This MacBook is on its last legs, so who knows how many posts I’ll able to complete this week. If it goes silent for a bit, you’ll understand why. In the meantime, here’s a nifty recap of the week for you to bookmark…
The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale brought us back two decades (as seen in the featured pics here, outtakes from the original collection) and the week felt nostalgic.
When they threaten former-President Obama with an investigation, two words: Presidential immunity.
“It would be both foolish and cumbersome to continue our everyday existences in bliss without first denying to ourselves, for the sake of excusing our own repugnance, the inherent cruelty from which modern civilization was conceived…And there can be no other path by which a fiercely competitive, yet social species, as humanity, can afford its members the level of safety, prosperity and stability—such that we enjoy now— without its initial pangs of cannibalism, brutality, dominance and cruelty to forge the foundations, very much like the lava which formed the ground upon which we now stand. Lava still erupts from the core. Brutality, Dominance, and Cruelty similarly erupt from ours; and they are no less prevalent now than in early human history.” ~ Ashim Shanker
“I stood up as best I could to their disgusting stupidity and brutality, but I did not, of course, manage to beat them at their own game. It was a fight to the bitter end, one in which I was not defending ideals or beliefs but simply my own self.” ~ George Grosz
“How delightful are the pleasures of the imagination! In those delectable moments, the whole world is ours; not a single creature resists us, we devastate the world, we repopulate it with new objects which, in turn, we immolate. The means to every crime is ours, and we employ them all, we multiply the horror a hundredfold.” ~ Marquis de Sade
“If a man were to look over the fence on one side of his garden and observe that the neighbor on his left had laid his garden path round a central lawn; and were to look over the fence on the other side of his garden and observe that the neighbor on his right had laid his path down the middle of the lawn, and were then to lay his own garden path diagonally from one corner to the other, that man’s soul would be lost. Originality is only to be praised when not prefaced by the look to right and left.” ~ Quentin Crisp
“Without knowing it, I was acquiring that haughty bearing which is characteristic of so many eccentrics. What other expression would you expect to find on the face of anyone who knows that if he turns his head too quickly, he will see on the faces of others glares of stark terror or grimaces of hatred? Aloofness is the posture of self-defense.” ~ Quentin Crisp
“I asked many people why they drank so much but never received an explanation that I fully understood. It was the tales of their escapades while under the influence of drink that brought me nearest to comprehending their need for it. It seemed to give them a few hours of freedom from rules which, during the rest of their lives they reluctantly obeyed. If this was true, then in the example of my life lay a cure for drunkenness, though it was hardly an answer which Harley Street would have approved. The prophylactic is, never to conform at all.” ~ Quentin Crisp
The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale dives deeper into its loosely-self-destructive narrative, as our protagonist sheds another guise and reveals darker aspects that some people, including himself, may not be comfortable addressing. He beats these down, simultaneously stripping away constraints while adding new binds. It is at this point when he realizes he is not only rounding corners and making turns, possibly irrevocably away from where he started, but also descending – going into the depths of some subterranean dwelling – a descent into the heart of something.
“The search for a life-style involves a journey to the interior. This is not altogether a pleasant experience, because you not only have to take stock of what you consider your assets but you also have to take a long look at what your friends call “the trouble with you.” Nevertheless, the journey is worth making. Indeed, we might say that the purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we have of ourselves with the terrible things other people say about us.” – Quentin Crisp
“You need to cultivate a lifestyle first for your own benefit – to give you a firm belief in your own identity and to prevent you from importuning others for their approval to make up for your lack of self esteem. You need a life-style in your dealings with others only to a lesser degree. It will tell them instantly who and what you are.” – Quentin Crisp
A preamble to the next section of The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale, this may be a wild and wandering post that reeks of vanity and self-indulgence, making it perfectly apt for this particular project. Twenty years ago, that was certainly one of the stages I was at, and thirty years ago I was even further back on that stage, preening and posing for an audience that was both never really there, and somehow watching from afar.
There was a time When I was so broken-hearted Luck wasn’t much of a friend of mine The tables have turned, yeah ‘Cause me and them ways have parted That kind of love was the killin’ kind
Way back in the summer of 1993, Aerosmith released the song and video for ‘Crying’, which is probably my favorite Aerosmith tune (making me decidedly not one of their truer fans) and definitely my favorite Aerosmith video. In it, a pre-Cher-Clueless Alicia Silverstone and pre-stardom Stephen Dorff acted out the torturous tale of young love gone wrong.
While I was still involved in an innocent dating situation with a female friend (ahh, those 90’s) and had never had quite the dramatic rollercoaster those characters were on, there was something sillier and much smaller in the video that called to me from a deeper and more profound plane. At about the 2:25 mark, after her car breaks down, our heroine doffs the very 90’s floral dress she had on and changes into jeans and a white tank. It’s a quick and minor point, but it had a powerful effect on me.
