch of blanched green beans, simply prepared with some butter and sea salt. It was an inconsequential nod to something green and healthy, slightly off-set by the butter and salt, but with the lobster mac-&-cheese, it’s a drop in the ocean.
Lobster Mac-&-Cheese
Ingredients:
1 Tbsp olive oil
1 lb. elbow macaroni
1 lb. cooked lobster meat, roughly chopped
1 stick butter (8 Tbsp.)
1/2 cup shredded Gruyere cheese
1/2 cup shredded mild cheddar cheese
1/2 cup shredded sharp cheddar cheese
1/2 cup shredded Monterey Jack cheese
2 cups half-and-half
1/4 cup dry sherry
1 cup (8 oz.) Velveeta, cut into small cubes
2 large eggs, lightly beaten
1/4 teaspoon seasoned salt
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
1/8 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1/2 teaspoon truffle oil
1 cup bread crumbs
Directions:
Heat oven to 350 degrees. Lightly butter a deep 2 1/2 quart casserole.
Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil over high heat. Add the oil, then the macaroni. Cook until just tender (al dente) according to package instructions (about 7 minutes). Do not overcook. Drain well and return to pot.
In small pan, melt stick of butter and stir into the macaroni.
In large bowl, mix cheeses together. Add about 1 1/2 cups of this to macaroni, saving remaining for top. Add Velveeta, half-and-half, sherry, eggs, seasonings, and truffle oil to macaroni and mix well.
Transfer to buttered casserole dish. Sprinkle with remaining cheese and breadcrumbs, then dot with butter. Bake until bubbling around edges, about 35 minutes.
August
2012
Showering in His Speedo
Not sure what the point of showering in your Speedo is, but Michael Phelps knows way more about water sports than I ever will, so we’ll leave it at that.
August
2012
August
2012
Zac Efron’s Wet Tighty Whities
August
2012
A Naked Olympian: Danell Leyva
August
2012
Changing of the Gallery Guard
Four years ago, in the winter of 2008, I started volunteering at the Romaine Brooks Gallery of the Capital Pride Center. Under the auspices of the masterful Michael Weidrich, I learned all about Albany’s 1st Friday events, and by September of 2008 I was ready for my own show (a solo exhibition – ‘The Eye of the Ego’) and to assume the role of Gallery Manager.
Since that time it has been a joy and a privilege to host 1st Friday at the Romaine Brooks Gallery, to book shows and artists, and to meet the people of the community who make every 1st Friday such a fun time. One of the most startling aspects of hosting at the Pride Center was the diversity and richness of those seeking out art and culture in Albany. I thought I’d get to know everyone in a few months or so, but even after four years of standing there for four hours every month, there are still new faces coming up those stairs, gazing with wonder, admiration, and, as often as not, confusion, when they enter the room. If there’s one thing I’ll take with me, it’s the wonderful sense of community found both at 1st Friday, and at the Capital Pride Center.
Four years is a decent stretch for anything, especially when one is dealing with artistic temperaments. Artists can be an infuriating, frustrating, and fickle bunch, and, speaking as one myself, I understand that there’s a different mindset to many of us, one that doesn’t always handle schedules or structure well. (I’m sure that my ability to organize and meet deadlines is directly proportional to my lack of God-given talent, but never let it be said that I didn’t try.)
Still, we don’t create or display our work because we want glory or accolades or money – we do it because we need to do it – something impels us to write or draw or paint or take photos, and it’s this passion that has always enabled me to overlook someone’s tardiness or missed deadline. I have yet to meet an artist who doesn’t have heart.
It’s a bittersweet departure – saying good-bye is not my strong-suit – but one that is due. It’s always nice to leave on your own volition, when things are going well, and it feels like it’s time. The gallery needs someone new, someone who is excited about taking over and bringing a new dose of energy and ideas, and we’ve found the perfect person in Lyle Houston. He already has plans for updating the third floor space, and I can’t wait to see where he brings the gallery next. If I had any reservations about leaving the gallery in less-than-capable hands, he more than set my mind at ease.
The one minor drawback of hosting 1st Friday all these years is that I never got to attend the other 1st Friday events. It’s different when you go to all the places the next day – the energy and excitement is missing, the electricity in the air has dissipated, the communal sense of participating in something together is gone when strolling solitarily through spaces that are often closed anyway. I miss going out and peeking at all the other venues. Now, I’ll get to enjoy 1st Friday as a spectator (and have dinner in between gallery stops).
July
2012
Tom Daley Busting Out of His Speedo
To all you guys who ever described yourselves as having a swimmer’s build, you can take it back now.
