Twenty years ago, this website was having its soft-opening, which means that this March will mark the official 20th anniversary of ALANILAGAN.com. For a personal website, that’s a long-ass run – hell, for any kind of website that’s a long-ass run, and while I may seem to celebrate myself here on the daily, this one is worthy of note. To that end, I’ll be working on some 20th anniversary celebrations leading up and into March.
A lot happens in 20 years. Look at my hair here – not a wisp of gray on the horizon. Not a wrinkle or laugh line or furrowed brow. And not a clue about that ridiculous goatee. The glory and ignorance of youth! I wouldn’t trade or alter any of it, nor would I want to go through it all again.
My niece asked me that the other day – whether I’d go back and change anything. I answered that for the most part, no, as that might change any number of possible outcomes that led me to where I am today. Most people would give that stock answer, and while allowing for some caveats, it’s mostly true for me as well. The one thing I did add was that I don’t think I’d want to go through it all again. Not because I didn’t have moments of elation and enjoyment, but because at this particular moment I feel the weight and the work and the drudgery of those years, as much as I feel the accomplishments and happiness that have come along with it. She may have caught me at a moment of weakness and exhaustion.
For now, I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, determined to carry on with this website in its 20th year, determined to keep it as a diary and repository of creative work, determined to move forward and find a way closer to truth and beauty – and determined to make it through another winter. Do join me – it’s so much friendlier with two.