So listen All I want is someone I can’t resist I know all I need to know by the way that I got kissed
That was what I wanted to achieve in my life: transformation. I wanted to shift images like a chameleon, changing into one creature from another, and always keeping the watchers guessing. Refusing to be pigeonholed into one definitive image or style, I would strive to shed my various selves with fashion, clothing, cologne, and creation – ever-evolving and never-stagnant. If I was unrecognizable from one look to the other, all the better. Mercurial and slippery – like its quicksilver namesake – I found it safer to hide behind a multitude of masks and poses, keeping the element of surprise as my chosen weapon. It would be impossible to pin me down – and if you can’t stop someone long enough to get a good shot in, you’re never quite able to capture – or kill – them. If Alicia Silverstone could get her heart stomped on at the start of her Hollywood reign, how the hell would I stand a chance?
I was cryin’ when I met you Now I’m tryin’ to forget you Love is sweet misery I was cryin’ just to get you Now I’m dyin’ ’cause I let you Do what you do down on me, yeah! Now there’s not even breathing room Between pleasure and pain Yeah, you cry when we’re making love Must be one and the same
I started simply enough, in mimicking fashion, bringing a change of clothes on every car ride I made in the event that I had cause to slip from some stuffy school outfit into something more casual. In the summer, it was a change of necessity, as I unbuttoned a stiff dress shirt and opened the windows to let the breeze surround me in an undershirt. In later years, I’d bring a change of clothes to work when I was going out to dinner, switching into something fanciful and extravagant from the dull trappings of J. Crew office attire.
It’s down on me Yeah, I got to tell you one thing That’s been on my mind, girl, I gotta say We’re partners in crime You got that certain somethin’ What you give to me takes my breath away
I would craft images to match whatever project I was releasing: a Ralph Lauren ‘Safari’-scented romantic look with black vests and frilly white poet sleeves for a ‘Love’ project ~ a leather jacket, ripped jeans, and bulky booted trade ensemble for the ‘diSenchAntMent’ work ~ or a frilly, feathery, boudoir-appropriate robe for the Divine Diva project you may reference below. All of it was in service to shedding my various selves and finding out what was underneath all the layers. I hid and obscured as much as I aimed to reveal, digging deeper in an insane attempt to get out of the hole I was making. I wish I’d seen and understood that earlier, but such was the journey I had to take.
Now the word out on the street Is the devil’s in your kiss If our love goes up in flames It’s a fire I can’t resist
These days, I don’t dive so deeply into my creative pursuits. I’ve learned to create a healthy distance from whatever project I’m exploring to the person I am in real life, easily separating whatever artistic flights I might fancy from my family and friends and husband. There is a definitive delineation that allows me to explore different themes here, in writing and photos, without danger of slipping into a persona that isn’t aligned with who I intrinsically am – even if facets do overlap and dovetail. Whenever something makes me uncomfortable, that’s a sign it’s something I need to explore.
‘Cause what you got inside Ain’t where your love should stay Yeah, our love, sweet love, ain’t love ‘Til you give your heart away
Which brings us to the present moment, and this look-back at The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale. It was at that time when I remember just starting to see and sense that separation between artist and artistic output, just beginning to feel the safety of that demarcation and distance. The ensuing two decades have shown that I still have much to learn, and that the work is something that never ends – not that I would ever want it to reach some sort of conclusion: the lovely and infuriating conundrum of learning that there will only ever be more to learn keeps me keen and eager for what’s next and what’s new.
The following step of 2005’s Divine Diva journey arrives with the next installment of this project, which ricochets from the feminine stylings of the previous entry to the more masculine stylings of our next entry… stay tuned.
I was cryin’ when I met you Now I’m tryin’ to forget you Your love is sweet misery I was cryin’ just to get you Now I’m dyin’ to let you Do what you do, what you do down to No, no, baby, baby, baby
Sometimes the secret to a good relationship is simply finding a partner who doesn’t like restaurant leftovers as much as you do, so you get to eat them all.
While it was Mom who brought me to my first concert (Peter, Paul & Mary) it was my friend Ann who took me to my first rock concert – and it was an initiation by brilliant fire: Guns ‘N Roses at Saratoga Performing Arts Center right between their ‘Appetite For Destruction’ and ‘Use Your Illusion’ albums. In other words, it was lightning in a bottle (and in the liner notes for one of the ‘Illusion’ albums the band thanked the SPAC audience which was part of one of the cuts). It was an epic show, one that I heard perfectly fine even through the cotton I’d shoved in my ears (just in case). In reality, the volume was easy managed by the scrappy teenager I was; I’d been throttling Madonna at the same decibels for years. While I enjoyed the performance, it was the time with friends that mattered the most, and I still remember the carefree fun and abandon I felt as we roamed the grassy realm of SPAC without parents.