This is Britain’s Tom Daley, and this is how it’s done.
Now if you’ll excuse, I have some three-month-fasting to do, with a side of manorexia.
July
2012
The Madonna Timeline: Song #73 – ‘Turn Up the Radio’ ~ Summer 2012
{Note: The Madonna Timeline is an ongoing feature, where I put the iPod on shuffle, and write a little anecdote on whatever was going on in my life when that Madonna song was released and/or came to prominence in my mind.}
Looks like I jumped the gun on this one by talking about it a few days in advance, but I had no way of knowing that the next random selection of the iPod would be the one I just referenced a week or two ago. This is a historic occasion, as it marks the first time the Madonna Timeline selection lines up perfectly with the current Madonna single. It’s a testament to her endurance, and a fantastic selection for a summer anthem.
When the world starts to get you down,
And nothing seems to go your way,
And the noise from the maddening crowd
Makes you feel like you’re going to go insane
There’s a glow of a distant light
Calling you to come outside
To feel the wind in your face and your skin
And it’s here I begin my story…
This is, at first glance, classic carefree Madonna at her dance-poppy best – a return to her ‘Holiday’ roots, where it all began some 30 odd years ago. (For those who doubt her legendary status, think about this: it just entered the Billboard Dance chart as her 60th entry there. That’s right, 60.)
Turn up the radio
Turn up the radio
Don’t ask me where I wanna go
We gotta turn up the radio
Madonna has never been one to look back – it’s one of her most admirable qualities, and the very thing that has kept her forward-moving career on that one singular track. A lot of her fans would have her simply repeat former-glories, but that’s never been her way. Even if she winks back at what she’s done (as she does both in this song and its accompanying video), she’s never been about the past.
It was time that I opened my eyes
I’m leaving the past behind
Nothing’s ever what it seems
Including this time and this crazy dream.
She’s also been about the power of a pop song to transcend its limited boundaries, becoming an epiphany unto itself – the very act of escapism as its own goal – and ‘Turn Up the Radio’ re-asserts her mastery of the genre. I’m not going to claim there’s anything ground-breaking here, and those who have never been under her spell may cry banality (like they always do when dissecting her lyrics), but the glorious majesty of a catchy melody wins out. Score one for ear candy over lyrical dinner. And yet there may be something deeper here…
I’m stuck like a moth to a flame
I’m so tired of playing this game
I don’t know how I got to this stage
Let me out of my cage cause I’m dying
Turn up the radio
Turn up the radio
Don’t ask me where I wanna go
We gotta turn up the radio
At first I thought this was going to be a straight-forward reading of a perfectly-crafted summer pop ditty. The infectiousness is there, the timeliness is present, the video is a slightly nostalgic reminder of the simple premise of having a good time, but the last few times I was listening to this (in the shower, of course, and in the car), a new reading struck me.
I just wanna get in my car
I wanna go fast and I gotta go far
Don’t ask me to explain how I feel
‘Cause I don’t want to say where I’m going…
Maybe it was the rocky start to this season, and the resulting melancholy (the nightmare of jury duty still haunts me), but it suddenly seemed that this song wasn’t just about having a good time, it was about insisting upon it – begging, pleading, and crying for it. This wasn’t a simple ode to a joyful moment. This was a desperate cry for escape and deliverance.
It brought to mind Adrienne Rich’s poem ‘The Ninth Symphony of Beethoven Understood At Last As a Sexual Message’ in which the poet turns the ‘Ode of Joy’ by Beethoven into a harrowing description of rage and anger. This was what I was thinking about when trying desperately to get back into the song, to find the joy again. I found myself singing, and then screaming, along with these very lyrics, this part right here, and I couldn’t tell the tears from the shower water or the rain, I just pounded wet fists against whatever would withstand them.
Turn down the noise and turn up the volume
Don’t have a choice cause the temperature’s pounding
As the percussion trampled with its stomping beat and the music raced to its inevitable release, I tried tearing a hole in my despondence, ripping away at the heart that gave both light and darkness, inconceivable happiness and inconsolable sorrow, in a dance of desperation ~ a dance to the death of something.
If leaving this place is the last thing I do,
Then I want to escape with a person just like you
The torrents fall down, the world crashes around, and like flotsam I feel like I’m floating in the lost abyss of an open sea, drifting and flailing and powerless to the ebb and flow of a life swirled beyond my control.
Bopping around like a moth to a flame,
I’m so sick and tired of playing this game
And I cling desperately onto the silly things that once mattered, that once seemed to make all the difference, and nothing seems to help. It is all so pointless, so futile, so damning – and so we fight for the fun and escape, for the way out of our miserable little lives, for the only way we know how.