Woke up to the sound of pouring rain The wind would whisper and I’d think of you And all the tears you cried, that called my name And when you needed me I came through
I paint a picture of the days gone by When love went blind and you would make me see I’d stare a lifetime into your eyes So that I knew that you were there for me Time after time you there for me
For that show, the opening band was Skid Row – they were just becoming big too, and a few years later we would see them headline their own tour. Ann was with me for that one as well – she adored Sebastian Bach. That particular show was memorable for the full-frontal flashing he did (right while I was in the bathroom, thank you Sebastian), and I remember Autumn’s parents driving us there on some crazy summer night.
Remember yesterday, walking hand in hand Love letters in the sand, I remember you Through the sleepless nights through every endless day I’d want to hear you say, I remember you
Ann has been of my mind lately, as have a few of my friends that go way back – perhaps it’s the slow-roll to fifty that we are all on right now. She is visiting next weekend with Missy, and the three of us always have a fun time reminiscing and picking up right where we left off – as if no time had passed and we were still in high school, laughing life off. Things are different now, and life has worn all of us down, so I think we are looking for relief and rejuvenation in our friendship. There is something incredibly soothing for the soul when you surround yourself with safe people who have known you at your worst and still can’t help but love you.
We spent the summer with the top rolled down Wished ever after would be like this You said I love you babe, without a sound I said I’d give my life for just one kiss I’d live for your smile and die for your kiss
We spent our summers more carelessly back when we were young, free from all responsibility and worry, back when kids – even teenagers – could just be kids and not work or do something constructive at all hours of the day. It was a time to simply be, and I’m forever grateful that we had that. It made us aware that such peace existed, that living could be slowing down to sleep in, stay out late, and turn the music up so loud it shook the house. We were luckier than we realized then, and I’m glad to realize it again now.
I’m looking forward to seeing my friends again.
Remember yesterday, walking hand in hand Love letters in the sand, I remember you Through the sleepless nights through every endless day I’d want to hear you say, I remember you
We’ve had our share of hard times But that’s the price we paid And through it all we kept the promise that we made I swear you’ll never be lonely
MAGA must love being cuckolded, because they got it in spades these past few weeks. Trump could have released all the Epstein files for months now, and hasn’t because… why? Pam Bondi? Presidential Immunity? LOL! Epstein was arrested during Trump’s last term – neither Biden nor Obama has anything to do with this. All Trump. So all those MAGA diehards who hung their red hats on bringing the Epstein files to light and finding justice for the victims have Trump to blame for this cover-up. Also, Trump literally promised the MAGA clan that the Epstein files would be released. He ran on it and MAGA believed it. FAFO never felt so good… and MAGA never looked so bad, because covering up for a pedophile makes you absolutely complicit and morally compromised.
Then Trump blamed MAGA and basically told them to get their heads out of their asses.
I’m sure they’ll return to worshipping him once he explains that if the Epstein files exist which they don’t then Obama would have written them and if he didn’t then Biden must have written them and even if he didn’t then Hillary wrote them but they really don’t even exist even though Pam Bondi said they were literally on her desk but if they were on her desk they were clearly made-up by a Democratic socialist who snuck onto her desk and wrote it all out so thank God they don’t even exist and never did even though they said they would release them because there’s nothing in them because Biden wrote something in invisible ink that just doesn’t even exist so it makes no sense for the media to keep talking and asking about the Epstein files that Trump brings up in his posts because they simply don’t exist because Obama wrote them. Go MAGA!
Last night’s song selection reminded me that we are still at the height of summer, and it’s time to return to our island getaway – which is a state of mind, attitude, and sense of ease. This post goes a little deeper, making use of a mix of metaphors. It’s easy to isolate, to become an island unto oneself, especially in the current state of the world. Andy and I have largely retreated to our own little homestead island the past few years, which started with the isolation of COVID and never quite returned to the social insanity of what we did prior. It feels far away, and I’m not sorry it should be so. We have come to embrace the smaller gatherings and dinners, the meaningful moments with a few well-chosen friends. We strive to be the bastion of hope and warmth in a battle-ravaged world of cruelty and cold. We aim to be the lighthouse.
Hey sister, the emotions have gone cold And a part of me is missing Where the rivers used to flow Hey mother, I know you must be sad To see the things are happening I’ll fix it if I can
The lighthouse of this post is the beacon we can all be when we remember to act as neighbor and friend to each other. It’s missing more and more, and I’m as guilty as anyone for not extending my hand to help. I will endeavor to do better, to do what I can without overextending.
I’m holding up the fire Lighting up the sky Like a lighthouse on the ocean Bring you home alright I’m holding up the fire (Holding up the fire) Lighting up the sky (Lighting up the sky) Like a lighthouse on the ocean Bring you home alright
The title of this post takes its wording from the title of a poem that Skip wrote for our wedding gift, and it came to mind when I was looking for a song to close out this happy day. This version has an island feel to it, lending itself to this summer’s island theme. (We love a thematically-pure summer post!)
Well, open up your mind and see like me (I won’t hesitate) Open up your plans and, damn, you’re free (no more, no more) And look into your heart, and you’ll find (it cannot wait) That the sky is yours (I’m sure) So please don’t, please don’t, please don’t (no need to complicate) There’s no need to complicate (our time is short) ‘Cause our time is short (this is) This, oh this, this is our fate (our fate) I’m yours
Destiny and Fate aren’t fond of the overt gesture, preferring to whisper, nudge, cajole and hint at what they want. If we miss it the first time around, they’ll often come back with somewhat greater urgency, trying to ensure the right path for those who might be turning the wrong way. By the time I met Andy, I knew enough to follow the delicate directions of the heart, trusting in where they were taking us, and after twenty-five years together, they have never steered us wrongly.
On that fateful Sunday evening, after a day of rain and ennui in my hometown, I made my way to Oh Bar and sat down alone at the rather empty environs, happily single for the first time in perhaps forever. Enter Fate and Destiny, those whimsical twins who pushed Andy into the bar at the same time. After a friend’s cheeky introduction, we spent the night talking, while the rest of the world fell away. I still think of looking into Andy’s eyes as midnight ticked by – a moment in time stilled in my mind, forever repeating in giddy, transfixing fashion. I followed him home – and from that day forward, wherever we found ourselves was home, as long as we were together. When we fought or grew distant, the world felt wrong, and it would only be righted when we found our way back to each other.
If there’s one thing that has kept our relationship interesting and fascinating, and something I never quite take for granted, is the way that we tackle and take each day as it comes – grateful for another day to spend together, thankful for the partner I have on this journey. These past few years, our love has taken on a slightly different resonance, its glow somehow more intense and lovely, and sometimes I find myself watching Andy at some mundane task and feeling my heart burst with love – unsaid, unhyped, united love.
Ten years after we first met, we sat across from each other at another table, high above Boston, in a restaurant we were considering for our wedding rehearsal dinner. A young couple was seated beside us – they couldn’t have been more than teenagers on one of their first dates – and somehow talk turned to how long we’d been together – we said ten years and both of them marveled and offered their congratulations; once again, we felt the approving nods of Destiny and Fate.
It would be a recurring motif – looking over at Andy across some table or room – and feeling gratitude and happiness for what we have created together: this third entity called love, this idea called home. Twenty-five years later, we still feel it, it’s still there – guiding us, holding us together when life grows difficult, celebrating us when life agrees to smile, keeping us together when the world sometimes seems to want to break everyone apart.
You have so many relationships in this life Only one or two will last You go through all the pain and strife Then you turn your back and they’re gone so fast Oh, so hold on the ones who really care In the end, they’ll be the only ones there When you get old, start losing your hair Can you tell me who will still care?
The weekend almost didn’t come together at first, my suddenly-poor planning skills failing as the weekend coincided almost precisely with when Mercury entered retrograde motion. It struck Anu and Kristen first, as they ran out of gas shortly after entering the state of New York. How a car runs out of gas in this day and age proved the fuel for an entire weekend of questions and commentary, when talk wasn’t on Costco.
Suzie was the next one almost-felled, as she found her own car in the mechanic’s hands, where the power-steering needed some tinkering. The boys made it in without trauma or set-back – Tommy drove up from NY and Chris flew in from Detroit – and by Friday at midnight we were six once more.
With the happy, lifelong exception of Suzie, I didn’t meet these wonderful people until 1995, but it was as if the universe had saved them for when I needed them the most. The ensuing three decades would bring us through weddings, break-ups, funerals, births, holidays, vacations, and the undulating wear-and-tear of life. I understood what Anu meant – even in our heartache and hurt, we were there for each other, and we’ve always been charmed and lucky in that way.
There is always going to be trauma and drama to overcome in every life – finding the tribe of people who are going to help you through it – and to see you through the humor and happiness in every trying moment – is the simple secret to getting through the wilderness.
Our home glows differently when it is filled with adored guests, and this particular group of people – magical by all accounts – make wherever we may find ourselves at any given moment a home.
Plant a seed, plant a flower, plant a rose You can plant any one of those Keep planting to find out which one grows It’s a secret no one knows It’s a secret no one knows Oh, no one knows
Our talk topics are a little different these days, but the laughter and the love are the same – and there’s no one else with whom I’d rather navigate this second half of life.