We gotta have fun, if that’s all that we do
Gotta shake up the system
And break all the rules,
Gotta turn up the radio until the speakers blow.
Song #73: ‘Turn Up the Radio’ – Summer 2012
July
2012
The Best Sandwich in the World
The Victory Café in Albany has never disappointed me – in all the years of work parties and get-togethers, bridal showers, baby showers, golden showers – I’ve always enjoyed the food and the friendly staff. However, once in a great while they go above and beyond their normal standard of deliciousness, and that is when they serve the following:
24 Karat Pulled Pork Melt on Jalapeno Corn Bread with Bacon, Caramelized Onions, and Pepper Jack Cheese Served with Potato Salad
Now, take a moment for that to sink in. Imagine, if you will, the singular taste sensation that results when these ingredients are put together, smoldering and melting into one another ~ the spicy heat of the jalapeno corn bread and pepper jack cheese, the sultry sweetness of the caramelized onions, the jaunty textural spike of crisp bacon, and that savory, smoky melt-in-your-mouth richness of 24 karat pulled pork. Its golden moniker is no accident, and it more than lives up to the billing.
It is, quite simply, the best sandwich in the world. I don’t use that term lightly, and I don’t use it often, so you know I mean business. I only wish they had it more often – I wait and wait and wait and it only shows up once every few months. (Which, given its likely caloric make-up, is probably best for my pants.) That also might be the reason for its goodness – the fleeting always tastes better.
July
2012
The Madonna Timeline: Song #72 – ‘I Want You’ ~ Fall 1995
{Note: The Madonna Timeline is an ongoing feature, where I put the iPod on shuffle, and write a little anecdote on whatever was going on in my life when that Madonna song was released and/or came to prominence in my mind.}
I want you the right way
I want you, but I want you to want me too
Want you to want me baby
Just like I want you…
The Fall of 1995 marked a transition period for Madonna. After the chilly years following the Erotica/Sex furor, she had rebounded slightly and was on the precipice of making one of her signature transformations (into Eva Peron). In preparation for that, she released a collection of her ballads, entitled ‘Something to Remember’. Personally, I’ve felt the key to Madonna has always been hidden within her slow songs, when lyrically she gets to be a little more introspective, and sonically we hear the strain and heartache in her voice.
As with her other best-of collections, there were a few new tracks, and the album kicks off with one of them, ‘I Want You’ – a slowed-down trippy take on Marvin Gaye’s soulful classic. Given the Massive Attack treatment, it picks up where ‘Bedtime Stories’ left off – in that sizzling electro-fizzing soundscape that is both intimate and distant. In her great pantheon of moody music, this may be one of her moodiest. As such, it was one of my favorites at the time it came out, though the ensuing years have lessened its scope and power.
I’ll give you all the love I want in return
But half a love is all I feel, sweet darling
It’s too bad, it’s just too sad
You don’t want me no more
But I’m gonna change your mind
Some way, somehow…
There will always be something beautiful about solitude for those of us who have had to endure it. It’s not always pretty, it’s not always easy, it’s not always fun, but it carries its own beauty. The beauty of longing.
Most of us have had those moments, waiting for the phone to ring when it never does, yearning and hoping and fighting the hopeless battle to fight all those feelings, giving in and giving up, crying to yourself, and crying into your pillow, and draining your body of tears and fluid and the ability to feel.
How much have I wanted, how much have I yearned, and how much was ever returned? That kind of deficit can never be made up, no matter how many people come to love you. A whole world of love can never fill that emptiness, and when someone tries, when someone starts to love you back, you’re never entirely sure what to do with it.
One way love is just a fantasy
To share is precious, pure and fair
Don’t play with something you should cherish for life
Oh baby, don’t you wanna care?
Ain’t it lonely out there?
I don’t recognize that person anymore. Vestiges certainly remain, after-effects linger, but for the most part he is gone. Practicality, maturity, or simple exhaustion wore out those charged emotional fields years ago. Overwhelmingly, this has been a good thing. At odd times, I miss it. I miss him. I miss the ability to access that kind of ferocious pain, those nights of endless want, these moments of heightened feeling. I miss the sense of being alive… I miss the sense of want.
From our earliest cognition, it is what most of us have done: we want. Whether love or material possessions or understanding or compassion or comfort or happiness, it has always come down to want. Selfish, demanding, all-encompassing want – for him, for her, for those, for that, for more and more and ever more – for life. At the risk of all, I want for everything. It is the human condition. It will never be enough.


















